I am not sure that he loves me...

[nikol 0]

Hello,

I came here on a fiance visa and now we are maried for two months.

I am in a wery bad position and I don't know what should I do?

Before I came here I was shore that he loves me and we bouth was wery hapy.

When I arived here in US ewerthing was still perfect until the night before our weding when he sudanly out of nowhere become nervous and start yelin at me. I was in shock becouse there is no reason for that. He told me that I don't understand hem, that I spending to much money and more horible staf. He hurt me becouse it is not truth. I didn't spend enything to much. I only buy a couple personal things and a weding dres for 60$. And even that I paid with my owne money. I newer ask anything from hem. It was a horible night, I was criyin whole night and he ruin my weding day. After that he apologize a lot and told me that it was newer gona happen again. Ewerthing was fine for couple of weeks then started again.

He tellin me the same thing that I am a spender even if I still didn't buy anything for me. He making jokes about me in front of hes friends to humiliated me. He tellin me that he wont something for dinner and when I prepaired that for hem then he want something elce to eat. I am a good cook and I am doin my best all the time, but he is not satisfaed.

We makein love a once in a two weeks and ewen that is not the same anymore. He became a wery selfish lover. We never going out, only for buyin a food but I must be quiet and let hem to do all the staf. He doesn't let my to be a wife, sometimes I feel like a slave.

I tolk to hem a couple of times, but ewery time he just yelin at me and telin me that I must be gratefouel to hem becouse he broth me here in US .

We stil didn't aply for AOS but I will in the next couple of days.

I have nobady to talk about my problems. My family back home thinks that I am hapy and they miss me a lot, and I miss them.

I belive in mariage and I don't wont to and up divorce but I can't stand this anymore and I have no more tears.

My english is not god, I can't drive, I don't have a work permit, I don't have a friends here and I still love my husband.

I am not the same preson like I was before, I feel like garbiege and I can't smile anymore. I have no joy for life and I am scared what is next.

Please help me with some advice.

You are my only hope.

Thank you

[william_wallace 8]

Damn. I'm really sorry for what your going through. It makes my blood boil why men treat there wives like that. I cant really give you advice on whether to stay or go back home but you really need to pin your husband down and talk with him.

In my opinion, the future doesn't look good for you. He's treating you like a piece of sh$t and thats way out of order. You have to think of yourself here. If he's treating you like this now, what will it be like in the future? You have my sympathy out to you and I really hope you can get this resolved somehow.

Good luck.

[sara..... 371]

i dont have any advice to give u i have never been in a situation like that so i have no experience to fall back on.......

but i can tell u that is no way to treat a women and more importantly his wife..........nobody has the right to treat someone as a slave or to belittle them or make them think that they should be thankful for being brought to the USA............i hope that someone on this site has better advice to give u than i have but I will add u to my prayers..........

sara

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm so sorry you are going through this

You must feel so alone!

All I can tell you is, that you need to follow your heart. You have to make you happy too. I understand you believe in marriage but if one person in that marriage is making the other person feel horrible about themselves and making it very very hard to live with them, maybe it's time to face the fact that it's not working.

You say you have talked to him and all he does is yell. Not a good sign. You could try calmly talking to him a few more times, simply telling him you aren't happy and you don't like the way he treats you and see what he says.

Look at your future. Picture yourself 5, 10 even 20 years down the road. Can you see yourself staying strong and married for the sake of marriage to a man who treats you this way and makes you feel like dirt? If you can't then perhaps you should go back home.

It sounds awful the things he is doing to you. Humiliating you in front of his friends, telling you you can't speak when you go out in public, making you cook and then telling you he wants something different like you are a short order cook. Yelling at you for no reason. It's sad and not the way a marriage should be.

You are a person too in this and you need to stand up for you. Follow your heart, even if that means going back home to the people who love you and care for you.

Best of luck hon

[Simply_Uno 1]

Salutations,

I cant tell you what YOU should do, I can only talk about ME. If it were ME and its not, I would cut my losses and do what I need to do for ME. No one has the right to dehumanize anyone for any reason what so ever. That is just cruel and ignorant behaviour precipitated by twisted and immature thinking. I am not going to preach to you, but self preservation is a must in a situation like this. And psychology teaches, that the best indicator of future behaviour is dictated by past and present behaviour. That goes for the perpetrator as well as the victim. All of my best to you. Take care and be strong.

UNO

[morocco4ever 63]

This really is sad. Sorry I don't know what advice to give you, but I would assume he loves you because he petitioned you and brought you here. Its just that his type of love is really sick.

When I read these stories I can't help but wonder some things. Do these American men fail with relationships with american women because we have some form of power against abuse in the US, so they think they can go to another country in hopes that these women are taught to deal with this type of abuse? I don't care what country any one is from, this is wrong wrong wrong!

[nikol 0]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your answers and for your support.

You are all right and I think the same, but we are maried only for two months and I can stop houpin that things will be better.

He is US Citizen, but he is born and raised in my country. He is came here in US ten years ago. He is 35 years old and I am 28. When we met he told me that he alwais wona maried sombody from are country, becouse of the coulture.

We spend a couple months together back home and he was a perfect man.

Believe me sometimes I was wondering how is possible that someone can be that perfect. When we waited for my visa, he was wery unpatient and we talk on the phone ewery day. After few months he came to visit me again and belive me guys we have no problems.

And all that is the reson becouse I still have a hope for as. I just can't figure out what should I do and how to react to all this. How to make hem stop doin this to me and realize that he can lose me.

I am just a normal girl, back home I alwais have a lot of friends, I was wery funy and friendly person. I had my owne place, a job. I look wery prety and I newer have problems to find a man. I foll for hem right away, something magicly just hapend and I couldn't help it. My family and friends was wery saad becouse I am goin away so far. My mother stil cryin when I tolk to her on the phone and she fills something is wrong and askin me that all the time. I can't tell her, I can tell to anybody only becouse I still hopin for the best.

I just need some strainght.

Thanks again!

[morocco4ever 63]

What country are you from? Is this a country that the women are oppressed in general? A wife (and husband) is to be respected and loved, not treated like a door mat. You have to be strong and let him know you will not stand for this abuse.

Edited May 25, 2008 by morocco4ever

[sj5 4]

he is abusing you!

Edited May 25, 2008 by SJ

[warriorprincess 0]

That is just wrong the way he is treating you. What should have been the happiest day of your life turned out to be the worse. Do you really want to stay with a cruel man like that? Is he really worth it? These are questions you have to ask yourself. I hope you find the right answer.

[jundp 191]

Is there a church or religious organization in your area where you can go to meet people? I ask this because you say you are still in love and you don't want to give up on your marriage, yet at the same time you are very alone. And you absolutely deserve to be treated with love and dignity. Perhaps if you had the chance to interact with others and not feel so dependent on your husband you will find the strength to do whatever is best for you, whether that is to leave your husband, or to work it out.

I am sorry you are suffering this way.

[KC♥MP 0]

I'm sorry that the man you thought to be the perfect one for you turned out to be a man like he is now. I understand that it is difficult to just drop everything from where you are now because you already gave up whatever life you had in your country. It's like you already set your mind that the life you would have will be with him and most probably didn't have any other alternatives prepared. I can't tell you what you can do coz the decision should come from you.But I hope you won't sacrifice your happiness. You're still young so don't waste your life to be an unhappy and abused wife. Hope you'll find an answer soon to your situation. Good luck and God bless

[KandD 1]

Im so sorry u are being treated this way, Dont ever let a men treat u this way, you said it yourself, your a pretty girl and HE doesnt deserve YOU!!!!! Sweetie, only you can decide whether to stay or go, we cant decide for you. All we can tell you is that his behavior is wrong.

[macutelit 0]

Sorry to hear that, I hope everything will be fine to you there. You don't deserve that treatment, stay strong and always pray

[jom 4]

Go home. . you deserve better.