how to explain $$US income

[Chamy and Gatita 3]

Hi!

I'm hoping a lot of people respond to this.

how do you explain an American income to your fiance ?

I'm fortunate to have the job I have , and the income and benefits. My job is dangerous, and it took a lot to get to where i am, but suffice it to say that I make enough to support both me and my fiance when he gets here. As many may already know, the San Francisco Bay Area in California has a ridiculously high cost of living, and so salaries reflect that (generally). My income follows this pattern. i make a good salary but definitely am not rich!

My fiance makes very little by American standards, but also has a very low cost of living. When he moves here, he wont be making much money, compared to other Californians or compared to me. His career area just doesnt pay much. Which doesnt matter to me- he does what he loves, and he is good at it. I would not want that to change.

Here is my question. how do you start to tell your foreign partner about your american finances? especially if the female makes significantly more? i think it wil take time for anyone to begin to understand how much things cost here compared to "back home". An aquaintance who is from another developing country (ie "third world") warned me to not tell anyone from his country what i make, or i will be marked for kidnapping. we do plan to spend a lot of time traveling in south america and in his country. also, im pretty generous but also a bit naive sometimes- i worry that his friends and family may mistake me for a rich person and have high expectations of me, that i cant meet.

thanks everyone for your insights!

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

I started with discussing the bills first. I asked him how much his house cost and told him the I pay more in a month than he does in a year. The I talked about how much electricity cast and so on. As he added up the total bills it was easy for him to understand that my take home is a lot more than his but my bills are also so much more. You have to balance the two. ANd you also need to explain credit to him . Mine had no idea about how the interest adds up and makes things bought on credit tooo expensive. He isn't here yet but hopfully by this fall he will be experiencing it first hand.

[reeses16 8]

Budget

I think the best way to explain your finances to your finance is by sending him your budget. If you don't have one, now is the perfect time to make one. If you have one, update it. Be as detailed as possible. If you use phone cards to call him include that as a category so he knows how expensive it is to call him (this way he'll get an idea how expensive it is to call his friends/family once he's in the US). If you have credit cards include the monthly payment that you make AND (1) the interest rate on the card (2) how much is remaining on the card AND (3) and an expected pay off date. Do the same if you have student loan debt, car, etc. List the amounts on your budget in US$ and in his currency (http://www.oanda.com/convert/classic).

And think about (do some estimated calculations) how it will change once he's here. Keep in mind he may want/need new clothes (budget an amount for that).

Credit

You want to make sure he understands how manage credit before giving him a credit card. I think credit is best explained in person. I still get those pre-approved credit card offers in the mail. So once my hubby was here, we would open them together and look over the offers. We would go through the disclosure offers inside and identify some of the key features: introductory period, intro APR, APR, Cash advance fee, Cash advance AP, etc. And we would compare that to another offer or a card that we already had. We also went over the fine print for the convenience checks my current credit card companies send. Once your fiance has his SSN, and a job, add him to one of your cards (preferably the one you've had the longest, or the one with the best record, or lowest balance). Soon after, he'll start getting offers in his name. Then he can apply for a pre-approved offer in his own name. I like the WaMu cards because they give you monthly FICO scores for free.

Checking, Savings, Bills

Its so tempting to do everything 50/50. But unless your finance is already experienced in handling finances with multiple due dates and checking statements for notices, you should stay in control until you're both comfortable sharing the responsibilities. But he should be involved in the process. Decide together how much you will save each month. And when you (or the both of you) get paid let him know, tell him how much. If for some reason you want/need to save less or more that you agreed, talk it over then do what you decided. When you get extra money, a bonus, tax rebate, etc. decide together how it will be spent.

Until we had our system down. I would put a post it note on my hubby's wallet in the morning letting him know how much money we had in our checking account. When he buys something he gives me the receipts that evening.

It may take you a while to find what works best for the two of you. Just remember its an ongoing conversation. Start with the budget and handle everything else as it comes up. Different things work for different couples. Be flexible and open to new strategies if the two of you have difficulties.

Edited May 25, 2008 by reeses16

[Kathryn41 3,205]

You could also use 'percentages'. If your income is 100%, then you spend 40% on rent/mortgage, 20% on utilities, etc. - break it down that way and even put it in terms of his own currency. You could then also translate it into terms of his currency vs the US dollars using the current exchange rates - that it would cost so much of his currency to equal what you pay for housing in the US, for heat/ac, for phone, etc. - so he has an idea not just that the pay is higher but the cost of living is much higher as well.

Good luck - that must be one of the harder adaptations individuals have coming to the US, especially if they are coming from a country with a much lower overall cost of living and compensation.

[soulprovider915 4]

Hi!

I'm hoping a lot of people respond to this.

how do you explain an American income to your fiance ?

I'm fortunate to have the job I have , and the income and benefits. My job is dangerous, and it took a lot to get to where i am, but suffice it to say that I make enough to support both me and my fiance when he gets here. As many may already know, the San Francisco Bay Area in California has a ridiculously high cost of living, and so salaries reflect that (generally). My income follows this pattern. i make a good salary but definitely am not rich!

My fiance makes very little by American standards, but also has a very low cost of living. When he moves here, he wont be making much money, compared to other Californians or compared to me. His career area just doesnt pay much. Which doesnt matter to me- he does what he loves, and he is good at it. I would not want that to change.

Here is my question. how do you start to tell your foreign partner about your american finances? especially if the female makes significantly more? i think it wil take time for anyone to begin to understand how much things cost here compared to "back home". An aquaintance who is from another developing country (ie "third world") warned me to not tell anyone from his country what i make, or i will be marked for kidnapping. we do plan to spend a lot of time traveling in south america and in his country. also, im pretty generous but also a bit naive sometimes- i worry that his friends and family may mistake me for a rich person and have high expectations of me, that i cant meet.

thanks everyone for your insights!

I'm just going to respond to the kidnapping part. That is absolute non-sense. My wife's family knows exactly how much I make, and I've been there 5 times and I'm still here. Unless you're an absolute millionaire and traveling in the northern part of Ecuador then I would be slightly concerned. It is the family's responsibility not to broadcast it to the world about your finances. The worst case scenario is that you'll have distant relatives of his family asking you for money. I know this from experience. As a general rule when visiting Ecuador is never travel too far by yourself, never walk the streets at night unless you're in a big group. Always have a family member accompany you when walking in the small towns. I hope this helps.

[Mononoke28 135]

Our families in Colombia don't know how much I make but they know that I make enough to live in the States. It's common sense that you have to earn X amount of dollars in a city that costs X amount of dollars, it's basic math. I think before anyone gets married, conversations such as finances, religion, and other decisions need to take place. That way everyone involved will know what to expect. This doesn't mean that the entire family should know about every penny earned and every penny spent.

Diana

[soulprovider915 4]

Our families in Colombia don't know how much I make but they know that I make enough to live in the States. It's common sense that you have to earn X amount of dollars in a city that costs X amount of dollars, it's basic math. I think before anyone gets married, conversations such as finances, religion, and other decisions need to take place. That way everyone involved will know what to expect. This doesn't mean that the entire family should know about every penny earned and every penny spent.

Diana

That is correct. Very good answer. We keep discussions about money only between us and her mom and dad.

[Kang Lang 7]

Hi!

I'm hoping a lot of people respond to this.

how do you explain an American income to your fiance ?

I'm fortunate to have the job I have , and the income and benefits. My job is dangerous, and it took a lot to get to where i am, but suffice it to say that I make enough to support both me and my fiance when he gets here. As many may already know, the San Francisco Bay Area in California has a ridiculously high cost of living, and so salaries reflect that (generally). My income follows this pattern. i make a good salary but definitely am not rich!

My fiance makes very little by American standards, but also has a very low cost of living. When he moves here, he wont be making much money, compared to other Californians or compared to me. His career area just doesnt pay much. Which doesnt matter to me- he does what he loves, and he is good at it. I would not want that to change.

Here is my question. how do you start to tell your foreign partner about your american finances? especially if the female makes significantly more? i think it wil take time for anyone to begin to understand how much things cost here compared to "back home". An aquaintance who is from another developing country (ie "third world") warned me to not tell anyone from his country what i make, or i will be marked for kidnapping. we do plan to spend a lot of time traveling in south america and in his country. also, im pretty generous but also a bit naive sometimes- i worry that his friends and family may mistake me for a rich person and have high expectations of me, that i cant meet.

thanks everyone for your insights!

i was in the same boat...with my husband i was lucky and he did live here for awhile prior to our petition. money discussions are always difficult. i make more than my husband as well but what i did was just let him see my paystubs and got him in the habit of understanding what bills were to be paid every month. his mind was blown by what housing costs here in the s.f. bay area. now that he's here i have him writing the monthly checks. (actually the 2 toughest things to explain were the amount of taxes taken out a paycheck and that the atm is not an endless supply of cash. we also have a his hers and ours account system. a portion of each paycheck relative to earnings is put in the joint account to cover our "life" and we have separate accounts to do with as we please, no questions asked.

reeses did lay it out very nicely though in fact i intend to borrow the "post it note" idea it's brilliant!

good luck

[Susita 175]

I was also concerned about this but didn't really want to ask...

Although I've talked about it before with Luis, it is still a concern. I DO NOT by any means, make a lot of money. Going through the petition to bring him here has put me through a lot of hardship, I didn't want to tell him this to make him feel bad, but I wanted him to know life here is NOT easy. And I really love him so much, because if I didn't I wouldn't be going through all of this.

I live on Long Island in NY. This is one of the most expensive places to live in the whole country. I am a single parent, work full time making less than 30,000 a year, and I go to college full time (hoping to better my situation in a semester or two when I get certified to teach Spanish). My rent for a small studio apartment is $900 a month. Keep in mind I make $900 every two weeks. Doesn't leave a lot of money left to work with when you consider the climbing gas prices, bills, preschool for my kids, etc.

Here's my dilemma. I don't want Luis to think that we are going to be able to send a lot of money to his family in Peru, but I also don't want to say this to him. I am kind of nervous about how he'll react. The fact is, I owe A LOT of money and, because of the fact that I'm doing all this alone, need every single penny I make. I also, as selfish as it may sound, don't want to be stuck in a studio apartment much longer. When he gets here it's going to be t ight, but I hope to get something better once he starts working.

Any advice for me?

[Melrose Plant 1]

I really didn't have a problem with this--my wife understands about business and money, and it is fortunate also that she doesn't come from a poor family (we brought back $8,000 of her money with us). The taxes she doesn't understand at all! LOL. She will in time. Just be honest and try to understand each other the best you can.

[Mononoke28 135]

I was also concerned about this but didn't really want to ask...

Although I've talked about it before with Luis, it is still a concern. I DO NOT by any means, make a lot of money. Going through the petition to bring him here has put me through a lot of hardship, I didn't want to tell him this to make him feel bad, but I wanted him to know life here is NOT easy. And I really love him so much, because if I didn't I wouldn't be going through all of this.

I live on Long Island in NY. This is one of the most expensive places to live in the whole country. I am a single parent, work full time making less than 30,000 a year, and I go to college full time (hoping to better my situation in a semester or two when I get certified to teach Spanish). My rent for a small studio apartment is $900 a month. Keep in mind I make $900 every two weeks. Doesn't leave a lot of money left to work with when you consider the climbing gas prices, bills, preschool for my kids, etc.

Here's my dilemma. I don't want Luis to think that we are going to be able to send a lot of money to his family in Peru, but I also don't want to say this to him. I am kind of nervous about how he'll react. The fact is, I owe A LOT of money and, because of the fact that I'm doing all this alone, need every single penny I make. I also, as selfish as it may sound, don't want to be stuck in a studio apartment much longer. When he gets here it's going to be t ight, but I hope to get something better once he starts working.

Any advice for me?

I totally understand how you feel especially because looking at your numbers and seeing where you live, it's obvious that you're doing miracles with your paycheck. I would just be honest with him even if he feels bad because the bottom line is that not only him but his family are looking forward whatever he can send them, which will then put a burden on you. I also don't think it would be fair if you say that all of his money should only go to your own family, you know? I would definitely be honest with him, show him the numbers on paper so he can get a better idea and say "we have this much coming in and can only have this much going out". Those numbers should also include what little you can put aside to help his family back home.

Also, I'm a very positive person and yes, it will be hard when he gets here for a number of reasons that many of us don't even think about before they get here. BUT, and this is a big BUT, once he gets used to his surroundings, once he gets a job and starts working, you will have another source of income and your finances will get a lot better. Every little bit counts, even if he is only working at McDonald's, it helps. But after McDonald's a much better job will come by and then better one, and so on until you're ok. Be positive but before that you have to be honest.

Diana

[ginger1981 0]

I was also concerned about this but didn't really want to ask...

Although I've talked about it before with Luis, it is still a concern. I DO NOT by any means, make a lot of money. Going through the petition to bring him here has put me through a lot of hardship, I didn't want to tell him this to make him feel bad, but I wanted him to know life here is NOT easy. And I really love him so much, because if I didn't I wouldn't be going through all of this.

I live on Long Island in NY. This is one of the most expensive places to live in the whole country. I am a single parent, work full time making less than 30,000 a year, and I go to college full time (hoping to better my situation in a semester or two when I get certified to teach Spanish). My rent for a small studio apartment is $900 a month. Keep in mind I make $900 every two weeks. Doesn't leave a lot of money left to work with when you consider the climbing gas prices, bills, preschool for my kids, etc.

Here's my dilemma. I don't want Luis to think that we are going to be able to send a lot of money to his family in Peru, but I also don't want to say this to him. I am kind of nervous about how he'll react. The fact is, I owe A LOT of money and, because of the fact that I'm doing all this alone, need every single penny I make. I also, as selfish as it may sound, don't want to be stuck in a studio apartment much longer. When he gets here it's going to be t ight, but I hope to get something better once he starts working.

Any advice for me?

Wow you are impressive...how you do it is beyond me, especially with kids!

Your fiance should explain to his family as well that he will send what he can but they cannot expect him to be a cash cow just b/c he moved to America. I know different cultures have different expectations as to how much someone is financially obligated to their family; however his foremost concern should and always should be his wife and (step?) children.

[Susita 175]

Thanks guys for your responses.

I have a lot of experience with these things from the OUTSIDE... a lot of my friends are immigrants from different countries and one of the things that is always a problem is sending the money back home. They are willing to live in poor conditions, not take (what I consider) proper care of themselves or their kids, so that they are able to send money to their home country. Maybe it's that they are used to living with less, so they can.

I can't do this. I have two little kids and I am accustomed to living in what I consider to be decent conditions. Even with lack of money around here, I make sure we all have proper medical care, dental care, food, furniture etc. Two friends of mine rent a room and live in there with their 2 kids and dont have a bed so they sleep on the floor. They could have a at least a studio like me but they're sending most of their paychecks to El Salvador. By the way, they bring in more money than I do between the two of them. I just don't get it, I couldn't do that to my kids.

I like to use whatever extra I can scrape up to do fun things with the kids. If his family needs money for something, like an emergency, I would never say think twice about sending it. Family is family and his family is wonderful.

Just as I was about to talk to him about this on the phone today, he started telling me that he couldn't buy a phone card to call me this week because he has to give money to his dad because he's sick and out of work.

LOL what to do... what to do...

[ginger1981 0]

Thanks guys for your responses.

I have a lot of experience with these things from the OUTSIDE... a lot of my friends are immigrants from different countries and one of the things that is always a problem is sending the money back home. They are willing to live in poor conditions, not take (what I consider) proper care of themselves or their kids, so that they are able to send money to their home country. Maybe it's that they are used to living with less, so they can.

I can't do this. I have two little kids and I am accustomed to living in what I consider to be decent conditions. Even with lack of money around here, I make sure we all have proper medical care, dental care, food, furniture etc. Two friends of mine rent a room and live in there with their 2 kids and dont have a bed so they sleep on the floor. They could have a at least a studio like me but they're sending most of their paychecks to El Salvador. By the way, they bring in more money than I do between the two of them. I just don't get it, I couldn't do that to my kids.

I like to use whatever extra I can scrape up to do fun things with the kids. If his family needs money for something, like an emergency, I would never say think twice about sending it. Family is family and his family is wonderful.

Just as I was about to talk to him about this on the phone today, he started telling me that he couldn't buy a phone card to call me this week because he has to give money to his dad because he's sick and out of work.

LOL what to do... what to do...

Good luck and I wish you the best! Somehow, someway things usually work out in the end.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Well Said!

Budget

I think the best way to explain your finances to your finance is by sending him your budget. If you don't have one, now is the perfect time to make one. If you have one, update it. Be as detailed as possible. If you use phone cards to call him include that as a category so he knows how expensive it is to call him (this way he'll get an idea how expensive it is to call his friends/family once he's in the US). If you have credit cards include the monthly payment that you make AND (1) the interest rate on the card (2) how much is remaining on the card AND (3) and an expected pay off date. Do the same if you have student loan debt, car, etc. List the amounts on your budget in US$ and in his currency (http://www.oanda.com/convert/classic).

And think about (do some estimated calculations) how it will change once he's here. Keep in mind he may want/need new clothes (budget an amount for that).

Credit

You want to make sure he understands how manage credit before giving him a credit card. I think credit is best explained in person. I still get those pre-approved credit card offers in the mail. So once my hubby was here, we would open them together and look over the offers. We would go through the disclosure offers inside and identify some of the key features: introductory period, intro APR, APR, Cash advance fee, Cash advance AP, etc. And we would compare that to another offer or a card that we already had. We also went over the fine print for the convenience checks my current credit card companies send. Once your fiance has his SSN, and a job, add him to one of your cards (preferably the one you've had the longest, or the one with the best record, or lowest balance). Soon after, he'll start getting offers in his name. Then he can apply for a pre-approved offer in his own name. I like the WaMu cards because they give you monthly FICO scores for free.

Checking, Savings, Bills

Its so tempting to do everything 50/50. But unless your finance is already experienced in handling finances with multiple due dates and checking statements for notices, you should stay in control until you're both comfortable sharing the responsibilities. But he should be involved in the process. Decide together how much you will save each month. And when you (or the both of you) get paid let him know, tell him how much. If for some reason you want/need to save less or more that you agreed, talk it over then do what you decided. When you get extra money, a bonus, tax rebate, etc. decide together how it will be spent.

Until we had our system down. I would put a post it note on my hubby's wallet in the morning letting him know how much money we had in our checking account. When he buys something he gives me the receipts that evening.

It may take you a while to find what works best for the two of you. Just remember its an ongoing conversation. Start with the budget and handle everything else as it comes up. Different things work for different couples. Be flexible and open to new strategies if the two of you have difficulties.