your thoughts

[perfect 39]

I am generally trusting to a fault but equally because of past experiences am sometimes insecure. Unfortunately whilst I adore my husband, sometimes he seems to bring out those insecurities. He is gorgeous and very popular with women - he has that way with him that women just love.

He is not the kind of guy that pays compliments about anything, but is quick to tell me my short-comings or areas that eh thinks I need to work on, i.e. that would help you lose weight and he will send me links for plastic surgery etc.

A woman we both know sent me a very abusive email the other day and when I was upset about it my husband said he doesn't want a sourpuss for a wife and why was I talking about it for the last 5 minutes if I had dealt with it> You get the picture...

So...I have access to his emails - he asks me to check them when he is working away and I came across the following. My immediate reaction was of shock and concern because he never speaks to me or emails this kind of thing to me, his wife. Do you think I'm overreacting, or would you also read some concern into the fact he's saying these things to another woman and arranging to meet her for lunch. I guess my ability to be objective is somewhat lost because his brother(twin) happened to meet us in a restaurant a year ago when he was having an "innocent business lunch" with a woman and it transpired that he had been having an affair with her for two years.

Here is the relevant text from the email which concerned me:

Hey there HER NAME, x

Its always good to hear from you.

........

You should work for them for there a really good group of guys. We do all the things that we've talked about in the past -- meaning people get together and do things outside of WORK!

I would love to have lunch if your invite is still open -- I'm in town all next week. Let me know.

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

Am I just being paranoid because of my own experiences and the recent behaviour of his twin or is there enough concern in this to confront him with my concerns? Your objective opinions are very much appreciated as I'm tying myself in knots just thinking about it.

[Jenn! 918]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

[Sinergy 3]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

[Mrs D. 13]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I agree on both.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions (the e-mail did not suggest anything bad) but it would definitely bother me to no end.

Try to be rational about it if you decide to approach the matter.

I over reacted once in my life (turned out and the time proved - for no reason).. Gladly, after "it's over" was said, my husband cooled off and said we were both being silly.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I'd like to third this.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I'd like to third this.

ditto, but this part would irk me...

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

While you husband might be totally 100% trustworthy, I'd wanna poke her eyes out.

Edited May 23, 2008 by Sister Fracas

[CBR 0]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I'd like to third this.

ditto, but this part would irk me...

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

While you husband might be totally 100% trustworthy, I'd wanna poke her eyes out.

Ditto, except i'd poke HIS eyes out!!

[Lisax 0]

I am generally trusting to a fault but equally because of past experiences am sometimes insecure. Unfortunately whilst I adore my husband, sometimes he seems to bring out those insecurities. He is gorgeous and very popular with women - he has that way with him that women just love.

He is not the kind of guy that pays compliments about anything, but is quick to tell me my short-comings or areas that eh thinks I need to work on, i.e. that would help you lose weight and he will send me links for plastic surgery etc.

A woman we both know sent me a very abusive email the other day and when I was upset about it my husband said he doesn't want a sourpuss for a wife and why was I talking about it for the last 5 minutes if I had dealt with it> You get the picture...

So...I have access to his emails - he asks me to check them when he is working away and I came across the following. My immediate reaction was of shock and concern because he never speaks to me or emails this kind of thing to me, his wife. Do you think I'm overreacting, or would you also read some concern into the fact he's saying these things to another woman and arranging to meet her for lunch. I guess my ability to be objective is somewhat lost because his brother(twin) happened to meet us in a restaurant a year ago when he was having an "innocent business lunch" with a woman and it transpired that he had been having an affair with her for two years.

Here is the relevant text from the email which concerned me:

Hey there HER NAME, x

Its always good to hear from you.

........

You should work for them for there a really good group of guys. We do all the things that we've talked about in the past -- meaning people get together and do things outside of WORK!

I would love to have lunch if your invite is still open -- I'm in town all next week. Let me know.

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

Am I just being paranoid because of my own experiences and the recent behaviour of his twin or is there enough concern in this to confront him with my concerns? Your objective opinions are very much appreciated as I'm tying myself in knots just thinking about it.

I hope he was joking around about the links with the plastic surgery! that isn't exactly very nice. From the sounds of it, it sounds like he thinks very highly of himself because people are constantly giving him compliments, and he is putting you down and things you need plastic surgery?! what a lovely guy..

Edited May 23, 2008 by Lisax

[Welshcookie 17]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about the email. Personally, there was nothing in it that indicated anything more than a friendship to me. Those are all things that I would say to a good friend.

The reason that you are paranoid, and probably should be, is the way he points out your flaws. He is able to compliment this woman, friend or otherwise, with ease. But instead sends you links to plastic surgery websites? Totally not ok, IMHO.

i agree

I'd like to third this.

ditto, but this part would irk me...

If no one has told you this-- its hard to get brains, intelligence and good looks in one person but you have all three.

Remain who you are --- rare, perfect, beautiful and just a good person to know. :-)

While you husband might be totally 100% trustworthy, I'd wanna poke her eyes out.

Ditto, except i'd poke HIS eyes out!!

I'd play safe and poke both of their eyes out! I agree that he shouldn't be messing about with your self esteem in that way...that is so disrespectful.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

You need to tell him that you don't mind him having friendships with other women, but you are his wife, and you need to feel like he LOVES you. And that the plastic surgery linking is disrespectful and hurtful.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I'd play safe and poke both of their eyes out! I agree that he shouldn't be messing about with your self esteem in that way...that is so disrespectful.

off topic... Cookie, where DO you get those bouncy avatars? I want the owl!!!

[*JG* 2]

I have to agree with what everyone has said above.

First of all, if my husband was ever brave enough to point out any of my flaws, I would tell him to go to hell. Tell him if he can be tactful about, it he is welcome to talk to you about anything that bothers him. If not, then to keep it to himself.

What would bother me the most is the fact that you can't seem to talk to him about anything. My husband and I talk about anything and everything because if it bothers one of us, it effects the other somehow.

While I didn't see anything that made my stomach tighten, it concerns me somewhat. I would talk to him about it in a calm manner.

[Welshcookie 17]

I'd play safe and poke both of their eyes out! I agree that he shouldn't be messing about with your self esteem in that way...that is so disrespectful.

off topic... Cookie, where DO you get those bouncy avatars? I want the owl!!!

I just pinch them off other forums...here you go, pinch this....i won't look

[Sister Fracas 5]

I'd play safe and poke both of their eyes out! I agree that he shouldn't be messing about with your self esteem in that way...that is so disrespectful.

off topic... Cookie, where DO you get those bouncy avatars? I want the owl!!!

I just pinch them off other forums...here you go, pinch this....i won't look

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'm gonna put it in a place of honour on me blog...

ok...

[JULIAFERNO 0]

In my opinion, it is certainly a flirtatious email. Whether or not it is "innocent" flirtation, I have no idea.

How would your husband feel if you were corresponding with another man like this and saying these sort of things? My guess is he wouldn't like it, and therefore, it is inappropriate.