What the ....

[slim 1,525]

Thanks for the replies.

There's no wool over my eyes but I'm pretty much stuck as to what to do. I have to just continue doing what I'm doing and hope it all comes together sometime down the road.

We'll see. I'll be sure to update here.

you're more patient than i am.

Well, that and divorce is so expensive.

[akdiver 3]

Well, that and divorce is so expensive.

It doesn't have to be - esp. when there are no kids involved and the number of assets are small. The issue you will face is that your wife will not appear to be self-supporting - and combined with the I-864 and what not, you risk getting screwed. Nevertheless, its the road I would end up on in this kind of situation if I had no reason to believe there would be an improvement.

I talked with my wife about this yesterday Slim, in some detail. She said she couldn't understand where this "wife must play, husband must work" attitude comes from, She doesn't have it. None of the Russian women she knows here have it. None of her friends back in Russia have it (every single one of the 15+ female friends she has that I met in Russia work, hard). So where does it come from? She says this issue comes up in her Russia forums every so often - and certainly there are women who have it and think it's perfectly fine. She also pointed out some of the counter arguments that get presented by the women in these groups - and this is what I wanted to bring to your attention. If you have not already done so - you might try some of these:

You should not be completely dependent on me, even just for selfish reasons because:

a). What if I did, or have an accident and can't work anymore? Then what will you do?

B). What if, god forbid, I decide to leave you or divorce you? Then what will you do?

c). What if you, god forbid, decide you want to leave or divorce me? Being established in a job will make it a lot easier for you.

Appealing to the economic and logical mind doesn't seem to be working for you - so try appealing to her selfish mind and see if that gets you anywhere.

Good luck!

AKDiver

[slim 1,525]

Already tried those approaches and they're just not possible. It's like they're inconceivable, that once again, reality doesn't seem to effect her like it would effect a normal person. Spouse leaves or dies... what are you going to do? It is possible, right?

Most people would, at minimum, have a ballpark idea of how they'd deal with any contingencies that would arise. She seems under the impression that someone (a rich, handsome, older guy) would swoop her right up and she'd be fine. That's cool and all, but it doesn't work right now. The rich handsome older guy can't pay your car payment while we're still married. (Or if you do get him to pay your car payment, have him kick in the rent as well please!)

I know this attitude isn't prevalent among women from Russia but there is a large number of women who have worked abroad to support themselves back home, supplementing their income by allowing a rich older guy to pay for most of their expenses. I was under the mistaken impression that marriage would alleviate that burden and some sort of self-sustainment would arise. It hasn't happend yet.

I can only hope it will.

[Satellite 1]

a ). What if I did, or have an accident and can't work anymore? Then what will you do?

b ). What if, god forbid, I decide to leave you or divorce you? Then what will you do?

c ). What if you, god forbid, decide you want to leave or divorce me? Being established in a job will make it a lot easier for you.

If I was Slim's wife here is how I would respond to these:

a. Get decent disability insurance or if someone else at fault, hope for a decent settlement.

b. You will pay me alimony if I can track you down. If not there is always welfare. Believe it or not Russians do just fine on government cheese.

c. Alimony will be awarded to the less sufficient spouse even if I leave you.

d. Also if you decide to die, we can pay high premiums for life insurance.

Thanks for bringing these up buddy, now get a second or third job to bump up those life insurance and disability premiums and now that you know you are on the hook for alimony, you certainly will think twice about leaving me which in the end only results in paying and not getting the few benefits of having a good looking woman around the house brings. And you better work hard at those jobs or I will leave you and the same result occurs.

Edited May 30, 2008 by Satellite

[slim 1,525]

The only response I have is "well, your green card expires next summer so I hope you find someone to sponsor you before then."

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Already tried those approaches and they're just not possible. It's like they're inconceivable, that once again, reality doesn't seem to effect her like it would effect a normal person. Spouse leaves or dies... what are you going to do? It is possible, right?

Most people would, at minimum, have a ballpark idea of how they'd deal with any contingencies that would arise. She seems under the impression that someone (a rich, handsome, older guy) would swoop her right up and she'd be fine. That's cool and all, but it doesn't work right now. The rich handsome older guy can't pay your car payment while we're still married. (Or if you do get him to pay your car payment, have him kick in the rent as well please!)

I know this attitude isn't prevalent among women from Russia but there is a large number of women who have worked abroad to support themselves back home, supplementing their income by allowing a rich older guy to pay for most of their expenses. I was under the mistaken impression that marriage would alleviate that burden and some sort of self-sustainment would arise. It hasn't happend yet.

I can only hope it will.

i remember reading in the past that you knew her for a while. was this attitude of hers noticeable then?

[slim 1,525]

Surprisingly, no.

We met when we were both young (I was barely 21 and she was just 20) and just getting out on our own and into the world.

I believe we both changed since then. This could be a really long post so I'm just going to stop.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Surprisingly, no.

We met when we were both young (I was barely 21 and she was just 20) and just getting out on our own and into the world.

I believe we both changed since then. This could be a really long post so I'm just going to stop.

unless you're over 30, you're still young.

[slim 1,525]

Sure we're both still young, but the difference between 21 and 29 is astronomical!

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Sure we're both still young, but the difference between 21 and 29 is astronomical!

only in wisdom acquired

[akdiver 3]

Sure we're both still young, but the difference between 21 and 29 is astronomical!

Oh, well, hell yeah! That explains a lot right there. I think if you had waited until she was older - like 28 or 29 - these issues you describe would not be a problem.

So glad I waited until I was an old fart (34) to get married (:

Good luck!

AKDiver

Edited June 2, 2008 by akdiver

[slim 1,525]

I thought 26 would've been good enough but I guess I have a few more years to wait.

We'll see.....