Reclaiming Individuality

[Fandango 1,440]

Pretty much everything here revolves around our fiancees. And it's hard (for me anyways) to remember that I'm also my own person aside from David. Kinda gets lost in the planning, waiting, etc, stuff. Now this has nothing to do with fiancee trouble or anythng...so don't read into it!!! But I was thinking 'what did I do before I met David?' and the truth was I had tons of friends, went out pretty much all the time...yes, clubbing, but also dinner with friends, going tanning, going to the gym, Margarita Mondays, etc. And obviously he was attracted to that or we wouldn't be here. He also did his own thing, and that was very cool with me too. We love each other sooo much that we want to spend every second together, but let's face it; we can't. Time differences and location make that impossible.

So here's my little tribute to individuality, and not losing yourself in a relationship. I'm going to make a concerted effort to try to remember not to spend every waking second thinking/talking about me & David. It's going to be hard....but I think we'll both prosper in the end!

[iceyspots 0]

Me and Yacine decide almost everything together...

[Fandango 1,440]

Me and Yacine decide almost everything together...

Don't get me wrong, I never said I wa cutting David out of my decision making process...

[iceyspots 0]

yes.. and it's like you feel weird when people constantly address you as a couple...

[jordanianprincess 0]

Lisa I totally understand what you are saying. But on the flip side of that, when we were out clubbing, tanning, doing things with our friends, etc, we longed to meet the man of our dreams. I have met the man of my dreams and I know you have too. There is nothing wrong with I becoming We.

For me, yes I did lose some things that I can't/don't do anymore, but the trade-off is soooooo worth it. I would not

The hard part is the whole long-distance thing, but know that its temporary and we will all be reunited soon

[iceyspots 0]

yup JP... we're married people LIVING like single people... all alone..

[Fandango 1,440]

Lisa I totally understand what you are saying. But on the flip side of that, when we were out clubbing, tanning, doing things with our friends, etc, we longed to meet the man of our dreams. I have met the man of my dreams and I know you have too. There is nothing wrong with I becoming We.

For me, yes I did lose some things that I can't/don't do anymore, but the trade-off is soooooo worth it. I would not

The hard part is the whole long-distance thing, but know that its temporary and we will all be reunited soon

All I'm sayin is there can be a balance. It's not this homogenized being where everything is 'we' this and 'we' that. I think most of us here are in each other's pockets just cos we're apart...cos I know Dave and I are not joined at the hip when we're together. Yes, we do things together, but we also do things seperately. And that's ok.

Sall I'm sayin B)

[iceyspots 0]

It's hard when people are addressing you as "you two..." and "When you guys.."

[*Robert* 2]

Short answer is YES! Everyone needs a little quiet time, private time, their own space... whatever you choose to call it. It is ESSENTIAL in a healthy relationship to give each other some time alone. It's that time that let's you remember why you chose a life partner in the first place.

Women also need to remember that men cannot switch gears as fast as you can. When a woman comes home from work, for example, she can switch right into "mom" mode. A man on the other hand, needs some space and some time to "decompress", before jumping into the home routine, and getting out of the "office/work routine".

Good topic Lisa!

[nitedreamer 0]

I agree that it's important to maintain your own sense of identity within your relationship- you won't do all the things you used to as often as you used to, because a lot of it will be replaced by things you do as a couple. But that doesn't mean that every couple weeks, you can't go clubbing or have a margarita night. And your honey should have things he wants to do on his own with his friends sometimes too!

It's just finding the right balance.

[iceyspots 0]

lol... at least in this point in time I'd rather have mushy togetherness and no personal space... I'll probably think differently once I see Yacine.

13 days

[Fandango 1,440]

So I'm going to pick something 'just for me' and do it at least twice a week.

Lemme think about this, lol.

[Taichidi 0]

Martin has to poke me nowadays to remind me that I've got friends who want me to come out of my 'mushroom' every once in a while. >_>' And when I'm hanging out with them? "Martin this, martin that, blahblahblah, oh guess what Martin said today..."

at least in this point in time I'd rather have mushy togetherness and no personal space...

Wow, I soooo understand how you feel. -paces- A few weeks until his visit...and I can't WAIT. We're already trying to figure out how we're going to get in and out of the car without letting each other go. O_o Any ideas? XD

Edited May 9, 2006 by Taichidi

[*Robert* 2]

Actually, I think I strayed a little off topic of what Lisa was asking, and will say once again... the short answer is YES, that we should maintain a certain amount of individuality, as that is what drew all of us together in the first place!!! Our relationships are even more unique than most in the fact that not only are we opposite sexes, we are also from different cultures, customs, and traditions. Though we may "adopt" certain traits and customs of our spouses/future spouses, we are still "individuals", and we must not only appreciate those differences, we must respect them and embrace them!

[Fandango 1,440]

Actually, I think I strayed a little off topic of what Lisa was asking, and will say once again... the short answer is YES, that we should maintain a certain amount of individuality, as that is what drew all of us together in the first place!!! Our relationships are even more unique than most in the fact that not only are we opposite sexes, we are also from different cultures, customs, and traditions. Though we may "adopt" certain traits and customs of our spouses/future spouses, we are still "individuals", and we must not only appreciate those differences, we must respect them and embrace them!

Johnny, tell him what he's won!