Muslims

[Henia 11]

In Palestine (at least my husban'ds house) the men and women can all have guets over. the houses are so big there that teh men take up one side and women stay in kitchen. Sometimes they go into the tv room to watch tv but thats it. But I only like staying in the kitchen when they are making food:) lol

Something I have noticed ... in ME, the men do tend to bring guests over ... since they have a seperate 'entertaining' room ... while here in the Grand Maghreb ... men tend to stay outside and conduct all their affairs.

April and Mohamed: Here in Algeria, unless the family is very strict in their religion ... women and men eat together. It is more in the ME that men and women seperate.

[Nasturtium 500]

Something I have noticed ... in ME, the men do tend to bring guests over ... since they have a seperate 'entertaining' room ... while here in the Grand Maghreb ... men tend to stay outside and conduct all their affairs.

April and Mohamed: Here in Algeria, unless the family is very strict in their religion ... women and men eat together. It is more in the ME that men and women seperate.

My Dh's village doesn't segregate but people generally also cite that as odd in the area.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

In Palestine (at least my husban'ds house) the men and women can all have guets over. the houses are so big there that teh men take up one side and women stay in kitchen. Sometimes they go into the tv room to watch tv but thats it. But I only like staying in the kitchen when they are making food:) lol

Yeah, I forgot to mention that when it's the immediate family, we do all eat together, like my husband's brother and uncles and cousins, there's no problem there, we all eat at the same table even. Which is good because I love talking to his uncles and brother. Some families I know don't even "mix" company even when it's the immediate family members! My husband's family is traditional and conservative but not in the extreme, not to a point of overkill alhamdulillah, and the guys always have different topics of conversation so I like to mix it up a bit now and then. My brother-in-law is coming out in 3 weeks insha'Allah! I'll be busy in the kitchen in the hopes of giving my MIL more time to spend with him and his wife and their two kids. We're thinking of hiring a maid for two weeks to help out because we're going to have 6 house guests all at once for two weeks and it's just going to be a circus! I love the chaos though, it makes me feel alive.

In Libya the houses are set up so that the men who visit don't need to have access to the main house to visit with the men there. They come in and there's a big room they stay in. They have a bathroom and everything and then at the end of the hallway there is a door that leads into the main house where the women are. So basically the men have a room and the women have the whole rest of the house

I've been trying to set up something similar to this design at my own house but it presents a problem since the bathroom is in the back of the house, so no matter what, if someone has to use it, they have to come thru the rest of the house.

When we have guests I usually take the women in the kitchen and we leave the men in the living room alone. I put up a sheet in the door way that separates the two rooms (I don't know why there isn't a door there ) and if my husband has guests and I don't, I just stay in my room until they leave.

What do you other women do with your houses? How do you set this separation design in your home here in the states?

[Alhamdulillah 0]

At the beginning of this clip she gives us a tour of her Saudi house

[Henia 11]

Esalaamu Aleikoum,

In Algeria where the families are religious ... here is usually two entertaning rooms in bigger villes... but in the cases where space is limited there will be the one 'living room' then also another real fancy room (used as bedrooms at night). Women usually are taken in first ... then the men.

Also women going into the kitchen is common. Since they think women feel more at home in the kitchen.

In the US, we used to (first marriage) do the same as you .... wait in the room until the males guests left. I did not like this much.

Now, since our second\third floors (floors with bedrooms, WC and terrace) are not ready yet. If I have guests over, and my husband comes home ... he will just go to see his friends ... or take a nap upstairs on a mat (in the middle of the debris poor guy) ... he rarely brings guests over due to lack of space ...he will sit them in the living room... then I sit in the kitchen.

Edited June 12, 2008 by Henia

[Alhamdulillah 0]

wait in the room until the males guests left. I did not like this much.

Wa alaikum salaam,

Me either but at the same time I don't want to tell him he can't have guests over. I can move around the house when his friends are there but I just have to get dressed and who wants to do that just to run to the kitchen?

I've had my friends over before though and he has done the same thing.... stayed in the bedroom watching tv until they left.

Edited June 12, 2008 by Alhamdulillah

[April and Mohamed 0]

In Palestine (at least my husban'ds house) the men and women can all have guets over. the houses are so big there that teh men take up one side and women stay in kitchen. Sometimes they go into the tv room to watch tv but thats it. But I only like staying in the kitchen when they are making food:) lol

Yeah, I forgot to mention that when it's the immediate family, we do all eat together, like my husband's brother and uncles and cousins, there's no problem there, we all eat at the same table even. Which is good because I love talking to his uncles and brother. Some families I know don't even "mix" company even when it's the immediate family members! My husband's family is traditional and conservative but not in the extreme, not to a point of overkill alhamdulillah, and the guys always have different topics of conversation so I like to mix it up a bit now and then. My brother-in-law is coming out in 3 weeks insha'Allah! I'll be busy in the kitchen in the hopes of giving my MIL more time to spend with him and his wife and their two kids. We're thinking of hiring a maid for two weeks to help out because we're going to have 6 house guests all at once for two weeks and it's just going to be a circus! I love the chaos though, it makes me feel alive.

In Libya the houses are set up so that the men who visit don't need to have access to the main house to visit with the men there. They come in and there's a big room they stay in. They have a bathroom and everything and then at the end of the hallway there is a door that leads into the main house where the women are. So basically the men have a room and the women have the whole rest of the house

I've been trying to set up something similar to this design at my own house but it presents a problem since the bathroom is in the back of the house, so no matter what, if someone has to use it, they have to come thru the rest of the house.

When we have guests I usually take the women in the kitchen and we leave the men in the living room alone. I put up a sheet in the door way that separates the two rooms (I don't know why there isn't a door there ) and if my husband has guests and I don't, I just stay in my room until they leave.

What do you other women do with your houses? How do you set this separation design in your home here in the states?

That's funny you mention that because generally over here if you're not immediate family or very close cousins or whatever, you won't dare use someone's WC out of "heshooma", because one time I had to go and my MIL told me not to and I was like I can't hold it woman you're crazy! And I made them leave "tea" from a friend's house early because nature was calling! LOL So that's how we do, or don't do, restrooms for guests. So funny compared to the States, I was telling my husband that we don't even mind about doing all our business in the WC at someone else's house and he looked at me as if I said that we normally plant C4 bombs in friends' restrooms! LOL

[Henia 11]

AprilandMohammed: MENA the art of guest and host are still respected, so maybe this is reason being MiL didn't want you going to pee. Or maybe something to do with the Evil Eye or jinn or even people gossiping about you when you leave (again the Evil eye). Not sure ... here in Algeria, no one has problem with using the WC. People (that know you of course) will even knock on your door to use the WC, if they are close to you not near their homes... . And here,your host will even go ahead bring you some slippers then clean up the WC real quick -> to be presentable. Not sure, never heard of what you are describing but will ask my husband.

But I donnow what your MiL was thinking ... they push down cup after cup tea down your throat ... tea makes you pee more then water.

Also OT, but I hate that they cannot understand "I am full" or "I have had enough" ... but I guess I have discovered the secret way around this.

Edited June 12, 2008 by Henia

[Alhamdulillah 0]

he looked at me as if I said that we normally plant C4 bombs in friends' restrooms! LOL

That's too funny! I didn't know that about not going at someone elses house! I'll have to ask my hubby about that now!!! I wouldn't want to embarass myself in the future

[nunyab 0]

you ladies have made me laugh!! I didn't know this either. Good info. for future

[palilover 1]

What is the secret to letting them know you are full without being rude? I feel so bad if I have to deny becaues I'm full because I feel like I'm hurting their feelings. but I do not eat as much as I did when I was younger and if I get too full, I make myself sick:( ANd it's even more rude i think to spew guts all over the MIL's floor isnt it? AUGH!!! I can imagine the HORROR of my MIL and my brother in laws wife's at that! It'd be a combination of "OMG, an american cannot handle our food!" and "OMG we have to clean THAT!" lol I WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO STEP FOOT IN PALESTINE AGAIN:(

The oddest bathroom exp. I had there was that 1.) They don't understand toilet paper because they have the spicket thingies from the toilet. I was no I am american and I use toilet paper. Of course I did not know how to say it in arabic, nor did I know where they hid it so that made it even more awkward. But some of the girls would actually follow me to the bathroom. Not inside but they would wait at the door for me to get out and statre at me. Is that normal?

[Nasturtium 500]

My secret was to keep one hand full and chew slowly, taking smallbits of things. This works really well for stuff like grapes. Keep a grape in the left, be chewing one grape for like a minute, and slowly, but steadily, eat.

[palilover 1]

My secret was to keep one hand full and chew slowly, taking smallbits of things. This works really well for stuff like grapes. Keep a grape in the left, be chewing one grape for like a minute, and slowly, but steadily, eat.

I tried:) That had no effect on the palis:)) They are sooooooo nice and giving when it comes to food;) It was so funny. you know those middle eastern pastries and they are stuffed with either dpstachios and cheese? (they are shaped like half moons I guess you could say). So good....I had one in one hand and eating one from another hand. We were sitting on the couch and my MIL must've wished I had more than 2 hands. She put a third on my knee;) I had a little queue goig on with thsoe things. lol

[Henia 11]

What is the secret to letting them know you are full without being rude? I feel so bad if I have to deny becaues I'm full because I feel like I'm hurting their feelings. but I do not eat as much as I did when I was younger and if I get too full, I make myself sick:( ANd it's even more rude i think to spew guts all over the MIL's floor isnt it? AUGH!!! I can imagine the HORROR of my MIL and my brother in laws wife's at that! It'd be a combination of "OMG, an american cannot handle our food!" and "OMG we have to clean THAT!" lol I WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO STEP FOOT IN PALESTINE AGAIN:(

The oddest bathroom exp. I had there was that 1.) They don't understand toilet paper because they have the spicket thingies from the toilet. I was no I am american and I use toilet paper. Of course I did not know how to say it in arabic, nor did I know where they hid it so that made it even more awkward. But some of the girls would actually follow me to the bathroom. Not inside but they would wait at the door for me to get out and statre at me. Is that normal?

Secret is to not eat too much before you come to the invitation, drink less also before. At the meal, do not drink until towards the end and as Julianna says eat slowly, alway look like you are eating/chewing, ... if they give you a plate, put more on your plate then you know you can eat and keep pushing it around (never have empty plate ... they will keep pushing more on you) If you are eating from one communal plate, then it is easier ... eat more slowly and let the others eat most of the food. Compliment the cook, ask how she made even if it not to your likely. Smile and even if you cannot speak the language try to communicate. This works for me (plus I talk more so I donnot have to eat more)

[April and Mohamed 0]

What is the secret to letting them know you are full without being rude? I feel so bad if I have to deny becaues I'm full because I feel like I'm hurting their feelings. but I do not eat as much as I did when I was younger and if I get too full, I make myself sick:( ANd it's even more rude i think to spew guts all over the MIL's floor isnt it? AUGH!!! I can imagine the HORROR of my MIL and my brother in laws wife's at that! It'd be a combination of "OMG, an american cannot handle our food!" and "OMG we have to clean THAT!" lol I WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO STEP FOOT IN PALESTINE AGAIN:(

The oddest bathroom exp. I had there was that 1.) They don't understand toilet paper because they have the spicket thingies from the toilet. I was no I am american and I use toilet paper. Of course I did not know how to say it in arabic, nor did I know where they hid it so that made it even more awkward. But some of the girls would actually follow me to the bathroom. Not inside but they would wait at the door for me to get out and statre at me. Is that normal?

The reason why they push food on you (hey Henia, kuli kuli!!!) is because feeding you is their way of showing honor to their guests, so by them constantly wanting to feed you and paying attention to when your plate/glass gets near empty, it's their respectful duty to keep up on that, because over here, a woman would be offended if they DIDN'T say kuli kuli because that would mean that they didn't care about her!!! So you won't be offending them at all when you're full, it's more so that they are trying to not offend YOU by "neglecting" you, if you will. Did that make sense? I know kind of weird because Americans don't push food on their guests, they'll set it out and then it's up to you if you want to eat it or not. But waiting on your guests hand and foot out here at least is how we respect and honor our guests, and anything less than that will offend our guests and let them know we don't care much for them. But you know, even though I fully 100% understand this, sometimes the kuli kuli still gets to me when they catch me off guard! What we have to do is just take our vengeance and dish it right back out at them. So I tell my MIL and definitely guests kuli kuli all the time, and whenever I say "kuli, marhababik!" they practically fall out of their chairs with joy! Try that next time, you'll blow them away!