What is wrong with me?

[frostysoftyeaton 6]

from what i can see from the situation and reading the other post i will agree with both comments first yes you are being overly sensitive and a little childish. second he is also being a little insensitve and childish. remember you are starting a relationship here and have to learn each other still some people when they are not feeling good just wish to be left alone i know at times when i am sick i just wish everyone would leave me alone and let me die in piece but so far i am still alive but on the same token you have to communicate and ease each others fears we always want to share what is going on in our lives and thanks to yahoo it can be done cheaply i know phone calls are exspensive and any added exspence at this time can seem insurmountable but remember just becuase you and him are having a failure does not translate to a problem when you get to the U.S. you will be closer then it is always hard to get to know someone who is a long ways away loving someone is learning what all thier faults are and still wanting to be with that person for the rest of your life so remember sometimes when you have TAMPO you will just have to get over it and sometimes he will say he is sorry but save your worries for the difficult times you will face as they come in even the best relationships and always communicate any problem can be worked out if you talk about it even if the answer is that you will both have to agree to disagree about something ........... i wish you both some luck and hope this helps you. my baby ko has informed me i have dealt with TAMPO alredy it can be confusing

[David-and-Mae 15]

I can somehow relate to your situation. My then fiance and I always see to it that our communication is open, meaning we talk on the phone everyday and we email each other twice a day (besides the snail mails I send every week). We prefered it that way without forcing one another to do it that way. It's a mutual understanding. If we didn't talk for a day, the reasons varied from the line being busy or the connection being bad or I was busy with work or he fell asleep, but still we make it up to each other thru email. We have gotten used to this setup that when some days that he's away on a trip and I couldn't get a hold of him on the phone, it made me so upset (or just plain sad for missing him) and vice versa.

You and your fiance must talk about this. Long distance relationship is the hardest thing in the world. With thousands of miles between the two of you, open communication is the main ingredient to make it work. But understand too that some men can be so insensitive (glad that my man is not that way). That is why you two need to talk about it. You should be open to him and he should be the same way. I know it's scary to think about your future together with so many "what ifs" popping in your head. But I do believe that once you two are together, things will be so much better.

Good luck to you! I wish you all the best.

--Mae

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

It's been almost 36 hours now since we last talk and that phone conversation only lasted for like 3 minutes??? How can I not make Tampo now?

Although I have been realizing that I have been too sensitive and insensitive, and I have been childish (in some way or another), I still want my fiance` to make SUYO in a very simple way that does not require too much effort and so on when things like this happens... I always look forward to just laugh on my tampo when it is over, but it always get worst because he totally ignore me.

Anyways, as always, it will be fine if he will not make suyo because I can't take it anymore and I am wanting for us to be ok.

And like now, he turned off his phone (that's what he always do when we have this kind of thing which is making me feel so sad) when all I want to say is I MISS HIM and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I am wanting to raise the white flag because I will not be able to last a day without talking to him.

To be honest I have learn a lot on this discussion because this is the first time I shared issues like this in an open and knowing that it also happened to some couples here and they were able to handle it well, it lessen the burden that I am feeling now.

I am just so sad not now... Not mad (it's two different thing).

[john_and_marlene 162]

Childish passive aggressive behavior (tampo) should not be rewarded. If you want to convey your displeasure then say what's on your mind and discuss it. Don't expect your feelings to be understood through the silence. If you want to communicate better with your fiance, act like an adult.

[Moshmosh 0]

Hi girl,

I have always thought that the two vital things for a long distance relationship to work are CONSTANT COMMUNICATION and of course CONSISTENCY. Since we cant be together physically, we have to rely on our partners consistency with their words. If what he tells you from the start still lies true a few months after, then hes sincere. If he calls you from the start constantly and still do months after months after months then he's really into you. If from the start hes not the type who calls you and still isnt after a few months, thats still consistency on his part and is just how he is so you just have to accept that. At least hes not like others who would call you often in the first few months but later on changes to someone who doesnt call at all cos HE GOT you already.

You might want to talk to him about your tampo, really tell him you feel bad that he doesnt call you cos others do and that you dont think its really about the money...soomething like that. Its better to be honest. Just dont nag him about it but talk to him in a nice way when both of you are in good moods. Im sure hes got his reasons for it. If you feel that his reasons are not enough and you doubt it, that you think he can do better but wont do it, then maybe its time for you to think about it twice. Its better to be cautious than sorry.

Goodluck to you!

[phil and nanz 0]

hi bubbly,

i'm sorry to hear that but i do understand how you feel, i've been there too! i don't know if i was being so childish or what, i remember one time when phil forgot to text me (because i used to get a text from him everyday) and i was so upset i didn't get to sleep i was thinking about him the whole nite and i was so worried and was even think about too many 'what ifs' and sooo stressed out and i didn't try to call him or text him because i was so mad at him (to think na dahil lang sa nakalimutan nya magtext) i was like 'what's wrong why he didn't text me, i never did anything wrong, what's up with him, where is he...blahh blahhh' was like a paranoid and then he called me up early in the morning he was so sorry and very sincere, i told him that i was so upset so worried and told him 'i don't like that, i don't like this...' didn't even try to listen to him, he was so sad, i forgot that he was busy with his work too and then i realized i was being selfish too sensitive and needy,i realized i was wrong, was so aggressively try to control him 'for his own good'- because i was thinking i know whats right and what he 'should' do and was feeling obligated to inform him, and i told myself 'hey thats not right' and thought about theres something missing, missed my own life, so i decided to make myself busy by helping my mom do some projects, or some household chores, going out with some friends, go places and didn't think too much i just prayed to god to give me strenght and alot of patience, when you feel down, just talk to the good lord (even when youre happy ofcourse) and accept him with all your heart, remember that we are never going to meet someone who doesn't have red flags, who isn't wounded - the healthy behavior is to pay attention and take responsibility for our choices. to take calculated risks that will not be "mistakes" or "wrong" but lessons.

good luck to you bubbly and god bless you, remember that 'tampo' is just normal but try to understand him too and also remember that it is really hard for him to be away from you too...

nanz

[shining_angel 0]

Hello bubbly,

i remember what my mom told me. There are men that are not very showy of their emotions, there are men who dont know how to make suyo, there are men who dont even say I love you or I am sorry. She also told me not to be too clingy (which sometimes i know i am). Try to make him miss you maybe it will help (maybe). I know he might find tampo very weird and he might not know how to handle it (shaun was kind of scared of tampo thing before). I remember getting mad at shaun because i waited for him to come online (i waited a looooooooong time). He later told me that he forgot about it and he didnt even care to say sorry. I told him that one "i am sorry" from him will make things alright..i told him what makes me tampo (like making me wait the whole day without any messages from him) he said he understand but he cannot send me message all the time because he is at work, and saying sorry is not his thing. I know we pinays like being suyo by our loved ones but it wont work all the time with the kano. SO we have to understand that too. Keep yourself busy while waiting for his messages, maybe he is just working hard for the two of you. I hope you two will have a good talk (dont hang up on the phone or FORCE him to say sorry. i dont think men will like being forced). You can always say sorry first Tell him why u are having tampo on him in a gentle way and listen to him too. But if he keeps on ignoring you maybe something is wrong.

Keep that bubbly smile up

-geene

[philip2000 0]

But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.

I think you are a good affectionate, caring Pinay. Filipinas like yourself is the reason Guys travel thousand of miles to Find and be Found by Love and Happiness abroad. You aren't being childish and sensitive, and you should be concerned when you arive to be with him in usa. He is not going to change, what you see is what you get..he can even behave worst toward you in usa, sooo you need to be concerned.

[Walt&Rafoncel 0]

But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.

I think you are a good affectionate, caring Pinay. Filipinas like yourself is the reason Guys travel thousand of miles to Find and be Found by Love and Happiness abroad. You aren't being childish and sensitive, and you should be concerned when you arive to be with him in usa. He is not going to change, what you see is what you get..he can even behave worst toward you in usa, sooo you need to be concerned.

Hi,

I do agree that you are not being childish and you may need to be concerned. You do not deserved to be ignored by the man you really love. I do think that any man willing to have a long distance relationship needs to understand the woman's point of view..that is she is needing assurance, tender and loving words daily, to know that her man is thinking about her. It sounds like you have this devotion to him but I am not sure about his to you?

For my part I call my fiancee every day and sometimes 2 times especially now that it is close to the time for her to recieve her visa. We do not chat online and she sends email rarely. She does not have computer so I envy some of you guys here. He needs to feel like he could lose you and your love if he doesn't try harder to understand your side of things.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

What is wrong with you?

[shining_angel 0]

What is wrong with you?

Sheriff your expertise is needed on this issue...:)

[irene 0]

I have to comment on this one , first she is being childish on having tampo but its natural for a filipina , because me when i was still in the Philippines , when Im mad i really dont talk to him the most is 3 days, but in that between date he always tried to make up , but for what i see in this situation the girl is just the only one making effort , Long distance relationship is really very hard coz ive been there , weve met 2004, married 2007 and just been here dec 2007 , so how long is that , but in that time we make sure everyday we talked by phone or by net. I dont want to be judgemental , but i agree in what she said that what if she is here in the states and when she is upset , he will just ignore her ? . I think you have to talk about that before u go here , coz Tampo is gonna be always part of the relationship and as couple you should both know how to resolve it . As for me Im so lucky to have my husband coz since i was still there in the philippines he always make the way to make up ( lol he said Im the most spoiled filipina) he met. Anyway good luck i just want to share what i think about this topic and last thing this made me realized how really lucky I am with my husband lol coz he really always trying to deal with my sumpong thats why i love him so much .

[irene 0]

Childish passive aggressive behavior (tampo) should not be rewarded. If you want to convey your displeasure then say what's on your mind and discuss it. Don't expect your feelings to be understood through the silence. If you want to communicate better with your fiance, act like an adult.

How bubbly gonna talk and react while his fiance turn off the phone ? why because guys need space ? i dont think if u really both inlove in each other u dont need both space and little sumpong is not that bad its just little lambing with each other.

But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.

I think you are a good affectionate, caring Pinay. Filipinas like yourself is the reason Guys travel thousand of miles to Find and be Found by Love and Happiness abroad. You aren't being childish and sensitive, and you should be concerned when you arive to be with him in usa. He is not going to change, what you see is what you get..he can even behave worst toward you in usa, sooo you need to be concerned.

This is so right u should think and considered things before u get here in the USA coz he can ignore u already while ur still there ,he dont care what is feeling right now so how can u be sure he will when u are together ?

[irene 0]

It's been almost 36 hours now since we last talk and that phone conversation only lasted for like 3 minutes??? How can I not make Tampo now?

Although I have been realizing that I have been too sensitive and insensitive, and I have been childish (in some way or another), I still want my fiance` to make SUYO in a very simple way that does not require too much effort and so on when things like this happens... I always look forward to just laugh on my tampo when it is over, but it always get worst because he totally ignore me.

Anyways, as always, it will be fine if he will not make suyo because I can't take it anymore and I am wanting for us to be ok.

And like now, he turned off his phone (that's what he always do when we have this kind of thing which is making me feel so sad) when all I want to say is I MISS HIM and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I am wanting to raise the white flag because I will not be able to last a day without talking to him.

To be honest I have learn a lot on this discussion because this is the first time I shared issues like this in an open and knowing that it also happened to some couples here and they were able to handle it well, it lessen the burden that I am feeling now.

I am just so sad not now... Not mad (it's two different thing).

there is nothing wrong in raising the white flag as long u know its ur fault , but if not dont do it. Me and my husband have difficulties the first months we arrievd here in the states but he always make sure he will make up for it even its just little things.

[Donna A 4]

i remember before my husband got his k-3 i felt the same way. i think its just a girl thing to want our man so much it is all we think about. i was the one calling him daily...because it was cheaper for me to call. once we had a huge arguement and i would try to call him and he would hang up as soon as he heard my voice. this temper tantrum of his lasted 3 days and i got sick of it and said...thats it...im not going to call him again. so i completely stopped and 2 days later he called me and was worried something happened to me. u see, as long as he knew i was fine cuz i kept calling and calling and calling he kept his tantrum going....but when i stopped then he got worried and called. some times u just have to shake them up a little bit.

good luck and ihope everything gets better for u.