I'm a trouble for him.

[macutelit 0]

Please explain: Do you, ALONE, now currently support your mom with $1200 per month in Thailand?

$1200 Seems like a lot of money for just basic food, living costs in Thailand (I am familiar with Thailand, HAVING LIVED IN BANGKOK).

What exactly what is 'YOUR THING" that needs supporting? This does not make sense or explain.

I'll be honest that $1200.00 is a lot of money to send home every month even by US standards. Please keep in mind 98% of married people in USA, both husband and wife need to work to live in USA. It is not cheap here.

One option is to marry each other and file for CR-1 visa. The process takes longer and you can stay in Thailand and support your family while you are waiting for visa approval. Then when you get CR-1 visa and when you come to USA, you will get work permit 4 weeks after arriving.

[tom&tata 2]

To the OP: if this is something that has not been communicated, you should start now. Once it is discussed, then it would be a matter of whether the amount requested is feasible or not with condition that the foreign fiance(e) working or not working.

You might also want to delay your move if you need to work to make sure you leave your family behind with enough financial support.

Expecting the US fiance(e) to automatically assume this responsibilty is not the wise thing to do. Good luck!

[Nutty 2]

Please explain: Do you, ALONE, now currently support your mom with $1200 per month in Thailand?

$1200 Seems like a lot of money for just basic food, living costs in Thailand (I am familiar with Thailand, HAVING LIVED IN BANGKOK).

What exactly what is 'YOUR THING" that needs supporting? This does not make sense or explain.

I'll be honest that $1200.00 is a lot of money to send home every month even by US standards. Please keep in mind 98% of married people in USA, both husband and wife need to work to live in USA. It is not cheap here.

One option is to marry each other and file for CR-1 visa. The process takes longer and you can stay in Thailand and support your family while you are waiting for visa approval. Then when you get CR-1 visa and when you come to USA, you will get work permit 4 weeks after arriving.

Too many people from other countries believe that we have tons of money here. Well maybe compared to other countries we seem rich, but they haven't seen the cost of living here either. My husband was shocked and amazed at what we pay for food and bills, and I have relatively few expenses compared to most.

This youngest thing has me baffled however. So what if the youngest is born with some form of disability and cannot work? What if the youngest dies? This may seem like a noble culture to support your parents in their older years, but why isn't is shared between all of the children? Didn't the parents raise them all, and don't they all owe it to them? What happens if the youngest can't do it, do the older kids tell their parent tough Sh!#? In my husbands culture everyone pitches in to help because no one would want to see their mother do without. Yes I know.....its a culture thing.....just trying to figure it out.

It is quite normal in asian cultures for children to provide for their parents. How the responsibility gets divvied up amongst the siblings varies from culture to culture. However, what surprised me was the dollar amount of $1200 per month for Thailand. That seems rather high to me. Food is quite inexpensive and rents are usually a couple of hundred dollars a month (although posh digs will cost more).

Also, from my own experience living in Thailand and India, I am aware local people tend to have inflated ideas of "Americans and their wealth" and assume $1200 is not much money for us. They see us come on vacation, staying and spending money freely so it is an easy mistake to make. It could well be the family now says to their daughter, "you're marrying an American, so now we expect you to provide for us IN STYLE AND COMFORT." I have seen it with a few of my Thai girlfriends who have relatives in Europe and elsewhere.

[nivesito 0]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

I'm married to a wonderful Thai woman, and she had a similar situation when we first met about 5 years ago. However, she did tell me about it WAY in advance, which helped. With that said, lets just say that the Thai culture is wondefully unique, and $1200/month to sustain a family and all the bills in Thailand is not outrageous. Cars in Thailand are not cheap, and homes cost money as well. Think about it, $1200/month in the USA just basically pays rent...

Anyways...you can get your work permit (EAD) easily after being in the USA for about 3-6 months. And, you'll be able to get a job in the USA and make $1200/month very easily as well. Perhaps your husband can cover the expenses during that short time frame. That shouldn't be too much of a burden. It might be a good suggestion though to talk to your husband about this more. For example, you and he might have to come to the understanding that once you are in the USA and working, that you may need to send ALL of your paycheck back to Thailand. See how he feels about that...because he might not have anticipated it.

Luckily for my wife and I, we've now paid off her house and car so we're in good shape ;-) So...the same thing will happen to you...you'll eventually have that car paid off...and eventually he'll have a wonderful house/car/life waiting for him all year round in Thailand...plus...most importantly, he'll have YOU! Thats pretty priceless, if he really loves you

God's/Buddha's Peace to you!

MarkNAAm

That shouldn't be too much of a burden !!!!!!!! $1200 You must be kiding!!!!!

[nivesito 0]

Please explain: Do you, ALONE, now currently support your mom with $1200 per month in Thailand?

$1200 Seems like a lot of money for just basic food, living costs in Thailand (I am familiar with Thailand, HAVING LIVED IN BANGKOK).

What exactly what is 'YOUR THING" that needs supporting? This does not make sense or explain.

I'll be honest that $1200.00 is a lot of money to send home every month even by US standards. Please keep in mind 98% of married people in USA, both husband and wife need to work to live in USA. It is not cheap here.

One option is to marry each other and file for CR-1 visa. The process takes longer and you can stay in Thailand and support your family while you are waiting for visa approval. Then when you get CR-1 visa and when you come to USA, you will get work permit 4 weeks after arriving.

Too many people from other countries believe that we have tons of money here. Well maybe compared to other countries we seem rich, but they haven't seen the cost of living here either. My husband was shocked and amazed at what we pay for food and bills, and I have relatively few expenses compared to most.

This youngest thing has me baffled however. So what if the youngest is born with some form of disability and cannot work? What if the youngest dies? This may seem like a noble culture to support your parents in their older years, but why isn't is shared between all of the children? Didn't the parents raise them all, and don't they all owe it to them? What happens if the youngest can't do it, do the older kids tell their parent tough Sh!#? In my husbands culture everyone pitches in to help because no one would want to see their mother do without. Yes I know.....its a culture thing.....just trying to figure it out.

Compering to Europe with dollar value right now I found everything to be cheaper here then in Europe. Maybe if dollar value would go up the way it was before she wouldn't need $1200 but maybe 500$ which isn't that bad.

[ladywhite 0]

I am wondering where the OP is. She has disappeared after posting her concerns and question.

To the OP: The fact that your financial responsibility for your mom is $1200 a month (about nearly 40,000 BHT), it makes me curious about the type of job you do for a lviing in Thailand. You must make a huge amount of money. If your mom needs that money each month for all expenses, she must either live her luxurious life (having a nice big house, nice clothes, and a nice car), take care of other family members financially (e.g., some or all your siblings, their children), or is well-off herself but still expects you to support her financially.

And if you make that much money, you should have some saving that can help your mom while you are waiting for the EAD here/until you get a job.

And if your mom is well-off herself, she shouldn't need that kind of big support from you.

Even though many people here see this issue as culture related, I do not.

I hope you the best.

[Fabian 0]

Thanks for everyone for all your advice. It's very helpful.

Now I'm working as Sales and Marketing director here in BKK Company, and I can make around $2200 per month. Since I’ve been to work only for 2years, and now I’m just 25. So I got a small saving but I don’t think that it’s enough to pay my things if I were there. And you know every family is difference, my mom too. Since I’m the only one child, I’m the only one who supported her for everything and whatever reason since I got a job. You know it’s hard for me either to just leave everything behind to her, and It hurts me so bad too if I have to pass this to him. I don’t want it to be like this. I do love him and I know how much he hurts from this.

If I still get a chance to go there, I plan to sell my car and some of my property here. Atleast I can help him to pay for my expense here while I’m waiting for a work permit thing. I hope this would help him. But even now he hasn’t contact me back almost 2weeks. I'm sooo depressed and hopeless.

Thanks for everyone for all your help and advices. Please pray for us!!

[pushbrk 12,910]

Thanks for everyone for all your advice. It's very helpful.

Now I'm working as Sales and Marketing director here in BKK Company, and I can make around $2200 per month. Since I’ve been to work only for 2years, and now I’m just 25. So I got a small saving but I don’t think that it’s enough to pay my things if I were there. And you know every family is difference, my mom too. Since I’m the only one child, I’m the only one who supported her for everything and whatever reason since I got a job. You know it’s hard for me either to just leave everything behind to her, and It hurts me so bad too if I have to pass this to him. I don’t want it to be like this. I do love him and I know how much he hurts from this.

If I still get a chance to go there, I plan to sell my car and some of my property here. Atleast I can help him to pay for my expense here while I’m waiting for a work permit thing. I hope this would help him. But even now he hasn’t contact me back almost 2weeks. I'm sooo depressed and hopeless.

Thanks for everyone for all your help and advices. Please pray for us!!

I suggest you apologize for your unreasonable request and offer to delay your arrival until you can arrange to provide the bulk of your mother's needs yourself. If it takes a few months of frugal living and liqudation of some assets to do so, so be it. If your mother's life style were to be adjusted to something comfortable, yet more reasonable, that could speed the process as well.