I'm a trouble for him.

[Fabian 0]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

[*JG* 2]

Wow.....that's a huge sum. Even when you get a job, that may be a large sum for your household to pay out.

You didn't tell him this before now?

[nivesito 0]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

Well, $1200 is crazy, I don't know anybody who would be able to afford that. My husband makes way more than an average salary and after we pay rent, bills, food.. there is no way we would have that kind of money. Even if you start to work after you get you're green card I really don't see a way.

Can't you just sell the car? What does you're mom do for living? If she's retired does she get some retirement money? I mean there are a lots of other options to consider.

[BlakeandOlha 0]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

I'm a bit suprised that this has become an issue at this late point in your visa application - I assume from your post that you did not discuss your Thai financial responsibilities with your SO until just recently. That's one cause for concern, the other is that you say your willing to just stay there and not be with your fiancee because of this. I would suggest you sell the car, house or whatever is causing the 1200 per month expense - and just eliminate those financial responsibilities. When your with your fiancee you will not have those financial obligations anymore. I understand the desire to support your mom - but in my mind that's really your obligation to figure out. Are there no savings she can live off of until you start working? What are her true support costs, forgetting the car, etc.? if the matter is a deal breaker for you, then I suggest you have that honest discussion now.

[DanielParul 50]

I'm a bit suprised that this has become an issue at this late point in your visa application - I assume from your post that you did not discuss your Thai financial responsibilities with your SO until just recently. That's one cause for concern, the other is that you say your willing to just stay there and not be with your fiancee because of this. I would suggest you sell the car, house or whatever is causing the 1200 per month expense - and just eliminate those financial responsibilities. When your with your fiancee you will not have those financial obligations anymore. I understand the desire to support your mom - but in my mind that's really your obligation to figure out. Are there no savings she can live off of until you start working? What are her true support costs, forgetting the car, etc.? if the matter is a deal breaker for you, then I suggest you have that honest discussion now.

[mnieto 2]

I guess it's gonna be financially very hard for your (or your fiance) to maintain two lives for you,one in the US and one in Thailand. Maybe you should open your eyes to the financial reality most people are facing and living. I suppose that he might also feel disappointed because of what you're asking from him (just my 2 cents).

Good luck...

[Rob & Jin 0]

I know some guys who are married to Thai women and they say for that amount you could live like a king there.

Smells fishy to me

[BlakeandOlha 0]

I know some guys who are married to Thai women and they say for that amount you could live like a king there.

Smells fishy to me

concur

[*JG* 2]

If my fiance came to me at this point in the journey and told me what you are saying, I would not be able to get past it.

You really need to have a long discussion with him.

[pcana 0]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

Your fiance has no financial obligation towards your mother or any other financial issues you may have at your homeland,I'm a little surprised he wasn't aware all of this before??? this must be such a burden for him to carry,I feel for him!!!!!!

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

I know some guys who are married to Thai women and they say for that amount you could live like a king there.

Smells fishy to me

concur

Yupz, heard the same from people who married a Thai woman and same thoughts running through my mind (especially since it comes up when theyre this far into the whole thing).

And what about the car? Looking at the living expenses in Thailand this must be darn expensive car lol.. just lose the thing.

No work for almost a year? Apply for EOD right away and you might be able to work within a few months.

Oh well.. still it all sounds kinda weird when looking at the costs of living in Thailand :S

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I concur with pcana - these are your responsibilities - and him not being aware of them until now sounds like a "SURPRISE!!!" that I am sure he did not receive well, and with reason.

Good luck sorting things out, if that is what you really want.

[erintoronto 0]

I'm a bit suprised that this has become an issue at this late point in your visa application - I assume from your post that you did not discuss your Thai financial responsibilities with your SO until just recently. That's one cause for concern, the other is that you say your willing to just stay there and not be with your fiancee because of this. I would suggest you sell the car, house or whatever is causing the 1200 per month expense - and just eliminate those financial responsibilities. When your with your fiancee you will not have those financial obligations anymore. I understand the desire to support your mom - but in my mind that's really your obligation to figure out. Are there no savings she can live off of until you start working? What are her true support costs, forgetting the car, etc.? if the matter is a deal breaker for you, then I suggest you have that honest discussion now.

i found myself in a similar financial situation (in terms of the monthly amount, anyway) but was honest and upfront with my SO from the very beginning (day 5 of our relationship, if you want to get technical). he knows every detail and also knows that i'm working hard to ensure that i have resolved ALL of it before i move there to be with him. it would be unfair and unrealistic to expect him to carry any of my past/current obligations. they are MINE, not his to live and deal with. we are working on building something together and i know that i owe it to both him and myself to give us a fair shot by dealing with my own situation.

i agree that you need to have an honest discussion now with your SO. something like this can seriously shake a person's trust in another person and for good reason. you must also remember that these financial obligations have nothing to do with him. they are your responsibility. it is no wonder he is depressed and sad. this is a very big thing to suddenly reveal to someone. to expect him to quickly get over it or accept it just isn't respectful or fair. he has also done a lot for you in order to make it possible for you to be together. you cannot forget his efforts and how he must feel. put yourself in his shoes for a moment.

i also encourage you to be strong for yourself and take a realistic look at your expenses. you may find that many of them are unnecessary and extravagant. think about what is actually necessary, not what is 'nice' to have.

i wish you the best of luck in working through this and finding and accepting what it is you really want

[cdneh 3,112]

"i agree that you need to have an honest discussion now with your SO. something like this can seriously shake a person's trust in another person and for good reason. you must also remember that these financial obligations have nothing to do with him. they are your responsibility. it is no wonder he is depressed and sad. this is a very big thing to suddenly reveal to someone. to expect him to quickly get over it or accept it just isn't respectful or fair. he has also done a lot for you in order to make it possible for you to be together. you cannot forget his efforts and how he must feel. put yourself in his shoes for a moment.

i also encourage you to be strong for yourself and take a realistic look at your expenses. you may find that many of them are unnecessary and extravagant. think about what is actually necessary, not what is 'nice' to have.

i wish you the best of luck in working through this and finding and accepting what it is you really want "

Well said.

Edited May 15, 2008 by cdneh

[ilayja 2]

I’m waiting for the P4 from TH embassy now. It takes almost a month but I haven’t heard any thing from them yet, so glad that we’re almost there.

But seem like thing is getting worse, after I’ve discussed with him about the plan and my future life. As I’ve been telling him about my big responsibility as my mom, house, car and all expense that I have now. It’s around $1200 per month that I need him to support my mom and my thing while I’m going to be in USA with him. I know that it’s a lot, crazy and tough for him to handle that. He’s a specialist in Film Service Company in Burbank. I don’t know how much that he made. But I didn’t feel good at all to pass this thing to him, how am I suppose to do while I’m waiting for my work permit and greed card, since I’m going to be such a useless, no work and no money almost a year. He’s so depressed and sad now. Even I tried to cheer him up and figured out about this problem, but he still feels the same.

Only I know is I love him and I want to spend my life with him. But if I go there I’m going to be a trouble for him for a year. I just feel like I should stay here, and live with my real world. I don’t know what to do. I need your help on this…

These responses are expected from western-culture attitudes. So now that all the farang have chimed in, I will give you my 2 baht (having a Thai finacee/wife for over 3 years now). From what I read I am assuming you are the youngest or only daughter, so he must understand that YES IT IS your and soon to be his responsibility to support your mother. That is just one of the many "perks" he gets when a Thai woman agrees to let him marry her. Once you are in the US and get married, submit your EAD paperwork as soon as possible and you will get your work permit in just under 3 months. It doesn't take over year.

He needs to understand your culture and responsibilities, and adjust accordingly. If he cannot, then your marriage will not last very long. There should be plenty of samee-farang in California he can talk to about this, there are quite a few of us here on VJ that would be glad to explain all the responsibilites of having a Thai wife, but also in the same breathe how amazingly wonderful his life will be with a Thai woman who him.