Quick Question about Marriage.

[srogue 0]

Wow, I can see there are really some pros / cons to both side. When the time comes, there will be some decisions to be made. Thanks for all the input folks!

[Dakine 26]

Easiest, cheapest and least stressful is to marry in the Philippines and go with a CR-1 visa. Pinay will receive her green card and SS card in the mail normally within a month of arrival in the US. No costly, stressfull adjusting status when in the US. Plus K3 don't get a SS Card until after doing AOS which can take months {can even be denied}. It's almost more a pain in the puwit not having SS Card than GC. Can't get drivers license, joint accounts, etc.

[amy n 0]

Much as we wanted to help you, our suggestions will vary in circumstances that we experience. K-1, K-3 and CR-1....to choose from. My experience taught me that it is easier to apply the K-1 because in my timeline, from the time we submit the papers up to the time I arrive in the US that took us only 8months. The expenses? His plane tickets to and fro, 10days stay in PI , so 10 days hotel stay, visit BOHOL, the fee of 1-129f, my 1 week stay in Bayview for my medical, interview and departure dates since i live southern part of PI ,plus 8 domestic air fare (when i see him in manila, during my medical, on my interview and my departure to US).....lastly, the plane tickets to US. Those are the costly expenses for us in doing the K-1. In 8 months I am here united with him. Wedding cost? We only have civil wedding but have 60 guests. I find it cheaper because if i choose to marry him in PI, it will be a church wedding and we have to invite the whole family and close friends. It would cost a lot for sure. We applied marriage license cost $97 and the next Saturday we have the ceremony in a nice house beside the lake, tropical wedding. Monday, we have our marriage certificate. That is awesome fast and cheaper yeah? Well, next year, we will be back to the Philippines and have the church wedding for sure for my family and friends. At least I can share something from my pocket by then.

So, Goodluck to your journey.

[Completely 3]

Though granted, my aunt has known this lady for her whole life, and she would have at least two other relatives here locally already too. That would always make things a little easier But yes, still something to seriously consider into the mix... I guess I am definintely leaning towards the K-1 now.

hi srogue, these are just my thoughts... how long have you known your lady? have you met her personally already? are you two in love already? are you willing to risk your rogue days to be committed to this fine lady? there are so many other questions i would like to ask but i guess its really just too personal. based on your previous posts, what i get is that you haven't met her yet personally. even if your aunt has known her for her whole life, how sure are you she would like to stay with you for the rest of her life?

I agree with Doc Mirage in his posts. Go K1 and see how things go first before committing yourself for LIFE to this young fine lady. Nowadays, you never know what will happen. Good luck and God bless you in whatever decision you make.

Good questions Foxy. As you can tell by the wording in some of my previous posts, nothing is for sure yet, and I wouldn't say we are fiances yet either. This is all preliminary research on my part. I have been talking, emailing, texting, and web camming with her for about a month now. This girl is actually my aunt's neice. Yeah, before you flip out, its my aunt by marriage of course haha. There is only a slight age difference between us, both of us have never been married, and both are pure. We are still in the process of getting to know each other more deeply. My aunt knows both of us fairly well, my aunt has known me for over a year now, and her, her whole life, and thought of matching us up. So far I have been very pleased with her choice for us

No I have not met her in person face to face yet. That will happen when I go to the Philippines in a few months. I think we are going to be there for a month or so, so we will have a decent amount of time to get to know each other. Her english is amazingly good, she is very strong in her faith, which was important for me, and vice-versa. As far as love... I cannot say for sure yet, as I think only when we meet face to face will we know for sure, but I know there is attraction there on both sides. I think I was attacted to her heart almost instantly both from my initial call to her and our aunts description of her. Also, my aunt has asked her what she thought of me a week or so ago, and she said that she really liked me... so there is definetly something there.

So yeah, it may seem way too early to be talking of marriage, and yes I would agree that it would be if I was seriously making plans for it, but I am doing some preliminary research I like to know how things work before I jump headlong into them, and this whole immigration/visa thing seems so daunting that I had to ask some initial questions. Some may say that only knowing someone for 2-3 months online and one month in person is too soon to commit to a life long decision, and that very well may be, and I suspect our face to face experience with each other will be very telling, but my grandparents were married for 50 years after knowing each other for only a month before they were engaged, so I know if you are commited, and love each other and God is in the center, then anything is possible.

Hello,

As for my personal opinion, I agree on some of the users who answer your post..I would rather choose the K-1 Visa and marry her in the US.. In this way you will know her in person and this will allow you to think more if you are really serious with this girl.. I am not playing devil's advocate here but you know meeting online and meeting someone in person is really big difference... Online it is full of imagination and good qualities of her.. But how about the bad qualities of her? vice versa??? In this type of visa you will able to know her at least in person for even at least a short period of time...

Read this special piece, I used to read this before I got married. It's quite long but this will somehow help you choose and make decision.. Marriage for me is a covenant.. It will be great to marry someone who dearly love..

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.

> But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear

> marriage.

> Something about the closure seems constricting, not

> enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for

> what

> it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes

> possible within our lives.

>

> When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did

> not

> want to make a mistake.I saw my friends get married

> for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual

> fever,

> or just because they thought it was the logical

> thing

> to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners

> became embittered and petty in their dealings with

> each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at

> best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a

> lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and

> could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else

> to

> such a fate.

>

> And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples

> who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence.

> They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon

> each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It

> was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible.

> How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many

> years of sameness, so much irritation at the others

> habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of

> us

> seem unable to even stay together, much less love

> each

>

> other?

>

> The central secret seems to be in choosing well.

> There

> is something to the claim of fundamental

> compatibility. Good people can create a bad

> relationship, even though they both dearly want the

> relationship to succeed. It is important to find

> someone with whom you can create a good relationship

> from t! he outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see

> clearly in the early stages.

>

> Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the

> way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to

> the

> thousands of little things by which relationships

> eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way

> to

> see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual

> fascination. Some people choose to involve

> themselves

> sexually and ride out the most heated period of

> sexual

> attraction in order to see what is on the other

> side.

>

> This can work, but it can also leave a trail of

> wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side

> altogether

> in an attempt to get to know each other apart from

> their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly,

> because

> the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so

> large that it keeps them from having any normal

> perception of what life would be like together.

>

> The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to

> become long-time friends before they realize they

> are

> attracted to each other. They get to know each

> other's

> laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each

> other at their worst and at their best. They share

> time together before they get swept up into the

> entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

>

> This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you

> fall

> under the spell of your sexual attraction

> immediately,

> you need to look beyond it for other keys to

> compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter

> tells you how much you will enjoy each others

> company

> over the long term.

>

> If your laughter together is good and healthy, and

> not

> at the expense of others, then you have a healthy

> relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of

> surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can

> always surprise each other. And if you can always

> surprise each other, you can always keep the world

> around you new.

>

> Beware of a relationship in which there is no

> laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based

> only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour.

> Over

> time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the

> world

> tends to turn you against those who do not share the

> same viewpoint, and your relationship can become

> based

> on being critical together.

>

> After laughter, look for a partner who deals with

> the

> world in a way you respect. When two people first

> get

> together, they tend to see their relationship as

> existing only in the space between the two of them.

> They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the

> overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing

> obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages

> and grows, the outside world becomes important

> again.

> If your partner treats people or circumstances in a

> way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to

> grief. Look at the way she cares for others

> and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that

> makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it

> does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way

> you each deal with the world around you, eventually

> the two of you will not respect each other.

>

> Look also at how your partner confronts the

> mysteries

> of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and

> practicality, and the real life of the heart resides

> in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by

> the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships,

> while the other is drawn only to the literal and the

> practical, you must take care that the distance does

> not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each

> feeling isolated and misunderstood.

>

> There are many other keys, but you must find them by

> yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our

> hearts

> that we will not betray and private commitments to a

> vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall

> in

> love with someone who cannot nourish those

> inviolable

> parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her,

> you will find yourselves growing further apart until

> you live in separate worlds where you share the

> business of life, but never touch each other where

> the

> heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a

> small

> leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and

> daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter

> and

> unsatisfied with their mates.

>

> So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will

> have

> chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then

> the

> real miracle of marriage can take place in your

> hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a

> miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.

> There is a miracle in marriage. It is called

> transformation. Transformation is one of the most

> common events of nature. The seed becomes the

> flower.

> The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes

> spring and love becomes a child. We never question

> these, because we se! e them around us every day. To

> us they are not miracles, though if we did not know

> them they would be impossible to believe.

>

> Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our

> love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins

> to

> flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom,

> but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

>

> If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom

> will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the

> wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

> We are quite willing to accept the reality of

> negative

> transformation in a marriage. It was negative

> transformation that always had me terrified

> of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was

> younger. It never occurred to me to question the

> dark

Edited May 19, 2008 by Completely

[N360 0]

Hello,

As for my personal opinion, I would rather choose the K-1 Visa and marry her in the US.. In this way you will know her in person and this will allow you to think more if you are really serious with this girl.. I am not playing devil's advocate here but you know meeting online and meeting someone in person is really big difference... Online it is full of imagination and good qualities of her.. But how about the bad qualities of her? vice versa???

Read this special piece, I used to read this before I got married.

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.

I completely agree.

But since we are just voicing personal opinions, and I know this is outside the scope of what the OP had asked (so please forgive me), but the best scenario is just go to Philippines. Go there and meet her and have fun! Dont even think about K1 or marriage. Just enjoy and get to know each other more, personally.

Come back to the states, let it simmer for just a little bit, then ask yourself these same questions you presented here again.

Fiance or spouse?

[timcass_12 5]

Yes, I agree with what NoelandTintin said.

Please take time to know this girl first and see what happens. It's always good to do a comparison of the relationship based visa types but you also have to keep in mind that deciding on what visa route to take is not the only thing that matters here. You need to be in common ground with this girl before you can figure out what will work for you best. Take your time. Love happens when it happens and from there you'll know what to do next.

Goodluck

Hello,

As for my personal opinion, I would rather choose the K-1 Visa and marry her in the US.. In this way you will know her in person and this will allow you to think more if you are really serious with this girl.. I am not playing devil's advocate here but you know meeting online and meeting someone in person is really big difference... Online it is full of imagination and good qualities of her.. But how about the bad qualities of her? vice versa???

Read this special piece, I used to read this before I got married.

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.

I completely agree.

But since we are just voicing personal opinions, and I know this is outside the scope of what the OP had asked (so please forgive me), but the best scenario is just go to Philippines. Go there and meet her and have fun! Dont even think about K1 or marriage. Just enjoy and get to know each other more, personally.

Come back to the states, let it simmer for just a little bit, then ask yourself these same questions you presented here again.

Fiance or spouse?

[Completely 3]

Hello,

As for my personal opinion, I would rather choose the K-1 Visa and marry her in the US.. In this way you will know her in person and this will allow you to think more if you are really serious with this girl.. I am not playing devil's advocate here but you know meeting online and meeting someone in person is really big difference... Online it is full of imagination and good qualities of her.. But how about the bad qualities of her? vice versa???

Read this special piece, I used to read this before I got married.

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.

I completely agree.

But since we are just voicing personal opinions, and I know this is outside the scope of what the OP had asked (so please forgive me), but the best scenario is just go to Philippines. Go there and meet her and have fun! Dont even think about K1 or marriage. Just enjoy and get to know each other more, personally.

Come back to the states, let it simmer for just a little bit, then ask yourself these same questions you presented here again.

Fiance or spouse?

Hi Noel Tintin

Well as what you said this is a personal opinion therefore nobody here is right or wrong..Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.. I am just giving and contributing something for him to think about since he posted this subject..

If I am totally outside the scope let the person say something first before making a comment at all..

Anyways, this is a personal opinion and not trying to attack anyone who is trying to help everyone in this Forum.. And also whatever opinion you give or everyone gives here, it will be up to him.. Thanks

[EricC 0]

Hi Noel Tintin

Well as what you said this is a personal opinion therefore nobody here is right or wrong..Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.. I am just giving and contributing something for him to think about since he posted this subject..

If I am totally outside the scope let the person say something first before making a comment at all..

Anyways, this is a personal opinion and not trying to attack anyone who is trying to help everyone in this Forum.. And also whatever opinion you give or everyone gives here, it will be up to him.. Thanks

Huh? He was agreeing with you and then said some opinions of his own. He wasn't saying that your post was beyond the scope of what the OP asked, he was saying what he was about to type was.

[N360 0]

Huh? He was agreeing with you and then said some opinions of his own. He wasn't saying that your post was beyond the scope of what the OP asked, he was saying what he was about to type was.

Thanks EricC. Apparently I cant agree with people now too.

Anyway its just my .02 to the OP folks. Maybe I was just bored, waiting for my wife to be with me.

Peace everyone!!

[Completely 3]

Hi Noel Tintin

Well as what you said this is a personal opinion therefore nobody here is right or wrong..Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.. I am just giving and contributing something for him to think about since he posted this subject..

If I am totally outside the scope let the person say something first before making a comment at all..

Anyways, this is a personal opinion and not trying to attack anyone who is trying to help everyone in this Forum.. And also whatever opinion you give or everyone gives here, it will be up to him.. Thanks

Huh? He was agreeing with you and then said some opinions of his own. He wasn't saying that your post was beyond the scope of what the OP asked, he was saying what he was about to type was.

Huh! ka rin oh well you know writing on the post may have different meaning at all it depend on how the reader will take it..

Peace also noel and Tintin.. Dont worry too much on the paperwork.. Everything has an end....Theres a reason for everything.

Worry on how you and her will establish the life together..

[N360 0]

Huh! ka rin oh well you know writing on the post may have different meaning at all it depend on how the reader will take it..

Peace also noel and Tintin.. Dont worry too much on the paperwork.. Everything has an end....Theres a reason for everything.

Worry on how you and her will establish the life together..

If I'm worried about anything, I wouldnt be on VJ posting stuff about other people's personal situations.

[Roserick 0]

Sounds like your aunt is trying to help her niece come to America...

my thoughts to you is.. Don't rush on your decision, figure things out 1st and study this girl if she truly loves you or she just love that blue passport of yours..

Sorry to be harsh... But you never know nowadays..

[jom 4]

For us we opted for K1 because it is the FASTEST process and our goal was to be together again ASAP after our meeting. God is good and in less than 7 months from his visit in the Philippines we were reunited. We weighed the pros and cons but we still ended up having the K1 because the distance was too much for us. Yes, there is still a lot of paperworks to be done after getting here in the US but at least we together now and no matter how long the future processes will be, we don't care as long as we are living our married life to the fullest.

But of course, as the others adviced, make sure it is the true thing before you begin the process.

Just a thought.

Myla