Dealing with SO's opinions about future children

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Well, no, but shouldn't Westernized relationships be considered part of the acculturation? Why is this being passed down to /your children/ when it's simply not true?

It depends on what you mean by "westernized relationships". There are families who are well-established in the west who still pass on high expectations of modesty and chastity in gender relationships to their children. Nothing wrong with that; nothing false about it either.

I realize that in Islamic relationships, a boy and girl are constantly chaperoned by an older adult. Yes? I guess that is still dating to me.

Constant chaparoning is not the norm. Teaching is more about consistant modeling and maintanance of values, not in the abstract, but in reality.

[Badrs Love 0]

Two Palestinian, MENA raised parents. None of us, boys or girls, were allowed to date, and we did not. Lebanese husband, we raised our kids the same way - no dating. There are lots of us that do things that way. It's not all unusal in MENA-American households.

I can't even emphasize what a crock of sh!t this entire post is! I have been around Palestinians my ENTIRE life and none are this way. Half of my family members are Palestinian. Wahrania, you know nothing about this culture or community and everything you say is based on your VERY LIMITED experiance with you ex.

How many times has this been said? Too many times. Does it have any affect? No.

LOL! My ex-husband was an Irish cheating alcoholic. So all Irish men must love beer and cheating on their wives. That's gotta be it. Heck, one is, so the rest are.

I'm not sure how my post raised the specter of stereotypes about Irish men. Even so, it doesn't reduce the validity of my observations and cultural experiences.

Oh no, it was a joke. I was just trying to make a mockdrythat some people take an incident with a person and make general statements about the entire race/religion that the person is.

I was agreeing with you.

[Badrs Love 0]

Two Palestinian, MENA raised parents. None of us, boys or girls, were allowed to date, and we did not. Lebanese husband, we raised our kids the same way - no dating. There are lots of us that do things that way. It's not all unusal in MENA-American households.

I can't even emphasize what a crock of sh!t this entire post is! I have been around Palestinians my ENTIRE life and none are this way. Half of my family members are Palestinian. Wahrania, you know nothing about this culture or community and everything you say is based on your VERY LIMITED experiance with you ex.

How many times has this been said? Too many times. Does it have any affect? No.

LOL! My ex-husband was an Irish cheating alcoholic. So all Irish men must love beer and cheating on their wives. That's gotta be it. Heck, one is, so the rest are.

You of all people should understand how someone can do the best you can and still get labeled with some ####### label . Your fiancee is still living with the stigma of his wife dying overseas under difficult circumstances and them receiving a denial and now you are petitioning for him. You of all people should know what its like to do your very best and bad things happened. I did not say ALL PALESTINIAN men are bad. I simply recounted experiences. And for me these experiences were not imaginary. This was someone I met stateside who never told me he was illegal and at the time I did not understand marriage fraud and all this #######. I also was extremely naive to someone doing something very bad to me with absolutely NO CONSCIENCE whatsover.

You never know what people are carrying. You absolutely love your husband but because of things that happened, you will have to overcome some things while petitioning and interviewing. I had to overcome this nightmare both in my petition and some of it even came up in my present husbands interview,asking him if he was aware of what happened. It was kind of hard for the co to ignore when a final order of protection is page 13 in the packet. I wish I could go back and drop all of this stuff and had never said a thing.. but you get vulnerable sometimes on the board and like an idiot I ran my mouth when I shouldnt have and it was a mistake...

Could you please refrain from commenting on any other VJ members life? You obviously have no clue what you are talking about when it comes to my life or other members lives. With your constant ramblings and hormonal outburts, you have discounted yourself with any knowlege of anything.

And for the record, yes Badr did receive an initial 221G, but with the persistance and determination of his ex-wife, it was turned around and his visa was approved. So the things I have to "overcome" aren't horrible things after all. All of my "red flags" have been identified and our petition is on it's way to Casablanca at this moment.

And with the horrible things that have happened to you, why do you keep picking from the MENA pool of men? Will history repeat itself?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Two Palestinian, MENA raised parents. None of us, boys or girls, were allowed to date, and we did not. Lebanese husband, we raised our kids the same way - no dating. There are lots of us that do things that way. It's not all unusal in MENA-American households.

I can't even emphasize what a crock of sh!t this entire post is! I have been around Palestinians my ENTIRE life and none are this way. Half of my family members are Palestinian. Wahrania, you know nothing about this culture or community and everything you say is based on your VERY LIMITED experiance with you ex.

How many times has this been said? Too many times. Does it have any affect? No.

LOL! My ex-husband was an Irish cheating alcoholic. So all Irish men must love beer and cheating on their wives. That's gotta be it. Heck, one is, so the rest are.

You of all people should understand how someone can do the best you can and still get labeled with some ####### label . Your fiancee is still living with the stigma of his wife dying overseas under difficult circumstances and them receiving a denial and now you are petitioning for him. You of all people should know what its like to do your very best and bad things happened. I did not say ALL PALESTINIAN men are bad. I simply recounted experiences. And for me these experiences were not imaginary. This was someone I met stateside who never told me he was illegal and at the time I did not understand marriage fraud and all this #######. I also was extremely naive to someone doing something very bad to me with absolutely NO CONSCIENCE whatsover.

You never know what people are carrying. You absolutely love your husband but because of things that happened, you will have to overcome some things while petitioning and interviewing. I had to overcome this nightmare both in my petition and some of it even came up in my present husbands interview,asking him if he was aware of what happened. It was kind of hard for the co to ignore when a final order of protection is page 13 in the packet. I wish I could go back and drop all of this stuff and had never said a thing.. but you get vulnerable sometimes on the board and like an idiot I ran my mouth when I shouldnt have and it was a mistake...

Could you please refrain from commenting on any other VJ members life? You obviously have no clue what you are talking about when it comes to my life or other members lives. With your constant ramblings and hormonal outburts, you have discounted yourself with any knowlege of anything.

And for the record, yes Badr did receive an initial 221G, but with the persistance and determination of his ex-wife, it was turned around and his visa was approved. So the things I have to "overcome" aren't horrible things after all. All of my "red flags" have been identified and our petition is on it's way to Casablanca at this moment.

And with the horrible things that have happened to you, why do you keep picking from the MENA pool of men? Will history repeat itself?

I think I have a very good idea what happened considering she did not get adequate medical care in Morocco and died there.

[Badrs Love 0]

Two Palestinian, MENA raised parents. None of us, boys or girls, were allowed to date, and we did not. Lebanese husband, we raised our kids the same way - no dating. There are lots of us that do things that way. It's not all unusal in MENA-American households.

I can't even emphasize what a crock of sh!t this entire post is! I have been around Palestinians my ENTIRE life and none are this way. Half of my family members are Palestinian. Wahrania, you know nothing about this culture or community and everything you say is based on your VERY LIMITED experiance with you ex.

How many times has this been said? Too many times. Does it have any affect? No.

LOL! My ex-husband was an Irish cheating alcoholic. So all Irish men must love beer and cheating on their wives. That's gotta be it. Heck, one is, so the rest are.

You of all people should understand how someone can do the best you can and still get labeled with some ####### label . Your fiancee is still living with the stigma of his wife dying overseas under difficult circumstances and them receiving a denial and now you are petitioning for him. You of all people should know what its like to do your very best and bad things happened. I did not say ALL PALESTINIAN men are bad. I simply recounted experiences. And for me these experiences were not imaginary. This was someone I met stateside who never told me he was illegal and at the time I did not understand marriage fraud and all this #######. I also was extremely naive to someone doing something very bad to me with absolutely NO CONSCIENCE whatsover.

You never know what people are carrying. You absolutely love your husband but because of things that happened, you will have to overcome some things while petitioning and interviewing. I had to overcome this nightmare both in my petition and some of it even came up in my present husbands interview,asking him if he was aware of what happened. It was kind of hard for the co to ignore when a final order of protection is page 13 in the packet. I wish I could go back and drop all of this stuff and had never said a thing.. but you get vulnerable sometimes on the board and like an idiot I ran my mouth when I shouldnt have and it was a mistake...

Could you please refrain from commenting on any other VJ members life? You obviously have no clue what you are talking about when it comes to my life or other members lives. With your constant ramblings and hormonal outburts, you have discounted yourself with any knowlege of anything.

And for the record, yes Badr did receive an initial 221G, but with the persistance and determination of his ex-wife, it was turned around and his visa was approved. So the things I have to "overcome" aren't horrible things after all. All of my "red flags" have been identified and our petition is on it's way to Casablanca at this moment.

And with the horrible things that have happened to you, why do you keep picking from the MENA pool of men? Will history repeat itself?

I think I have a very good idea what happened considering she did not get adequate medical care in Morocco and died there.

Delusions aren't reality Wahrania. Do you have any idea how much private clinics cost in Morocco? So much that the people that paid her bills are still paying the bills, 2 years after her passing. How about you focus on your own life and leave the rest of us alone.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Two Palestinian, MENA raised parents. None of us, boys or girls, were allowed to date, and we did not. Lebanese husband, we raised our kids the same way - no dating. There are lots of us that do things that way. It's not all unusal in MENA-American households.

I can't even emphasize what a crock of sh!t this entire post is! I have been around Palestinians my ENTIRE life and none are this way. Half of my family members are Palestinian. Wahrania, you know nothing about this culture or community and everything you say is based on your VERY LIMITED experiance with you ex.

How many times has this been said? Too many times. Does it have any affect? No.

LOL! My ex-husband was an Irish cheating alcoholic. So all Irish men must love beer and cheating on their wives. That's gotta be it. Heck, one is, so the rest are.

You of all people should understand how someone can do the best you can and still get labeled with some ####### label . Your fiancee is still living with the stigma of his wife dying overseas under difficult circumstances and them receiving a denial and now you are petitioning for him. You of all people should know what its like to do your very best and bad things happened. I did not say ALL PALESTINIAN men are bad. I simply recounted experiences. And for me these experiences were not imaginary. This was someone I met stateside who never told me he was illegal and at the time I did not understand marriage fraud and all this #######. I also was extremely naive to someone doing something very bad to me with absolutely NO CONSCIENCE whatsover.

You never know what people are carrying. You absolutely love your husband but because of things that happened, you will have to overcome some things while petitioning and interviewing. I had to overcome this nightmare both in my petition and some of it even came up in my present husbands interview,asking him if he was aware of what happened. It was kind of hard for the co to ignore when a final order of protection is page 13 in the packet. I wish I could go back and drop all of this stuff and had never said a thing.. but you get vulnerable sometimes on the board and like an idiot I ran my mouth when I shouldnt have and it was a mistake...

Could you please refrain from commenting on any other VJ members life? You obviously have no clue what you are talking about when it comes to my life or other members lives. With your constant ramblings and hormonal outburts, you have discounted yourself with any knowlege of anything.

And for the record, yes Badr did receive an initial 221G, but with the persistance and determination of his ex-wife, it was turned around and his visa was approved. So the things I have to "overcome" aren't horrible things after all. All of my "red flags" have been identified and our petition is on it's way to Casablanca at this moment.

And with the horrible things that have happened to you, why do you keep picking from the MENA pool of men? Will history repeat itself?

I think I have a very good idea what happened considering she did not get adequate medical care in Morocco and died there.

Delusions aren't reality Wahrania. Do you have any idea how much private clinics cost in Morocco? So much that the people that paid her bills are still paying the bills, 2 years after her passing. How about you focus on your own life and leave the rest of us alone.

As I recall I have never individually addressed you. You started belittling me and talking to me. I think that if someone is desperately sick, a clinic is not enough for them. They need an American style hospital and to leave Morocco. All I know is that with what happened to me in Algeria, if people kept taking me to clinic after clinic, I would have died there. And all I had was severe and chronic asthma caused by a chemical burn to my lungs from diesel exposure. Note to self.. do everything you can NOT to get sick in North Africa. You may not make it out of there alive.

Your husband's ex wife died in Morocco while they were fixing his status. She got desperately ill there and because the medical care over there is extremely inadequate, she died. I sincerely doubt that with our level of medical care here ,she would have died here. I don't think he killed her or that he didnt try to help her. I think her staying in Morocco killed her and so do alot of other people who knew her. The medical care over there is just not up to par with US care

[~Jackie~ 30]

What does Badrs deceased ex have to do with this topic of SO's opinions about future children?

[sarahaziz 0]

I like arranged marriages personally. It's a tradition in our family and we haven't had any divorces b/t the people who did get arranged. We do have a few love marriages too and they're still together. I'd definitely arrange my children's spouses. A good family back home if possible. I got arranged/love at the same time I don't know what you call that! I'm some where in b/t.

Yup in all honesty, my spouse didn't call me his "gf" before marriage because it automatically translates to arab minds = they're having intercourse or something close to it. Blame it on the movies,music videos. I always thought dating was that too until I turned 15. My spouse now always told his friends I was his future wife/fiancee to keep respect Wow how's that compared to some American guys!! A girl get's a bad reputation for being someones "gf" and they have that thing "friend with benefits" definitely won't let my daughter date!!!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I like arranged marriages personally. It's a tradition in our family and we haven't had any divorces b/t the people who did get arranged. We do have a few love marriages too and they're still together. I'd definitely arrange my children's spouses. A good family back home if possible. I got arranged/love at the same time I don't know what you call that! I'm some where in b/t.

Yup in all honesty, my spouse didn't call me his "gf" before marriage because it automatically translates to arab minds = they're having intercourse or something close to it. Blame it on the movies,music videos. I always thought dating was that too until I turned 15. My spouse now always told his friends I was his future wife/fiancee to keep respect Wow how's that compared to some American guys!! A girl get's a bad reputation for being someones "gf" and they have that thing "friend with benefits" definitely won't let my daughter date!!!

You know I agree on this point. Somehow the word "girlfriend"means something bad in some places in Algeria. You wanna be the wife or the fiancee. Not the "gf" I am with you on this point Sarah for sure

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

What does Badrs deceased ex have to do with this topic of SO's opinions about future children?

i dunno, you got the popcorn?

[I love Ashraf 0]

Dating is a sticky subject and neither a son or a daughter is allowed to date in Islam. So if he feels in the future it will be ok for your son to have a GF it is not.I think that it is harder for Westerners(me included) to understand the concept of no courtship because to us how else do you get to know your potential mate if not to court them. Islamically when the time comes when a child is ready for marriage he and/or she should go to their parents and tell them that they are ready for marriage and the parents should help them find a suitable mate.They have the right to reject the person if they do not feel that person is the one they want,then when they have decided on the person then getting to know one another phase needs to be in a controlled enivorment to ensure that everyone stays chaise. I did not get this nor understand this until I became Muslim but it is to ensure that no unnecessary sin befalls either party.I understand what you are saying about your husband not because as religious as his recent words may have implied but he wants better for his children and he is trying to give them a better foundation.

[mohamed N melinda 0]

Dating is a sticky subject and neither a son or a daughter is allowed to date in Islam. So if he feels in the future it will be ok for your son to have a GF it is not.I think that it is harder for Westerners(me included) to understand the concept of no courtship because to us how else do you get to know your potential mate if not to court them. Islamically when the time comes when a child is ready for marriage he and/or she should go to their parents and tell them that they are ready for marriage and the parents should help them find a suitable mate.They have the right to reject the person if they do not feel that person is the one they want,then when they have decided on the person then getting to know one another phase needs to be in a controlled enivorment to ensure that everyone stays chaise. I did not get this nor understand this until I became Muslim but it is to ensure that no unnecessary sin befalls either party.I understand what you are saying about your husband not because as religious as his recent words may have implied but he wants better for his children and he is trying to give them a better foundation.

well saying

[Nothing1234 2]

Dating is a sticky subject and neither a son or a daughter is allowed to date in Islam. So if he feels in the future it will be ok for your son to have a GF it is not.I think that it is harder for Westerners(me included) to understand the concept of no courtship because to us how else do you get to know your potential mate if not to court them. Islamically when the time comes when a child is ready for marriage he and/or she should go to their parents and tell them that they are ready for marriage and the parents should help them find a suitable mate.They have the right to reject the person if they do not feel that person is the one they want,then when they have decided on the person then getting to know one another phase needs to be in a controlled enivorment to ensure that everyone stays chaise. I did not get this nor understand this until I became Muslim but it is to ensure that no unnecessary sin befalls either party.I understand what you are saying about your husband not because as religious as his recent words may have implied but he wants better for his children and he is trying to give them a better foundation.

well saying

I agree, very well said

[amal 4]

I told my son he doesn't need a girlfriend until he's 30. I told him he needs to focus on school and learning how to be a good man before he decides he's ready to add a girl into the mix. lol at 9 years old he agrees with me and said that a girlfriend would not want to play his video games so he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. lol I love my boy.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Islamically when the time comes when a child is ready for marriage he and/or she should go to their parents and tell them that they are ready for marriage and the parents should help them find a suitable mate.They have the right to reject the person if they do not feel that person is the one they want,then when they have decided on the person then getting to know one another phase needs to be in a controlled enivorment to ensure that everyone stays chaise.

This is conditional and certainly not an absolute. Every Muslim has the right to marry among those whom Allah has not prohibited, even if the parents don't approve on grounds that do not rely on justice and equality. I get so many letters from Indians, Afghans, Pakistanis and Arabs who want to marry outside of their race, nationality, economic, or ethnic group, but are threatened by parents who will only accept those who are the same as them. This is not Islam; in the Prophet's final address, he admonished the idea that there is such superiority among us. Parents who do not abide by this dictate to allow their child to marry a good person among the allowed forfeit their "right" to reject based on such prejudices.

Edited May 18, 2008 by Virtual wife