Dealing with SO's opinions about future children

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

JP u crack me up

[chaishai 1]

If we ever have a daughter together inshallah she will not date.

My daughters now are not muslim but recently since they've kind of come of age, so to speak, I sat them down and explained the importance of waiting for your husband. Then the following week I bought them both a "promise" ring. I know it's called other things depending on where you live but before they put it on I told them that the ring represents their promise both to God and to me to keep themselves for their husbands. I already see the way my oldest daughter's friends dress and I see some of them hanging out at the softball field watching the boys softball games and flirting etc. She knows I don't like this and although I've never forbade her to hang out there doing that stuff she opts not to join in thank God. I mean they're only 12 years old but I know for a fact that a LOT of the 8th graders are already having sex so I figured this was the time to nip this in the bud, so to speak.

In the end all we can really do is enforce the importance of our own particular values and be a power of example to them, pray and hope for the best. BTW I hope if and when I do get pregnant it's a boy so we can avoid what I'm about to embark on!!!

if you have a son he will be allowed to date? i dont get that. i respect (although i dont agree with) the fact that you wouldnt want a daughter to date - but why would it be ok for the boy to date? what if he dated another muslim couples daughter behind her parents back? you wouldnt want that to happen to you right?

i think you are very nice, i am not trying to start anything - i am just trying to understand how this double standard is OK?

whoops....our son will not date either!!! I guess since the topic was around girls I just thought I'd focus on them. I'm assuming it's going to be easier to enforce a boy not dating but then I have no experience with boys. I just know everyone who has one tells me they're easier.

it might not be easy but maybe a little easier!

[allousa 1]

My dad is a catholic hillbilly and i wasnt allowed to date

OMG!!!!! Now I thought our son was the cutest baby EVER, but after seeing your son's pics....I might have to step down! What a CUTE-E-PIE!!!!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Its been double standards here also in past times the daughter guarded the sons get the (come on son, be a man) type thing or hes just a chip off the old block.....daughters need to say where they are going, be home at a certain time, son oh they are out, we dont need worry about them they are boys after all

[MrsAmera 41]

I agree to my husband dating = sex. Even male friends = sex. No questions, no grey areas there. I guess it's a hard line for me to tow, I would want all of my children to experience dating, like you allousa I think that you really have to get to know someone before making the decision to marry that person. I don't get how ppl there don't even know someone and bam see a picture "she's cute" and get married. To me it is baffling. I hope JP is right however and over time this idea in their heads slips away. (btw baby girl bikinis are so flippin cute, i considered putting my son in one lol)

[sereia 0]

Oh geez do I know that too well. Male friends = you slept with them. No if's and's or but's!!!!

[chaishai 1]

My dad is a catholic hillbilly and i wasnt allowed to date

OMG that baby is so freaking CUTE i cant STAND it!

[Badrs Love 0]

Oh geez do I know that too well. Male friends = you slept with them. No if's and's or but's!!!!

Oh yes, and mail co-workers = you've slept with them. With as many people that are supposed to be having sex in America, how does anything get done?

Badr and I have had the "daughter" conversation before. I just dropped it and realized that his views might change after he's experienced America first.

[chaishai 1]

Oh geez do I know that too well. Male friends = you slept with them. No if's and's or but's!!!!

Oh yes, and mail co-workers = you've slept with them. With as many people that are supposed to be having sex in America, how does anything get done?

Badr and I have had the "daughter" conversation before. I just dropped it and realized that his views might change after he's experienced America first.

seriously? i can see (but dont agree with) not wanting ur wife to have male friends but co-workers? how does one even control that? ha i would LOVE it if my husband gave me a hard time about that - oh well sorry honey, you bring home the turkey bacon!

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

Not letting your teenagers (girls or boys) date is ridiculous. They will end up doing so behind your back and probably hate you for it. Then they will marry the wrong person. Hell, if you'll try to prevent them from dating, you might as well just arrange a marriage for them. That's another archaic religious tradition.

Religion can be a good source of values and beliefs, but some of the customs some religions expect you to follow are downright stupid. This goes for all religions, I'm not singling any one out.

[Jenn! 918]

Well, I really think that the decision is up to the parents. We don't all have the same values.

I'd wager that there are kids raised in very strict households who *didn't* grow up to be whores and drug addicts.

Personally though, I think it's rather antiquated as well.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Thank You, he is quite the charmer

[allousa 1]

Here's a pic of our boy. He's two now. Just had to share.

[Badrs Love 0]

Oh geez do I know that too well. Male friends = you slept with them. No if's and's or but's!!!!

Oh yes, and mail co-workers = you've slept with them. With as many people that are supposed to be having sex in America, how does anything get done?

Badr and I have had the "daughter" conversation before. I just dropped it and realized that his views might change after he's experienced America first.

seriously? i can see (but dont agree with) not wanting ur wife to have male friends but co-workers? how does one even control that? ha i would LOVE it if my husband gave me a hard time about that - oh well sorry honey, you bring home the turkey bacon!

No one can control it unless I become a nun. I just let him bark because I know he won't bite.

[polarbear 0]

Do all of your SO's consider "dating" as having sex? I don't consider dating that at all. My argument with Hicham is that how in the world would our son or daughter be able to make such a life changing decision about spending the rest of their life with someone without getting to know them first.

Not sure what Wadi's definition of dating would be...but generally speaking, I think that's probably what most think. Boys are for friendship not girls, so why would you want to hang around a girl if you weren't sleeping with her? I could be totally off-base here, but...

Yup... to my husband, dating=boyfriend & boyfriend=sex

He is already protective of me, who he trusts (and actually by extension my best friend, who he regards as a sister) so I know how he will be with any daughters we might have... scarry thought