Dealing with SO's opinions about future children

[♥JP♥ 5]

Its not unreasonable to expect your daughter not to date in the US. There are many families that have been successful in accomplishing this and the girls don't feel one bit of resentment towards it at all.

You don't need to move to the Middle East to accomplish this But let me remind you his bark is bigger than his bite.

I just wanted to add...I bought a cute lil bikini for Taleen last week. My husband damn near had a heart attack. I had to gently remind him she was a BABY. Men just arent used to this stuff. LOL Now he loves it and bought one for her himself the other day.

Edited May 15, 2008 by ♥JP♥

[allousa 1]

This is my situation though, I have made a personal decision that I do not want to get pregnant after I turn 40. I'm 37 now. So the "window of opportunity" is small if you know what I mean. In that way, I feel like this does have an effect on our immediate future.

Hicham was in the U.S. for 6 years before he got stuck in Morocco, so he knows the culture and everything. He chose to come back to it as well. So, I honestly don't know if he will loosen up.

Even if we don't resolve it immediately, I know that I'm going to be thinking about it alot and will build alot of resentment towards him about this. I just see this as such hypocritical and unfair behavior. It really disturbs me, too, because I've never seen this side of him before.

I am TOTALLY appreciating everyone's input by the way.

I am SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to not be debating someone's "Algerian-ness".

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Sounds like over those years apart he has changed alot, or maybe now its just the readjusting back to this life...all dads here or there KNOW how guys are and what can you say he dont want his daughter subject to this. Maybe he will lighten up if the time comes maybe not. To place these (different) restrictions on a child here with the everyday normal routine life i think will cause them to rebel somewhere along the line. Maybe when the time comes he can see that dateing and friends doesnt always mean sex and the things he doesnt want into her life. Remind him of when u first met and how your a good person ( )

[RAKASA 0]

Its not unreasonable to expect your daughter not to date in the US. There are many families that have been successful in accomplishing this and the girls don't feel one bit of resentment towards it at all.

You don't need to move to the Middle East to accomplish this But let me remind you his bark is bigger than his bite.

I just wanted to add...I bought a cute lil bikini for Taleen last week. My husband damn near had a heart attack. I had to gently remind him she was a BABY. Men just arent used to this stuff. LOL Now he loves it and bought one for her himself the other day.

At first reading I thought that said "He bought one for himself the other day."

Edited May 15, 2008 by ME~n~HIM

[♥JP♥ 5]

This is my situation though, I have made a personal decision that I do not want to get pregnant after I turn 40. I'm 37 now. So the "window of opportunity" is small if you know what I mean. In that way, I feel like this does have an effect on our immediate future.

Hicham was in the U.S. for 6 years before he got stuck in Morocco, so he knows the culture and everything. He chose to come back to it as well. So, I honestly don't know if he will loosen up.

Even if we don't resolve it immediately, I know that I'm going to be thinking about it alot and will build alot of resentment towards him about this. I just see this as such hypocritical and unfair behavior. It really disturbs me, too, because I've never seen this side of him before.

I am TOTALLY appreciating everyone's input by the way.

I am SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to not be debating someone's "Algerian-ness".

Its not about how long he is in the country, its more so how long he has the daughter. It comes in steps. First she will want lip gloss, then tight jeans, then wants her hair done. It all comes in steps and as he sees others with girls in the same age doing similar things, he WILL loosen up. Trust me, I grew up this way. So did all of my cousins.

My husbands cousin is probebly one of the most conservative Jordanians you will ever meet. SOOOO strict, he even wanted to move back home to Jordan a couple of years ago. I just took his 16 year old daughter shopping for a Prom dress last weekend, he takes all the change in stages like most parents do.

[allousa 1]

JP - I don't doubt that there have been people that have successfully raised their kids not to date until marriage. But did they go to public school? Did they watch TV? I'm just saying, how can we as parents expect to enforce a no-dating rule when it will be all around her and ESPECIALLY if her brother is doing it.

I am in total agreement about teaching our children good moral values and the importance of respecting themselves and their bodies for marriage. But I also have known MANY people that were raised in VERY STRICT religious backgrounds (not Muslim), whose parents tried to enforce similar restrictions and it backfired big time.

This is my situation though, I have made a personal decision that I do not want to get pregnant after I turn 40. I'm 37 now. So the "window of opportunity" is small if you know what I mean. In that way, I feel like this does have an effect on our immediate future.

Hicham was in the U.S. for 6 years before he got stuck in Morocco, so he knows the culture and everything. He chose to come back to it as well. So, I honestly don't know if he will loosen up.

Even if we don't resolve it immediately, I know that I'm going to be thinking about it alot and will build alot of resentment towards him about this. I just see this as such hypocritical and unfair behavior. It really disturbs me, too, because I've never seen this side of him before.

I am TOTALLY appreciating everyone's input by the way.

I am SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to not be debating someone's "Algerian-ness".

Its not about how long he is in the country, its more so how long he has the daughter. It comes in steps. First she will want lip gloss, then tight jeans, then wants her hair done. It all comes in steps and as he sees others with girls in the same age doing similar things, he WILL loosen up. Trust me, I grew up this way. So did all of my cousins.

My husbands cousin is probebly one of the most conservative Jordanians you will ever meet. SOOOO strict, he even wanted to move back home to Jordan a couple of years ago. I just took his 16 year old daughter shopping for a Prom dress last weekend, he takes all the change in stages like most parents do.

Wow.....

You are giving me some hope.

I am just afraid to make that gamble with my children's lives though. So afraid that he won't change. You know?

[♥JP♥ 5]

JP - I don't doubt that there have been people that have successfully raised their kids not to date until marriage. But did they go to public school? Did they watch TV? I'm just saying, how can we as parents expect to enforce a no-dating rule when it will be all around her and ESPECIALLY if her brother is doing it.

I am in total agreement about teaching our children good moral values and the importance of respecting themselves and their bodies for marriage. But I also have known MANY people that were raised in VERY STRICT religious backgrounds (not Muslim), whose parents tried to enforce similar restrictions and it backfired big time.

Yes as a matter of fact they DID go and DO go to public school and watch TV. Sure it can backfire but I think that all comes down to the way you approach it.

Do I agree wiht it? NOPE. But I knew this would be my husbands viewpoint before we even got married. But like all the generations of arabs around me that have loosened up over time, I figure he will too.

Its not uncommon at all for MENA men to feel this way.

[♥JP♥ 5]

JP - I don't doubt that there have been people that have successfully raised their kids not to date until marriage. But did they go to public school? Did they watch TV? I'm just saying, how can we as parents expect to enforce a no-dating rule when it will be all around her and ESPECIALLY if her brother is doing it.

I am in total agreement about teaching our children good moral values and the importance of respecting themselves and their bodies for marriage. But I also have known MANY people that were raised in VERY STRICT religious backgrounds (not Muslim), whose parents tried to enforce similar restrictions and it backfired big time.

This is my situation though, I have made a personal decision that I do not want to get pregnant after I turn 40. I'm 37 now. So the "window of opportunity" is small if you know what I mean. In that way, I feel like this does have an effect on our immediate future.

Hicham was in the U.S. for 6 years before he got stuck in Morocco, so he knows the culture and everything. He chose to come back to it as well. So, I honestly don't know if he will loosen up.

Even if we don't resolve it immediately, I know that I'm going to be thinking about it alot and will build alot of resentment towards him about this. I just see this as such hypocritical and unfair behavior. It really disturbs me, too, because I've never seen this side of him before.

I am TOTALLY appreciating everyone's input by the way.

I am SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to not be debating someone's "Algerian-ness".

Its not about how long he is in the country, its more so how long he has the daughter. It comes in steps. First she will want lip gloss, then tight jeans, then wants her hair done. It all comes in steps and as he sees others with girls in the same age doing similar things, he WILL loosen up. Trust me, I grew up this way. So did all of my cousins.

My husbands cousin is probebly one of the most conservative Jordanians you will ever meet. SOOOO strict, he even wanted to move back home to Jordan a couple of years ago. I just took his 16 year old daughter shopping for a Prom dress last weekend, he takes all the change in stages like most parents do.

Wow.....

You are giving me some hope.

I am just afraid to make that gamble with my children's lives though. So afraid that he won't change. You know?

There is a ton of hope....My dad has the same exact stance. No dating and I did date when I got older as do MANY arab girls I know. My hubsand is just now starting to get used to all the pink stuff I'm buying. I'm sure as she grows and the dress up clothes come, make up, talking on the phone, going to the mall, etc. He will accept it in stages, but to make him accept now, that his soon to be born daughter is gonna date...he will surely keel over. He had a hard enough time with the infant bikini.

[Jenn! 918]

I think it's also a battle between how he thinks he's *supposed* to feel about it, and how he really does feel about it. I just have a really hard time believing that he can't see the hypocrisy if he were to be completely honest about it.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I think it's also a battle between how he thinks he's *supposed* to feel about it, and how he really does feel about it. I just have a really hard time believing that he can't see the hypocrisy if he were to be completely honest about it.

Really? I think most of guys don't see the hypocrisy in it because they are just raised with a ton of double standards. So its normal to them.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

My dad is a catholic hillbilly and i wasnt allowed to date

[allousa 1]

Sounds like over those years apart he has changed alot, or maybe now its just the readjusting back to this life...all dads here or there KNOW how guys are and what can you say he dont want his daughter subject to this. Maybe he will lighten up if the time comes maybe not. To place these (different) restrictions on a child here with the everyday normal routine life i think will cause them to rebel somewhere along the line. Maybe when the time comes he can see that dateing and friends doesnt always mean sex and the things he doesnt want into her life. Remind him of when u first met and how your a good person ( )

I am going to make sure that he understands this.

Do all of your SO's consider "dating" as having sex? I don't consider dating that at all. My argument with Hicham is that how in the world would our son or daughter be able to make such a life changing decision about spending the rest of their life with someone without getting to know them first.

I definitely didn't sign on the dotted line about our children having arranged marriages!

[Jenn! 918]

I think it's also a battle between how he thinks he's *supposed* to feel about it, and how he really does feel about it. I just have a really hard time believing that he can't see the hypocrisy if he were to be completely honest about it.

Really? I think most of guys don't see the hypocrisy in it because they are just raised with a ton of double standards. So its normal to them.

I know you're probably right. It just blows my mind.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Sounds like over those years apart he has changed alot, or maybe now its just the readjusting back to this life...all dads here or there KNOW how guys are and what can you say he dont want his daughter subject to this. Maybe he will lighten up if the time comes maybe not. To place these (different) restrictions on a child here with the everyday normal routine life i think will cause them to rebel somewhere along the line. Maybe when the time comes he can see that dateing and friends doesnt always mean sex and the things he doesnt want into her life. Remind him of when u first met and how your a good person ( )

I am going to make sure that he understands this.

Do all of your SO's consider "dating" as having sex? I don't consider dating that at all. My argument with Hicham is that how in the world would our son or daughter be able to make such a life changing decision about spending the rest of their life with someone without getting to know them first.

I definitely didn't sign on the dotted line about our children having arranged marriages!

That arguement will backfire on you because he will say the exact opposite!

This reminds me of when I was a senior in high school. I was gonna go to my prom. Got my dress, had a date. The whole 9 yards. Thennnnnnnn the episode of 90210 where Brenda went to the prom with Dylan and they ended up having sex for the first time in a hotel room came on about a week before. I wasn't allowed to go to the prom after that! Makes me laugh now.

I think it's also a battle between how he thinks he's *supposed* to feel about it, and how he really does feel about it. I just have a really hard time believing that he can't see the hypocrisy if he were to be completely honest about it.

Really? I think most of guys don't see the hypocrisy in it because they are just raised with a ton of double standards. So its normal to them.

I know you're probably right. It just blows my mind.

Blows my mind too actually!

[Jenn! 918]

Do all of your SO's consider "dating" as having sex? I don't consider dating that at all. My argument with Hicham is that how in the world would our son or daughter be able to make such a life changing decision about spending the rest of their life with someone without getting to know them first.

Not sure what Wadi's definition of dating would be...but generally speaking, I think that's probably what most think. Boys are for friendship not girls, so why would you want to hang around a girl if you weren't sleeping with her? I could be totally off-base here, but...