This really pisses me off...sigh....?

[KiKi 0]

A woman needn't give up her entire existence to be a good Mother.

I stayed home for a few years with my first son, 8 months with my second, and with this baby, I will probably return to work after 3 months, not because I don't like my kids, but because I need to work and KNOW that that has no bearing on how good of a Mother I am.

Edited February 9, 2006 by KiKi

[Fischkoepfin 1]

As I already indicated, my mom went back to work shortly after I was born and she did the same thing after each of my sibblings' birth. She loves her job and had to work hard to get where she is, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love us. I would have felt really bad if she had given up her job to stay home.

And while I do respect women who choose to stay at home, I don't think it is necessarily the best choice for the child, esp if the mother tends to cling to her children too much because they are all she has in her life. Having children means not only to be there for them but also to enable them to deal with their own lives, and not being around them all the time is a good start.

[Traviesa 0]

To me, for someone to say "I can be just as good a mother if I go back to work" would be like me telling my boss I'm only going to come in to work 66% of the time, but don't worry, I will be just as good an employee. It can't happen. Just like I need to be there to get my job done, a mom needs to be there to see to the raising of the children. Sure, I could teach my coworker how to do my job, but then it's his work, not mine. I think that moms who go to work can be "ok" or even "good" but to say they're just as good a mom as someone who stays home is again like saying a glass that is 66% full is full. It's not.

[joej 0]

Ok so since we are on the who stays at home thing I thought I would tell what works well for us. My husband has 2 week days off, I have weekends off and thus my sun gets to stay at home 4 days a week. Hubby goes to work around noon and I get off around 4 so for the other 3 days, his outside supervision is minimal. This is a great schedule for us since working from home (house parenting) is not an option. Needless to say we do not get too much time together, but cherish what we do have. I still wish I could have been a house parent a little longer than 3 months though.

Sorry I cant edit and cant find spell check anymore. lol. I meant to say "son"

[Traviesa 0]

I tried to edit but wasn't allowed. What I wanted to add was that I understand some people have no choice but to work. For them, they have to make that sacrifice in order to provide for the family. But it is just that-a sacrifice. My mom was an example of this. And she sacrificed raising me so we could have food.

[KiKi 0]

So I am a sub par 66% mother? Thingk again. I hope your Javier is able to support you completely financially so that you may stay home with your children someday Missliss. IF not you too mau\y find yourself being a less than 100% Mom.

[Traviesa 0]

So I am a sub par 66% mother? Thingk again. I hope your Javier is able to support you completely financially so that you may stay home with your children someday Missliss. IF not you too mau\y find yourself being a less than 100% Mom.

Well, like I said, if that happens that's a sacrifice I'll have to make. Bottom line: regardless of what anyone believes, if you or I or anyone needs/wants to go back to work following the birth of a child, then we won't be the first or the last, and more than likely the children will turn out just fine. I did. BUT, we have to come to a decision for ourselves how much is good enough?

[Fischkoepfin 1]

To me, for someone to say "I can be just as good a mother if I go back to work" would be like me telling my boss I'm only going to come in to work 66% of the time, but don't worry, I will be just as good an employee. It can't happen. Just like I need to be there to get my job done, a mom needs to be there to see to the raising of the children. Sure, I could teach my coworker how to do my job, but then it's his work, not mine. I think that moms who go to work can be "ok" or even "good" but to say they're just as good a mom as someone who stays home is again like saying a glass that is 66% full is full. It's not.

Believe me, my mom would have been a horrible mom if she had stayed at home and she would have hated us for having to give up her job which would have made things worse. Also, despite the fact that she worked full-time, she spent more quality time with us than many of my friends' stay-at-home moms.

I think it's cool that you want to stay at home, but to insinuate that that's the right choice for everyone is taking things a little too far. Spending a lot of time with your kids is a good idea, but it's not impossible when you have a job. There is absolutely no reason to assume that children who are not watched 24/7 by their parents are somehow less loved than those who never get to enjoy time by themselves. And even young children profit from having to deal with their thoughts and impressions for a while without some adult pretending they need to be their for the entertainment of their children.

Edit: Going back to work is not always about sacrifice, but also about self-realization. There are women who do not go through years of education just to become mothers, but because they want to succeed in their career. Noone blames a man for not spending enough time with his kids, but don't kids need their dad as much as their mom??

Edited February 9, 2006 by Fischkoepfin

[KiKi 0]

I work in Social Services and let me tell you, there are plenty of "Stay Home" Moms who don't work, live off the system etc who are 1000 times worse parents than a hard working Mother.

Do not equate simply "being there" with being a quality parent because it just isn't true.

Sweden has the highest number of women/mothers in the workforce and their standard of living is a hell of alot better than the U.S.

[Traviesa 0]

I work in Social Services and let me tell you, there are plenty of "Stay Home" Moms who don't work, live off the system etc who are 1000 times worse parents than a hard working Mother.

Do not equate simply "being there" with being a quality parent because it just isn't true.

Sweden has the highest number of women/mothers in the workforce and their standard of living is a hell of alot better than the U.S.

Oh, that's definitely true! There is certainly more than one way to not take the parenting obligation responsibly. Example: a rich housewife turned mom who hires a nanny.

To add to that, does anyone watch Super Nanny or Nanny 911? I would say in about 95% of those cases, the mom is a stay at home mom. I remember one episode semi-recently where the mom sat her boys in front of the TV all day every day so she could do some housework here and there, get on the Internet whenever she desired, she "didn't have time" to interact with the boys, despite her staying home all day!

[Peggy 1]

My mom was a stay at home mom. I am thankful that she was, but that was something they talked about before having kids. Plus that was her generation, most wife's did stay home. Things are different in the our generation. Women are more independent. Alot of women today dont want to have to rely on a man for everything. Dont you think thats a good thing?

My dad worked full time, and I had plenty of quality time with him. We always did things as a family. So whats the difference if a man works while his children are home. Are people saying that he cant be a great dad becasue he is not a stay at home dad? No matter if a mom works or not, doesnt mean she cant be a great mother.

I went to work when my oldest son was 1. After I had my second son, I went back to work when he was 6 months.

[TracyTN 237]

And while I do respect women who choose to stay at home, I don't think it is necessarily the best choice for the child, esp if the mother tends to cling to her children too much because they are all she has in her life. Having children means not only to be there for them but also to enable them to deal with their own lives, and not being around them all the time is a good start.

Are men exempt from staying home to parent?

[ChristinaM 0]

Another big thing is that it has actually been shown (and twisted wildly and misrepresented in the media over the last 30 years) that it's good for a child to spend some time in good-quality daycare. It allows kids to interact better through the gradual process of socialisation and to begin to find their own feet, and the stimulating environment actually aids intellectual development. This does of course assume the caveat of "good-quality" daycare being available and affordable - easier said than done.

To say that someone is a "better" parent because they stay home rather than go to work is unfair. They're just different approaches - and does it matter which is "better", as long as we all individually have the choice which is the right decision to us and the freedom to make it. The spectrum is broad, and there are lousy stay-at-home mothers and fantastic working mothers.

If women got together and campaigned for better quality daycare at more affordable prices, maybe more people would feel happier to leave their kids and go back to work and it wouldn't in anyway harm the women who stay home because they choose to. Unfortunately, the media has created the "Mommy Wars", pitting working vs. stay-at-home, the "haves" vs. the "have-nots", and maternity rights and decent childcare at a sensible price have gone by the wayside because of the in-fighting.

[pax 0]

To me, for someone to say "I can be just as good a mother if I go back to work" would be like me telling my boss I'm only going to come in to work 66% of the time, but don't worry, I will be just as good an employee. It can't happen. Just like I need to be there to get my job done, a mom needs to be there to see to the raising of the children. Sure, I could teach my coworker how to do my job, but then it's his work, not mine. I think that moms who go to work can be "ok" or even "good" but to say they're just as good a mom as someone who stays home is again like saying a glass that is 66% full is full. It's not.

MissLiss, that's a really harsh thing to say. There are far too many parenting arrangements out there that are effective, responsible, and loving to say that the children of mothers who work outside the home are only getting "66%" parented.

As Fisch said, there's also something to be said for giving children--obviously not very young children, but older children and teenagers--a gradual, age-appropriate recognition that a mother's job is not to be the slave of her children.

[Fischkoepfin 1]

And while I do respect women who choose to stay at home, I don't think it is necessarily the best choice for the child, esp if the mother tends to cling to her children too much because they are all she has in her life. Having children means not only to be there for them but also to enable them to deal with their own lives, and not being around them all the time is a good start.

Are men exempt from staying home to parent?

No way! That was my question in my follow-up post. What about fathers? I'm all in favor of stay-at-home dads, but don't think that it is necessary for either parent to stay at home...