Am I the only one,

[rebeccajo 14]

Rocketta, have your sisters ever talked to him on the phone or e-mailed?

no, just my mother. They refuse to have anything to do with him. Having said that, if he was here I think they would talk to him.

My family wasn't interested in speaking to Wes on the phone either.

What I did actually hear (since we met on the internet) was a fear from family that he was dangerous or would hurt me physically in some way. I also had questions as to whether or not we knew each other well enough.

tangling with becca would be akin to picking a fight with a grizzly bear........

....only if you pi$$ me off.

Otherwise I'm sweet as pie.

...meow.........

[sara..... 371]

I don't think anyone ever said to me that he was using me for a GC, but a co-worker or two at the time we were going through the visa process did try to tell me that he will treat me badly because "you know how they are in India. He'll make you wait on him hand and foot".

My family wasn't too concerned when I went to meet Sujeet because my dad came with me. They had talked to him on the phone several times before that. I sometimes wonder if I am the only one on VJ who didn't go alone to meet their SO. Neither my family nor Sujeet wanted me to travel to India alone, I didn't want to go alone either! I know I am blessed that my parents were so trusting of me. My dad felt like if I felt the way I did about Sujeet, it must be something real and he'd go with me to meet him.

my mom went both times with me to India but its normal for us cuz of culture and religion.......lol my family is more worried about him than they are me.......he is pretty laid back and i am always full of energy and because it took me a long time to get permission to put my profile on the marraige site my family has been with me every step of the way so they really like him allot with any complaints or worries about me......only thing my mom told but of is she is not going to baby sit our kids cuz both of the parents are hard headed so God help the children lol but i know she will never be able to keep away she is excited about becoming a grandmother again when it happens for us.........

[Onlythistosay 0]

as well? It's really getting old. Let's say it's true, so what. Isn't it as much my right to marry a shallow man from another country as it is to marry one here? Why is it ok to marry for money or looks but not citizenship if both parties are ok with it? Let me clarify though, that is not the case for my relationship but if it was so da #### what.

absolutelY.. 100% agree. how will u ever know anYwaY .. unlesS u DO it .? i love these other replYs .. hilarious. good luck to everYone.

[Elphie 0]

I've gotten some negativity about it with insensitive remarks. My family asked the nasty question about "How do you know he isnt marrying you for the visa?" stuff but I know they were mostly asking out of worry about it for me and they never pressed the issue. With everyone else, I just ignore them.

[polarbear 0]

I met my husband in person while living in Europe, and my parents met him before we had even considered marriage. They loved him and thought he treated me wonderfully.... But that was when he was a boyfriend

I still got this alot Everything changed when we both had to leave bc of visa isues and return to our respective countries. The first thing my mom did when I told her I was going to marry him is send me some online print outs about divorce in Islam and the movie "Not without my Daughter" I wasn't on speaking terms with my mother after he got his visa. I convinced them to come to my wedding and see him again, and things got worse now she is on an anti-Islam kick bc of some stupid bs a wedding guest said to her They like him now and are positive, but she is constantly bashing my choices and everytime I point out that something steriotypical she is saying does not apply to my husband, she agrees - but stands by her statements as what he will develope into if he stays muslim. She pretty much says if we pass the year mark we will probably stay together, but it takes that long for someone to show their true colors Apparently he is still just playing nice until he becomes a male pig when he gets his 10 year green card

Sorry for the rant and thanks for listenting (my mom and I got into it again last night)

[sara..... 371]

I met my husband in person while living in Europe, and my parents met him before we had even considered marriage. They loved him and thought he treated me wonderfully.... But that was when he was a boyfriend

I still got this alot Everything changed when we both had to leave bc of visa isues and return to our respective countries. The first thing my mom did when I told her I was going to marry him is send me some online print outs about divorce in Islam and the movie "Not without my Daughter" I wasn't on speaking terms with my mother after he got his visa. I convinced them to come to my wedding and see him again, and things got worse now she is on an anti-Islam kick bc of some stupid bs a wedding guest said to her They like him now and are positive, but she is constantly bashing my choices and everytime I point out that something steriotypical she is saying does not apply to my husband, she agrees - but stands by her statements as what he will develope into if he stays muslim. She pretty much says if we pass the year mark we will probably stay together, but it takes that long for someone to show their true colors Apparently he is still just playing nice until he becomes a male pig when he gets his 10 year green card

Sorry for the rant and thanks for listenting (my mom and I got into it again last night)

Im so sorry this is happening to u.........i will say lots of prayers for u and ur family............

[Nasturtium 500]

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

My family never suggested it, although there was a lot of anti-arab statements made. I had some aquaintences who said a lot of things like this, or that he would take another wife or was already married, etc. It didn't matter that we met at work like normal people. Someone suggested he took that univeristy job in order to meet someone so he could get a greencard I was NOT the appropriate green-card-catch, so I always just blew it off.

[Nasturtium 500]

What I did actually hear (since we met on the internet) was a fear from family that he was dangerous or would hurt me physically in some way. I also had questions as to whether or not we knew each other well enough.

I heard this and we met at work on the same archaeological excavation. He was one step below PI At any rate, my favorite attempt at a jab was someone telling me that he was bound to "kidnap me and our children and that we would have to relocate with him whenever he got a new job or if he let me get a new job, and that we would be forced to stay together in the same house as a family." I was like, hmmm, isn't that kind of called moving? And being married? Yeah, I'm OK with that. I'm hoping he won't move without me or the kids.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Looking at the responses in this thread, I see two common themes:

1. Most of the individuals who've dealt with these issues are women.

2. These instances have arisen in couples where one member is usually from a nation in Africa, the Middle East, Asia, or Eastern Europe. In other words, places that most Americans don't generally consider to be on an "equal playing field" with the United States.

Why I think both of those points are important is because there's a fairly common conception about women of all ages being misled or taken advantage of through the Internet. While can -- and does -- occur to men too, the idea is that this happens to women more often, whether or not this is necessarily true. Because of this, friends and family will be more likely to "warn" a female when getting into a relationship with someone outside of their "comfort zone" which includes a foreign country. They're probably not acting that way to be mean or cruel, but merely thinking they're helping.

As for why the actual country makes a difference, there are many preconceived notions about "non-Westernized nations" in the United States. Notice I put that word in quotation marks, since there quite a few countries in the areas I mentioned that have become very Western, but people tend to believe what they see on television and in movies more than factual information. So if your significant other is coming from a troubled region, such as the Middle East, the first thought that will probably pop into an uninformed American's head is something along the lines of: "That person is using you to get away from their war-torn society and live it up good over here!"

Maybe they're right and maybe they're not. Whatever the case, I haven't heard or seen anyone claim my spouse is looking for a green card, but then again, I'm male and she's from Canada. So perhaps my theory fits or it could simply be coincidence. Who knows?

[Jenn! 918]

Looking at the responses in this thread, I see two common themes:

1. Most of the individuals who've dealt with these issues are women.

2. These instances have arisen in couples where one member is usually from a nation in Africa, the Middle East, Asia, or Eastern Europe. In other words, places that most Americans don't generally consider to be on an "equal playing field" with the United States.

Why I think both of those points are important is because there's a fairly common conception about women of all ages being misled or taken advantage of through the Internet. While can -- and does -- occur to men too, the idea is that this happens to women more often, whether or not this is necessarily true. Because of this, friends and family will be more likely to "warn" a female when getting into a relationship with someone outside of their "comfort zone" which includes a foreign country. They're probably not acting that way to be mean or cruel, but merely thinking they're helping.

As for why the actual country makes a difference, there are many preconceived notions about "non-Westernized nations" in the United States. Notice I put that word in quotation marks, since there quite a few countries in the areas I mentioned that have become very Western, but people tend to believe what they see on television and in movies more than factual information. So if your significant other is coming from a troubled region, such as the Middle East, the first thought that will probably pop into an uninformed American's head is something along the lines of: "That person is using you to get away from their war-torn society and live it up good over here!"

Maybe they're right and maybe they're not. Whatever the case, I haven't heard or seen anyone claim my spouse is looking for a green card, but then again, I'm male and she's from Canada. So perhaps my theory fits or it could simply be coincidence. Who knows?

Sounds about right.

I'd also add that I think looks have something to do with people's reactions as well, though that may sound harsh. People make snap judgments all the time and if a couple looks "odd", people look for ulterior motives. Happens with couples all the time, not just international ones.

[Imua 0]

Looking at the responses in this thread, I see two common themes:

1. Most of the individuals who've dealt with these issues are women.

2. These instances have arisen in couples where one member is usually from a nation in Africa, the Middle East, Asia, or Eastern Europe. In other words, places that most Americans don't generally consider to be on an "equal playing field" with the United States.

Why I think both of those points are important is because there's a fairly common conception about women of all ages being misled or taken advantage of through the Internet. While can -- and does -- occur to men too, the idea is that this happens to women more often, whether or not this is necessarily true. Because of this, friends and family will be more likely to "warn" a female when getting into a relationship with someone outside of their "comfort zone" which includes a foreign country. They're probably not acting that way to be mean or cruel, but merely thinking they're helping.

As for why the actual country makes a difference, there are many preconceived notions about "non-Westernized nations" in the United States. Notice I put that word in quotation marks, since there quite a few countries in the areas I mentioned that have become very Western, but people tend to believe what they see on television and in movies more than factual information. So if your significant other is coming from a troubled region, such as the Middle East, the first thought that will probably pop into an uninformed American's head is something along the lines of: "That person is using you to get away from their war-torn society and live it up good over here!"

Maybe they're right and maybe they're not. Whatever the case, I haven't heard or seen anyone claim my spouse is looking for a green card, but then again, I'm male and she's from Canada. So perhaps my theory fits or it could simply be coincidence. Who knows?

I think you are right and the male counterpart would be if his SO came from Russia, the Philippines, Thailand, etc. - given that there have been some cases of fraud where the male USC was taken for a ride by the foreign spouse I wonder if they get these warnings too?

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Looking at the responses in this thread, I see two common themes:

1. Most of the individuals who've dealt with these issues are women.

2. These instances have arisen in couples where one member is usually from a nation in Africa, the Middle East, Asia, or Eastern Europe. In other words, places that most Americans don't generally consider to be on an "equal playing field" with the United States.

Why I think both of those points are important is because there's a fairly common conception about women of all ages being misled or taken advantage of through the Internet. While can -- and does -- occur to men too, the idea is that this happens to women more often, whether or not this is necessarily true. Because of this, friends and family will be more likely to "warn" a female when getting into a relationship with someone outside of their "comfort zone" which includes a foreign country. They're probably not acting that way to be mean or cruel, but merely thinking they're helping.

As for why the actual country makes a difference, there are many preconceived notions about "non-Westernized nations" in the United States. Notice I put that word in quotation marks, since there quite a few countries in the areas I mentioned that have become very Western, but people tend to believe what they see on television and in movies more than factual information. So if your significant other is coming from a troubled region, such as the Middle East, the first thought that will probably pop into an uninformed American's head is something along the lines of: "That person is using you to get away from their war-torn society and live it up good over here!"

Maybe they're right and maybe they're not. Whatever the case, I haven't heard or seen anyone claim my spouse is looking for a green card, but then again, I'm male and she's from Canada. So perhaps my theory fits or it could simply be coincidence. Who knows?

i think most of this assessment is correct. i do think though, that women catch more flack than men for many reasons, not just the internet thing.

in general, it is more acceptable for a woman to marry a man for status gains, than if a man does the same thing. if a man is percieved to have married for the same reason it is considered very taboo. since these people we are discussing generally pass superficial judgement upon the relationship, and they think the american is being used for their green card (status)...if the american is a woman, it is going one step further out of the accepted norms.

also, i think that women catch more flack in general when choosing a spouse or even boyfriend for that matter. i mean just think about the different perceptions and reactions a parent has when their daughter goes on her first date as compared to when their son goes on his first date. girls are generally protected by their parents more than boys are.

lastly, if a woman chooses to marry a younger man who is considered to be 'more attractive' than her, this is a huge scandal, whereas when a man marries a younger woman who is considered to be 'more attractive' than him, its pretty commonplace.

i dont know if that made sense to anyone else, but thats my two cents.

[Nasturtium 500]

I'd also add that I think looks have something to do with people's reactions as well, though that may sound harsh. People make snap judgments all the time and if a couple looks "odd", people look for ulterior motives. Happens with couples all the time, not just international ones.

It does-- and often it's a matter of just replacing "money" or some other item or desirable with "greencard." If you see a young arab guy and an older american woman and they are petitioning for a visa, automatic response by many is Greencard! If you see an older American woman and a younger American guy, most people think "She has to have money!" or something else.

I did enjoy sending BACK an aquaintence a "Not without my daughter" film, urging her to watch it and reconsider her marriage to a MAN when she got married. heehee. She was also the one who had suggested that since he was a little boy, Ammar had planned on going to college for Sociology then switching to Anthropology as part of an elaborate plan to ensnare another fellow bioarchaeologist. That means he has incredible planning skillz and the ability to tell the future which is sweet. Bet we could make a business out of it. Move over Madame Cleo!

[Nagishkaw 510]

I bet we could, Julianna

[Nasturtium 500]

I bet we could, Julianna

Sweet! Do we need to have fake accents?