Am I the only one,

[Jenn! 918]

I think almost everyone hears that from at least one person at some point.

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I think almost everyone hears that from at least one person at some point.

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

[AlHayatZween 2]

I had one friend (notice that I said "had")

Oh yes... i'm well familiar with this....

One of the hardest things about this whole process is how it has really revealed the true colors of many people around me... my family, friends, and now x-friends included. Sometimes i get hit on all sides, not just with the green card thing, but with terrible racist, discriminatory, ignorant judgements from people you'd never suspect... so-called educated, liberal, and openminded people. It has been a long and terrible road.

i was fighting about it a lot before, but things have calmed down a bit by now. i've distanced myself from a lot of people, unfortunately, and i have learned to be not so forthright with my business. i don't know if this is the best solution, but i'm really tired... of unsolicited advice and opinions from people who couldn't even BEGIN to imagine what we've been going through.

Sorry... what a bummer post!

Didn't mean to be so negative... it just touches a raw nerve...

Don't listen to anyone else!

hz

[Tunisia216 2]

I think we all do get or have gotten that at some point in time..

I usually just say.. WHAT? No way, he's using me for my good looks and all of my money!! lol

People need to ####### off and mind their own business. Look at my situation - We've known each other 3 years, a year talking online, 1 year visiting, get married and another year waiting for a visa - You know for someone that wanted a green card, he's a real patient man - He could have married any other woman from another country or even this one and gotten it faster- But he waited for me, all that time, 3 years, so I guess what I'm saying is ..

We each know the true answer inside of our own hearts and on one else can see inside of you - so screw those people, may they live miserable and awful lives with their bitterness to keep them warm at night

.. And for the MENA girls, they're just jealous because we have such hotties

Edited May 5, 2008 by Ash * Habibati

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

I think almost everyone hears that from at least one person at some point.

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

I have had only one acquaintance who said this to me. I didn't even know how to react, and couldn't believe that these words were coming out of her mouth.

There is a jerk that I work with who has 'joked' about it several times though. He means nothing to me, and I don't even consider his opinion worth listening to. Anyone who has the balls to say something like that about a person they have never even met is an a$$hole, and not worth my breathe.

If my family ever said something like this to me, I would be beyond furious. Needless to say, my family nor actual friends have never said anything like this.

[*JG* 2]

Time will tell.......Ignore them and live your life. Being happily married is your best revenge.

[Rocketta 0]

Oh yes... i'm well familiar with this....

One of the hardest things about this whole process is how it has really revealed the true colors of many people around me... my family, friends, and now x-friends included. Sometimes i get hit on all sides, not just with the green card thing, but with terrible racist, discriminatory, ignorant judgements from people you'd never suspect... so-called educated, liberal, and openminded people. It has been a long and terrible road.

i was fighting about it a lot before, but things have calmed down a bit by now. i've distanced myself from a lot of people, unfortunately, and i have learned to be not so forthright with my business. i don't know if this is the best solution, but i'm really tired... of unsolicited advice and opinions from people who couldn't even BEGIN to imagine what we've been going through.

Sorry... what a bummer post!

Didn't mean to be so negative... it just touches a raw nerve...

Don't listen to anyone else!

hz

I know what you mean. I've never been so disappointed as I have been in my sisters. I learned a couple of things. One being that although the will do anything to help me they are extremely handicapped emotionally. They don't know what emotional support means. Also, they have a vested interest in me staying in my place, ie being the one sister not married, being the outcast sister. I've never been more insulted than by my sisters.

My one sister actually asked me why was I getting married and I responded because I want to nothing more and nothing less and her response was, "is it because he's the first person to ask?"

I was soooooooooooooooooooooo mad. The only reason I didn't completely go off was because my niece was at the table with us and I didn't want to talk bad about her daddy who she loves dearly. My sister married the first person who asked her and she married him knowing that he was a compulsive cheater. I'm still mad over that thing. My other sister looks me dead in the face and says "90% of international marriages are for green cards only"

and when I pointed out that she pulled that statistic out of her a`s`s, she's like yeah but I've lived on a military base and it's true.

It's just that every time I want to discuss something I don't like about my husband or some choice he made I would love for the first response not to be that he's using me.

Edited May 5, 2008 by Rocketta

[AlHayatZween 2]

Also, they have a vested interest in me staying in my place, ie being the one sister not married, being the outcast sister. I've never been more insulted than by my sisters.

This is so similar to my case. No one ever thought i'd get married. I never thought i'd get married... finding the better half of myself has really upset the order of things. i know so many people (Americans) who are unhappy in their marriages... sometimes i think people just hope that mine too will fail... it's been a very terrible thought to contend with.

Don't listen to anyone... You know what you are doing...

[AlHayatZween 2]

Time will tell.......Ignore them and live your life. Being happily married is your best revenge.

Being happily married, good-looking, and in love!

[Zee Bee 61]

I think almost everyone hears that from at least one person at some point.

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

Same here. I have yet to have my friends/family/coworkers say that my fiance is using me for a greencard. A lot of them are more interested in hearing about how we are dealing with everything and I am teaching them a little about the process.

I don't know how I would react if my family questioned my fiance's intentions. Thank goodness I will never have to find out.

[Imua 0]

I have had three people(two basically strangers) say this to me and yes they don't realize how hurtful it is - they are basically saying that I am as ugly as all the azzholes in grade school said I was and that a green card is all I have to offer, especially since I am getting too old to have children... They do not know Govi and the only basis they have is by looking at me and hearing that he is younger, from Nepal and poor..... Don't they see how hurtful this is?

The third person who said it was my 86-year old grandmother. This was the VERY FIRST thing she said when she found out I had gotten married, and maybe will be the last thing she ever says to me - I have not spoken to her since.

I wish I could think of some snappy comebacks though - we should compile a list and sticky it...

[Caladan 19]

as well? It's really getting old. Let's say it's true, so what. Isn't it as much my right to marry a shallow man from another country as it is to marry one here? Why is it ok to marry for money or looks but not citizenship if both parties are ok with it? Let me clarify though, that is not the case for my relationship but if it was so da #### what.

Well, it is against the law. And it's against the law because of the privileges spouses (or intended spouses) get: automatic greencard number generated, ability to waive criminal histories and other ineligibilities, relatively (compared to other immigrant visas) fast processing, no educational or professional barriers. The government has no interest in letting them immigrate except to the extent that it provides a benefit for a citizen. If that's not there, why would they want your spouse here?

Sisters can be a bit of a pain. One of mine -- and she'd met my husband before he immigrated -- spent quite a lot of time hinting that I wasn't ready to be married. It wasn't a pleasant argument, but from her perspective, she was worried that I was rushing things due to immigration. (We dated three years before we married, so.)

Rocketta, I don't know how you met your fiance, but if you met online, and you're not from Iraq, your sister is probably just worried as anything and can't understand it. It's hard to understand a long-distance relationship if you haven't done it, and the popular perception of 'fiance visa' is still some loser living in his mom's basement finding some impoverished desperate third-world girl half his age who will leave him as soon as she can. I'm not saying she's right to say what she said, but she's not coming from a position that's likely to make her able to see that you actually have a valid relationship. So what's she got? Worry about her sister being taken advantage of by some guy who for all she knows is just desperate to get out of a bad situation. Unless your sisters really are sociopaths, it's probably not that they want you in your place, it's that they don't understand how the hell you can be marrying someone they think you don't know.

Time usually helps with these things.

[rebeccajo 14]

I think almost everyone hears that from at least one person at some point.

Honestly, the only place I've heard that is right here on VJ.

Thank God I don't have any acquaintances who would be so presumptuous and rude and my friends and family know me too well.

Same here. I have yet to have my friends/family/coworkers say that my fiance is using me for a greencard. A lot of them are more interested in hearing about how we are dealing with everything and I am teaching them a little about the process.

I don't know how I would react if my family questioned my fiance's intentions. Thank goodness I will never have to find out.

I don't think I've actually heard it put that way, but it was implied many times in the beginning.

What I did actually hear (since we met on the internet) was a fear from family that he was dangerous or would hurt me physically in some way. I also had questions as to whether or not we knew each other well enough.

[Caladan 19]

"This is the sort of story that ends with you dead under a bear." -- my dad, right before I flew to Canada for the first time (our second meeting.)

[rebeccajo 14]

"This is the sort of story that ends with you dead under a bear." -- my dad, right before I flew to Canada for the first time (our second meeting.)

LOL.

Yeah, exactly.

My mother made me promise to call her after he had landed. Why, I have no idea. She was certain, from her vast experience on the web reading forwarded email, that he was going to cut me up into pieces and leave me strung out across three states.