Wedding-planning blues

[darbyoshea 0]

My fiance and I have decided to go the 2-ceremony route... him getting here ASAP and us having a courthouse affair, then three months later getting married in a church with family and all that. We can't have the big wedding earlier because of difficulty getting vacation time, etc. but I'm totally down about having the wedding be anti-climactic. Any tips on dealing with that? *le sigh*

[*JG* 2]

Welcome to the club. A whole lot of us have been there, done that.

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

I'm feeling that too...but I think that since my "ceremonial" wedding will be significantly later than the courthouse one, I'll have some time to get excited about it...

[Cassie 8]

My fiance and I have decided to go the 2-ceremony route... him getting here ASAP and us having a courthouse affair, then three months later getting married in a church with family and all that. We can't have the big wedding earlier because of difficulty getting vacation time, etc. but I'm totally down about having the wedding be anti-climactic. Any tips on dealing with that? *le sigh*

The wedding is anti-climactic only if you choose to let it be anti-climactic, frankly. Make a conscious choice to see the big church affair as what it truly is -- a celebration of your love together, a celebration of starting a new life together as a married couple, surrounded by lots of people who love you and want to see you have nothing but the best! Oh, and you get to wear the fabulous dress!

Edited May 5, 2008 by Cassie

[melusine 5]

to avoid the courthouse feeling, we decided to go in las vegas to have at least a fun (and probably quite kitsch) experience.

Our fancy wedding will be for our 5 years anniversary... time to plan and to save

Edited May 5, 2008 by melusine

[sam and nic 0]

I don't know why it never occurred to me earlier that loads of us have shared these same feelings. I think I started to freak my fiance out because wedding talk just made me frustrated and sad instead of happy and excited. I had to keep reassuring him that I'm absolutely over the moon about getting married - it's just the planning that's had me so bummed out.

At any rate, I got excited for the first time the other day about our 'ceremony.' The trick, for me, was coming up with an idea that was unique and exciting for both of us - I want us to have a lot of fun at our 'second wedding,' but also have it be something really nice for our family as well. For some reason I felt like I was cheating my mom out of watching me get married, since we will technically already be married. Now that I've gotten over that feeling, I can't wait to get my dress!!!!!!!

[Glen&Teresa 0]

I don't know why it never occurred to me earlier that loads of us have shared these same feelings. I think I started to freak my fiance out because wedding talk just made me frustrated and sad instead of happy and excited. I had to keep reassuring him that I'm absolutely over the moon about getting married - it's just the planning that's had me so bummed out.

At any rate, I got excited for the first time the other day about our 'ceremony.' The trick, for me, was coming up with an idea that was unique and exciting for both of us - I want us to have a lot of fun at our 'second wedding,' but also have it be something really nice for our family as well. For some reason I felt like I was cheating my mom out of watching me get married, since we will technically already be married. Now that I've gotten over that feeling, I can't wait to get my dress!!!!!!!

We are very much in the same boat - The first ceremony is just to keep Uncle Sam happy. The second, church ceremony, for us, is about declaring our love before God and our friends and relatives. At this stage we are planning it for 12 months after the first event - And boy will it be a celebration

[BexandAlan 0]

I've never had the big wedding dream and was quite looking forward to a small affair especially considering that there is likely to be about 3 people on my side of the aisle. Alan has other ideas and wants to do a big wedding so I have put all the planning in his hands and declared that all I was responsible for was the dress (which i have already bought - yey.) Needless to say he still has nothing planned and very little idea of what we are doing -although he has been dragged round a few venues with his mom. I hate the idea of spending $7000+ on a wedding that I have had minimal input in though so I'm quite glad they aren't getting anywhere.

I think he has accepted that its not as easy to do as he thought, I honestly don't think he listened to me about all the difficulties with visa stuff and time line predictions to begin with. We are probably going to do the legal bit shortly after I get there and then we can take a few months to plan the big day together once I'm there. As far as we are concerned the legal bit is just to satisfy the visa requirements and will make it easier for me to settle in by way of getting on with AOS etc... I don't think it will take anything away from our actual wedding ceremony. I know I will feel more comfortable as I wont be meeting just about everyone he knows in one day. You never know I might even have enough time to make some friends of my own to invite along to the wedding. Am not looking forward to getting to the alter, turning around and not recognizing anyone sitting looking back at me, so waiting is a bit of a blessing.

You still have the church ceremony to plan and that is going to be a big adventure. It doesn't have to be a negative that you already have a marriage certificate, you still need to celebrate!!! I can understand where you are coming from but I think you will be able to enjoy your wedding even more. Your SO will definitely be there (big bonus!!) and you will be already be legally married - so no nerves. You can relax and enjoy YOUR day with everyones attention on the both of you. You will know that everything is right because you haven't had to rush. We can definitely still be excited, whether its 3 months away, 12 months away or 5 years away from the legal date you still need to do all the same planning.

I would love to hear about everyones wedding ideas ... What are you going to wear? Colors? Flowers? Are you going to have bridesmaids? What are they going to wear? Where are you having your ceremony/reception? Is it going to be formal or informal? Themes? Have you thought about your first dance? Music to walk down the aisle to? Cut the cake to? Special dance with relatives? Are you having any special ceremonies? Will you have a photographer? videographer? DJ? Band? Oh my ok thats enough but I hope you get my drift. There is so much to think about that although it might seem like you aren't getting your fairytale wedding at first you'll both have so much to keep you busy in the first few months that when the time finally passes you will wonder how you would have ever fit anything more than the courthouse event in anyway.

I hope that you feel a little bit better about hearing everyones thoughts and ideas. We are all pretty much in the same boat but it doesn't have to be a bad boat to be in.

Bex xxx

[rebeccajo 14]

My fiance and I have decided to go the 2-ceremony route... him getting here ASAP and us having a courthouse affair, then three months later getting married in a church with family and all that. We can't have the big wedding earlier because of difficulty getting vacation time, etc. but I'm totally down about having the wedding be anti-climactic. Any tips on dealing with that? *le sigh*

Settle for the small wedding and forget the big thing altogether.

I got a lot of consolation out of thinking about how all the money we saved not having a big to-do-affair could be put to a better practical use.

And I still wore a fabulous dress.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Bex - I can fully understand where you're coming from. I've never had the big wedding dream either and would not want to spend very much money!

We were originally planning to just have a courthouse wedding and leave it at that - no guests. But relatives and friends decided they wanted to come (and presumed they were invited! ) and suddenly our guest list escalated to over 70 people. But I don't want any traditions and I've told people to expect it to be more like a big party with wedding ceremony attached. After the courthouse ideas were scrapped we settled for a back yard bbq wedding, but now with the amount of people expected to come we're thinking we'll have to hire a venue (and maybe caterers too ).

So: No bridesmaids/groomsmen, no best man, no professional photography, no formal dancing (we'll put on a CD of music and if people want to dance they're welcome to, but no special dances) and I've asked speeches be kept to a length of approximately 30 seconds. I'll probably have some flowers for table decorations. I'll make a cake - in fact I'll make several, so everyone can have a big slice. It'll be chocolate cake and we probably won't have a cake cutting ceremony. The fun comes from getting to see friends and relatives and chat to them, anyway!

All that we'll really need to plan is the date and venue, so I'm reckoning that we'll have enough time to do that and we'll just have the one ceremony, not two.

Edited May 5, 2008 by Alex & Rachel

[Jeraly 4]

Seriously - because we knew no better at the time, we planned our wedding only to have to make it a non-legal (no license, no signing certificate) affair. All our families were there - it was lovely and beautiful and perfect and it is the date we will always celebrate our wedding anniversary on.

When I get to the US we will have our legal thing with the license, certificate and all that jazz but it will be low-key as we don't want people to feel like they are missing out on anything - after alll, as far as we are concerned our wedding has already happened.

In terms of cost - our "wedding" was about $4000 or so through a wedding planner so you can have a reasonable wedding ceremony for a low cost

PM me if you have any questions at all - I know how hard it is to try and cater for everything, as I am sure most people here do also

[Alex & Rachel 78]

$4000 for your wedding sounds like a fantastic deal, Jeraly! I loved what you did.

[aravis227 1]

We're there, too. We are going to have the legal ceremony (probably in Vegas because that would be so much fun and we've had a running joke about it for a long time). We're going to pretend we're not married between the legal ceremony and the big, church ceremony. We're making the choice to see it as only a technicality and not our official wedding. We won't consider ourselves really, truly married until the big ceremony.

Plus, look at the bright side...you get two weddings and two anniversaries. We're going to take a long weekend for the civil ceremony and we'll go on a mini-honeymoon. I think after this process we all deserve two honeymoons!

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Here's some thoughts on courthouse wedding then big wedding later and not feeling it is real. I would be a "renewal of vows." Your invitations could substitute that wording for "wedding" or "marriage."

A sample intoduction by the minister. (Stole this into from a church site)

"We gather here today to celebrate the marriage of (name) and (name). We rejoice in your continuing love for each other as you renew your vows. We thank God for the passion and joy which you have known and the strength with which you have been blessed. Today you declare publicly before God, family and friends your special love and reaffirm your lasting commitment as partners in love and life.

You will declare that in spite of the difficulties and hardships of life, that with God's help you will continue to love and be faithful to one another. You again commit yourselves to a love for one another that involves the total giving of yourselves. You covenant to accept each other totally, creating a safe and loving space for each other to grow as individuals and partners and to mature in faith.

You make this covenant today before God, the creator of the life that you share, and the giver of that special love that you have for each other. May that special love you now share continue to grow and blossom in years to come and be sustained by God, family and friends and the commitment you make again this day. " (sweet and special!)

The you say the same traditional wedding vows "I (name) take you (name) to be my ....."

Then you give rings with same traditional "with this ring, I thee wed...."

(I would consider not actually exchanging/wearing rings until the church ceremony, then your new wedding rings would make it special.)

Then the blessing

Before God and this congregation (Name) and (Name) have renewed their marriage vows to each other. They have re-confirmed their covenant of marriage by the joining of hands and the exchange of rings. May there be truth and understanding between you as you are a joy and a blessing to each other. May you enjoy length of days, fulfilment of hopes, and peace and contentment of mind

Kiss the bride, process out and go party.

It would be very special without feeling like you were pretending something.

[Jeraly 4]

We're there, too. We are going to have the legal ceremony (probably in Vegas because that would be so much fun and we've had a running joke about it for a long time). We're going to pretend we're not married between the legal ceremony and the big, church ceremony. We're making the choice to see it as only a technicality and not our official wedding. We won't consider ourselves really, truly married until the big ceremony.

Plus, look at the bright side...you get two weddings and two anniversaries. We're going to take a long weekend for the civil ceremony and we'll go on a mini-honeymoon. I think after this process we all deserve two honeymoons!

Agreed!!! We see it all as a technicality as well - for all intents and purposes, we are married in the eyes of everyone but the law