Balkans United - Albania, Montenegro, Macedonia, Kosovo, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovinia, Greece, Bulgaria, Serbia

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Guys can go play pool or soccer, but girls are not allowed to do these things. Or its not so much not allowed, but its just the unwritten rule, you know? Even though its been hard I think its good in the long run that I've been here to understand and get a taste of Tili's culture.

I know what you mean. When I was in Tirana, we went out to eat around lunchtime, and I asked Gaz where the bathroom was in the restaurant. He said that it's over there, but there are only men here. I was really confused and didn't understand what this had to do with me going to the bathroom. I looked around the restaurant and saw that I was literally the only woman in a restuarant filled with people. I thought that was really strange, and I don't think I have seen anything quite like that in the USA. I also remember going to a pool hall where the same was true. FYI - I marched my happy american @ss into both of those places and used the bathroom. Why shouldn't I be able to??? I just don't get it.

[Creel 0]

My husband already spoke three languages and picked up English quick. Within a few months he could carry on a simple conversation. He has been taking ESL classes at the local Junior College. That has really helped with his grammer and spelling. It is a non-credit class so there is no homework. I am sure he wouldn't do it if there was any.

He has been here 1 1/2 years and still has no job!!! He has met a few other immigrants in his ESL class and finally this last month started working security on Saturday nights for his friend's dad. There are no other Albanians in CA. The 2000 census put the total population in CA at around 4,000 and we can't find any in our town.

The most help he has been was this last week. We bought a house and he has been cleaning it and moved all our stuff over while I was at work.

I can't even imagine living in Albania. I have visited three times for a week each and this last time I couldn't wait to get back to central heating. Some day we might buy a vacation property on the coast, but I'd like to wait until they have reliable electricity to spend any time in the summer there. He has gone back twice since he has been here. He was planning on going in August to visit, but the tickets are so expensive that time of year. He hit me up the other day to see if he didn't go back in August if we could do a week beach vacation here instead. He always complains of missing home, but then he said his month visit last August was too long and this year he might not even go. I can't figure him out at all:-)

[fation 0]

Hey All --

Have not been on awhile. My fiance will be here in 3 weeks. I am not sure how to bring up this topic but did anyone talk about with SO on how to handle the family and sending money back home to help out the family.

I was wondering how everyone handled this or if it is even a problem. We have talked about it in a round about way but I don't if I am being unreasonable in my thinking. I understand it is a poorer country with little oppoutunities and stuff.. But what is reasonable and unreasonable? Maybe I am a spoiled American girl that is used to bein independant and not having to need help from others but I do have a job and blah blah.

Just wondering how everyone handles or how each couple decided on what to do without sounding like a selfish person.

[albkos 1]

My husband already spoke three languages and picked up English quick. Within a few months he could carry on a simple conversation. He has been taking ESL classes at the local Junior College. That has really helped with his grammer and spelling. It is a non-credit class so there is no homework. I am sure he wouldn't do it if there was any.

He has been here 1 1/2 years and still has no job!!! He has met a few other immigrants in his ESL class and finally this last month started working security on Saturday nights for his friend's dad. There are no other Albanians in CA. The 2000 census put the total population in CA at around 4,000 and we can't find any in our town.

The most help he has been was this last week. We bought a house and he has been cleaning it and moved all our stuff over while I was at work.

I can't even imagine living in Albania. I have visited three times for a week each and this last time I couldn't wait to get back to central heating. Some day we might buy a vacation property on the coast, but I'd like to wait until they have reliable electricity to spend any time in the summer there. He has gone back twice since he has been here. He was planning on going in August to visit, but the tickets are so expensive that time of year. He hit me up the other day to see if he didn't go back in August if we could do a week beach vacation here instead. He always complains of missing home, but then he said his month visit last August was too long and this year he might not even go. I can't figure him out at all:-)

Congratulations on your new house. That is my fear that fiance will not find a job for awhile. You must have alot of patience!!!!!

Yeah tickets are really expensive this year more than usual from what I hear. It is tough going back with all the presents and visiting family and all the people and all the same questions over and over again. I wish I was going though. I miss my fiance so much. I can only get away for 2 weeks at a time and wish I could go for at least a month and visit Albania and go to Durres and check that out.

I read and article online that Club Med plans on opening a resort on the coast. That sounds like it would be nice.

[albkos 1]

Hey All --

Have not been on awhile. My fiance will be here in 3 weeks. I am not sure how to bring up this topic but did anyone talk about with SO on how to handle the family and sending money back home to help out the family.

I was wondering how everyone handled this or if it is even a problem. We have talked about it in a round about way but I don't if I am being unreasonable in my thinking. I understand it is a poorer country with little oppoutunities and stuff.. But what is reasonable and unreasonable? Maybe I am a spoiled American girl that is used to bein independant and not having to need help from others but I do have a job and blah blah.

Just wondering how everyone handles or how each couple decided on what to do without sounding like a selfish person.

TO be honest we have not really talked about it in much detail. I understand he will help out his parents as much as we can. I don't know how the others are handling the situation.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Hey All --

Have not been on awhile. My fiance will be here in 3 weeks. I am not sure how to bring up this topic but did anyone talk about with SO on how to handle the family and sending money back home to help out the family.

I was wondering how everyone handled this or if it is even a problem. We have talked about it in a round about way but I don't if I am being unreasonable in my thinking. I understand it is a poorer country with little oppoutunities and stuff.. But what is reasonable and unreasonable? Maybe I am a spoiled American girl that is used to bein independant and not having to need help from others but I do have a job and blah blah.

Just wondering how everyone handles or how each couple decided on what to do without sounding like a selfish person.

The only money that my husband sends back to Albania is money that he owes his father. He sent a small amount once to help his cousin, but they are like brothers and it wasn't really a big deal.

As far as sending money to his family on a regular basis, that is pretty much out of the question, because we don't really have the money to spare. His family is also doing well enough, so they really aren't in any urgent need of money or anything. They own a home, and have recently added a second floor to it, which is much more than we can say for ourselves. If the situation was urgent, then I would have no problem helping, it's just not that way though.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Congratulations on your new house. That is my fear that fiance will not find a job for awhile. You must have alot of patience!!!!!

Yeah tickets are really expensive this year more than usual from what I hear. It is tough going back with all the presents and visiting family and all the people and all the same questions over and over again. I wish I was going though. I miss my fiance so much. I can only get away for 2 weeks at a time and wish I could go for at least a month and visit Albania and go to Durres and check that out.

I read and article online that Club Med plans on opening a resort on the coast. That sounds like it would be nice.

Durres is nice, although I only stayed there for a week.

My advice to any of the couples here is, that if possible, buy property on the coast of Albania as soon as possible. If you look at the surrounding areas, it is fairly obvious what will happen in the next few years. Tourism in Croatia has exploded in the past 10 years, and I think Albania will be the next hot spot. Once we can actually save enough money to do so, we hope to buy a condo there on the beach.

[SerenityNOW 11]

Great topic - I just found it... I can relate to a lot of what you guys are saying. The clothing thing cracks me up.

My husband was married before and I owe that woman big-time. She trained him well so he is pretty good around the house.

Like Jenni, I am living in my husband's country (Bulgaria) while we wait for his visa. We were married here in November 2007, but I returned home to San Francisco. I came back to Bulgaria in December, met him in Italy in February and decided the international flights (from the West Coast, no less) were wearing me out, physically and financially. So I quit my job, put my furniture in storage and moved here.

I have been here 2 months. Learning the language is going slooooooooowly. It takes me so long to read words because of having to translate each and every letter. Cyrillic hasn't sunk in yet. But I am learning the curse words by watching American movies with subtitles.

My husband really didn't speak English until we met, which was just last year. We have many funny communication misunderstandings. Like when he called me and said he was "In the highway." Highway? Which highway? And why was he on a highway? Turns out he meant the "Safeway" store. And he can never remember the word for "steering wheel" so he calls it the "circle." Eh, he usually manages to get his point across. I am a tiny bit worried about our interview if they deem that his English isn't good enough to have a real relationship, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... ironically, one reason his English isn't better is because they wouldn't grant him another tourist visa to come back to the US.

So I am wondering, what did your family and friends think when you said you were going to marry someone from Albania/Macedonia/Kosovo/etc? Anyone who actually met my husband knows that he is an amazing person, but those who have only heard about him envision "Borat". My co-workers got me as going-away present the book "Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry," a spoof of travel to Eastern European countries (Actually, it is quite funny!) My dad thinks I'm living in a war zone..

I've been making the best of my time here, hiking in the mountains, photographing everything, working remotely (but not too much!) and I have been cooking lots - thinking up inventive ways of using the local ingredients. The Bulgarians are a little frustratingly limited in their foods. While I love many things here, the TWO kinds of cheese is getting old. I have to make special trips to the city an hour away to find mozzarella, etc. Like a couple of you, I lived in Italy for a few months and love to make pasta, pizzas, risotto, etc... and I live in San Francisco so I am used to Mexican, Spanish, Thai, Chinese, etc. etc. But I have managed quite well with making my own dishes. I made quesadillas tonight with homemade flour tortillas (made with butter instead of lard), yogurt instead of sour cream, homemade salsa (which had hot paprika since I couldn't find any really hot peppers) and precious imported cheddar cheese. I have also worked out how to make chocolate chip cookies.

We will be doing some traveling around the area as much as possible around here, so please let me know if you have recommendations from the places you know around here.

That's all for now...

/bb

lol this thread is pretty funny, and i can totally relate to so much of it!

my husband is Albanian and when we were first married (we were married here in albania where we are still living together until he gets his visa) we lived with his parents a while. And it is true, there is some belief among men that women actually enjoy doing all the housework and ironing! One time, for example, his father asked me to iron his clothes for work. I was doing it, and he said, but I don't want you to do it if you don't want to.. .Just if you would like to!! lol

Also my husband said that he would help in the house once we got our own.. because of course under his parents roof he really didnt do any housework. his mother, like the traditional albanian mom, did everything. however, now we have our own house and he hardly helps me at all. once in a while he does but... It has caused much arguing. He washes dishes occasionally now though... So I think he's getting better.

He didn't know how to cook, but I am slowly starting to teach him, however, at first he didnt even want to learn.

It totally must be a culture thing.

How do you like living in Albania? My fiance asks me if I could live in Kosovo. I am like yeah but I think I would get bored if I did not have a job and just doing housework everyday day in and out...At least he is trying but don't let his mother see him doing dishes she might have a heart attack......

It's ok living here in Albania, but I have had some really hard times. Mainly because we live in a very small town and I have nothing to do! I am used to having a job and having a car and thats been hard. THe language has also been difficult. I don't have a teacher and mainly have taught myself. My husband doesnt like to sit down with me and teach me from a book which is how i learn the best. He's good at practicing talking with though, which is also good. But anyways that said, I am mostly hanging out with my husband's guy friends who speak english. not many girls here that i know speak english it seems.. If they do, they have all moved to different, bigger cities. But things are getting better, as I have been here a year, I am able to speak and understand a lot more and this has helped. I am teaching english to Tili and 2 of his friends. I tried opening an english course in the town but didnt have much luck with that. It is also difficult here because its a small town and there are especially not many things for girls to do. Guys can go play pool or soccer, but girls are not allowed to do these things. Or its not so much not allowed, but its just the unwritten rule, you know? Even though its been hard I think its good in the long run that I've been here to understand and get a taste of Tili's culture.

Haha i have to laugh at the part about his mother seeing him wash the dishes. I remember when we were still living with his parents and his mother or sister saw him washing the dishes, they stopped him and told him he didnt know what he was doing.

As for english, my husband did study english in school and 1 year in university but mostly he has learned through speaking with me. He isn't good about studying, and sitting down with books but he seems to learn fast and pick up things from english movies he watches or just us talking together.

[Creel 0]

My husband sent money home when he could from Italy, so I knew going into it that we would have to help out. His family is fairly poor and their only income is off the farm. I paid for our Albanian wedding, but they kept the cash gifts (Traditionally they would have paid, so it would have worked out as about a wash for them). I think they got close to $2,000. When we go to visit we leave $500-$700. My husband decided not to go this summer and his Dad said he had enough left to tie them over until Christmas when he comes. The surprise has been the other relatives who think now that he is in America he should have money to loan them. The fact he hasn't gotten a job and they know it has put most of them off, but I am sure once he gets a job they will start in again. We've also sent a little to his sister and left her $100 or so when we go. It will work out to be providing about $200/month and now that the exchange rate is so bad we might have to kick it up a little.

[Shpat_Argjira 0]

Babybluesusie, edit the topic you misspelled "KOSOVA", you should know this since your Albanian.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Babybluesusie, edit the topic you misspelled "KOSOVA", you should know this since your Albanian.

Well I am actually not Albanian, but my husband is.

The most common way to spell it in English is with an 'o' at the end. I know that in Albanian it's written 'Kosova', but since I was writing in English, I chose to write it with the 'o'. It changes depending on which language you are speaking. Anyhow, I don't know how to edit the topic title...if anyone knows how, and would like to let me know, I would be happy to appease.

[MrsD 0]

The right way to spell is KOSOVO!

[albkos 1]

The right way to spell is KOSOVO!

The legal name is Kosovo but some prefer Kosova.....It is all about preference.

[albkos 1]

Yes- It is about preference.

MrsDarty can call it Kosovo and you can call it Kosova. Albanians call Albania Shqiperia never Albania. In the U.S. it is called Albania. Is there something wrong with that? Just like I am sure your passport says Kosovo and people from Albania passport says Albania not Shqiperia. As for the Americans calling it Kosovo well we are in America. If it was not for America, alot of Serbian and Albanian refugees would not have had the chance to come here and start a new life with lots of oppourtunities. They would not have had these oppourtunities if they were still in Kosova or Serbia.

I think I do have my stuff together...Do you think in Kosova the people are discussing what there name is? I highly think it is a priority for them with the lack of jobs, lack of electricity and bad economy. What about all the lives that were lost? What about all the people who decided to stay and fight for there country and not leave as refugees? What did they get out of it?

It is very easy for people here to sit behind computers with there nice lives and discuss what a place should be called and tell others they are wrong or confused. Try living in Kosova like the average family does and than talk to me about getting stuff together. I mean living there without outside help and working for 200 euros a month. Try supporting your family on 200 euros a month. Talk to me than about names and getting stuff together.

This forum was not intended to discuss politics or peoples views on politics. This forum is for the discussion of immigrant/ visa issues.

[MrsD 0]

Yes- It is about preference.

MrsDarty can call it Kosovo and you can call it Kosova. Albanians call Albania Shqiperia never Albania. In the U.S. it is called Albania. Is there something wrong with that? Just like I am sure your passport says Kosovo and people from Albania passport says Albania not Shqiperia. As for the Americans calling it Kosovo well we are in America. If it was not for America, alot of Serbian and Albanian refugees would not have had the chance to come here and start a new life with lots of oppourtunities. They would not have had these oppourtunities if they were still in Kosova or Serbia.

I think I do have my stuff together...Do you think in Kosova the people are discussing what there name is? I highly think it is a priority for them with the lack of jobs, lack of electricity and bad economy. What about all the lives that were lost? What about all the people who decided to stay and fight for there country and not leave as refugees? What did they get out of it?

It is very easy for people here to sit behind computers with there nice lives and discuss what a place should be called and tell others they are wrong or confused. Try living in Kosova like the average family does and than talk to me about getting stuff together. I mean living there without outside help and working for 200 euros a month. Try supporting your family on 200 euros a month. Talk to me than about names and getting stuff together.

This forum was not intended to discuss politics or peoples views on politics. This forum is for the discussion of immigrant/ visa issues.