Balkans United - Albania, Montenegro, Macedonia, Kosovo, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovinia, Greece, Bulgaria, Serbia

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

The various quirks of loving a man/woman from the Balkans.

Talk amongst yourselves.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

I couldn't think of anything when I first posted this, but some things just came to mind:

1- he owns like 3 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans, compared to my 50 shirts and 10 pairs of pants

2- his clothes must be an expensive name brand, because he believes they are 'better quality'

3- everything he wears must be neatly pressed and there must not be one speck of lint on it, or it is 'disgusting'

4- it is very important to him that he is identified as being catholic, even though he knows next to nothing about the religion, nor attends church

5- he is definitely NOT afraid to speak his mind and will physically fight someone if he feels it is necessary, all in the name of 'respect'

6- police and other authority figures are like a joke to him

7- he thinks that he can talk his way out of anything

8- he is extremely proud of being albanian, yet makes fun of his country with almost every mention of it

9- nothing is more important than family

Edited May 1, 2008 by BabyBlueSusie

[jannaxhitti 0]

HAHA... I must laugh about the 3 shirts and 2 jeans thing...

When Mexhit "moved" here, he had ONE bag... and it included 2 pairs of pants and just a few shirts. And his only pair of shoes were the ones he was wearing. I am very low-maintenance, but he made me feel like I had a lot of stuff!

It still makes me sad to think that he was still here just a short time ago...

Thanks for starting the thread, Suz... I'll try to add what I can.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

HAHA... I must laugh about the 3 shirts and 2 jeans thing...

When Mexhit "moved" here, he had ONE bag... and it included 2 pairs of pants and just a few shirts. And his only pair of shoes were the ones he was wearing. I am very low-maintenance, but he made me feel like I had a lot of stuff!

It still makes me sad to think that he was still here just a short time ago...

Thanks for starting the thread, Suz... I'll try to add what I can.

I'm low maintenance as well, but next to him I just feel like a materialistic American!! If you really think about it though, my 10 pairs of jeans cost 20 bucks each, and his 1 pair cost 200, so we're pretty much even

[awaterlily 0]

A lot of Turks have one or more of these ethnic backgrounds...should include Turkey on this thread.

My Turkish born MIL is Bosnian/Macedonian.

The various quirks of loving a man/woman from the Balkans.

Talk amongst yourselves.

[Creel 0]

Dito to everything, but it is really poverty driven. My husband now has a lot of clothes and complains he needs more. He has gotten over spending a lot of money on everything and bargin shops for everything. We have 3 cars all choosen by him (We haven't been able to sell the SUV he insisted we buy when he got here a little over a year ago).

Mine is hot headed and yet can turn around and be the sweetest man you ever met. Childhood family and friends mean everything and he laughs when I call someone I've met a few months a friend. A girlfriend and I coined a new phrase of tier one, two, and three friends since for him a friend is only someone you've known your whole life.

He praises Albania constantly and we have bought several t-shirts for him to proudly wear around the States praising his country. We drove around with the Albanian flag proudly displayed on our convertable the day Kosovo declared its independents. But asked if he wants to live there he quietly says no.

Let's not forget that they want you to wait on them hand and foot. He has no problem coming into the 21st century and letting me work for good money,but that doesn't mean I should give up my wife's work of making his traditional coffee and cooking all his meals, etc.

They are hard to put up with sometimes, but easy to love.

[albkos 1]

Susie -

Thanks for starting the topic! I am laughing. About the shortage of clothes. I am nervous when my fiance comes and sees all my stuff!! He is going to think I am crazy! He is into clothes and has his fair share. I am happy he realizes all the "designer stuff" sold over there are fake and not real. He knows how much they would cost if original. When I was there I saw Diesel jeans and was wow they are so cheap, I am going to get like 10 pairs! He just looked at me and was like why is she so excited for these jeans. I explained to him how much they cost here and he was like they are all fake! Yes and his mother was ironing his clothes too.....and asked me if I needed anything ironed.

[albkos 1]

Dito to everything, but it is really poverty driven. My husband now has a lot of clothes and complains he needs more. He has gotten over spending a lot of money on everything and bargin shops for everything. We have 3 cars all choosen by him (We haven't been able to sell the SUV he insisted we buy when he got here a little over a year ago).

Mine is hot headed and yet can turn around and be the sweetest man you ever met. Childhood family and friends mean everything and he laughs when I call someone I've met a few months a friend. A girlfriend and I coined a new phrase of tier one, two, and three friends since for him a friend is only someone you've known your whole life.

He praises Albania constantly and we have bought several t-shirts for him to proudly wear around the States praising his country. We drove around with the Albanian flag proudly displayed on our convertable the day Kosovo declared its independents. But asked if he wants to live there he quietly says no.

Let's not forget that they want you to wait on them hand and foot. He has no problem coming into the 21st century and letting me work for good money,but that doesn't mean I should give up my wife's work of making his traditional coffee and cooking all his meals, etc.

They are hard to put up with sometimes, but easy to love.

QUestion - What is this expectation of waiting on hand and foot? How are they communicating this? I don't get it? Am I being naive? I can't see my fiance expecting this. He says he has never asked his mother to wait on him or get him anything. He feels bad bothering her. I know how old school guys are but when both people work it is different than in Albania / Kosova. Most of the females do not work outside of the home, so the roles are different. But it is not an Albanian thing, I have friends married to American men who expect the same!!!!

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

A lot of Turks have one or more of these ethnic backgrounds...should include Turkey on this thread.

My Turkish born MIL is Bosnian/Macedonian.

The various quirks of loving a man/woman from the Balkans.

Talk amongst yourselves.

consider it added!!! join in the fun!!!

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

QUestion - What is this expectation of waiting on hand and foot? How are they communicating this? I don't get it? Am I being naive? I can't see my fiance expecting this. He says he has never asked his mother to wait on him or get him anything. He feels bad bothering her. I know how old school guys are but when both people work it is different than in Albania / Kosova. Most of the females do not work outside of the home, so the roles are different. But it is not an Albanian thing, I have friends married to American men who expect the same!!!!

i felt the same way before he came here...when i would visit him in italy he would always cook wonderful meals (usually the two of us together, but he knows how to cook well on his own too), he always ironed his clothes, made the bed in the morning (who does this??? lol)...i thought that it would be so easy when he came here, that we would share all of the household duties, etc...wrong-o...he will cook for himself when he is alone, but if i am home, it is expected that i am to cook dinner...even if we both have worked all day, it is not really a question, it is just expected, like it is my job or something....he will never clean the dishes either, unless, he is cooking just for himself (when im not home)...if we are there together, it is expected that i will do it...this has resulted in much arguing, and he always says 'oh just leave them and i will do them tomorrow'....i will not accept this, because i hate leaving a sink full of dishes, so i end up doing them ALL THE TIME....grrr he has the utmost respect for his mother and also doesnt ask her for anything from her, but the fact is that she does everything anyway, so he doesnt have to ask! i couldnt help but feel a little sad for her when we were eating dinner at her house and she was not even able to sit down and eat for more than 5 minutes because she is waiting on everyone hand and foot...she is a perfect albanian mommy, and that is what most albanian guys expect from their wives too...like creel said, we can work and all that, but the household is still the woman's domain in their eyes...generalizing of course, but that is my experience

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Dito to everything, but it is really poverty driven. My husband now has a lot of clothes and complains he needs more. He has gotten over spending a lot of money on everything and bargin shops for everything. We have 3 cars all choosen by him (We haven't been able to sell the SUV he insisted we buy when he got here a little over a year ago).

i guess this will come with time lol

Mine is hot headed and yet can turn around and be the sweetest man you ever met. Childhood family and friends mean everything and he laughs when I call someone I've met a few months a friend. A girlfriend and I coined a new phrase of tier one, two, and three friends since for him a friend is only someone you've known your whole life.

hot headed is definitely a good description but in all seriousness, he really is the sweetest boy i have ever met...i feel like the role his mother played in his life has really shaped how he treats me...he tells me how she taught him to treat a woman and not be superficial, etc etc he is also really affectionate, much more so than the american men i have encountered in the past

He praises Albania constantly and we have bought several t-shirts for him to proudly wear around the States praising his country. We drove around with the Albanian flag proudly displayed on our convertable the day Kosovo declared its independents. But asked if he wants to live there he quietly says no.

They are hard to put up with sometimes, but easy to love.

to both of these

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Ladies,

I don't want to barge in on your balkan area discussion. But I just had to when I read the first part about brand name clothes. This must be a eastern european thing also! I remember waiting for my husband (then fiance) to arrive at the airport, waiting for 2 big suitcases.... he came with 1 and only a couple clothes in it! I asked him if he really planned on living here, or if this was a vacation!!! Have no doubt, the couple jeans & shirts were all super duper brand name and each cost $150+. I thought, ok, so he has a smaller wardrobe. Now lets move the story down to 1.5 yrs later... to make even with my large clothes selection, he's increased his too... never going away from the super brand names though

Family comes first also. And you cant call anyone a friend unless you grew up with them or know them for 10+ yrs. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.

[Creel 0]

I lived for over 2 months with my husband in Italy and he worked full time and I was in school so I had time to do more things and even then we had disagreements on who should do what. One day when he came home I had said I was bored and he asked why I didn't iron his clothes if I was bored. I told him I didn't like to iron. His response.... How can you not like to iron, you are a women!!!!!!

Once in America he did nothing around the house even though before he came he agreed to be the "wife" until he got a job. Once we got married it was an immediate change. I was told I could no longer talk to any male friends, even those that had been invited to the wedding!!! He doesn't do anything and gives me the cold shoulder or the no talking treatment if I don't do it.

Maybe you will be lucky and see no changes in him, but I can tell you that in my experience a wife is suppose to act different then a girlfriend or fiancee.

I would come home at lunch from my job and if I didn't fix his lunch he would be angry. We have evolved now to where he does his own lunch and I do dinner. He will put dishes in the dishwasher and start it and he mows the lawn.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

I lived for over 2 months with my husband in Italy and he worked full time and I was in school so I had time to do more things and even then we had disagreements on who should do what. One day when he came home I had said I was bored and he asked why I didn't iron his clothes if I was bored. I told him I didn't like to iron. His response.... How can you not like to iron, you are a women!!!!!!

Once in America he did nothing around the house even though before he came he agreed to be the "wife" until he got a job. Once we got married it was an immediate change. I was told I could no longer talk to any male friends, even those that had been invited to the wedding!!! He doesn't do anything and gives me the cold shoulder or the no talking treatment if I don't do it.

Maybe you will be lucky and see no changes in him, but I can tell you that in my experience a wife is suppose to act different then a girlfriend or fiancee.

I would come home at lunch from my job and if I didn't fix his lunch he would be angry. We have evolved now to where he does his own lunch and I do dinner. He will put dishes in the dishwasher and start it and he mows the lawn.

oh yes, women enjoy ironing clothes, its what they do fun

yea, i had the same experience where he agreed to do the house work when he first arrived here because he wouldnt be able to work...of course that didnt happen, maybe he cooked dinner twice and made the bed in the morning, that was the extent of it lol i have guy friends and he seems okay with them as long as he knows them and what not...hes jealous, but he just needs to deal with it...i have certain friends that i will not lose, because they are like brothers to me...i hope he doesnt change about this once we are married...lord only knows............

glad to see youve at least had some improvement though we gotta live with what we got, right?

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

i would just like to add how ridiculously women are portrayed in the media over there............the music videos?!?! a typical example :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_yvlfIyzmQ