You might be a redneck if...

[Sister Fracas 5]

Inspired by a post in another thread which featured rednecks, I thought I'd revisit some of Jeff Foxworthy's humor. We've all seen it before, but it's always good stuff. Visit this page for reasons you might be a redneck. Here are just some of them....

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You own a homemade fur coat.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

you have ever used lard in bed.

someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

The primary color of your car is bondo.

Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."

your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.

your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

you consider the fifth grade your senior year.

you have a rag for a gas cap.

the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.

you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.

your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

you think suspenders are a type of shirt.

Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.

you ever got too drunk to fish.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ###.

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't have any branches.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

[tom&tata 2]

Inspired by a post in another thread which featured rednecks, I thought I'd revisit some of Jeff Foxworthy's humor. We've all seen it before, but it's always good stuff. Visit this page for reasons you might be a redneck. Here are just some of them....

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You own a homemade fur coat.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

you have ever used lard in bed.

someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

The primary color of your car is bondo.

Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."

your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.

your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

you consider the fifth grade your senior year.

you have a rag for a gas cap.

the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.

you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.

your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

you think suspenders are a type of shirt.

Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.

you ever got too drunk to fish.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ###.

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't have any branches.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

That's my FIL. I could not understand him the first time I talk to him

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month

[almaty 19]

lol..good stuff sister fracas