Hillary's Pressie in Guam (this is a joke)

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Guam's primary is 5/3.

Sen. Clinton's Press Conference in Guam yesterday.

HRC: I have such fond memories of Guam!

Press: Really?

HRC: Oh yes. My grandfather is from there. He was born in a mud hut behind what is now the airfield.

Press: But I thought your grandfather was from Pennsylvania?

HRC: Can't a person have more than one grandfather? Jeez, most have two. Why Bill has two on his father's side alone. His father's father and his stepfather's father.

Press: Oh. So which of your grandfathers was from Guam?

Sen. Clinton bursts out laughing. Some would say cackling.

HRC: How can I answer that? I mean, how many angels can dance at the head of a pin?

I recall landing on the beach as the Japanese were withdrawing. There were snipers still in the hills. My grandfather beckoned us to run with our heads low to the waiting car. He drove quickly to the mud hut where he still lived.

Really. And he had a car. But he lived in a mud hut.

Yes. And we went harpoon fishing the next day. I bagged a Marlin. It was three feet nose to tail when we caught it. After that the fish continued to grow, so by now it is about six feet long and weighs a half ton.

Press: Hm..and what else did he teach you?

HRC: To climb palm trees. I have a picture to remember it by too. I can still crack coconuts with my bare hands. Want me to show you?

Press: No thanks. It all sounds so exciting.

HRC: Yes, it is all part of the lifetime of experience I bring to the White House. What if someone needs a coconut cracked on Day One? I am ready. You have to ask my opponent about himself.

I remember they make a real strong drink from coconut sugar called toddy. It is fermented right at the tree top. I used to climb up and take a shot of it right up on the tree. Let me tell you the climb down was no cakewalk after that!