How to Make your husband Happy

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

We can say he wasnt much of a man, but was he taught this by their standards < im just asking, is this what they are taught generation to generation

wrong is wrong, hitting someone is just not right. Whipping slaves was taught to be ok but not every slave owner did it. Hitting is used when the subject cannot understand words to learn a strong lesson. If you tell a child to stay out of the street because they could die and still the child runs out into the street you would spank them to send a strong message that it is extremely dangerous. An adult can understand right and wrong so if they still choose to do wrong after you talk with them hitting them will not teach them anything.

There is still something off with that statement...is it only the wife that needs to be "taught" what is right and wrong?

Good point, men do plenty of things wrong too but you don't hear about men being beaten by their wives into submission or their wives coming home drunk and beating their husbands. I'm sure it happens some times but men are typically stronger than women and thoughout history if one person has the ability to dominate another they will abuse the power.

[morocco4ever 63]

We can say he wasnt much of a man, but was he taught this by their standards < im just asking, is this what they are taught generation to generation

wrong is wrong, hitting someone is just not right. Whipping slaves was taught to be ok but not every slave owner did it. Hitting is used when the subject cannot understand words to learn a strong lesson. If you tell a child to stay out of the street because they could die and still the child runs out into the street you would spank them to send a strong message that it is extremely dangerous. An adult can understand right and wrong so if they still choose to do wrong after you talk with them hitting them will not teach them anything.

There is still something off with that statement...is it only the wife that needs to be "taught" what is right and wrong?

Very valid point.

Sadly too many men (from all cultures) believe that there is only one opinion that matters. This is where we need to look into the persons qualities before we get married. Both men and women can and need to learn ongoing.

[sara..... 371]

we are not married yet but what works for us if he has done or said something that hurts me.......i just get silent

i answer if he ask me something but only what is required he understands right away something he did was wrong and we talk about it........if i do something to upset him he cooks nobody can eat what he cooks lol cuz its too hot and spicy thats how i know if i crossed the line lol at least when we are together..........last time that happened my mom said ok thats it find out what u did wrong im hungery and i cant eat that lol.......there are ways to show the other person ur unhappy about something with out a big fight most the time.........

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

we are not married yet but what works for us if he has done or said something that hurts me.......i just get silent

i answer if he ask me something but only what is required he understands right away something he did was wrong and we talk about it........if i do something to upset him he cooks nobody can eat what he cooks lol cuz its too hot and spicy thats how i know if i crossed the line lol at least when we are together..........last time that happened my mom said ok thats it find out what u did wrong im hungery and i cant eat that lol.......there are ways to show the other person ur unhappy about something with out a big fight most the time.........

Thats a little passive agressive isn't it? lol Healthy communication is a skill everyone should learn. You are right in that there are ways to discuss issues without a fight, it up to each couple to learn the best way to communicate without hurting the other person.

[Aymerlu 3]

The following article is a summary of the book "How to Make Your Husband Happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,

Begin with a good greeting.

Meet him with a cheerful face

Beautify and perfume yourself

Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested

Receive him with loving and yearning sentences

Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

Reality.....dude.....if you want dinner on time you better get your azz in her and help me! Oh sorry that I'm not super fresh.....I worked my butt off today too.[ And when do I get to rest, huh?/b]

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice Ok.....I will sound fake like those chicks in the Arizona compound

For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

Take good care of your body and fitness.

Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes. I need more money for clothes please! I get to go shopping!

Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells. ok.....that's just nasty....any woman that has to be told to do this has a serious issue

Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape What about him??? Sorry honey I cannot look like Mrs. America 24/7

Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos OOPS!!!

Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes

Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it. Give it up when I don't wanna???? Yah....right

Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse. That was just TMI for early in the morning![/b]

Exchange loving phrases with your husband. Why does one need to be told to do this????

Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire. ME FIRST!!!!!

Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) Has Allotted

You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job I'm not that shallow[/b]

You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) for all that was given to you.

You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.

You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things. Isn't there someplace that says he's to give me jewelry?????

Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).

Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them. hmmmmmmmm.......I want proof!

The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways

The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: "Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?"

8. Devotion and Loyalty

In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy

Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.[b] yeah....another no brainer

9. Compliance to Him

In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram) commands???? Oh....I'm not even going to go there! I am not an animal. I won't be "commanded" to do anything....sorry

In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant. [b]what about the 50/50 household?

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:

If you were mistaken, then apologize

If he was mistaken then:

Keep still instead of arguing or [b]What???? I'm supposed to keep quiet? That would be a miracle!!!!

Yield you right or

Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.

If he was angry because of external reasons then:

Keep silent until his anger goes huh? keep silent again???? And I have to hear the blah blah???

Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him

Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.

1) You should tell me what happened!

2) I must know what made you so angry!

3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know! isn't this the wife's right????? How are we supposed to be perfect if we cannot help you in what's bothering you?

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

Protect yourself from any prohibited relations once again....a no brainer

Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.

Take care of the house and children. duh

Take care of his money and properties

Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab

Refuse people whom he does not like to come over

Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place

Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents. parents I can understand, but what about the friends that outstay their welcome?

You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives. agree

You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife agree

Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc. once again.....what about friends that outstay their welcome? I work all day then I'm supposed to come home, fix a meal and wait on others hand a foot????Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home

Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc...

13. Admirable Jealousy

Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc… well, this is an everyday occurance on VJ isn't it?You should not follow or create unfounded doubts. Jealousy means I love my husband???? I'm confused

14. Patience and Emotional Support

Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.

When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.

When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.

Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.

When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad

Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.

Encourage him to pray at night.

Listen and reciting the Qur'aan individually and with your husband.

Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.

Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.

Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.

Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners ('adab) for women.

Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.

Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah

Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa.

16. Good Housekeeping

Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged thou shalt pick up after yourselfChange house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom [b]my back hurts, can I get some help?[/b]

Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods

Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing

Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way. I'm raising my children just fine, thank you

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this. what is this "his" money thing?

Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.

Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer, brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999

Sorry, I'm in a mood today. I'm sooooo sick of these threads. Just venting!

[Sister Fracas 5]

we are not married yet but what works for us if he has done or said something that hurts me.......i just get silent

i answer if he ask me something but only what is required he understands right away something he did was wrong and we talk about it........if i do something to upset him he cooks nobody can eat what he cooks lol cuz its too hot and spicy thats how i know if i crossed the line lol at least when we are together..........last time that happened my mom said ok thats it find out what u did wrong im hungery and i cant eat that lol.......there are ways to show the other person ur unhappy about something with out a big fight most the time.........

I don't think either of those methods are useful when dealing with an issue that needs to be addressed. If he does something to hurt you, you need to tell him. You don't need to go into a whole fight about it, but honestly, he can't be made to guess what's eating you. Silent treatment is a bit passive aggressive. And as for making food you can't eat, well that just seems silly. There are ways to discuss things without blowing up.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

One case i think of also on the man running the household, support etc....a few weeks back a young lady came to Ahmeds store all crying and holding a crying baby she needed milk for the baby and no money. Seems the man had took the money for drink........ what a good supporter he was, i wonder about her sometimes, did she just go home and say nothing....or was she taught to not speak up (and Ahmed did supply her with the milk of course)

[DeadPoolX 9]

I made it very clear from the start, hit me and your A$$ will go to jail. A womans body is fragile, and can not handle even the slightest force against it. My Moroccan man is very sweet and gentle, he would never hurt me. This type of thing is what makes MENA men look bad in American eyes, but lets face it, any culture is capable of this not just Arabic.

I disagree with that statement -- at least, how it's presented here. Not all women are the same (just as not all men are the same) and I've come across some damn sturdy women. Some of these women were far more "hardy" than quite a few men I've known. So to make a blanket statement and say "a woman's body is fragile and cannot handle even the slightest force against it" is probably not all too accurate. It may be in your case, but then again, you're not all women.

As for a man hitting a woman... I'd say it's justifiable if the man is defending his life. In the event the woman is attempting to severely injure or kill the man with a weapon (i.e. knife or firearm), then he'd really have no other choice but to do whatever he could to "take her down." Maybe that's not the most chivalric thing to say or do, but it's better than being dead. Hopefully cases like that would be few and far between too.

[morocco4ever 63]

I made it very clear from the start, hit me and your A$$ will go to jail. A womans body is fragile, and can not handle even the slightest force against it. My Moroccan man is very sweet and gentle, he would never hurt me. This type of thing is what makes MENA men look bad in American eyes, but lets face it, any culture is capable of this not just Arabic.

I disagree with that statement -- at least, how it's presented here. Not all women are the same (just as not all men are the same) and I've come across some damn sturdy women. Some of these women were far more "hardy" than quite a few men I've known. So to make a blanket statement and say "a woman's body is fragile and cannot handle even the slightest force against it" is probably not all too accurate. It may be in your case, but then again, you're not all women.

As for a man hitting a woman... I'd say it's justifiable if the man is defending his life. In the event the woman is attempting to severely injure or kill the man with a weapon (i.e. knife or firearm), then he'd really have no other choice but to do whatever he could to "take her down." Maybe that's not the most chivalric thing to say or do, but it's better than being dead. Hopefully cases like that would be few and far between too.

Yes, because we read so much that a mans life is in jeapardy from us crazy women. jk

Okay, I admit, MOST women have fragile bodies, not all. I should have stated it that way.

[chri'stina 190]

I don't even know what to say sometimes because what I really want to say is not always the nicest. Man, I didn't want to post much today but I couldn't resist!

I made it very clear from the start, hit me and your A$ will go to jail. A womans body is fragile, and can not handle even the slightest force against it. My Moroccan man is very sweet and gentle, he would never hurt me. This type of thing is what makes MENA men look bad in American eyes, but lets face it, any culture is capable of this not just Arabic.

I know maybe you didn't mean to make it sound like it would have been an issue if you hadn't said that he'd go to jail, but the way you wrote that sounds strange to me, like you had to warn him. Either he already knew it was wrong and you were just saying that to him, or you felt you had to say it to him because he might think it's ok?? I don't understand.

But my question is Is this what these men are learning and thinking for when they come here, they are free follow all this...its just commin respect to try to be happy, to stay clean, to work together etc etc but for the man it seems its all about overlooking her flaws, dont talk badly of her bad cook food, try to overlook this and try overlook this seems most things she is doing is wrong, where he is held very high to expect all this. I did see the part about he is to try to help with the household chores (when shes sick) again i think they will be in for a rude awakening when they are here if they expect this

famous last words remember lorena bobbitt

It is your responsability to make things perfectly clear to them before they come here and if they are not willing then DO NOT BRING THEM HERE.

Wives should overlook the flaws in their husbands also BUT learn the flaws before you get married and decide if they are worth overlooking. Don't try to change someone after you are married.

I don't agree with all that you wrote, but I agree with the above bolded. If people think they are going to make their SO a totally different person after marriage, they are in for a long hard road. There are going to be cultural differences but if they are not differences that are acceptable to you or your personal culture, then why get involved. People moving to the US also have to be prepared for the cultural differences and also think if they want that part.

I didn't have to guess whether Sujeet approved of hitting a woman. It was made obvious from all our conversations that he thought it was totally wrong, I never had to threaten or warn him. That'd be weird if he needed a warning, doubt I would have married him then.

we are not married yet but what works for us if he has done or said something that hurts me.......i just get silent

i answer if he ask me something but only what is required he understands right away something he did was wrong and we talk about it........if i do something to upset him he cooks nobody can eat what he cooks lol cuz its too hot and spicy thats how i know if i crossed the line lol at least when we are together..........last time that happened my mom said ok thats it find out what u did wrong im hungery and i cant eat that lol.......there are ways to show the other person ur unhappy about something with out a big fight most the time.........

I don't think either of those methods are useful when dealing with an issue that needs to be addressed. If he does something to hurt you, you need to tell him. You don't need to go into a whole fight about it, but honestly, he can't be made to guess what's eating you. Silent treatment is a bit passive aggressive. And as for making food you can't eat, well that just seems silly. There are ways to discuss things without blowing up.

Edited April 22, 2008 by stina&suj

[almaty 19]

How to Make your husband Happy

Obey his sex thirst!

If he wants it in the kitchen, do it!

If he wants it in the bathroom, do it!

If he wants it in the car, do it!

Just do it!

And if she doesn't listen, the impudent #####, spank!

wise advice

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Violence towards anyone should never be condoned!

It's true that more women than men are likely to end up at the hands of an abusive partner but we have to be careful not to ignore that men can also be physically threatened. I'm always reminded of the description of a couple a friend lived with. She was barely five feet tall and slender and he was over six feet and strongly-built. Whenever they argued she would be very violent towards him - threw objects at him, once hit him over the head with a saucepan and another time cut him with a broken glass. But he never reacted because it is 'wrong to hit women' and, what is worse, people's reactions tended to be that of amusement/disbelief rather than horror, because he was so much bigger than she was.

Anyway, going off-topic there.

I agree with brnidokiegurl; there is some very good advice in the OP but it is also mostly (hopefully) common sense and how you would treat any partner respectfully. Plus it is indeed interesting how the list for women focuses on excusing her flaws.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I didn't have to guess whether Sujeet approved of hitting a woman. It was made obvious from all our conversations that he thought it was totally wrong, I never had to threaten or warn him. That'd be weird if he needed a warning, doubt I would have married him then.

Indeed....

Better warnings are... if you don't get your blinkin' underwear off the floor, I guess you'll have to wear it dirty...grrrrr!!!!

[morocco4ever 63]

I didn't have to guess whether Sujeet approved of hitting a woman. It was made obvious from all our conversations that he thought it was totally wrong, I never had to threaten or warn him. That'd be weird if he needed a warning, doubt I would have married him then.

Indeed....

Better warnings are... if you don't get your blinkin' underwear off the floor, I guess you'll have to wear it dirty...grrrrr!!!!

lol

I should have clarified. I was searching the internet on Islam and marriage when we had first met. I read that and that is why I told him. He has never shown any type of violent behaviour towards me.

[Fuzzness 2]

is it just me or ..........He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body. that might be a good idea to consider unless you want to die

he is NOT allowed to hit her hard or injure her in any way.......he is suppose to use this only if all else fails......how ever most men do not use this even if everything else has failed..........

how bout not hitting her at all, ever, under any circumstances

point in hand,

A real man would never hit a woman. It takes more strength to not hit her than hitting her.

I have never ever gotten the feeling where I would even consider hitting my wife. There is no excuse for violence, and certainly no reason to even become violent with a loved one.