Not the man I thought he was...

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm so proud of you for staying true to yourself and doing what's best for you.

I wish you much love and patience during this time of healing.

Best of luck to you now and always

[DTAXMAN 0]

Notify USICS and tell them you have called off the wedding and that you want to withdrawn the application on his behalf.

Your finacial responsibility is ONLY for him in the UNITED STATES and what you signed agreeing to such, only really comes into play when he tries to get Welfare or some other form of government funded benefit. Meaning, if the Government has to pay for him, they will come to you to get re-reimbursed.

I know I am new here, but in my experience in working with people in the area of Immigration to the United States, "love" was rarely the real reason, as in, the person with the most to gain is the person who gets to come to or stay in the United States. Sorry to be so negative about it, but its a reality.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Notify USICS and tell them you have called off the wedding and that you want to withdrawn the application on his behalf.

Your finacial responsibility is ONLY for him in the UNITED STATES and what you signed agreeing to such, only really comes into play when he tries to get Welfare or some other form of government funded benefit. Meaning, if the Government has to pay for him, they will come to you to get re-reimbursed.

I know I am new here, but in my experience in working with people in the area of Immigration to the United States, "love" was rarely the real reason, as in, the person with the most to gain is the person who gets to come to or stay in the United States. Sorry to be so negative about it, but its a reality.

He went home on a plane...he's gone.

She no longer has to worry about him.

Now, it's time to heal.

Edited April 23, 2008 by ~Laura and Nick~

[tammy2688 1]

Some advice:

Dear Janna:

I am sorry about your situation. It is not your fault this happened. Many people are fooled by men/women who perpatrate marriage visa fraud. The worst case scenerio was he was using you for a visa, the best case scenario was that this man would have been manipulitive, controlling, filandering, downloading porn and making your life hell.

It is good you were able to get him out of the country on the fiance visa. Let the fiance visa expire. The affidvit of support is only in effect if your fiance had stayed in the USA.

Follow your gut instincts in this situation....

I know you're sad now, but count your blessings you found out now instead of after getting married.

Best wishes, Tina

Hello all. I'm writing once again for some advice and hope that someone can help me out. After 8 months of being separated and waiting for his visa, after going to the interview and passing everything with flying colors, after arriving here in the US and finally being together... I found out that the man I was engaged to was a stranger.

Once here, half the time he was the man I remember; and the other half, he was controlling and manipulative. He also used my computer daily while I was at work to download VERY inappropriate things and to also seek out other women in Minneapolis.

I am broken-hearted... we (or maybe was it just I?) worked so hard throughout this visa process to ensure that everything would work out with the paperwork, the embassy, etc... and of course sometimes relationships don't work out, but this is all just too much. I discovered all of these things on Saturday and he was on a plane tonight, by my choice and his as well. (He still won't admit he did these things although the evidence is all on my computer... he says I've made it all up and that I'm a terrible person for being so judgmental.)

I am wondering--- I know with the I-134, I signed saying that I have all financial responsibility for him. Is that only when he is in the US?? Now that he's on his way back to Europe, am I okay or still liable? Am I safe to just let this visa expire, knowing that he can't re-enter the US? What are the necessary precautions I need to take??

I can't believe this is all happening. Please, someone, say something.

Yes I agree whole heartedly. This is a good thing it ended before something truly damaging could happen. My heart cries with you dear, what hurts th most is these relationships aren't like the ones we might have had before where you are with a person who is already here, who you don't have to do too much for, but here it is entirely different - HERE is a person who you worked months and years for, spent money for, given up family and friends sometimes, for, this is a person you loved beyond distance, sacrificed "easier" relationships for, more important given your HEART to. Believe me, I get it and I know everyone who responded does as well. We cry with you dear, this kind of thing is so painful it can break a woman but you wont do that. You will take this and tuck it away at the strongest corner of your BEING. take it as a thing that happened and it is a doorway to a much better place. right now its not necessary or even important for you to know where that place is, God will take you there, I promise you. Now take our love and prayers and open your eyes to tomorrow, there is literally a end to this ungrateful man...and because is is leaving, he is gone. let it expire and you do not have to worry about supporting him you did everything right and it takes a strong woman to do that!

I'm telling you within a few years this will all be a forgotten thing, you will keep with you all you have learned and the strength you have earned but a man who loves you genuinely for the person you are will not be hard to miss

right now you can cry, rant, everything...but pray too, this will help heal and yes it will be better

sending you my love and prayers

Tammy

[jannaxhitti 0]

I don't even know how I can thank you all for your responses and your support... These past few days have been like something I could have never imagined. I am feeling so many emotions right now--- relief yet remorse, liberation yet complete devastation. I know that this will come to pass... I will heal, and some day this will be a story I can tell that will be educational and somewhat amusing maybe... how could I have put all of myself into something and someone who turned out to be like this??? How could I not have seen the things I now see? Once I have taken a step back, things are so much more clear. There are red flags that I could have paid attention to long ago, but I chose to ignore them in the name of love. I know it is cliche, but "hindsight is 20/20".

The things you all have said to me over the past day have been invaluable and have literally kept me moving along. And I must move along, march forward... inside I know that what I have done is the best for me, but that doesn't necessarily make it hurt any less...

All I can say to all of you is thank you, merci, danke, tack, gracias, grazie, falmenderit...

[cdneh 3,112]

I believe you've done the right thing.

I admire you for making a heartbreaking and difficult decision.

[rebeccajo 14]

Notify USICS and tell them you have called off the wedding and that you want to withdrawn the application on his behalf.

Your finacial responsibility is ONLY for him in the UNITED STATES and what you signed agreeing to such, only really comes into play when he tries to get Welfare or some other form of government funded benefit. Meaning, if the Government has to pay for him, they will come to you to get re-reimbursed.

I know I am new here, but in my experience in working with people in the area of Immigration to the United States, "love" was rarely the real reason, as in, the person with the most to gain is the person who gets to come to or stay in the United States. Sorry to be so negative about it, but its a reality.

If you had the immigration experience you claim to have, you'd realize that she has signed nothing yet which gives her any legal financial responsibility.

[Krikit 1,164]

If you had the immigration experience you claim to have, you'd realize that she has signed nothing yet which gives her any legal financial responsibility.

If it hadn't been for the syntax, I almost thought it was Tito.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

the same thing struck me

specially with the fun little final paragraph...

[LadyJane 1]

the same thing struck me

specially with the fun little final paragraph...

If only the words were bolded...

[StillThePrettiest 3]

for a fun little cross-bred tito/zqt you mean? zqtito?

[Creel 0]

I'm so sorry for your experience, but if you privately talk to any of us Albanian wifes you will see that it is not out of the ordinary at all. I lived with my husband in Italy for over two months before I came home and applied for a fiance visa and he was very different when he got here and when we got married he really changed. The American women and the Albanian man is a hard sell as they don't believe after you are married that you should talk to any men other than family members, you should cook all their meals, etc. If you spent anytime with him in his own country you would have had some warning of the change just watching them interact with their own women I visited twice, but was still shocked on a few of the things he thinks).

That said, I am glad you had the guts to do what you needed to do. We've been married almost 14 months and he is just now starting to adapt and be less pushy (but then I've adapted too so he has less to push about). I would agree that if he went home without fighting it was probably not VISA fraud, but lack of cultural compatability.

Take care and be strong.

[bora bora 1]

Good luck OP.

[herself 0]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I agree with previous posters that it's best you found out before you got married. If you added his name to any bank accounts or credit cards remove his name asap. Give yourself a big pat on the back for standing up for yourself right away and treat yourself to something really nice- You deserve so much better than what he was doing for sure!

[Wes and Shiela 2]

Well, I have to say I disagree completely. I am very sorry to read that your relationship broke down so quickly after he arrived here. My advice is contrary to all of the prior posts which say “forget him and move on with your life”. I think if you are both willing, and if you still believe the relationship can be salvaged, you should try to open up a line of communication with your (ex?) fiancé. If you sincerely believed that this was the love of your life, than you owe it to yourself not to give up so easily.

To give up after one week and one major argument, after all the time, money, and effort was spent in getting him over here, especially when it is common (and expected) that there is going to be an adjustment period for the new immigrant (which usually lasts a lot longer than a week), well let’s just say, it seems like a “heat of passion and the moment” decision on both of your parts.

Everyone has their own expectations of their partner, and what is deemed appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior, but basically from what I read, you got extremely upset about him “surfing the net” while you were at work. Obviously, I don’t know the details, but I can imagine that there is not a whole lot for him to do, 3 days after arriving into a whole new life for him, and if during the extreme boredom that he may have been feeling, all he did was look at some inappropriate websites, it doesn’t sound like the type of thing to throw the entire relationship away on, IMHO.

There is no way to have him come back over on that K1 Visa, so you will have to start the process all over again. Maybe, this will give you both a chance to openly discuss your differences and expectations of one another, and maybe be better prepared for the next round. Or not. At least, if it doesn’t succeed, you’ll know that you’ve given it your best effort, which I don’t think you can truly say that now.