MENA married to Americans...

[palilover 1]

Luckily my husband is pretty laid back. I do not go out or socialize much since I am not into the Friday night bar scene and I don't know many people in boston outside of my work. So opposite sex relationships has not come up. He knows I assosiate with male coworkers and he's cool with that. And by socializing, it's strickly at work....not going out with other men for lunch or anything like that. Funny you mention gays though. While I do not have gay friends, but I cannot say if he'd be cool with it or not. Probably not or at least he would disapprove. At the end of the day, he understands that they are more accepted in America as opposed to middle east so he would have to show a bit of tolerence. And besides, he will live in Massachusetts which is a gay marriage state so......

He is good and helps with household chores but in the limited time we've lived together here, it has been when he sees me cooking or cleaning. He'll help then and won't just sit around and watch me do it.

Only issue we have is the difference in family. Well, it is not really an "issue" per se. It is what it is. Things are different and that's a fact. And it'll just take getting used to because it's all a cultural thing and how the families between the 2 cultures are different.

[S and S 12]

How about expectations on support/assistance for the family back home?

Ohh, you're really gonna have to make him understand that thing with having Homosexual Friends. Not only are they male (which he won't accept his woman having) they also have an alternative sexual preference which is hated by MENA men/women.

Not by all, and there are plenty of people with alternative sexual preferences in the Middle East/North Africa.

Apparently there are none in Iran According to Ahmadnajid

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Mine is not here yet but i have picked up on the family differences....there are time i could care less to see my married kids ha or how im not all in their life....this is new to him as his sister and her husband and baby come back to the family home most every weekend. I told him no way will that happen here especially living in the same city.

Money im sure he will like to help when he can but i believe he does understand we will not be rich either.

Food, i try to explain many things, he said he will try if he dont like he just wont like and wont eat. With the meats he said he perfers if we can find if not then ok.

Chores...for now he SAYS he will more than willing to help so we will see, i know when i was there he is good to do trash and clean kitchen. Since he is also little spoiled not sure on the real cleaning scrubbing or cooking but he does sound interested to do the outside yard and make it pretty

Work now he is his own boss, i explained rules of work and you wont go home at lunch for 2 hours to eat and have your rest time, and you will do what boss says even if u dont like or be fired.

Also one thing i get often is the cost of things. He feels this attitude to get a pair of jeans for say 60. and i say no way will i spend that much for jeans. They feel (which is true to some point) i think the more you pay and brand that they will be ohhhhhhhh so fine. I told him only to make himself feel special because no one else will know the cost or care here. Maybe me but i have to buy what i can afford....and for sure he cant afford this thought there and i for sure told him get rid of it before come here.

[S and S 12]

Mine is not here yet but i have picked up on the family differences....there are time i could care less to see my married kids ha or how im not all in their life....this is new to him as his sister and her husband and baby come back to the family home most every weekend. I told him no way will that happen here especially living in the same city.

Money im sure he will like to help when he can but i believe he does understand we will not be rich either.

Food, i try to explain many things, he said he will try if he dont like he just wont like and wont eat. With the meats he said he perfers if we can find if not then ok.

Chores...for now he SAYS he will more than willing to help so we will see, i know when i was there he is good to do trash and clean kitchen. Since he is also little spoiled not sure on the real cleaning scrubbing or cooking but he does sound interested to do the outside yard and make it pretty

Work now he is his own boss, i explained rules of work and you wont go home at lunch for 2 hours to eat and have your rest time, and you will do what boss says even if u dont like or be fired.

Also one thing i get often is the cost of things. He feels this attitude to get a pair of jeans for say 60. and i say no way will i spend that much for jeans. They feel (which is true to some point) i think the more you pay and brand that they will be ohhhhhhhh so fine. I told him only to make himself feel special because no one else will know the cost or care here. Maybe me but i have to buy what i can afford....and for sure he cant afford this thought there and i for sure told him get rid of it before come here.

Last time I was in Oklahoma City I couldn't find any halal type stores there which was odd since there is such a nice new mosque on the NW side of the city. At least you have an arab population there so he will not feel like he is completely out of place.

[Rocketta 0]

Also one thing i get often is the cost of things. He feels this attitude to get a pair of jeans for say 60. and i say no way will i spend that much for jeans. They feel (which is true to some point) i think the more you pay and brand that they will be ohhhhhhhh so fine. I told him only to make himself feel special because no one else will know the cost or care here. Maybe me but i have to buy what i can afford....and for sure he cant afford this thought there and i for sure told him get rid of it before come here.

My hubby is the opposite. When I was in Jordan there was an upscale restaurant in the hotel but it was a fight because after he saw the prices.... and it didn't matter that I was going to pay or not.

[Rocketta 0]

I asked my husband if he's ready to deal with women flirting with him? He was like no big deal. I don't think he thinks it will ever happen. It's going to be some kind of ride when he gets here. LOL

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I think many are going to be surprised when here, especially the two that keep posting on here thinking they will be the big rulers

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Ohh, you're really gonna have to make him understand that thing with having Homosexual Friends. Not only are they male (which he won't accept his woman having) they also have an alternative sexual preference which is hated by MENA men/women.

Sarah, My husband is typical algerian...No male friends period LOL

[sereia 0]

For those of you who's husband's are not here yet but are posting in this thread...

you're ALL going to be surprised! Just because you discussed things ahead of time, agreed to things, or observed how they are in their home countries...it sure does not mean they are going to be like that here! Good or bad. But don't expect it to go just as it was when you visited him (or even if you LIVED with him!).

Edited April 21, 2008 by sereia

[Rocketta 0]

For those of you who's husband's are not here yet but are posting in this thread...

you're ALL going to be surprised! Just because you discussed things ahead of time, agreed to things, or observed how they are in their home countries...it sure does not mean they are going to be like that here! Good or bad. But don't expect it to go just as it was when you visited him (or even if you LIVED with him!).

Well that's part of the excitement isn't it. You're right there is no telling how things will be when they get here because you can't control anyone. All I can be clear on is what is and isn't acceptable to me and to be clear in my head what I will and won't accept.

[Nasturtium 500]

OK, here are some general issues which I have heard of people encountering or have had experienced myself or discussed myself:

1. Dress-- to cover up or not!

2. Friends of opposite sex, touching opposite sex, emailing/calling opposite sex

3. attitudes about morality-- this can come up about homosexuality, watching movies, etc which have these subjects

4. cleaning/household maintenance

5. pets

6. religious tensions including icons

7. familial relations-- i know my husband makes sure i call my family several times a week which i normally did anyway, but some may not be used to this

Anyway, these are some of the things that I have heard about or had to deal with or talk about in my own relationship.

[Michaela_Hassan 1]

OK, here are some general issues which I have heard of people encountering or have had experienced myself or discussed myself:

1. Dress-- to cover up or not!

2. Friends of opposite sex, touching opposite sex, emailing/calling opposite sex

3. attitudes about morality-- this can come up about homosexuality, watching movies, etc which have these subjects

4. cleaning/household maintenance

5. pets

6. religious tensions including icons

7. familial relations-- i know my husband makes sure i call my family several times a week which i normally did anyway, but some may not be used to this

Anyway, these are some of the things that I have heard about or had to deal with or talk about in my own relationship.

My husband and I had discussed many of the above subjects before he came. Lucky for us, he hasn't changed much from his previous views. I do have friends of the opposite sex, and he doesn't mind as long as we don't get too chummy and he is included, which I don't have a problem with at all.

One of my best friends is a homosexual, and I knew Hassan had a little trouble with that, but he's always handled himself in a respectful manner towards him, and even put forth effort to include him in our lives. When I'm working he helps me with the household, although he prefers not to. We have cats that come into the house...so no problem there. I think communication is really important before the guys arrive, as a matter of fact, before you make any serious committments as in marriage or filing papers for someone. Of course it's always a little different from the way it was discussed before, there are things I thought wouldn't bother me, and I'm sure that goes for him as well, that turned out to be somewhat of a problem later, nothing serious but little things....so if you're in a relationship like this, both of you have to be flexible in my opinion.

Michaela

[sereia 0]

For those of you who's husband's are not here yet but are posting in this thread...

you're ALL going to be surprised! Just because you discussed things ahead of time, agreed to things, or observed how they are in their home countries...it sure does not mean they are going to be like that here! Good or bad. But don't expect it to go just as it was when you visited him (or even if you LIVED with him!).

Well that's part of the excitement isn't it. You're right there is no telling how things will be when they get here because you can't control anyone. All I can be clear on is what is and isn't acceptable to me and to be clear in my head what I will and won't accept.

Absolutely! Its very exciting and wonderful to have your spouse finally here! I'm glad you are clear on what you are willing/not willing to accept. Buttttttttt... what will happen if he changes his mind? Are you going to just throw him back on a plane if he doesn't like your pet, your male friends, or (insert thing here)? Trust me, its not that easy. I had things I was crystal freaking clear on. But once he got here and things changed...its not so easy to say you still demand something and they demand the opposite. Then what?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I am sure we cant imagine if our guys are not here yet (exactly) what is ahead, i know i was there a month and learned and saw many new issues. OFF SUBJECT but once when we were talking on computer i dont even remember subject but i said something to the effect if he didnt behave i would put him on slow boat to China (in jest) there was silence for while, then he ask TO CHINA?

[sarahaziz 0]

How about expectations on support/assistance for the family back home?

Ohh, you're really gonna have to make him understand that thing with having Homosexual Friends. Not only are they male (which he won't accept his woman having) they also have an alternative sexual preference which is hated by MENA men/women.

Not by all, and there are plenty of people with alternative sexual preferences in the Middle East/North Africa.

You are right there are quite a few H.Sexuals but they aren't welcomed or out in the Open. In usa you can marry and hold hands. You get murdered or beat if you do that there.

I don't like the thought of support or assistance. My spouse said they don't need anything since they get money from France and that's almost double USD. I hope it stays that way!

We fought big time over that money issue whewwww!

massachusetts has marriage, but they are not recognized by the federal govt. other states have civil unions, etc., but it's a far, far stretch to say "In usa you can marry". and there's a whole lot of homosexuals murdered and beat here at home. i think it's trivializing to paint the picture that it's totally hunky-dory to be homosexual in the us. too much pain and suffering happens every day to be written off like that.

That's your opinion. This forum is an example. Women don't mind homosexuals and they will befriend them. I don't care that's not my life but the statement still stands it's more open here on american TV, people you see in the real world. It gives off to other countries that "America has lost it's values to let that happen". I assume and I'm just guessing here you believe in Gay rights it's why you are compassionate to them and it's not a bad thing at all. We have to be compassionate to everybody. I believe It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. If you choose to go out in public and go against Old fashioned values and exclaim your gay you're basically asking for it. It's a risk. I don't wish to bash Gay rights so I will say I don't believe in them.