yahoo! i'm going to be step mom!

[erintoronto 0]

oh my goodness. i don't look at this for a couple of days and BOOOOM! all kinds of folks have said all kinds of helpful things. i'll have to respond later... you know, when i'm not in the office and 'working'

[erintoronto 0]

i'd like to send out a big THANK YOU for all of the comments, advice, input shared in this thread. sorry it took so long to reply... it's been a very hectic week. tgif!

He still needs some work with listening, paying attention and his manners- but it is coming along.

i'm glad to hear it! it sounds like you're really making a positive effort in his life.

we're lucky that lucas will eat pretty much anything. and he LOVES things like smoothies and hummus so it's easy to get him to eat his fruits and veggies.

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

diapers are the easiest part, teenagers are the problem. You need to teach him to respect you now and be prepared his ex may be nice now but that can change. Your husband needs to be supportive with you and you with him. It takes teamwork to make it work so be prepared.

team work, most definitely! so far things are working out nicely. even lucas' mom is helping us so david can take time to travel to see me. we'll just have to keep doing our best and hopefully it will always stay fairly positive.

Seeing as how I've never been a step-anything, I probably don't have that great of advice to give. However, since I have known a few in my time, all I can say is try not to be too overly offended if (and when) you and your step-son get into an argument and when acting paternal, he yells something at you about how you're not his "real" mother.

Obviously, you know this, but you'll probably be caring for him. As such, words like that would likely hurt (and they'd be intended to, as well), but most of the time children and teenagers don't stop to think about how their words and actions affect others beyond the present. If anything, they live in the "now" far more than most adults do and because of this, lack some understanding as to why something they say today may still sting someone tomorow.

They'll learn though.

yes, i'm already preparing for the 'you're not my mom' that might happen at some point. then again, i'm hoping that won't happen and i think that provided david and i can work together on it, we'll be fine. lucas' parents were never together at any point since he was born so he doesn't know what it's like to have two parents in the same household. i think that might be an advantage, but we'll see what happens over time.

Run for you life. Kidding. I was a stepmonster once, to the worst Spawn from Helll ever. Hated every second of it. After that, I decided never to date a man who had children --- ever, ever.

But I'm sure you'll do fine sweetie pie. there are a couple of websites where stepmoms gather and talk about their lives as well. Check them out too.

"run for your life". HILARIOUS! i had a few moments when i thought about it but honestly, once i started falling in love with david i couldn't help but fall in love with lucas. david wouldn't be who he is without lucas.

I became a step mom of 3 boys.... 3, 5 and 8 years old now.

Well my best advice is, try not to become crazy when he is. I got my moments where they drive me nuts, I must admit 3 kids is a handfull. But now I have learn my limits and my hubby knows when it's time for me to retreat

three?! wow. lucas is enough of a handful on his own at times. hats off to you! and i'm glad your hubby knows when you need a break. that's VERY positive

You've gotten some great advice here, Erin. (Len's is the best one, though. )

Run for you life. Kidding. I was a stepmonster once, to the worst Spawn from Helll ever. Hated every second of it. After that, I decided never to date a man who had children --- ever, ever.

But I'm sure you'll do fine sweetie pie. there are a couple of websites where stepmoms gather and talk about their lives as well. Check them out too.

OMG, I did the same! There was this one really nice guy I dated who had me running in the opposite direction in record time. I mean, I probably beat the world speed record, I was outta there so fast. He was well educated, fantastically situtated, but he had 3 young kids who he wanted a mother for. ((Apparently his wife was mentally unstable and lived (and/or was institutionalized) a few hundred miles away.)) On our first date he told me that his goal was to be married by Spring. I believe I met him in February. Yeah. Good times.

OH. MY!

My ex's wife has no children of her own but she is a family psychologist, so one might THINK she would know how to act, or at least how NOT to act, as a step-parent.

My kids accept her as their dad's wife but she has interfered so much and forced herself upon them so often that they tolerate her at best and bide their time when they're with him until they come back to me. Even tho she said she knew she wasn't their mother, she sure tried to act like one and that alienated them.

I refuse to talk with her about anything related to the children. It's not her place to be in the middle.

David's daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. I do not interfere with his parenting decisions.... she and I are good friends and my girls love her as much as if she were their biological sister.

Jen

jen - it must be really challenging with your ex's wife. it sounds like you are doing your best in a tough situation. all you can do is keep things positive for the kids, right?

i'm really missing david and lucas these days. they've been busy with hockey and soccer. i can't wait to get back to evanston so i can go to the rink with them again. i never would have imagined myself in this situation but, man oh man, does it ever make me a happy, happy girl

THANKS AGAIN