yahoo! i'm going to be step mom!

[erintoronto 0]

i feel so blessed. not only did i meet the love of my life (david), but he has an amazing 8 year old son (lucas). i've spent quite a bit of time with lucas already (we always make a point of all 3 of us spending some time together when i visit), and he likes talking to me on the phone from time to time. he is such a firecracker!

i have no children of my own at this point so parenting is a very new thing to me. although things with lucas have been great during my visits, i know that once i get there reality will set in. it seems that a lot of parenting skills are just common sense. however, i want to do the very best i can.

lucky for me david and lucas' mom have a very good relationship. i should make it clear that in no way do i want to take the place of lucas' mom. i just want to be supportive and a good parent. if you have tips or advice i'd be happy to hear them.

thanks so much!

(i also posted this in the 'off topic' forum, but i'd also really appreciate the advice of my fellow canucks )

[Emancipation 2]

I also became a step mum of 2 fab kiddies when I married my USC hubby!

The best advice is to just be there for the kids.. determine to be someone in their lives that will love them.. that's how I see my role..They don't need another "Mom" they have a great one right now.. I just want to love them, and support them.. and support my husbands role of daddy in their lives.

I also listen and try not to poke my nose into my hubby & his ex's business - I told her straight up that THEY were the parents and I was determined not to poke my nose in when and where it didn't belong. That means giving them time to talk and to just sort stuff out and be as supportive as possible. There are times I help hubby on his "phrasing" of things or try to present what I would perceive as his ex's reaction to things he needs to say etc. It can work without there being jealousy and frustration and I'm determined to live that way for the best interest of the kids.

[Earmuffs 1]

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

[erintoronto 0]

I also became a step mum of 2 fab kiddies when I married my USC hubby!

The best advice is to just be there for the kids.. determine to be someone in their lives that will love them.. that's how I see my role..They don't need another "Mom" they have a great one right now.. I just want to love them, and support them.. and support my husbands role of daddy in their lives.

I also listen and try not to poke my nose into my hubby & his ex's business - I told her straight up that THEY were the parents and I was determined not to poke my nose in when and where it didn't belong. That means giving them time to talk and to just sort stuff out and be as supportive as possible. There are times I help hubby on his "phrasing" of things or try to present what I would perceive as his ex's reaction to things he needs to say etc. It can work without there being jealousy and frustration and I'm determined to live that way for the best interest of the kids.

thanks so much for taking the time to write this. sounds like you're doing a fantastic job with the kids

i'm trying my best to be patient and understanding when it comes to things between lucas' parents. it's a learning process and i remind myself that as long as david and lucas are happy that nothing else matters in the situation. they are making it work. of course, i know once i'm there i'll really see it all happening and will have to adjust to how things happen in their day-to-day. i should print out your post so i can read it over on the days i might get frustrated with things. a friendly reminder

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

very true (though we'll probably get there with kids of our own at some point...)

Edited April 20, 2008 by erinanddavid

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

Just wait 50 years.

Erin, does your step-child have red-hair? I'm just kidding, I'm sure you'll do fine. The fact that you get along so well with the ex will go a long way to making the transition so much easier. Good luck!!!!!

Edited April 20, 2008 by IR5FORMUMSIE

[erintoronto 0]

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

Just wait 50 years.

i have to say, i thought about that, too...

Erin, does your step-child have red-hair? I'm just kidding, I'm sure you'll do fine. The fact that you get along so well with the ex will go a long way to making the transition so much easier. Good luck!!!!!

heehee. no to the red hair. i have yet to actually meet the ex in-person, but have navigated my way through many situations with david as a 'representative', so to speak. i'm looking forward to meeting her and seeing the 'mom' side of things from her perspective. but i'm leaving introductions up to when she and david feel comfortable with it. no point pushing something that will happen in time

thanks for the 'good luck'!

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

thanks for the 'good luck'!

No problem!!!!!!!

[MissStacey 1]

I am a stepmom to a 6 year old boy. We share him 50/50 with his mother. I enjoy the time he is with us and I enjoy the time he isn't.

I am much more strict with him than Mel. Mel used to let him get away with anything. Even Mel's friends give me compliments how good I am with him (they noticed he was getting to be a spoiled, out of control child)

His eating habits have improved since I came into the picture. He used to only eat chicken Mcnuggets, pizza and spaghetti O's. His mother does not like veggies and never feeds him any and Mel was not firm enough with him to get him to eat a normal meal. He does pretty good now with eating healthy foods and enjoys many of the vegetables I serve.

He still needs some work with listening, paying attention and his manners- but it is coming along.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

well at least you got to skip the shitty diaper days..

diapers are the easiest part, teenagers are the problem. You need to teach him to respect you now and be prepared his ex may be nice now but that can change. Your husband needs to be supportive with you and you with him. It takes teamwork to make it work so be prepared.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Seeing as how I've never been a step-anything, I probably don't have that great of advice to give. However, since I have known a few in my time, all I can say is try not to be too overly offended if (and when) you and your step-son get into an argument and when acting paternal, he yells something at you about how you're not his "real" mother.

Obviously, you know this, but you'll probably be caring for him. As such, words like that would likely hurt (and they'd be intended to, as well), but most of the time children and teenagers don't stop to think about how their words and actions affect others beyond the present. If anything, they live in the "now" far more than most adults do and because of this, lack some understanding as to why something they say today may still sting someone tomorow.

They'll learn though.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Run for you life. Kidding. I was a stepmonster once, to the worst Spawn from Helll ever. Hated every second of it. After that, I decided never to date a man who had children --- ever, ever.

But I'm sure you'll do fine sweetie pie. there are a couple of websites where stepmoms gather and talk about their lives as well. Check them out too.

[Mephys 2]

I became a step mom of 3 boys.... 3, 5 and 8 years old now.

Well my best advice is, try not to become crazy when he is. I got my moments where they drive me nuts, I must admit 3 kids is a handfull. But now I have learn my limits and my hubby knows when it's time for me to retreat

[Krikit 1,165]

You've gotten some great advice here, Erin. (Len's is the best one, though. )

Run for you life. Kidding. I was a stepmonster once, to the worst Spawn from Helll ever. Hated every second of it. After that, I decided never to date a man who had children --- ever, ever.

But I'm sure you'll do fine sweetie pie. there are a couple of websites where stepmoms gather and talk about their lives as well. Check them out too.

OMG, I did the same! There was this one really nice guy I dated who had me running in the opposite direction in record time. I mean, I probably beat the world speed record, I was outta there so fast. He was well educated, fantastically situtated, but he had 3 young kids who he wanted a mother for. ((Apparently his wife was mentally unstable and lived (and/or was institutionalized) a few hundred miles away.)) On our first date he told me that his goal was to be married by Spring. I believe I met him in February. Yeah. Good times.

[JenT 0]

My ex's wife has no children of her own but she is a family psychologist, so one might THINK she would know how to act, or at least how NOT to act, as a step-parent.

My kids accept her as their dad's wife but she has interfered so much and forced herself upon them so often that they tolerate her at best and bide their time when they're with him until they come back to me. Even tho she said she knew she wasn't their mother, she sure tried to act like one and that alienated them.

I refuse to talk with her about anything related to the children. It's not her place to be in the middle.

David's daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. I do not interfere with his parenting decisions.... she and I are good friends and my girls love her as much as if she were their biological sister.

Jen

[MissStacey 1]

You've gotten some great advice here, Erin. (Len's is the best one, though. )

Run for you life. Kidding. I was a stepmonster once, to the worst Spawn from Helll ever. Hated every second of it. After that, I decided never to date a man who had children --- ever, ever.

But I'm sure you'll do fine sweetie pie. there are a couple of websites where stepmoms gather and talk about their lives as well. Check them out too.

OMG, I did the same! There was this one really nice guy I dated who had me running in the opposite direction in record time. I mean, I probably beat the world speed record, I was outta there so fast. He was well educated, fantastically situtated, but he had 3 young kids who he wanted a mother for. ((Apparently his wife was mentally unstable and lived (and/or was institutionalized) a few hundred miles away.)) On our first date he told me that his goal was to be married by Spring. I believe I met him in February. Yeah. Good times.

To be perfectly honest, if I am ever in a position again where I am single- I would only want to date men who have no kids.