Help please - personal matter about the fiance visa

[Ursa Tripudio 2]

If you meant me, My intent was not 'bashing'.

I felt that to be of any help, my statement needed to be very direct and pointed.

I will spend my time attempting to help. I don't waste my time attacking people.

[LoriLawless 0]

If you meant me, My intent was not 'bashing'.

I felt that to be of any help, my statement needed to be very direct and pointed.

I will spend my time attempting to help. I don't waste my time attacking people.

I didn't mean you, or anyone else in particular, just an observation.

I agree with what you said.

[Ursa Tripudio 2]

If you meant me, My intent was not 'bashing'.

I felt that to be of any help, my statement needed to be very direct and pointed.

I will spend my time attempting to help. I don't waste my time attacking people.

I didn't mean you, or anyone else in particular, just an observation.

I agree with what you said.

Cool. Thanks!

[nane1104 146]

I think in general there is nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex, BUT:

To me this is only okay if your fiance is cool with that, but you lied to your fiance about this friend- more than once, you know he is not okay with it and you keep on spending time with him, how disrespectful.

I tell you what, if I did that, my fiance would have left me after the first time he found out I was lying about another guy, "just friend" or not.

This guy Jeff is in love with you, so you are playing with his AND your fiances feelings-- are you enjoying the fact that you have two men who want to be with you? If that is the case, you are not ready for marriage.

[mawilson 2,133]

[Amby 490]

the fiance is quite a patient guy. were i was in his shoes i'd have punted the op to the curb a long time ago.

like this charles?

[Nessa 23]

[Fandango 1,439]

Thanks to everybody on their opinion. I need to say a few more things here. I got Jeff out of my place. He was sleeping in a trailer near our house btw and just hanged around us - we had meals together and such. Now it all comes down just to him coming to dinners twice a week and he hangs a lot around my mom when I am not around. He talks a lot to her and she is helping him to get back on his feet. He needs that. My fiance thinks that Jeff didn`t really change his plans but that he is still after me. But I am not talking about personal stuff with Jeff anymore and we are not as good friends anymore. However Eric is still uncomfortable with it and he would prefer if Jeff would stop coming to dinners and go places with me and my parents. I just think there is no harm in that and that It is doing more good to Jeff than it is doing bad to Eric. I care for both Jeff and Eric, but I don`t feel romantic about Jeff. I just have trouble telling him to get lost. I think it has helped him to see how it is to have a family and to hopefully wish one for himself. Apart from this one. When Eric told me he feels bad about me going out alone with Jeff I stopped doing it. But now he is asking that Jeff would stop coming just twice a week to our house to dinners. And I don`t think he has the right to do that. He says that he feels bad over us bonding with another guy while he is so far away. I am willing to let Jeff go away and me never seeing him again after Eric comes. But for now I think it is doing Jeff good to go on the right path in his life. And it won`t harm Eric any because it is him who I am interested in.

Eric says though that when he would be there that it wouldn`t be such a problem because he would be with me and spend the time with me, but that it is a problem to him while being so far away, while Jeff is close.

The trouble is that my parents are also very nice and they have trouble telling Jeff to go away too.

methinks the lady soooo gets off by being adored...even if it is by an unambitious bum.

Oh, and if you're the non-USC, yer parents are prolly keepin Jeff around so that you 'fall in love' w him and stay in your country.

oh, btw 'we're not as good of friends anymore'...from when? 2 days ago?

that'll be $200 please!

Edited April 20, 2008 by Happy Bunny

[Vi Mazzella 4]

I'm pretty open minded but I think you are making a huge mistake. Eric has all the rights to be upset and jealous. Get rid of you "friend".

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

I didn't read all the replies, so I'm sorry if I repeat things.

First, stop leading Jeff on. He's getting all these mixed messages, he probably thinks that you have a relationship. You "go out" with him to dinners once or twice. And by keeping him around and sharing your deep feelings and problems with him messing with his head. Have you told Jeff that you love your fiance and you want to be with him, and not Jeff. It's none of our business and I don't care if you have, but I have a feeling that you have done more than just talk with him.

I don't blame Eric one bit for the way he feels. I'm actually pretty surprised that he hasn't dumped you yet, having caught you in a lie on at least 3 occasions about your "friend". I would have dumped you by now for sure. No man should ever let a woman play with his emtions like that. Everybody is right, you love the attention. But everybody likes attention, so I can't blame you too much there. Like others have said, reverse the situation. Imagine he had a girl who was living with him and was in "love" with him, and think how you'd feel about that. Exactly!

Edited April 20, 2008 by kid brooklyn

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Jeff sounds like my sister's first husband. What the f#ck is wrong with some women? Adopt a kitten to feel better.

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

methinks the lady soooo gets off by being adored...even if it is by an unambitious bum.

Oh, and if you're the non-USC, yer parents are prolly keepin Jeff around so that you 'fall in love' w him and stay in your country.

oh, btw 'we're not as good of friends anymore'...from when? 2 days ago?

that'll be $200 please!

Think you hit the nail on the head 100%!!!

[amiquechu 0]

I have told Jeff that I am not interested in him and that he will have to stop coming to dinners once Eric will be about to come.

Can't you see the double standard????????

Its Jeff when Eric's not here. It should make no difference is Eric is here or not!!! I think what really needs to happen is Eric needs to forget about you. You're making his life hell.

There have been some questions about your age. Are you actually 16? Your thought processes seem not to have matured past that point.

I've got $10 that says she's 16 and Jeff's a veteran of the sex offender registry. Any takers?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hi everybody,

My name is Susan. There are a lots of experienced people here so I thought I would write a letter here and hear your opinion on things as far as my matter goes. I would be thankful for any comment. I am in the process of my boyfriend getting the fiance visa. My fiance is feeling bad over something and I don`t change anything about it so the tension keeps happening.

I have a male friend who has been a friend of mine for a long time. We have seen each other once in a month or two.I will call him Jeff here . I had problems with my boyfriend (Eric) the last time he was here so after he left to his country, I felt the need to talk a lot and share my problems so I became close with Jeff because he would listen. I was not interested in Jeff romantically but he was interested in me. He asked me to go out with him once or twice a week and we went to dinners. It was fun to get my thoughts off the problems I had with my boyfriend Eric.

I didn`t say anything to Eric about going places with my friend Jeff because I didn`t want Eric to find out because I thought he would think something more was going on maybe. Anyway, after some time Eric has found out about it and he felt bad.

My friend Jeff happened to be sort of a bum. I have known him for 14 years, but lately since we became closer I felt sorry for him. He became homeless and I invited him to come live at my place with me and my parents. We didn`t say anything about how long he could stay. Since he was in love with me he has imagined that I invited him to stay.I didn`t but it was hard for me to tell him to get lost. During that time my boyfriend Eric was on the other side of the ocean waiting for his fiance visa. Of course I didn`t tell him anything about my male friend Jeff moving in with my family because it wouldn`t look good, but again after a few weeks Eric has found out about it and felt bad over it. He asked me if I could possibly get my friend Jeff out of my place because he felt bad about it. However Jeff really wanted to stay and I had trouble telling him to get lost. I didn`t want to hurt him. However my boyfriend Eric was hurting at the same time being on the other side of the ocean. He kept telling me how although he trusts me, he feels bad that another guy gets to spend so much time with me and my family bonding while two of us have problems and are separated at this moment.

At the same time Jeff was jelaous of Eric since he was in love with me and he was playing guilt trips on me. He was fun on times though so I continued to go out with him and went shopping for his clothes with him, etc.

Eric knew about some of these things and he kept complaining how he feels bad about it. I got tired I have to admit of the constant complain. But I just didn`t know what to do. After 4 months - I gave my friend Jeff some money to rent him an apartment near my place so he moved out. But he keeps coming to dinners two times a week at my place to have dinner as a family with my parents and sometimes he goes with us to places - like Zoo or teh dinner out. I kept that secret from Eric because I don`t want him to feel bad. But he found out about it and it makes him upset and he feels abd and he cries , etc... He says although he trusts there is nothing romantic going on between me and Jeff that he feels bad over him getting the chance to bond with us and spend more time with me that Eric can - he lives in another country. On teh other side as I said - Jeff is in love with me and he says he loves my family too and he would feel bad if I would tell him taht we can`t have dinners together as a family or go places. When we go someplace fun or have dinners it is me and Jeff and my mom and dad.

Eric is taking all that hard and he would prefer if Jeff wouldn`t be so much in my life. He has hard times he says dealing with the situation, but I just don`t feel I would give in and tell Jeff he can`t come to my house anymore.

However when Eric would come on the fiance visa - Jeff would have to go - and I am not sure how that will look like. Because although for 14 years I have been friends with Jeff, since I told him he can come to live at my place with me and my parents he says he got in love with me and he cries that Eric when he comes is going to take all that away from him.

Anyway - I need you good people` help. Am I a little too hard on Eric , or do you think he should trust me and not complain about the situation. He says he trusts me but that he is afraid what can come out of the situation if it continues.

And I feel he doesn`t trust me. During the past year I have broke up with him several times. But we are back "together" now. Although I haven`t seen him for over year and a half. He should be coming on fiance visa soon . there is little time to talk and he is asking if we could talk at the time that is reserved for Jeff coming to our place to dinners. I feel like I was checked up by those calls when Jeff is there so last time Eric called I didn`t want to answer the phone and I told so to Eric.

Anyway - please comment because it is important to me. I would like to do the right thing. I think Eric is overly jelaous. I never had such a jelaous boyfriend. Or am I seeing things wrong?

Thank you all,

Susan

Susan,

First mistake is to expect your SO to be comfortable with anything he has to "find out about". A good relationship requires openness and honesty, first and foremost. Any "after the fact" explanations will not appear genuine to the other party, no matter how innocent they are.

[franklie 0]

to me it seems like this poster is a troll... I could be wrong though... and if I am, I apologise.