Going back home

[tashyta 0]

The problem is that he doesn't know himself what he wants to do with his own life, he hasn't decided yet

[franklie 0]

The problem is that he doesn't know himself what he wants to do with his own life, he hasn't decided yet

As a PTSD survivor, what was just written is fairly typical of someone trying to cope w/ post traumatic stress. Google PTSD and read up a little on it. Your man needs help in coming to grips with his experiences in a war zone even if he does NOT realize nor want it.

[tashyta 0]

As a PTSD survivor, what was just written is fairly typical of someone trying to cope w/ post traumatic stress. Google PTSD and read up a little on it. Your man needs help in coming to grips with his experiences in a war zone even if he does NOT realize nor want it.

He doesn't want it simply because it'll take time which he doen't have. Right now he has to solve tons of problems: business, army, health, taxes and most of them already overdued. He doen't know what to start from. And I'm sure he'll refuse just because of lack of time. Though I know he talks from time to time with his friend who was also in Iraq about war and consicuences and he sais he feels better after those conversations.

[Peggy 1]

Sorry to hear about your problems.

I hope things work out for the best

[MarkNAshley 0]

Tashyta, I have followed your previous threads and applaud you for taking the steps to do what is best for you. I can not imagine how hard this decision was for you to make, and know that you have support in your decision.

All the best,

[Army_Wife 2]

He doesn't have to talk to you about what is troubeling him. I think you would have a hard time to process such information and he has a point to protect you from it.

BUT- he needs help from professionals. I know that sounds frightening to a lot of people, but he needs help. Try to comvince him to accept help for his and your sake.

Maybe he will do it if he sees that you will stay. Maybe he needs a definite sign from you that you will stay behind him and have his back!?

He sounds like a pretty stubborn person too, but I am sure, if he feels your love, it will touch his heart.

Oh gosh, I am sending you some big hugs, you are in such a tough spot!

I agree, it does sound like he is trying to protect you .... and unless you've got experience with PTSD and what they go through in Iraq, he's probably doing the right thing to a certain extent.

But, yes, he needs professional help, and like I said, the VA can also organise financial compensation .... I think PTSD counts as 10-30% disability of his military pay, and it would help matters financially ... they also have helpgroups and counselling. At the moment, he's avoiding the issue considerably by the sounds of it, and he must be scared of what is happening to him and his life ..... everything will feel out of control.

These PTSD guys may look tough on the outside, but a lot of them are falling apart inside and don't know what to do.

You need to be strong, and consider whether you're up to the task, as it's a very hard road to begin with. Trust me, it's even harder when you're thousands of miles away, but they do get better, and sunny days do come back

But it could be time to start unpeeling the layers.

Hugs from me too

I'm reading this thread and thinking to myself, Wow! a man who has got a woman that wants to give him support so that he/they can be a success.

One doesn't find women like that every day.

Here is a link that might help you and your SO. It is the Small Business Administration. They might be able to help your SO restructure his debt and point him in the direction of a cost effective loan so that his business and your relationship can survive.

SBA Finacial Assistance

From the website:

SBA provides a number of financial assistance programs for small businesses including 7(a), 504 and disaster assistance loans.

Good luck

This sounds brilliant, I hope it helps.

[Army_Wife 2]

As a PTSD survivor, what was just written is fairly typical of someone trying to cope w/ post traumatic stress. Google PTSD and read up a little on it. Your man needs help in coming to grips with his experiences in a war zone even if he does NOT realize nor want it.

He doesn't want it simply because it'll take time which he doen't have. Right now he has to solve tons of problems: business, army, health, taxes and most of them already overdued. He doen't know what to start from. And I'm sure he'll refuse just because of lack of time. Though I know he talks from time to time with his friend who was also in Iraq about war and consicuences and he sais he feels better after those conversations.

Yes, he will feel better chatting to his friend who was there .... they did a lot of stuff that makes most of these guys feel terribly guilty .... but they forget that it was what they were trained to do sadly. Back in the civilian world, their experiences seem quite surreal and often mess their heads up for a while.

Also, he could choose to mobilise for a year as Active Duty (Active Reserve) ... as he's NG, there's probably a strong chance he'd be kept Stateside not sent back to Iraq (????) .... it may help him sort his finances with a more solid paycheck and certainly give him immediate access to help .... and there would be no need to worry about health insurance as you'd get Tri-Care ..... just a thought.

[tashyta 0]

Yes, he will feel better chatting to his friend who was there .... they did a lot of stuff that makes most of these guys feel terribly guilty .... but they forget that it was what they were trained to do sadly. Back in the civilian world, their experiences seem quite surreal and often mess their heads up for a while.

Also, he could choose to mobilise for a year as Active Duty (Active Reserve) ... as he's NG, there's probably a strong chance he'd be kept Stateside not sent back to Iraq (????) .... it may help him sort his finances with a more solid paycheck and certainly give him immediate access to help .... and there would be no need to worry about health insurance as you'd get Tri-Care ..... just a thought.

He injured his back in Iraq and hi is not deployable for now but the military requires from him a surgery which should be done in couple months. and usually after surgeries you should stayin the bed for couplemore months which he can't afford with business problems.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Why didn't he just marry you as soon as you arrived here?

[tashyta 0]

Why didn't he just marry you as soon as you arrived here?

I don't really know. Well, three months are not enough to get to know each other very good - that's what he told me. I assume that even one year is not enough...

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Why didn't he just marry you as soon as you arrived here?

I don't really know. Well, three months are not enough to get to know each other very good - that's what he told me. I assume that even one year is not enough...

How long did you know one another prior to moving there on the K1?????

[tashyta 0]

Why didn't he just marry you as soon as you arrived here?

I don't really know. Well, three months are not enough to get to know each other very good - that's what he told me. I assume that even one year is not enough...

How long did you know one another prior to moving there on the K1?????

close to 4 years, but to know each other on the distance and start to live with each other ad get to know each other closely are different. When I came here I found out that he is absolutely different person from the one I used to know

Edited April 18, 2008 by tashyta

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

close to 4 years, but to know each other on the distance and start to live with each other ad get to know each other closely are different. When I came here I found out that he is absolutely different person from the one I used to know

That's totally unfortunate.

If he wasn't ready to take this big next step, he never should have petitioned for you to come over yet....

Now you are like..stuck, not knowing what to do....

I'm so so sorry

[franklie 0]

close to 4 years, but to know each other on the distance and start to live with each other ad get to know each other closely are different. When I came here I found out that he is absolutely different person from the one I used to know

did you come here after his deployment in Iraq?

one other thing, if he is suffering daily from back pain that can affect his outlook on life.

[2manypapers 0]

I am so very sorry that things did not work out for the two of you, but I wish you the gift of peace. I have learned, the hard way, with my visa journey that we can give love, but it take two people that are committed to a future.

You have given him everything, now it is time to give to yourself. God Bless You.

2manypapers