Did i marry the right person?

[Mags 112]

Rebeccajo, thank you for this statement - it is absolutely true:

But with the person you chose to marry in clarity of mind and with soul-baring honesty, it's natural work. Like sweat clears the pores and cools you, the work of long lasting love clears your soul.

It's also beautiful. What a wonderful statement.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

I know this post is coming from the right place in your heart, but I thoroughly disagree with this sentence. You have to start with the right person. Some things can't be talked away, counseled away, compromised away, or whatever. Take this from a person who was very much in love with her ex for years but continued to compromise and be counseled and everything until I was no longer myself.

Yes, marriage is work. But it should be fulfilling work. And that's a matter of continuing to stay the best of friends and keeping an active social and intimate life -- several things people "let go" when work, money, and kids all come into the picture. That's all workable... if you're with the right person.

I fully agree that the right person is key

But, I think in the context of the article, the sentence quoted has a different meaning. It means that it just won't "happen to you" (<- involuntary, effortless) that you'll find a person that you'll fall in love with, and it will last forever without you having to work on your marriage.

Saludos,

Caro

[DARUMA07 25]

always think before acting...and never make a decision, that effects your life on emotions alone..no charge.,.dr dean

Good advice Dr. Dean.... What do you charge for a house call?

[Giskat09 2]

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that ____expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the ____expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . not just a feeling

I really enjoyed this!! I am sure we all ask the question one time or another.. Great post and great pis of you two..

thank you =)

[mawilson 2,133]

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

[Peikko 1,575]

If you are asking the question, you didn't.

[bhajishah 4]

good post!!