communication situation

[forgiven 0]

When I talk online to my g/f in the Philippines and ask some direct questions I seem to never get a direct answer. I end up getting frustrated. Has anyone else experienced this.

The questions can be as simple as why did you miss our chat time today and it turns into a long and confusing discussion. I know our communication styles are different but is this typical?

[David-and-Mae 15]

When I talk online to my g/f in the Philippines and ask some direct questions I seem to never get a direct answer. I end up getting frustrated. Has anyone else experienced this.

The questions can be as simple as why did you miss our chat time today and it turns into a long and confusing discussion. I know our communication styles are different but is this typical?

Hmmmm... I can be like that if the person asking me questions is not even a friend to me. Other than that, I have been, I am and I will be direct to the point because I hate beating around the bush and understands how frustrating it can be. Maybe you should talk to your g/f about it... about how frustrated you are whenever you cannot get a direct answer to a simple question? Have a heart to heart talk with her... that's what you need to do. Open communication is very important especially in a long distance relationship like yours.

Best of luck!

--Mae

[chris4gretchen 1]

Why dont you ask her about her way giving answers..

Tell her you want specific answer everytime you have question.

Gretchen

[RonMay 1]

sometimes you could say its part of the "culture" too like we tend to be seem so polite on not to hurt or offend the person we're talking to (in a way)... people here in the states most likely goes with a YES or a NO answer. its a quite different in the phil... my husband always ask me a certain question whether i like this food or not or if i like this dress or not and most often than not, i always give him a long explanation about my point of views and its not a clear yes or no answer which is kinda bit frustrating to him lol... i told him, its not like i dont like it or i like it, its just that its ok, or i dont mind liking it or not lol... (pointless reasoning) heheh... but what i really meant was that its hard for me to talk negative on a certain things so rather than saying i dont like it (period) i often say, "i dont mind" and it goes on and on lol... like when i say "its up you" (coz i really dont care lol) but he'd take it seriously as if i dont have the mind of my own or something that i have to speak with my own mind (which i did... as ive said, "its up to you" lol) when i gave my views its not always black and white as most of the time, it has to be gray-ish lol ... i wish you'll settle things up and its just a minor thing. somehow you both will learn to understand each other more and more and its just part of the growing relationship... God bless!!!

[RyaNRiza 1]

Does it happen all the time? I hope not because if it does, looks like it's not a good sign.

When I feel unloved I tend to withdraw inside my shell and don't talk so much the way I normally do. Ryan is quite sensitive to my feelings and he knows quite well how to deal with my emotional needs when I am not feeling good inside. One of the qualities I love about my fiance is that he always see to it that he protects my heart, and he is indeed the protector of my heart.

If your problem only happens once in a while, I think she feels unloved or has needs that are not met. Communication in long distance relationship is very challenging. Sometimes we misinterpret/misunderstand each other's messages specially during chats where all you could see and read are words typed on a chat window, and you are to interpret the feelings of the other person which sometimes are misinterpreted that leads to argument. However, if you already know the person quite well, misunderstanding is much much lesser.

Just my thought.

-Riza

[AllRightsReserved 0]

It would be easy to answer if there are no pretensions. Another is using a different language could be a barrier to express fully. But with the simple thing of not being able to chat on a scheduled time, I think it's an easy task for your girlfriend to inform you by leaving an offline message or just text you.as to why she won't be able to talk to you. Maybe how a question is delivered or constructed can affect the perception of the person being asked thus may cause an indirect answer and a long discussion.

I hope things get resolved, communication is the very tool.

[forgiven 0]

We are talking right now about it. I'm a very analytical person so I sometimes read into things too much. I'm a very upfront honest person so I expect others to be that way to me as well. But anyway, I do feel like she goes into too much explanation and then it makes things confusing. I do appreciate everybody's responses and your response as well. I feel comfortable here in VJ and I hope that I will be talking about my "touches" soon.

sometimes you could say its part of the "culture" too like we tend to be seem so polite on not to hurt or offend the person we're talking to (in a way)... people here in the states most likely goes with a YES or a NO answer. its a quite different in the phil... my husband always ask me a certain question whether i like this food or not or if i like this dress or not and most often than not, i always give him a long explanation about my point of views and its not a clear yes or no answer which is kinda bit frustrating to him lol... i told him, its not like i dont like it or i like it, its just that its ok, or i dont mind liking it or not lol... (pointless reasoning) heheh... but what i really meant was that its hard for me to talk negative on a certain things so rather than saying i dont like it (period) i often say, "i dont mind" and it goes on and on lol... like when i say "its up you" (coz i really dont care lol) but he'd take it seriously as if i dont have the mind of my own or something that i have to speak with my own mind (which i did... as ive said, "its up to you" lol) when i gave my views its not always black and white as most of the time, it has to be gray-ish lol ... i wish you'll settle things up and its just a minor thing. somehow you both will learn to understand each other more and more and its just part of the growing relationship... God bless!!!

[RonMay 1]

We are talking right now about it. I'm a very analytical person so I sometimes read into things too much. I'm a very upfront honest person so I expect others to be that way to me as well. But anyway, I do feel like she goes into too much explanation and then it makes things confusing. I do appreciate everybody's responses and your response as well. I feel comfortable here in VJ and I hope that I will be talking about my "touches" soon.

sometimes you could say its part of the "culture" too like we tend to be seem so polite on not to hurt or offend the person we're talking to (in a way)... people here in the states most likely goes with a YES or a NO answer. its a quite different in the phil... my husband always ask me a certain question whether i like this food or not or if i like this dress or not and most often than not, i always give him a long explanation about my point of views and its not a clear yes or no answer which is kinda bit frustrating to him lol... i told him, its not like i dont like it or i like it, its just that its ok, or i dont mind liking it or not lol... (pointless reasoning) heheh... but what i really meant was that its hard for me to talk negative on a certain things so rather than saying i dont like it (period) i often say, "i dont mind" and it goes on and on lol... like when i say "its up you" (coz i really dont care lol) but he'd take it seriously as if i dont have the mind of my own or something that i have to speak with my own mind (which i did... as ive said, "its up to you" lol) when i gave my views its not always black and white as most of the time, it has to be gray-ish lol ... i wish you'll settle things up and its just a minor thing. somehow you both will learn to understand each other more and more and its just part of the growing relationship... God bless!!!

im the very most, super to the max laid back person while my husband is the planner, step by step, to the very detailed process lol... but i guess opposites attracts lol... dont worry ur not alone... we're all going thru the same process especially in this stressful visa applications, not to mention the very long distance relationship... its easy to speculate things when one person cannot feel the other... wish you luck in your journey and hopefully more touches soon... God bless!!!

[AllRightsReserved 0]

Does it happen all the time? I hope not because if it does, looks like it's not a good sign.

When I feel unloved I tend to withdraw inside my shell and don't talk so much the way I normally do. Ryan is quite sensitive to my feelings and he knows quite well how to deal with my emotional needs when I am not feeling good inside. One of the qualities I love about my fiance is that he always see to it that he protects my heart, and he is indeed the protector of my heart.

If your problem only happens once in a while, I think she feels unloved or has needs that are not met. Communication in long distance relationship is very challenging. Sometimes we misinterpret/misunderstand each other's messages specially during chats where all you could see and read are words typed on a chat window, and you are to interpret the feelings of the other person which sometimes are misinterpreted that leads to argument. However, if you already know the person quite well, misunderstanding is much much lesser.

Just my thought.

-Riza

Very nice thought which is also true to me and my fiance'. He knows if I feel low , sad, happy just with the way I reply on our talks. He even knows when to hide bcoz am having PMS

He knows where to tickle me, he would do a funny dance for me. We all have the childish thing in us, no matter which stage of growth we belong. We never end our talks with a miusnderstanding or a hangin' discussion. We have to set aside those prides,lol to keep our long distance relationship alive.

Good day Riza!

[AllRightsReserved 0]

sometimes you could say its part of the "culture" too like we tend to be seem so polite on not to hurt or offend the person we're talking to (in a way)... people here in the states most likely goes with a YES or a NO answer. its a quite different in the phil... my husband always ask me a certain question whether i like this food or not or if i like this dress or not and most often than not, i always give him a long explanation about my point of views and its not a clear yes or no answer which is kinda bit frustrating to him lol... i told him, its not like i dont like it or i like it, its just that its ok, or i dont mind liking it or not lol... (pointless reasoning) heheh... but what i really meant was that its hard for me to talk negative on a certain things so rather than saying i dont like it (period) i often say, "i dont mind" and it goes on and on lol... like when i say "its up you" (coz i really dont care lol) but he'd take it seriously as if i dont have the mind of my own or something that i have to speak with my own mind (which i did... as ive said, "its up to you" lol) when i gave my views its not always black and white as most of the time, it has to be gray-ish lol ... i wish you'll settle things up and its just a minor thing. somehow you both will learn to understand each other more and more and its just part of the growing relationship... God bless!!!

Same here, I sometimes can't say 'NO' worrying that I might offend him.

[Jimmy and Angela 0]

sometimes my wife goes to visit relatives where there is no communication possible.

sometimes i know about and sometimes she goes without me knowing.

it's life in the Philippines

[dbears 1]

If it is a questions like: Do you need anything? Do I need to send you money? What do you want as gift for birthday/christmas?.. then my fiance would get frustrated with me coz I would never answer directly and then I will end up with I will just let you know if I really really really need anything but most often I don't really tell him if I need any material thing and I know it is frustrating him.. but on my part, I am just not comfortable asking or demanding anything material. (Except for the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows .. I cajoled him to order one for me January last year, months before it was released!)

When it comes to emotion and time, I am very vocal. I don't like to wait, valuing another person's time is a show of respect for me so I always make it a point to be online when we agree to be so. but if an unavoidable circumstance occur, i also make it a point to leave offline message or text him or call him so he'd be aware what's going on... and I expect the same from him... i used to bottle up emotions and then let it explode and walk away... but Ricky has helped me deal with emotions, negative and positive, as they come.

But like what Ronmay has said, it could be part of the culture. There are many filipinos who don't know how to give direct answers to simple questions, we tend to elaborate and go round and round about something. And saying "OKLANG" (it is ok) is a standard answer here even if the person is really fuming inside.

I guess that is part of the language and culture barrier. Both of you should compromise and be more open and more understanding with each other to overcome these barriers. You would need to explain to your gf how you are feeling in a particular situation without sounding accusing. And on her part, she should also try to learn how to be direct and more open.

I wish you would be able to resolve everything, there will be more cultural differences along the way but in the end, when LOVE is TRUE, there is nothing that you will not overcome.... I specifically have this words written on our guest signature platter: LOVE TRANSCENDS CULTURE & DISTANCE!

God be your guide always.

[edp333 9]

When I talk online to my g/f in the Philippines and ask some direct questions I seem to never get a direct answer. I end up getting frustrated. Has anyone else experienced this.

The questions can be as simple as why did you miss our chat time today and it turns into a long and confusing discussion. I know our communication styles are different but is this typical?

Yes, it took me and my wife awhile to be able to communicate efficiently. I still get the "up to you" answer, but know what it means now. Cultures and communication are different so you need to learn how to understand and respect each others differences.

Edited April 17, 2008 by edp333

[SqdnGuns 21]

Don't make her "tampo"................

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Don't make her "tampo"................

very well said TongTong, nice advise, yeah don't make her "tampo". LOL!!

Forgiven,

I understand what you meant by that, but maybe you might want to look into yourself also, didn't you just misinterpreted her answers to you? Coz , i am thinking maybe you are misinterpreting the way she constructed her sentences, and made you think she wasn't frankly answering you.. Remember, most Filipinas likes to talk in detailed and so we ended up explaining things even there is no need to explain. Just as simple as that. My husband is getting used to me also being talking like a novel. LOL!! Seriously, try to evaluate your girlfriend, maybe you are only misinterpreting her.

-Shape