How is it possible!!

[~Jackie~ 30]

idk

j

Edited April 16, 2008 by just_Jackie

[simple_male 1]

How do people know it's time to divorce? By all means it's not a personal subject but I see so many divorces these days and divorce parties are a trend now! What goes wrong? I just can't understand how to lose love! It's so impossible in my eyes. Fall in love with somebody think about them talk to them everyday, good memories and then bam divorce. BTW- Arabs are big romantics how could anyone divorce a mena man/woman hahah jk

Lot of things can go wrong in a marriage.

[KandD 1]

For me it was pretty simple, showed up to my few first Al-Anon classes and realized they only teach you how to live in misery without "completely" loosing your mind. Thats when i decided i was done.

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I am suppose to get half of the retirement, but don’t push it. I may one day fight for that, but at the time of my divorce I was so used, abused, and sick of the whole thing, I just wanted to hide. In a way the military life was good, I always had medical care, people that supported you, and it was hard not to live that way anymore. I did get something from my husband’s retirement, a plaque, oh yea, that was the ticket for all the time I spent alone on some base waiting for him to come back from some mission. One time he was home all of two weeks in one year. There is something humors though, my ex-husband doing missions in Kuwait, flying on missions, and now, my husband lives in Kuwait. So I went to being the good naval officer wife to women marrying the supposed enemy. I have lost some friends, but, I will be ok. My ex-husband could care less who I marry; he just wants someone to take me away so he doesn’t have to deal with me. He would be happy if I married Bin Laden himself. I still miss the days of being in the military, the friends, the wife’s, sharing and helping each other.

you might wanna get started on that, i think you'll find it's difficult to get it made retroactive - just think of all that money you've lost already.

[sarahaziz 0]

I am suppose to get half of the retirement, but don’t push it. I may one day fight for that, but at the time of my divorce I was so used, abused, and sick of the whole thing, I just wanted to hide. In a way the military life was good, I always had medical care, people that supported you, and it was hard not to live that way anymore. I did get something from my husband’s retirement, a plaque, oh yea, that was the ticket for all the time I spent alone on some base waiting for him to come back from some mission. One time he was home all of two weeks in one year. There is something humors though, my ex-husband doing missions in Kuwait, flying on missions, and now, my husband lives in Kuwait. So I went to being the good naval officer wife to women marrying the supposed enemy. I have lost some friends, but, I will be ok. My ex-husband could care less who I marry; he just wants someone to take me away so he doesn’t have to deal with me. He would be happy if I married Bin Laden himself. I still miss the days of being in the military, the friends, the wife’s, sharing and helping each other.

Don't feel so bad Mrs, your ex stayed with you 23 years too it means he couldn't let you go bc he knew you were a good catch. Probably too good. His hate is formed by his sorrow of losing the good times with you also. I really believe hate is love gone bad. But the past is past and everything happens for a reason. There's gotta be alot of things you love now that couldn't have happened before. Life is what we make it. It's better to have gone through alot rather than wonder what could have been. Now you know what you didn't lose!

[sara535 15]

I dont think divorce is always horrible. I was 12 when my parents divorced after 20 years of marriage and it was such a relief. My parents were miserable together and they made the entire household miserable. They have each gone on in the 20+ years since to make completely new and different lives for themselves and both of them are wayyyyyy happier than they ever were together that I can remember.

I definitely think divorce should be an option at the very end of the line of trying to make things work but honestly sometimes people get married who really just shouldnt be together and at some point its better for everyone involved (including the kids) to just cut the losses and move on...

Just my 2 cents

[sarahaziz 0]

I mean most of the reasons put forth I feel it could be worked on. If the feeling isn't new, go renew it do something like when you were dating i.e. movie theatre, buy ice cream. If you're having trouble with each other not feeling loved just say I love you even if you don't mean it. I watch Joyce Meyer she's an inspirational speaker and she said the people who don't act like they need love are the ones who are hurting for some love and they're who need it the most at that time. Don't let your spouse find comfort in somebody else. Make them know what you need and ask them what they need. There are just so many solutions I feel could prevent all that stuff. Abusive husbands/wives have had a painful past or going thru stuff and try to take it on their spouse but that needs counseling. I take care of any misunderstanding or problem right away communication is the key for anything and everything.

Also my aunt told me fight naked. old 3arab women are freaks btw.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I mean most of the reasons put forth I feel it could be worked on. If the feeling isn't new, go renew it do something like when you were dating i.e. movie theatre, buy ice cream. If you're having trouble with each other not feeling loved just say I love you even if you don't mean it. I watch Joyce Meyer she's an inspirational speaker and she said the people who don't act like they need love are the ones who are hurting for some love and they're who need it the most at that time. Don't let your spouse find comfort in somebody else. Make them know what you need and ask them what they need. There are just so many solutions I feel could prevent all that stuff. Abusive husbands/wives have had a painful past or going thru stuff and try to take it on their spouse but that needs counseling. I take care of any misunderstanding or problem right away communication is the key for anything and everything.

Also my aunt told me fight naked. old 3arab women are freaks btw.

Someone posted a challenge that a minister had for all married couples to have sex every day for a month. These are all things couples should do to keep their marriage happy. Earlier someone said their parents were unhappy and it was harder for the kids when they were together but what if those parents (both) worked really hard to be happy, wouldn't that have been a good example to show their children?

I think people that stay together and are both misserable could have tried many things to be happy if they really wanted to? Not all but some if not a majority

Edited April 16, 2008 by Gaby&Talbert

[Malarie 0]

You can have all the high values in the world and the best of intentions when you marry...things happen. It has become easier to (change) relationships here but there usually is more of a reason than im just tired of them....you cant plan ahead for things not known....i doubt anyone marrys with the thought in the back of their mind, oh well if it dont work i can divorce..In the olden days women stayed in abusive marriages because they had no where else to go, now they dont have to accept this and are more capable to care for themselves and their children. Life is not really something taught its an experience.

Amen to that!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I mean most of the reasons put forth I feel it could be worked on. If the feeling isn't new, go renew it do something like when you were dating i.e. movie theatre, buy ice cream. If you're having trouble with each other not feeling loved just say I love you even if you don't mean it. I watch Joyce Meyer she's an inspirational speaker and she said the people who don't act like they need love are the ones who are hurting for some love and they're who need it the most at that time. Don't let your spouse find comfort in somebody else. Make them know what you need and ask them what they need. There are just so many solutions I feel could prevent all that stuff. Abusive husbands/wives have had a painful past or going thru stuff and try to take it on their spouse but that needs counseling. I take care of any misunderstanding or problem right away communication is the key for anything and everything.

Also my aunt told me fight naked. old 3arab women are freaks btw.

so then everything is based on a lie, not good and makes you hold resentment inside, cant live a good life based on a lie

Edited April 17, 2008 by brnidokiegurl

[sarahaziz 0]

No no not in that way as lying, but if you rekindle the love by saying I love you if you dont mean it in that VERY minute you know? I.e. when you guys are fighting not feeling the love just still say it.

[Aymsgirl 0]

I can say I was married the first time for 12 years and I married extremely young. Not that I was ignorant but I went into my marriage thinking oh he would never......

Well, I was married to a man that lived a double life for 12 years. I was never abused physically but emotionally and I found myself making excuses as to me being the reason he did some of the things he did. We tried counseling, he would quit, I would continue. It was like I was the one trying to get help for something I didn't have a problem with, he did. I called it quits when he actually broke the law and I decided I didn't want that nonsense in my life anymore and I am so thankful that I did what I did.

My SO and I were friends way before lovers. I am so glad that he is the person that I can share my deepest secrets and feelings with. This is somethig that I now know was not right in my first marriage. I feel like my ex brought me down in so many ways I lost who I was. When I got together with my SO he taught me to trust, live and laugh again. It's amazing the things that you realize you overlooked or made excuses for when you are actually out of the relationship. So I can say I knew it was time for a divorce when I knew I would have no open questions and no regrets. I walked into that courthouse that day knowing that I did the right thing and I believe he did too.

[sarahaziz 0]

I guess divorce could be in some peoples destiny ? One person stops working at a marriage that's such a reasonable answer it makes alot of sense.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Maybe so, or maybe that person just makes it his/her destiny. It takes both sides showing that you want it and you want it bad enough to fight for it. My best advice would be to keep communication open and always keep those eyes and ears open too!!

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't think it matters if divorce is your destiny or not (if you even believe in that). It's very easy to say that people should divorce and just profess their love to each other. But life isn't always a Hollywood movie. Sometimes people are too hasty in getting married or they get married young and change. Some people don't discuss important issues before getting married and just wait for them to come up later. And some people just don't even respect the word marriage.

I can honestly say that there wasn't a damn thing I could to change the outcome of my previous marriage. Saying I love you wouldn't have done a thing for me. Like Sara said, divorce isn't a bad thing. When I was in my early 20's I used to think that I would never get a divorce and that I would just do whatever I could to make my marriage work. REALITY CHECK, why do I have suffer miserably in the name of marriage? You don't and getting a divorce is nothing to be ashamed of. When things go beyond the point of repair, you will most definitly know.