Russian wisdom from Natasha

[KGSodie 0]

When a Russian woman isn’t happy, the man is wrong. Natasha says this is just common sense. If I try and argue the point with her, she isn’t happy and says I’m wrong. It seems like a circular argument to me, but what do I know – I’m a man!

[mox 298]

When a Russian woman isn’t happy, the man is wrong. Natasha says this is just common sense. If I try and argue the point with her, she isn’t happy and says I’m wrong. It seems like a circular argument to me, but what do I know – I’m a man!

Why must you insist on making her unhappy Kevin?

[KGSodie 0]

When a Russian woman isn’t happy, the man is wrong. Natasha says this is just common sense. If I try and argue the point with her, she isn’t happy and says I’m wrong. It seems like a circular argument to me, but what do I know – I’m a man!

Why must you insist on making her unhappy Kevin?

I always suspected Mox was secretly a Russian woman!

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Ohhh, Kevin... Alla's wisdom too! Any thing that goes wrong follows with this... "Jeffery, you are man. You responsible. You must repair this situation. I am only helpless woman!"

[KGSodie 0]

This was actually a bullet item from a post I made on my site today. Here's the blog entry in all it's gory detail:

It was four weeks ago today that Natasha, Vika and I arrived in Omaha together. I thought I’d take a few minutes and offer some recollections and insights from this period.

American ketchup isn’t as good as Russian ketchup, but America mayonnaise is better. This tidbit is from Vika, who says that American ketchup contains more water than its Russian counterpart. Perhaps I need to shop for some caviar-like ketchup, since all I buy is the normal Hunt’s version. Because I don’t eat ketchup myself, I don’t know if there are ‘superior’ versions available. She didn’t say why our mayo is better - just that it is.

Chocolate cupcakes are like Russian crack. I made a dozen the other day, and they were gone in about 10 minutes. Sure, I had 2 myself, but that doesn’t account for the other 10! If only the food import laws for Russia weren’t so complex, I’m sure I could make some money. “Hey man, you holding any more of those cupcakes? I’m really hurting….”

When a Russian woman isn’t happy, the man is wrong. Natasha says this is just common sense. If I try and argue the point with her, she isn’t happy and says I’m wrong. It seems like a circular argument to me, but what do I know - I’m a man!

If anyone out there has played the game “Bratz: 4 Real” on the Nintendo DS and knows how to obtain a pet (I’m sorry, that’s “Petz” with a little trademark symbol), Vika will pay good money for the information. Well, good money or good cupcakes, that would be your choice.

Vika has gone through my DVD collection and extracted all the animated films and relocated them to another shelf. She didn’t tell me this, though, so when I saw them on a shelf I put them back into the alphabetically arranged main area. She then asked me to please put them back, because she didn’t know the English alphabet well enough yet to find them again! I have, of course, obliged. After all, she is a Russian woman-in-training and wasn’t happy!

American soda from a vending machine is only drinkable after an appropriate period of microwaving. In order to give oneself a cushion, you should never microwave all of the soda. Some should be kept as a cold reserve in case the microwaving causes the soda to be too hot. It may then be added to the hot soda to create a pleasantly lukewarm soda, fit for human consumption.

Black pepper should be applied to food in such a manner that you can count the individual black specks. This counting should preferably involve no more fingers than you personally have. In any more liberal of a quantity, it is highly toxic.

A home is not considered messy as long as everything is in a drawer and the drawer is closed.

Hamburgers, prepared with ketchup and mustard and cucumbers, are just as good for breakfast as they are at any other time of day.

If the speed limit sign says “60” then a reading of “61” on your speedometer means Death is stalking you. After personally observing traffic in Moscow, I have no idea from where this notion springs. Unless maybe Death drives a really slow car.

Shorts and T-shirts do not constitute a wardrobe.

Cheese, even when served with macaroni, should not have begun as a powder.

To be truly comfortable, a pillow should only barely fit through the door to your house.

Good peach juice can only be sucked through a straw with great effort, and is not generally available here in the USA.

Bologna is actually pretty good sausage.

An omelet made with eggs, cheese, onion, and sausage tastes infinitely better when made and consumed in Russia than when made and consumed in America. Vika instructs that this has to do with the fact that when made in Russia, it is made with Russian eggs, and Russian cheese, and Russian onion, and Russian sausage.

In Russia, if I didn’t wear slippers when out of the bedroom, I was uncouth. In America, as long as I am wearing socks then all is well. I think it has to do with the carpeting we have here versus the cold laminate and tile used in the house of Natasha’s parents.

If you hard boil an egg and cool it, and the shell is difficult to remove it means the egg is fresher than one which peels easily.

The game of ‘Life’ is pretty fun to play as a family, whether you can read all the spaces or not.

The typical meal served in a Russian restaurant costs about the same as it does in a comparable restaurant in the USA. However, the meal served to one person in the American restaurant could feed an entire Russian family.

Why, yes, the store IS within walking distance here, but we have a car!

Depending on what I’m cooking in a skillet, I might use butter, or margarine, or oil, or spray shortening. Vika witnessed me spraying oil from a can and was mesmerized. She insisted that the next time I needed to do this, that I summon her so she could try it.

What do you mean you don’t make spaghetti using ketchup?

Speaking of cooking, Maria has taught Vika how to make instant mashed potatoes, which I think is fast becoming one of Vika’s favorite snacks. So, if you’re keeping score, cheese shouldn’t be powdered but potatoes can start as flakes.

I keep a variety of breakfast cereals on hand, as well as some farina products - raisin bran, captain crunch with crunch berries, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, life, etc. If it’s basically a sugar cube wrapped in a thin layer of some sort of organic material, and then coated with as much sugar or frosting as will fit in the box per FDA standards, then it is ‘delicious’. Life and Raisin Bran don’t qualify as ‘delicious’.

[eekee 182]

Isn't microwaving soda dangerous??? I am picturing explosions.

Many Russians I know believe that microwaving something will give you cancer. Hmm.

[shikarnov 7]

This was actually a bullet item from a post I made on my site today. Here's the blog entry in all it's gory detail:

...

This was hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing!

I can't wait to find out what Ira will think about the US once she gets here (20 more days!)

Z

[shikarnov 7]

Isn't microwaving soda dangerous??? I am picturing explosions.

Many Russians I know believe that microwaving something will give you cancer. Hmm.

In Ivanovo, they seemed to like cold soda - so this is a bit of a mystery to me..

As for the cancer, they're probably right. But, what the Нell, according to the Mayans we're all going to die in a little over 4 years anyway, so I say, nuke your soda with zeal!

Z

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Alla always drank her Coca-Cola cold from the refrigerator. Her and her kids consider the microwave is the greatest thing to make perfect бутерброд. Thank goodness these are two problems I will not have to deal with!

Isn't microwaving soda dangerous??? I am picturing explosions.

Many Russians I know believe that microwaving something will give you cancer. Hmm.

[KGSodie 0]

Isn't microwaving soda dangerous??? I am picturing explosions.

Many Russians I know believe that microwaving something will give you cancer. Hmm.

Hmmmmm, she always pours it into a glass and nukes it for 30 seconds. I haven't noticed any problems, other than it's bubbling pretty good when we take it out of the microwave.

Alla always drank her Coca-Cola cold from the refrigerator. Her and her kids consider the microwave is the greatest thing to make perfect бутерброд. Thank goodness these are two problems I will not have to deal with!

Isn't microwaving soda dangerous??? I am picturing explosions.

Many Russians I know believe that microwaving something will give you cancer. Hmm.

So THAT'S how you spell бутерброд. I've only heard it pronounced, not spelled out, and when I sounded out the letters I knew just what you were talking about! Natasha and Vika (and myself) also very much enjoy this, and Natasha and Vika also prefer the microwave for its preparation. I still like to use a skillet, even if it is more work.

[melusine 5]

some were excellent !!!!!!!!

You need to put it on the new life in america... it's priceless !

Edited April 15, 2008 by melusine

[Chris & Olya 0]

How about whistling in doors? While this is not a problem with my fiance, I thought that I have heard somewhere that this is not a good thing to do in russia

[eekee 182]

If you whistle indoors, you'll lose all your money.

my favorite russian superstition--when you get a new apartment or house, make sure you make a cat go in first because apparently the first being that goes into the house or apartment will die first.

How about whistling in doors? While this is not a problem with my fiance, I thought that I have heard somewhere that this is not a good thing to do in russia

Edited April 16, 2008 by eekee

[visaveteran1 33]

Russian women pass down their wisdom and points of view from generation to generation. In fact, I have a tender photo of a mom teaching her daughter the ways of being a woman.

[mox 298]

Kevin, that was fantastic.

I woke up my dog reading "American soda from a vending machine is only drinkable after an appropriate period of microwaving." I'm still laughing!