Here I go again.....

[rdsey 0]

It's been along time since I been on here, I had received alot of good advice. If you remember my husband after receiving his gc up and moved to dallas, tx., he stated he could make more money there. I was going there every other weekend we were in marriage counseling. We had seen 3 different counselors, they all said we needed to go our seperate way. I was determined to fight for my marriage. Well my husband was only making $10.25 hrly. and he was still on the singles line, this time to females in New York because that was his next move. His "reason" to make more money to be able to start his own business. He will stay ther a year. When and if he returns it will be time for removal of conditions. To me he was indirectly telling me he only married me for his status. I had gone to Immugrations to file a complaint, talked to investorgator shared the evidence I had plus emailed his single profiles that included his photos, she said they were opening up a case on him. I never heard from anyone. I made an info pass, I did the same thing this time with info about NY, I even made them aware the length of time we had been married and how long we lived under the same roof, still nothing. One of the females from NY stated she was in same sitution, gave me # and address to Homeland Security, she said when they investagated they deported her husband. I did that and still nothing. I am on both sides of the fence. I want to be married to him but I dont want to be used. I was feeling like all that I have done trying to get in checked out, the doors were shut in my face, so he made me want to fight even harder for my marriage. He said the single line is an addication and he had been going to counseling for that. Whn he was in Dallas he stated ther were people from Oklahoma that followed him there, they bad mouthed him and kept him from getting a decent job, now that hes in NY he is saying the same thing and even says his phone is bugged. I told him he was paronied and there must be a reason as to why. Any advice?

[CarolynRitesh 0]

I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for at this point - what to do with your relationship, or what to do about his Immigration status - so I will just say my thoughts...

I can appreciate that you want to make your marriage work, that it is very important to you, but please ask yourself this: do you have a real marriage right now? Do you have trust for him, or love from him? Do you have honesty? Why do you feel that it is important to fight for this marriage, when he has never really been involved with you since he arrived? Why do you continue to fight for this marriage, or believe things like someone would follow him from one state to another keeping him from getting a good job?? Even if they really didn't like him, how many would go to such trouble - unless he really really really is a bad seed and they didn't want him to affect someone else...

I feel for you, I really do - it seems that your desire for love and marriage has blinded you (partially at least) to the truth of this situation. Please take care of yourself, and think very hard if you want to continue to support him in any way - financially, to get his 10 year Green Card, etc.

[wifetobe 2]

I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for at this point - what to do with your relationship, or what to do about his Immigration status - so I will just say my thoughts...

I can appreciate that you want to make your marriage work, that it is very important to you, but please ask yourself this: do you have a real marriage right now? Do you have trust for him, or love from him? Do you have honesty? Why do you feel that it is important to fight for this marriage, when he has never really been involved with you since he arrived? Why do you continue to fight for this marriage, or believe things like someone would follow him from one state to another keeping him from getting a good job?? Even if they really didn't like him, how many would go to such trouble - unless he really really really is a bad seed and they didn't want him to affect someone else...

I feel for you, I really do - it seems that your desire for love and marriage has blinded you (partially at least) to the truth of this situation. Please take care of yourself, and think very hard if you want to continue to support him in any way - financially, to get his 10 year Green Card, etc.

I agree with Carolyn very well said. Not only did he deceive you but he has evaded immigration laws as well and being at the stage where you are now makes me peeve because there is nothing that can be done. Unless you can withdraw the affidivit of support that might make it harder for him to receiev his unconditional GC? I'm sure someone will correct me on that..I wish you all the strength and energy to do the right thing. Good luck.

[rdsey 0]

I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for at this point - what to do with your relationship, or what to do about his Immigration status - so I will just say my thoughts...

I can appreciate that you want to make your marriage work, that it is very important to you, but please ask yourself this: do you have a real marriage right now? Do you have trust for him, or love from him? Do you have honesty? Why do you feel that it is important to fight for this marriage, when he has never really been involved with you since he arrived? Why do you continue to fight for this marriage, or believe things like someone would follow him from one state to another keeping him from getting a good job?? Even if they really didn't like him, how many would go to such trouble - unless he really really really is a bad seed and they didn't want him to affect someone else...

I feel for you, I really do - it seems that your desire for love and marriage has blinded you (partially at least) to the truth of this situation. Please take care of yourself, and think very hard if you want to continue to support him in any way - financially, to get his 10 year Green Card, etc.

I agree, i'm not blind I see it but dont want to see it. I want it to be that my husband married me because of love, and not gc. I was stating that each time I tried to get him looked into it fails, like this is God saying it will work out just know, so He (God) is interveing so our case is not looked into. I might just be doing wishful thinking.

[nane1104 146]

I remember your previous posts about your situation. I am sorry he is doing this to you, but honestly, I can only have so much sympathy for you.

How much longer do you want this guy using you and making a fool out of you?

Have some self respect, file for divorce and have him try to remove conditions by himself. I don't think he will have a good chance to do so. And then see how he will react. Right now, he is still somewhat "nice" to you, wait until he starts showing his real face.

I too respect your wish to make this marriage work, but to me, a marriage is a bond between two people who are dedicated to each other and your husband is not. Let it go and find a man who is worth it.

[*JG* 2]

You stated you wanted to be married......this is not a marriage. This is him using you. Get rid of him and move on with your life. Lose all contact with him.

You seem like a nice, caring person. You deserve so much more then what you are given right now.

[rdsey 0]

You stated you wanted to be married......this is not a marriage. This is him using you. Get rid of him and move on with your life. Lose all contact with him.

You seem like a nice, caring person. You deserve so much more then what you are given right now.

[/quo

When John was still living in Dallas I did file for a divorce, and gave him the papers to sign, he threw them away and explained to me why he didn't want the divorce, again I fell for it. I just recently found emails from his ex-wife and when he left he told her he was comming back, but told me they were divorcing before he left Germany. I just today found that info. Even when we were together he was still pulling her leg about needing to make money and become a man of himself. The very words he said to me with both of his moves. I really know which way this is going now.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

You stated you wanted to be married......this is not a marriage. This is him using you. Get rid of him and move on with your life. Lose all contact with him.

You seem like a nice, caring person. You deserve so much more then what you are given right now.

Jomo, this is exactly what I was going to say.

This is NOT a marriage.

Wake up! You are following this man all over the country, from Texas to NY. It's obvious he wants nothing to do with you.

He wants his green card and you were the vehicle for it.

I'm sorry, your heart must be broken completely but it's time to accept what kind of man your "husband" really is. He doesn't love you.

You deserve someone who lives under the same roof as you, who respects you, loves you, someone who is working towards the same goal in life. A best friend, a lover and a soul mate. What you have with this man is not what marriage is at all.

When will you come first? It's time to live for you hon, and not him. You can only do so much...you can only give and give and give but when do you get something in return? It's not fair to you...be true to yourself!!!!

It will suck for awhile...but as time goes on, you will heal, you will grow and you will move on.

Do it for yourself, that's all you really have.

Best of luck always.

[TracyTN 237]

If immigration opened a case on him, they may not let you know exactly what they're doing, but chances are high that they are investigating him. I would want to know that, too, however. I'd basically harass them into an answer. Use the info below to see what you can find out:

You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

If immigration opened a case on him, they may not let you know exactly what they're doing, but chances are high that they are investigating him. I would want to know that, too, however. I'd basically harass them into an answer. Use the info below to see what you can find out:

You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423.

USCIS fraud investigations unit may not do anything YET. Remember, this cad...ooops , "lad" has to finish the race and there's still one hurdle, Removal of Conditions, to jump. Why would the agency place time and resources into something now, when there is a perfect opportunity to trip this guy up later on down the line?

If immigration opened a case on him, they may not let you know exactly what they're doing, but chances are high that they are investigating him. I would want to know that, too, however. I'd basically harass them into an answer. Use the info below to see what you can find out:

You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423.

USCIS fraud investigations unit may not do anything YET. Remember, this cad...ooops , "lad" has to finish the race and there's still one hurdle, Removal of Conditions, to jump. Why would the agency place time and resources into something now, when there is a perfect opportunity to trip this guy up later on down the line?

[Nutty 2]

I think you are in TOTAL DENIAL!!!!!!

There are times when I see someone who is being taken advantage of by someone and I want to help. But that person needs to wake up first from their wishful thinking.

You keep mentioning you are "fighting for this marriage." But you are the only one. Your husband certainly isn't. This ####### story about him being followed by people from Oklahoma and now people giving him trouble in NY is ridiculous!!! Even three marraige counselors could not convince you the guy you are with is a scoundrel.

I really don't know what to say, other than wake up and smell the coffee! Stop allowing yourself to be a doormat! Have some love and pride for yourself! Realize you are being abused and used by con artist who knows a mark (easy con victim). Contact the Department of Homeland Security and give them all the info about the marriage fraud.

Stop looking for other opionion to justify or validate your reasons for allowing yourself to be in this situation.

It's been along time since I been on here, I had received alot of good advice. If you remember my husband after receiving his gc up and moved to dallas, tx., he stated he could make more money there. I was going there every other weekend we were in marriage counseling. We had seen 3 different counselors, they all said we needed to go our seperate way. I was determined to fight for my marriage. Well my husband was only making $10.25 hrly. and he was still on the singles line, this time to females in New York because that was his next move. His "reason" to make more money to be able to start his own business. He will stay ther a year. When and if he returns it will be time for removal of conditions. To me he was indirectly telling me he only married me for his status. I had gone to Immugrations to file a complaint, talked to investorgator shared the evidence I had plus emailed his single profiles that included his photos, she said they were opening up a case on him. I never heard from anyone. I made an info pass, I did the same thing this time with info about NY, I even made them aware the length of time we had been married and how long we lived under the same roof, still nothing. One of the females from NY stated she was in same sitution, gave me # and address to Homeland Security, she said when they investagated they deported her husband. I did that and still nothing. I am on both sides of the fence. I want to be married to him but I dont want to be used. I was feeling like all that I have done trying to get in checked out, the doors were shut in my face, so he made me want to fight even harder for my marriage. He said the single line is an addication and he had been going to counseling for that. Whn he was in Dallas he stated ther were people from Oklahoma that followed him there, they bad mouthed him and kept him from getting a decent job, now that hes in NY he is saying the same thing and even says his phone is bugged. I told him he was paronied and there must be a reason as to why. Any advice?

Edited April 15, 2008 by Nutty

[Nutty 2]

What a con artist!!!!

There is a saying,"God helps those, who help themselves."

What have you done to help yourself from being used by a con artist?

Con artists techniques are famous because they use all their charms and sweet talking to manipulate good natured people.

When John was still living in Dallas I did file for a divorce, and gave him the papers to sign, he threw them away and explained to me why he didn't want the divorce, again I fell for it. I just recently found emails from his ex-wife and when he left he told her he was comming back, but told me they were divorcing before he left Germany. I just today found that info. Even when we were together he was still pulling her leg about needing to make money and become a man of himself. The very words he said to me with both of his moves. I really know which way this is going now.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

What a con artist!!!!

There is a saying,"God helps those, who help themselves."

What have you done to help yourself from being used by a con artist?

Con artists techniques are famous because they use all their charms and sweet talking to manipulate good natured people.

When John was still living in Dallas I did file for a divorce, and gave him the papers to sign, he threw them away and explained to me why he didn't want the divorce, again I fell for it. I just recently found emails from his ex-wife and when he left he told her he was comming back, but told me they were divorcing before he left Germany. I just today found that info. Even when we were together he was still pulling her leg about needing to make money and become a man of himself. The very words he said to me with both of his moves. I really know which way this is going now.

Steady there, Nutty! Unless you've been in rdsey shoes, and I strongly suspect you haven't, I am not sure you could begin to understand the realm and enormity of the tidal wave of emotion that comes after realising that a marriage has been used by someone that is loved by the victim.

It takes time to permit the acknowledgment to sink in, and then, and only then can one begin to heal. That can't be forced, and often times the consequence of learning that one has been used, causes more damage to the self-esteem. "moving on" are words that simply augment the pain at this point. Let's be gentle.....

[desert_fox 32]

Some day you will get very angry at all of this. Then, at that time, you will realize what has been happening...until then, you are trying to believe all of this, but you know from a gut feeling that it doesnt make sense.

[SaadBell 0]

We all can be used by these people, even people who work in the field with these individuals are conned. Human predators of all kinds are excellent at cloaking their true motives and true direction.

They do this by using soft words and by never acknowledging exactly what it is that they want, or where it is that they are going, until they have achieved their objectives until it is too late to reverse their encroachment or predatory intentions.

The average human being becomes prey because they do not identify a predator quick enough. And the predator of humans in business transactions, manipulations, emotional transactions and relationships is effective because they never show their true colors. They are effective because they do not.

It is exactly like the answer I got from a herpetologist, or an expert in snakes a long time ago. The question is:

"Why is it that we are able to see a large snake crawling across an open lawn towards a bird or an animal, and not see the animal move to escape."

Perhaps instead of seeing people as good or bad, we need to begin acknowledging a third group . . . the "Tricksters." Tricksters have the appearance of goodness that enables them to take advantage of others, taking all they can get, legally or illegally. These folks live through their possessions and material wealth means a great deal to them, although they may affect a humble, self-effacing attitude. It is not the mugger in the alley or other obvious shady characters we need to fear, for we have learned their ways. Disguised with charming manners and a smiling countenance, real danger lurks in an overly solitious new acquaintance who offers friendship easily . . . and just as easily withdraws it. Tricksters have two faces - one that smiles when we are helping to further their agenda, and another that turns cold when we can no longer support their projects or need financial help ourselves.

The following identifying markers will help alert people to the presence of "Tricksters":

A. Being insecure, yet proud, they will talk badly about other people, trying to get you to agree. They recount stories of personal success, but are stingy with praise for others.

B. Most of their waking hours are consumed with schemes for making money with the least amount of effort.

C. They have few, if any, real friends. These people are afraid to get close to anyone they can't completely control, for fear their deceptive nature will be uncovered. It may seem they are offering friendship and help, but it is only a mirage, acted out to gain one's confidence. Does confidence/con-man ring a bell?

D. They are excellent self-promoters, and have an exaggerated sense of their place in the eternal plan . . . delusions of Grandeur . . . and believe their calling is above that of others.

E. Except for sarcastic wit and put-down jokes, they lack a sense of humor, and almost never laugh at themselves.

F. They concentrate great energy on presenting an image of competence. Everything is done for show and the admiration of others. Their homes feel cold and empty, even when decorated with expensive art and creative furnishings.

G. They lack the "nurturing instinct." Most of the care they provide derives from a sense of responsibility imposed by society's expectations.

H. They often live through their children, trying to mold them in their image and disregarding the child's individuality.

I. Their most miserable moments are when they are low on cash and their happiest are those spent with newly acquired possessions or money itself.

J. They have a knack for borrowing money or getting people to give them something valuable for a small down-payment and big promises.

K. They cannot brook criticism, even constructive, and their authority must never be questioned.

L. Not always, but more often than not, they are fitness oriented, as they need to maintain their image. This interest in appearing fit usually has little to do with good health. This emphasis on outward appearance may include such health destroying practices as fad diets, over-consumption of alcohol instead of food, strict starvation diets, and often bulimia.

M. They love to talk, but only listen to find personal weaknesses or flaws in those with whom they converse, which can be used to their advantage at some future time, i.e., blackmail.

N. They love to draw up and sign agreement contracts as a way to help "protect" you.

O. Believing themselves above the law, they circumvent as many regulations as possible to cut operating costs.

P. They lie, or tell half-truths, and evade direct questions.

Q. They underpay their workers, employ illegal aliens, keep employees on part-time status to avoid tax and insurance costs, and lie on their tax returns.

R. They "lure" people into money making schemes and partnerships to separate them from their money, and are adept at discarding folks who are no longer useful to them or have been sucked dry.

S. They use relatives and friends to do work they would otherwise have to pay professionals for.

T. They are cold, calculating, litigious, and rarely accept responsibility for failure. They act from their mindless ambition, seldom from their heart.

U. Spouses and children are controlled financially as well as emotionally. Their work and business are always more important than family time. Money is their first priority.

V. They are expert at blaming and putting others down to make themselves look good.

W. They are filled with fear, instead of light, and are overly concerned about security arrangements, their own well being, and naturally, their own eventual death.

X. If they own pets, they are usually expensive "show pieces," pedigreed animals, even wolf hybrids, a sad mix if ever there was one. Such animals often suffer emotional neglect, becoming either lonely, depressed, or vicious guard dogs.

Y. You can never trust them completely. They wear you out, mentally and emotionally with plans, schemes, gossip, and inside information.

Z. You can't relax around them as they are never truly happy or relaxed themselves, and always have a new "trick" or moneymaking project up their sleeves.

Not all tricksters display all of the above characteristics, but enough of them to be recognizable when we sit down to analyze their behavior. Why are we so often mesmerized by their dazzling reflections when our common sense should be flashing yellow warning lights before our eyes? Perhaps it is because these tricksters are adepts at using our own character weaknesses, manifestations of ego, and lack of suspiciousness to their own advantage. Sometimes we are just too stressed and preoccupied to listen to warning messages coming from deep within.

It is a matter of survival that we listen to the Spirit, evaluate our own motives, and use wisdom when beginning new ventures with new people. It is not character weakness or negativity on our part to check a person's references or past history before developing a relationship. Neither is it cold nor ruthless to terminate a developing relationship when we sense we are the "main course" on their menu.

Determining the source of the light that illuminates our new charismatic acquaintance's countenance is only common sense . . . something that is not so common anymore. Without the basic survival instinct of common sense, we may be lured like moths to the Trickster's moon-like brilliance and possible loss, damage or emotional destruction.