Being a step parent!!

[nana_356 0]

Hello VJ family,

well my circumstance, truly sucks, and I need to vent and also need some advice!! My husband and I gave been together for 5 years, he has a

12 yo son. He want not married to his sons mother but they lived together when their son was a baby. They seperated when JR was

4 1/2 years old. So he was too young to remember when his mom and dad was together. My husband and his ex were seperated for 3 or 4 years before I came in the picture.

Anywayz, she pretty much still loves my husband and tries everything possible to let him know that he cant get away from her. She tries to be best friends with his sisters, (when she never even spoke to his family when they were together). And she tries her hardest to push my husband out of his sons life, she told him that when he chose to leave her he also chose to leave their son, and she would not make things easy for him.

My stepson and I have always a had a nice relationship, we always got along fine. But recently his mom has realy kicked up her game. She has tried to do many things in the past (too many to list) but I never alowed it to get under my skin. But the things that she is doing know is really bothering me. She has been telling JR that the only reason his parents are not together is because of me, and if I would leave his, mom and dad would be together again. And she always tells him storys about things that they have done as a family (when he was a todler). She tells him these storys so much that he says that he remebers it and those were "the good days" and they were so very happy. And then she bought him a wallet and put about six pictures of his mom and dad together. and since she's been doing these things my stepson is so different towards me, our relationship is not what it used to be. I love this child so much and I dont want him to blame me for his parents seperation.

Yesterday, he also stated that he wouldnt want a brother or sister, unless his mom and dad have the baby together. I didnt say anything, I just changed the subject and took him to the swimming pool. And then cried later.

I realize that my husband had a past and that isn't what bothers me. The pictures dont bother me, its the fantasy that is being placed in his head that his parentswould be together if it wasnt for me. His mom is obsessed with my husband, he has had to yell at her "I will never get back with you"

But she is not hearing it, like they say "there is no furry like a woman scorn".

I dont know what to do, or how to act. I am so nice to my step son, the only time I yell at him is when he pees all over the toilet and the floor, and I sit or step on it. yuck---But other than that, I cut his finger nails always bake and cook with him, I am extremely unatheletic wbut I still try to play basketball with him, I help him with his homework, and I definetly dont try to be his mother, only a friend. And we built a nice relationship, but now its all sinking. CRY

[*JG* 2]

This is definately something your husband needs to handle. He needs to sit down with you and the boy and have a frank discussion about their divorce, your marriage, and basically this is how things are going to be. He needs to keep in mind the age (and raging hormones) of the boy and only discuss what he will understand and needs to know. But, he does need to be very clear that you two are married and there is no chance his mother and father will ever get back together.

He then needs to have a sit down with the ex and tell her to cut the ####### (in the nicest way possible, of course).

[mnieto 2]

I agree with Jomo's girl.

It is your husband's job to take care of this situation. It's a terrible thing of her to use the boy in such an awful way, she's upsetting this child's life and peace and makes him nothing but feel confused, rather than making sure to keep him out of her own irrational problems.

You can tell what kind of personality she has by the fact that she doesn't hesitate to abuse her own child in such a terrible way. I also don't believe that she's really in love with your husband, otherwise she would have tried to save her relationship with him when they were still together. My guess is that she's simply jealous of you and the happiness of your marriage, something she hasn't achieved in her own life yet.

Don't allow her and her ugly, immature behavior to intrude in your life. I know that it's not easy not to get upset, but you should take the higher road in this situation. And it's definitely important that your husband speaks up and does something about this, even if it requires a darn court order.

It's good that you try to keep calm and stay patient with your step son. Remember that he's just a child and simply confused by the odd behavior of his mother, and not by the fact that his bio-parents are not a couple anymore. Treat him good, be a friend, give him love and support and never give him the feeling that he might be unwanted by you. One day, when he grows up to be a young man and looks back on his childhood, I'm sure he'll see what kind of love he was offered by his step-mom, and what it was that he was getting from his bio-mother.

Stay strong and patient!

[nana_356 0]

Thank you guys for your responses!

My husband has already, went to court a few years ago, because she wasnt allowing him to see his at all. So thats already taken care of. But court cant control what comes out of her mouth. but I truly do believe that she does love him, as a last effort to save their relationship she got a tattoo of my husbands name, a very big one, on her back from one shoulder to the other shoulder. but many of the points you made are absolutely right!!

[panamania79 2]

Hello VJ family,

well my circumstance, truly sucks, and I need to vent and also need some advice!! My husband and I gave been together for 5 years, he has a

12 yo son. He want not married to his sons mother but they lived together when their son was a baby. They seperated when JR was

4 1/2 years old. So he was too young to remember when his mom and dad was together. My husband and his ex were seperated for 3 or 4 years before I came in the picture.

Anywayz, she pretty much still loves my husband and tries everything possible to let him know that he cant get away from her. She tries to be best friends with his sisters, (when she never even spoke to his family when they were together). And she tries her hardest to push my husband out of his sons life, she told him that when he chose to leave her he also chose to leave their son, and she would not make things easy for him.

My stepson and I have always a had a nice relationship, we always got along fine. But recently his mom has realy kicked up her game. She has tried to do many things in the past (too many to list) but I never alowed it to get under my skin. But the things that she is doing know is really bothering me. She has been telling JR that the only reason his parents are not together is because of me, and if I would leave his, mom and dad would be together again. And she always tells him storys about things that they have done as a family (when he was a todler). She tells him these storys so much that he says that he remebers it and those were "the good days" and they were so very happy. And then she bought him a wallet and put about six pictures of his mom and dad together. and since she's been doing these things my stepson is so different towards me, our relationship is not what it used to be. I love this child so much and I dont want him to blame me for his parents seperation.

Yesterday, he also stated that he wouldnt want a brother or sister, unless his mom and dad have the baby together. I didnt say anything, I just changed the subject and took him to the swimming pool. And then cried later.

I realize that my husband had a past and that isn't what bothers me. The pictures dont bother me, its the fantasy that is being placed in his head that his parentswould be together if it wasnt for me. His mom is obsessed with my husband, he has had to yell at her "I will never get back with you"

But she is not hearing it, like they say "there is no furry like a woman scorn".

I dont know what to do, or how to act. I am so nice to my step son, the only time I yell at him is when he pees all over the toilet and the floor, and I sit or step on it. yuck---But other than that, I cut his finger nails always bake and cook with him, I am extremely unatheletic wbut I still try to play basketball with him, I help him with his homework, and I definetly dont try to be his mother, only a friend. And we built a nice relationship, but now its all sinking. CRY

OH NOOOOOOOOO !

[panamania79 2]

Hello VJ family,

well my circumstance, truly sucks, and I need to vent and also need some advice!! My husband and I gave been together for 5 years, he has a

12 yo son. He want not married to his sons mother but they lived together when their son was a baby. They seperated when JR was

4 1/2 years old. So he was too young to remember when his mom and dad was together. My husband and his ex were seperated for 3 or 4 years before I came in the picture.

Anywayz, she pretty much still loves my husband and tries everything possible to let him know that he cant get away from her. She tries to be best friends with his sisters, (when she never even spoke to his family when they were together). And she tries her hardest to push my husband out of his sons life, she told him that when he chose to leave her he also chose to leave their son, and she would not make things easy for him.

My stepson and I have always a had a nice relationship, we always got along fine. But recently his mom has realy kicked up her game. She has tried to do many things in the past (too many to list) but I never alowed it to get under my skin. But the things that she is doing know is really bothering me. She has been telling JR that the only reason his parents are not together is because of me, and if I would leave his, mom and dad would be together again. And she always tells him storys about things that they have done as a family (when he was a todler). She tells him these storys so much that he says that he remebers it and those were "the good days" and they were so very happy. And then she bought him a wallet and put about six pictures of his mom and dad together. and since she's been doing these things my stepson is so different towards me, our relationship is not what it used to be. I love this child so much and I dont want him to blame me for his parents seperation.

Yesterday, he also stated that he wouldnt want a brother or sister, unless his mom and dad have the baby together. I didnt say anything, I just changed the subject and took him to the swimming pool. And then cried later.

I realize that my husband had a past and that isn't what bothers me. The pictures dont bother me, its the fantasy that is being placed in his head that his parentswould be together if it wasnt for me. His mom is obsessed with my husband, he has had to yell at her "I will never get back with you"

But she is not hearing it, like they say "there is no furry like a woman scorn".

I dont know what to do, or how to act. I am so nice to my step son, the only time I yell at him is when he pees all over the toilet and the floor, and I sit or step on it. yuck---But other than that, I cut his finger nails always bake and cook with him, I am extremely unatheletic wbut I still try to play basketball with him, I help him with his homework, and I definetly dont try to be his mother, only a friend. And we built a nice relationship, but now its all sinking. CRY

OH NOOOOOOOOO ! There is nothing more I hate than "Baby mama drama."

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I have an EVIL ex wife whos only goal in life is to destroy my son who I have custody of now. She would love for him to be a basket case so she can say it is all my fault. My wife loves my son and thank god she is wonderful and understanding. She loves him as her own. Thank you god for giving bringing me a wonderful wife!