I really need some help

[sj5 4]

that's impossible she doesn't speak English..

this is a scam mudos operandi.

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

the one that speaks english scammed me... not the one who doesnt..

that's impossible she doesn't speak English..

this is a scam mudos operandi.

[dbears 1]

the one that speaks english scammed me... not the one who doesnt..

I hope you will understand the worries of some people here... it just seems odd becoz:

1.english is our 2nd national language... and even those people who can't speak english can somewhat understand it even a little.

2.there's the fact that this other girl is your ex-fiancee's cousin right?

3.you started communicating with her with your ex-fiancee's help

4.if your ex-fiancee have indeed scammed you, and it has not been too long ago, shouldn't you be wary of trusting her family or anybody related to her?

its a cousin of my fiance... We always liked each other and I have chatted with her several times with a translator,

even when my fiance was here, my fiance helped me chat with her... lol

what you said in this quote really disturbed me. were you flirting with the cousin even while you were engaged with the ex-fiancee? (before she supposedly scammed you)

I am a woman, and if i caught my guy cheating or even just flirting with any of my friends, sisters, or cousin, it's goodbye. that is ultimate insult! I won't allow it to go deeper right before my very eyes and if I stay with this guy it also means he would have a chance to get closer to my sister, or friend or cousin and the flirting would continue and might even go deeper and if I can't trust this guy with any of my close friends and immediate family, how could I even trust this guy with other women I don't even know. No offense but this is my personal views.

And i know a lot of women (especially filipina who have the nature of hiding/covering shame at all cost) who would rather try to cover the hurt and the shame and insecurity that their partner's flirting has inflicted on them by pretending that they are not in the least affected and that they really don't have feelings for the person.

I hope that is not what happened to your fiancee coz it is really odd that she will immediately tell you that you could just be friends and just have a marriage for convenience after merely two days in the states... if she was really a scammer, she would have lead you on till you marry her and eventually gets her green card... but if she did it and said those words becoz she was hurt and insulted by your actions then two days was just about enough time for her to blurt out those things.

before everybody throws all the blame and the stone on the ex-fiancee let us not forget that scammers are two ways.. there are filipina scammers and there are foreigners who scams filipinas... there are cases when a foreign guy marries a filipina and then a few months to a few years, here comes the guy flirting online again with another filipina. and there are foreign guys also who comes here and meets not only one girl but many girls that he has been chatting online, trying to decide who will be best among those girls.

I hurt when a filipina tries to scam any foreign individual becoz it will reflect on every filipino BUT I hurt more when an honest filipina gets wind up in emotional deception caused by a foreign individual.

[o0pink0o 3]

birth certificate is not enough identification for her to claim the money that you will send in the bank.

she needs to have at least 2 primary ID OR 3 secondary ID but having birth cert will let her be able to get more ID's like NBI clearance and Postal ID.

good luck

I use Xoom in sending money and they only ask my sister for 1 primary ID plus the secret word.

ur sis is lucky then ,.,we only tried xoom once caz we heard its much cheaper than western union (which what we always use). i only have my passport (which i always use in getting money in WU) wen i went to pick up my money in the bank but then they wanted another ID ,.,they didn't even accepted the ATM i had so i don't have any choice but to go back home and get my SSS ID (another thing is that my husband didn't provide a secret question).

anyway this forum isn't about me ,., so let's just hope that he won't get scammed again

[N360 0]

what you said in this quote really disturbed me. were you flirting with the cousin even while you were engaged with the ex-fiancee? (before she supposedly scammed you)

I am a woman, and if i caught my guy cheating or even just flirting with any of my friends, sisters, or cousin, it's goodbye. that is ultimate insult! I won't allow it to go deeper right before my very eyes and if I stay with this guy it also means he would have a chance to get closer to my sister, or friend or cousin and the flirting would continue and might even go deeper and if I can't trust this guy with any of my close friends and immediate family, how could I even trust this guy with other women I don't even know. No offense but this is my personal views.

And i know a lot of women (especially filipina who have the nature of hiding/covering shame at all cost) who would rather try to cover the hurt and the shame and insecurity that their partner's flirting has inflicted on them by pretending that they are not in the least affected and that they really don't have feelings for the person.

I hope that is not what happened to your fiancee coz it is really odd that she will immediately tell you that you could just be friends and just have a marriage for convenience after merely two days in the states... if she was really a scammer, she would have lead you on till you marry her and eventually gets her green card... but if she did it and said those words becoz she was hurt and insulted by your actions then two days was just about enough time for her to blurt out those things.

before everybody throws all the blame and the stone on the ex-fiancee let us not forget that scammers are two ways.. there are filipina scammers and there are foreigners who scams filipinas... there are cases when a foreign guy marries a filipina and then a few months to a few years, here comes the guy flirting online again with another filipina. and there are foreign guys also who comes here and meets not only one girl but many girls that he has been chatting online, trying to decide who will be best among those girls.

I hurt when a filipina tries to scam any foreign individual becoz it will reflect on every filipino BUT I hurt more when an honest filipina gets wind up in emotional deception caused by a foreign individual.

I agree with you. There's so many red flags here that I see. Based on my experience and knowledge, most filipinas will not even accept money from a foreigner they have just met once or twice. No matter how deep in poverty the filipina is. It is not in a Filipinas nature to ask for money. However, it is clear the OP doesnt want to hear it.

Dang it! I tried to ignore this thread for a day and a half. It was harder than I thought. LOL

Edited April 14, 2008 by NoelandTintin

[dbears 1]

its a cousin of my fiance... We always liked each other and I have chatted with her several times with a translator,

even when my fiance was here, my fiance helped me chat with her... lol

my problem was I spoiled my fiance too much and she just thought I would do anything for her...

she is in singapore now working as a nurse.... she used me, but its my fault for letting her also...

we still chat... she just should have come here on a work visa and not a fiance visa..

I have told myself to veer away from sensitive topics like this but I am really disturbed and other people throwing stones at the ex-filipina fiancee just do not help. She is not even here to defend herself and I feel so sorry for her.

Pls look at this facts:

ex fiancee is a nurse who is supposedly working in singapore now as a NURSE... meaning she can go to other country without marrying a foreigner and fact that she's been in singapore less than a month after breaking off engagement with the OP tells us she have the means to go abroad on her own (placement fee and processing fee anyone?).

When did the ex-fiancee went to the states?: She left march 12, 2008 after supposedly 16months of waiting to be together .http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=115485&hl=.. then when she gets there,

She announced we are just friends after

two days and wanted me to be in a fake marriage to help her !!

a cerified nurse who have the means to go abroad, waiting and wasting 16months just to be with the OP then just throwing it all out by suggesting they have fake marriage after 2days? Why not wait after the green card? If she didn't want to sleep with the OP, why did she wait after 2 days after getting there? Was she really a scammer? If she was a scammer she is perhaps the lousiest...Something is just amiss here..,..

a broken engagement is a very shameful thing for us Filipinos, much more on the woman's side...much more when you leave everything here to go to another country to get married and end up going home.. how many would have the courage to face their family and friends right away after such thing? Even those with ulterior motives would be ashamed to face this scenario.

"even when my fiancee was here, my fiancee helped me chat with her..lol"-- don't forget the fiancee was supposed to have been there for two days... and yet the OP still had time to chat and hit on another woman on line, a cousin at that.. how would any of you girls feel if this will happen to you? You give up everything here, you fold your life here to go to the US and then when you get there you find the guy you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with wanting to chat with your very own cousin than spend quality time with you and even ask for your help in chatting with the cousin... I don't know about the others BUT I'D BE TOTALLY HURT AND INSULTED.

It's barely a month since the ex-fiancee went to the US, commited the "supposed scam" and left... isn't the OP too overly excited to be chatting with another woman again (a cousin of his recently ex fiancee at that) to the point of sending the cousin money just so she could chat with him? Where is the period of mending a broken heart for the lost of a 16month relationship? Well he was already chatting with the other woman (a cousin at that) even before the engagement was broken... and he was supposed to "we have always liked each other" kind of thing with the other woman (a cousin at that)

And on the cousins side DELICADEZA anyone?

The OP has previously filed a K1 and the foreign wife took off, never to be heard from again.:http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=106737&hl=

And how would any of you filipina fiancee's or now filipina wives feel if you'll be subjected to this one: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93071

key loggers? miscrospic scrutiny? how would any of you foreign guys feel if the filipina do that to you? and how would any of you foreign guy feel if your filipina fiancee or wife starts "liking" your bestfriend or your male cousin and then would rather spend time chatting with them than spending some much needed quality time? a person who can't be trusted will never know how to trust either.

I do not know the ex-filipina fiancee in question here.. all I know is that she is a woman who is accused of scamming a foreigner and yet the facts point otherwise.

Whover she is and wherever she is, I hope she stays strong and I hope that someday she will eventually meet a man who will know how to value and respect her and not flirt and hit on her immediate familes and close friends.

As for the cousin, I hope she still knows the meaning of DELICADEZA... and for her sake and the entire family's sake I hope she is just pretending not to know how to speak english so she could ward off the advances of this guy.

As for the OP, I hope that before you go out and spend your precious dollars just to get your ex-fiancee's cousin to chat with you. I hope you would just keep and save your money and I hope you will take some time out to examine everything, your behavior and your motives... to look inwards and not put all the blame on your exes.

Good luck to you.

Edited April 14, 2008 by dbears

[jego ryu 0]

im so sorry for what happen to you if it is true,,,but we cant just judge your ex.....we dont know what really happen,,,,this is my thoughts to you if it is finish about you and your ex dont say something bad about her anymore.....loosen up,,,,,move on....

[Zen Den 18]

There are many good points by everyone.

Remember money and material things doesn,t make a relationship! It's based on many things, communication would be # 1.

Giving money to anyone in a third world country(hope that's ok to say ), would make them feel like they owe you and maybe come to the states just to be kind or respectful.

If you want to help someone that's great ! Just don't confuse the two. Sorry for what has happened.

My best regards, Dennis

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

I chatted with her cousin two weeks after my fiance got here, and with my ex fiances help..

so what..

it was clear my fiance had no real interest in me and was returning back to the philippines

you guys can really read a hell of a lot into something..

This is the same cousin I was chatting with after my fiance broke up with me over a year ago, but then

she wanted me to take her back and I did, and I didnt chat with the cousin the whole time.

After she made it clear she didnt want to marry me, I asked her for her cousins contact info because I wanted

to see if the cousin still wanted to be friends... so what?

my fiance scammed me because she had already made plans to go to Singapore.. She probably used the

money i sent her to set all that up. I had told her she was going to be in Manila for a month or more until

I got her plane ticket, and she had probably planned to back out and go to Singapore and keep me on the

string sending her money. I messed up her plan when I went ahead and got the plane ticket right away

and she didnt want to look bad to her family whom she also lied to.. Then when she got here she realized

how dumb it was to come here and not be serious about a real marriage. She wanted to go back right away

and said she had to be at an interview to go to Singapore by April 3...

So I wanted to chat with the cousin... so what? She is fun and friendly, and I was an idiot to take this

other phony one back in the first place, so really im the stupid one as I have already said..

I cant help it that the cousin doesnt speak english. She really doesnt. I dont speak visaya.. so what?

We can have fun teaching each other the language..

Im happy the whole mess is over. It would have been much better if the ex-fiance had just been honest with

me a year ago. I would have helped her come here on a work visa...

no big deal.... life moves on... I learned. I loved her and I treat the people I like and love very well.

everyone is different..

take care

its a cousin of my fiance... We always liked each other and I have chatted with her several times with a translator,

even when my fiance was here, my fiance helped me chat with her... lol

my problem was I spoiled my fiance too much and she just thought I would do anything for her...

she is in singapore now working as a nurse.... she used me, but its my fault for letting her also...

we still chat... she just should have come here on a work visa and not a fiance visa..

I have told myself to veer away from sensitive topics like this but I am really disturbed and other people throwing stones at the ex-filipina fiancee just do not help. She is not even here to defend herself and I feel so sorry for her.

Pls look at this facts:

ex fiancee is a nurse who is supposedly working in singapore now as a NURSE... meaning she can go to other country without marrying a foreigner and fact that she's been in singapore less than a month after breaking off engagement with the OP tells us she have the means to go abroad on her own (placement fee and processing fee anyone?).

When did the ex-fiancee went to the states?: She left march 12, 2008 after supposedly 16months of waiting to be together .http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=115485&hl=.. then when she gets there,

She announced we are just friends after

two days and wanted me to be in a fake marriage to help her !!

a cerified nurse who have the means to go abroad, waiting and wasting 16months just to be with the OP then just throwing it all out by suggesting they have fake marriage after 2days? Why not wait after the green card? If she didn't want to sleep with the OP, why did she wait after 2 days after getting there? Was she really a scammer? If she was a scammer she is perhaps the lousiest...Something is just amiss here..,..

a broken engagement is a very shameful thing for us Filipinos, much more on the woman's side...much more when you leave everything here to go to another country to get married and end up going home.. how many would have the courage to face their family and friends right away after such thing? Even those with ulterior motives would be ashamed to face this scenario.

"even when my fiancee was here, my fiancee helped me chat with her..lol"-- don't forget the fiancee was supposed to have been there for two days... and yet the OP still had time to chat and hit on another woman on line, a cousin at that.. how would any of you girls feel if this will happen to you? You give up everything here, you fold your life here to go to the US and then when you get there you find the guy you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with wanting to chat with your very own cousin than spend quality time with you and even ask for your help in chatting with the cousin... I don't know about the others BUT I'D BE TOTALLY HURT AND INSULTED.

It's barely a month since the ex-fiancee went to the US, commited the "supposed scam" and left... isn't the OP too overly excited to be chatting with another woman again (a cousin of his recently ex fiancee at that) to the point of sending the cousin money just so she could chat with him? Where is the period of mending a broken heart for the lost of a 16month relationship? Well he was already chatting with the other woman (a cousin at that) even before the engagement was broken... and he was supposed to "we have always liked each other" kind of thing with the other woman (a cousin at that)

And on the cousins side DELICADEZA anyone?

The OP has previously filed a K1 and the foreign wife took off, never to be heard from again.:http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...=106737&hl=

And how would any of you filipina fiancee's or now filipina wives feel if you'll be subjected to this one: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93071

key loggers? miscrospic scrutiny? how would any of you foreign guys feel if the filipina do that to you? and how would any of you foreign guy feel if your filipina fiancee or wife starts "liking" your bestfriend or your male cousin and then would rather spend time chatting with them than spending some much needed quality time? a person who can't be trusted will never know how to trust either.

I do not know the ex-filipina fiancee in question here.. all I know is that she is a woman who is accused of scamming a foreigner and yet the facts point otherwise.

Whover she is and wherever she is, I hope she stays strong and I hope that someday she will eventually meet a man who will know how to value and respect her and not flirt and hit on her immediate familes and close friends.

As for the cousin, I hope she still knows the meaning of DELICADEZA... and for her sake and the entire family's sake I hope she is just pretending not to know how to speak english so she could ward off the advances of this guy.

As for the OP, I hope that before you go out and spend your precious dollars just to get your ex-fiancee's cousin to chat with you. I hope you would just keep and save your money and I hope you will take some time out to examine everything, your behavior and your motives... to look inwards and not put all the blame on your exes.

Good luck to you.

Edited April 15, 2008 by Seattle2Cebu

[RonMay 1]

i guess people here are just giving the benefit of the doubt "as such" in the absence of your ex (to prove her innocence or the lack of evidence being presented) regardless if she's the meanest and the worst person on earth lol... i do think you're being true to your story you know (and nobody's saying your wrong) and im not pointing fingers either (not a lawyer nor a judge heheh so i have no right) but i also understand what some people here are pointing out... there's always a two side of the story or even 3 sides more often than not... so i hope you'll understand also. im sure everybody here just wants you to be careful and be cautious nothing else...

but as life moves on, as you've said, we learn every choices that we made and learn from it (gosh ive got a few lol) ... no ill intentions, but all about wishing you luck in your endeavor in life regardless whoever she may be in the future or whatever fate may bring in you... good luck and God bless...

[dbears 1]

i guess people here are just giving the benefit of the doubt "as such" in the absence of your ex (to prove her innocence or the lack of evidence being presented) regardless if she's the meanest and the worst person on earth lol...

Thanks RonMay.

To Seattle: No puns intended, "granted" your ex-fiancee indeed scammed you.. I still think she is the lousiest scammer, there is just so many things in your story that doesn't add up.... but I don't want to go into detail on that anymore...

So you've chatted with the cousin when your fiancee broke up with you over a year ago? I thought she didn't speak english, she was with a translator all the time? hmmm....

I don't know how well you know our culture but there is one thing that MOST filipinos uphold more than anything, that is our DELICADEZA or sense of propriety.. most often, we even go overboard on that. If you read other forums about filipina wives or filipina asawa or just about filipina or filipino, delicadeza would always rank up there in the admirable qualities of filipinos.

Yes we are not always successful in upholding our delicadeza, we do commit mistakes that don't only cause shame upon ourselves but also on our entire family. Here, even through the changing times, the shame of one member is still the shame of the entire family even up to the 4th degree sometimes. So as much as possible, we try to uphold our delicadeza at all cost.

Going after or entertaining a friend's ex, a sister's ex, or a cousin's ex is one way of going against the delicadeza code... yes there are stories here that the ex ended up with the sister or the bestfriend or the cousin BUT there is always a high price to pay. And unless you are dealing with hard core heartless syndicate, your ex-fiancee's cousin would surely have some sense of delicadeza and would understand the possible price to pay.

If you're very insistent and don't want to take a break to carefully analyze or evaluate things just pls do be careful because there are still so many families here in the Philippines that are clannish. Remember the strong family ties here is our asset and our liability... our strength and our weakness.

Goodluck to you and may you find what you are truly looking for in life.

[David-and-Mae 15]

I cant help it that the cousin doesnt speak english. She really doesnt. I dont speak visaya.. so what?

We can have fun teaching each other the language..

CO: Do you speak English?

Girl: (Staring back at the CO, clueless, pleading the fiance/petitioner thru sign language to answer the question for her).

CO: Sir, do you speak her native dialect?

Fiance/Petitioner: No, sir.

CO: So how did you communicate? (Asking the question directly to the petitioner since the applicant's already confused and tensed up)

Fiance: We always had an interpreter.

CO: I see. I don't think I can grant her visa since I can see how hard it would be for the two of you to communicate. I'm sorry.

No pun intended... just trying to make a little scenario.

[RonMay 1]

I cant help it that the cousin doesnt speak english. She really doesnt. I dont speak visaya.. so what?

We can have fun teaching each other the language..

CO: Do you speak English?

Girl: (Staring back at the CO, clueless, pleading the fiance/petitioner thru sign language to answer the question for her).

CO: Sir, do you speak her native dialect?

Fiance/Petitioner: No, sir.

CO: So how did you communicate? (Asking the question directly to the petitioner since the applicant's already confused and tensed up)

Fiance: We always had an interpreter.

CO: I see. I don't think I can grant her visa since I can see how hard it would be for the two of you to communicate. I'm sorry.

No pun intended... just trying to make a little scenario.

mae, believe me it happened just that... lol... language barrier is one of the thing that may cause visa denial...

ps.

im replying to mae's s post and not even thinking whether one will petition a visa or not in the future (too early to even think ahead, much more to create a scenario in my head lol)... just that what mae's example did happened...

no offense

Edited April 15, 2008 by RonMay

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Seattle,

Wow!! Your story is unusual.. My reaction is you are such a big sport and i would say have a big heart.

In fairness to your ex-fiance, at least she stopped fooling by not marrying you.

Good luck to you and your upcoming new-love.

-Shape

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

I got off really lucky because if she had gone ahead and continued this baloney, I would have been out a lot more time and emotional expense... and a divorce and blah blah blah...

Im learning visaya now and having a lot of fun with that.. I found an online cebuano bible and that gives me a lot of text to compare with english and I found a govt peace corps print thing online... and Tom Marking has a great cebuano grammer page at his website. http://www.tomandcathymarking.com/cebuano/...oStudyNotes.pdf

http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICDocs/data/ericd...80/14/cc/1f.pdf

and there is a web reader at this site that lets you scan over words from cebuano web pages you can find to download to it.. and that is really awesome you can see the english translation of the words as you scan the mouse over them.

http://www.binisaya.com/webreader

Im going to pay for ailene to have some english tutoring or formal classes in english in cebu.

I am aware that none of this made much sense.. well guess what, it didnt make sense to me either.

I dont have a romance with ailene, we have a fun time and laugh a lot at each other. We always did a year ago.

Maybe true hearts find a way to each other..

I was always restless, doubtful, angry, and unhappy with my fiance.. ( hello )

I learned that if something isnt working... then it isnt working..

I almost cancelled the visa a couple of times, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.. I wanted

to contact her cousin a few times, but I made a choice to be true to my fiance.. Well it all played out

and Im happy now, my ex-fiance is happy and ailene is happy..

now I just have to learn visaya... Im going to go live in Cebu for 6 months to a year. Im done with k-1 visas.

Seattle,

Wow!! Your story is unusual.. My reaction is you are such a big sport and i would say have a big heart.

In fairness to your ex-fiance, at least she stopped fooling by not marrying you.

Good luck to you and your upcoming new-love.

-Shape

Edited April 18, 2008 by Seattle2Cebu