Just a little bump on the road

[myfellah 0]

Dorothy, I wish you and Jamal all the best. It is great to vent here or to someone so you can get some of your frustrations out. I do not speak to my sister or brother anymore because of my marriage but have decided it is their loss not mine. I have never told my co-workers for fear of how they would react and how things could change at work. I have always spoken of my husband as if he were here with me, as it seemed he was for the two years before he actually arrived. They just assumed he lived here and I never said he did or didn't. I have my pictures up of us together and speak of things we talked about and such. I learned that my family was closed minded and didn't want to possibly face it with co-workers with whom I spend so much time. Now we are married for almost 11 months and many people I work with have met him and have seen us together many times. They actually like my husband. It is a shame to think if I had told them we met online and went through the visa process they would have had all kind of mixed feelings perhaps. It's a terrible thing and it does happen. It will be interesting to find out if their views ever change should they find out or I tell them of our actual journey.

All you can do is hold your head high and know what you and Jamal feel towards one another. Their opinion really doesn't count when it comes down to your happiness. It may hurt and make things unpleasant but it doesn't matter in the long run. I hope things change around because just getting another job isn't always an option.

All that to say, hang in there and I wish you much happiness on your special day.

Doreen

[USMA 0]

I am so sorry to hear that your co-workers have responded that way to you. They may be jealous!!!! Or they may just be closed-minded or they may be sincerely concerned but don't know how to show it in a supportive manner. Who knows? AND WHO CARES? I know that is easier said than done-believe me! But maybe you should feel sorry for them-they don't know how wonderful and loving our men are and are they ever missing out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't socialize a lot with people at work so I haven't let them know. I work for a university though and a lot of the people that I work with are here on student visas or from other countries and working with me.

However, my mother believes that I am bringing a terroist into the country and she is in fear of my life, my daughter's life and her life apparently. She is not supportive AT ALL and when I was thinking of taking my daughter with me to Morocco a couple of months ago, she told me that she will do whatever it takes to stop me from taking her to Morocco and that it will get nasty if I try. How's that for a great mom?!

And to add even more resistance, I am Mormon (LDS). I have let people in my church know that I am engaged to a Moroccan and they won't even acknowledge or congratulate me. I don't want to put my belief down-I love being a Mormon-however, the church is made up of humans and humans aren't perfect. If they only took the time to learn more about the Muslim religion they would realize that Mormons and Muslims are more similar than they are different!

And I guess that is that point that I want to make. We are all more similar than we are different and what a shame that more people than not don not realize that.

Keep your head held high and stay focused on your love. Maybe this is the start of you looking for a better job or changing careers all together!

With much understanding,

Brenda

[myfellah 0]

Dorothy, I hope all went well for you and Jamal yesterday. No matter what, your day was special to you both, I'm sure

Doreen

[babybunny 2]

I usually don't like to complaint about things that I have not much control over but something is bugging me very much...as you all know my fiance, Jamal is here with me...I am so happy to have him here and we are having our civil ceremony on Friday and things are going well...we are in a little financial slump but that is just part of life so I accept this situation without problem but there is something that is keeping me from fully enjoying my moment of happiness and glory...

I work in a small law firm... four attorneys and 4 secretaries...so far only the secretaries knew about my process of getting Jamal here...they all think I am insane...weak woman who will get used, abused and dumped...well too bad for them and their narrowminded view of the world...by now I am used to them and their worries...they never believed that I would go thru the process and that it will have a successful outcome...but here I am with Jamal at my side...

When I knew that Jamal got approved and he was coming in a short time I needed some time off so I got the courage and told my boss the news...once again a total disbelieve and shock on his part...got my 2 days off and a lame congratulations from the guy...well I figured it is time to break the news to the rest of the attorneys...perfect opportunity arrived when one morning Jamal walked me to work and I took the moment to introduce him to all...well...more surprised reactions and some words of concern and worry...But what passes me the most that since they all know the atmosphere at the office totally changed...it feels like there is a black cloud hanging over the whole place...maybe it is me being overly sensitive but I sense the change and got to the point that I can not stand them...it makes me sick...and sad at the same time...maybe it is me who is at fault by keeping things in the darkness...not sure...these people are so judgmental and close minded and I figured I will deal with the process without any additional stress...so now I have my 2 days off and finally I will have my blessed day but it has a bitter sweet feeling to it...I hate the idea that I have to go back there on man. and listen to them...sorry for rambling but just felt like taking it off my chest...thanks guys

this is the advise my mom passed on to me.

she said this..

Only you can sing your own song. sing it proud and be happy- even if its out of tune.

dont let anyone take your song away! ...

I dont know what the he11 that means. but, some how you can find peace in that.

I know I did. hang in there kid!! CONGRATS on your WEDDING...

[Angel7422 0]

Hi,

I had the same happen to me, I told one friend about my husband and she was happy was us but when I got the courage to put up his picture (this was before we were married) on my desk at work and I had to request time off from work so I could travel to Egypt for us to get married they thought he was very handsome until i told them how we met and where he lived. They came up with all types of comments about how he was only marrying me to get a greencard, how if we were to have kids that he would kidnap them and i would never see them again, how he might be a terrorist, one coworker even said i only tell u not to marry him because I worry about you. Another asked if i had seen the movie "Not without my daughter?"

I had one coworker tell me it was great and she wish she could find someone like that when another coworker said to her that she thought I was crazy and how marrying him was a stupid thing. As for my family they weren't very supportive in the beginning (some still aren't, huh their loss), my younger sister said that as long as i was sure about him and that he made me happy she was happy for us, my dad said that i was an adult and old enough to make my own decisions but as long as I was sure that he sincerely loved me that he was happy for us. My mom that was another story she was very much against it for a while, that is until after we got married and i sent a picture of us on our wedding day and she was totally amazed at how happy I was and how wonderful we looked together. My mom's older sister was happy for us she even jokingly ask if there were any single men there her age. (lol) My dad's sister keeps asking when is she going to get a niece or nephew.

Well my husband is here now and I have our picture posted all over my desk at work and I helped him find a job in my building I mean its not profound like the one he held in egypt but its a job with honest money, and we get to have a break or two together and we have the same days and holidays off which is sooo great. Now some of my coworkers are like you look soo much happier now than you were before u got married, so I take that as a compliment and I enjoy our life.

So don't let the negative people mess with you as long as you are happy and that you love each other thats all that matters. Proudly show how happy you are and don't let others make u feel anything less than that with their negativity. Enjoy your special day and all your days together. Congratulations!!!

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Thank you all for the feedback and words of encouragement...The day of our civil ceremony was great...my mother was with us as a witness and she officially welcomed Jamal into our family...as for the situation at work...I will do what most of you are suggesting...be proud and happy...These are my true feelings and if they can not deal with that it is their problem...We love each other and that is the most important truth in my life at this point...I will try to ignore these individuals and in the mean time get serious about looking for a better job...I know that it will be all good....thank you all

Dorothy

[MaryandMian 1]

Congrats on your marriage Dorothy and so very glad that you had your mother with you to enjoy your day. Take care and may you have a blessed marriage and your friends, family and co workers support you both.

Mary

[Together4ever 1]

Thank you all for the feedback and words of encouragement...The day of our civil ceremony was great...my mother was with us as a witness and she officially welcomed Jamal into our family...as for the situation at work...I will do what most of you are suggesting...be proud and happy...These are my true feelings and if they can not deal with that it is their problem...We love each other and that is the most important truth in my life at this point...I will try to ignore these individuals and in the mean time get serious about looking for a better job...I know that it will be all good....thank you all

Dorothy

You GO, Dorothy! Congratulations to the both you and heaps of blessings for your future.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

i am so happy that you had a lovely day for your civil ceremony... and i am sooo happy that your mother was there with you...

*hugs*

ps: didja wear the blue dress? i bet you looked fantastic!

love ya!