Just a little bump on the road

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

I usually don't like to complaint about things that I have not much control over but something is bugging me very much...as you all know my fiance, Jamal is here with me...I am so happy to have him here and we are having our civil ceremony on Friday and things are going well...we are in a little financial slump but that is just part of life so I accept this situation without problem but there is something that is keeping me from fully enjoying my moment of happiness and glory...

I work in a small law firm... four attorneys and 4 secretaries...so far only the secretaries knew about my process of getting Jamal here...they all think I am insane...weak woman who will get used, abused and dumped...well too bad for them and their narrowminded view of the world...by now I am used to them and their worries...they never believed that I would go thru the process and that it will have a successful outcome...but here I am with Jamal at my side...

When I knew that Jamal got approved and he was coming in a short time I needed some time off so I got the courage and told my boss the news...once again a total disbelieve and shock on his part...got my 2 days off and a lame congratulations from the guy...well I figured it is time to break the news to the rest of the attorneys...perfect opportunity arrived when one morning Jamal walked me to work and I took the moment to introduce him to all...well...more surprised reactions and some words of concern and worry...But what passes me the most that since they all know the atmosphere at the office totally changed...it feels like there is a black cloud hanging over the whole place...maybe it is me being overly sensitive but I sense the change and got to the point that I can not stand them...it makes me sick...and sad at the same time...maybe it is me who is at fault by keeping things in the darkness...not sure...these people are so judgmental and close minded and I figured I will deal with the process without any additional stress...so now I have my 2 days off and finally I will have my blessed day but it has a bitter sweet feeling to it...I hate the idea that I have to go back there on man. and listen to them...sorry for rambling but just felt like taking it off my chest...thanks guys

[iceyspots 0]

Believe me.. co-workers are the worst... they should be congradulating you, NOT passing judgements on someone they've never met !! Hope everything works out for the best..

[sarah and hicham 3]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's very difficult to go to work everyday if you don't like the people you work with, and although you cannot expect to like everyone, it's always nice to have a couple of friends at work. Is there any way to look for a different job where you would feel more comfortable? It's sounds pretty miserable for you there so I hope things get better or that you can switch jobs! I'm sorry to hear this Dorothy. I hope everything is going great with Jamal and congrats on getting him here and on getting married soon. Good luck with work.

Sarah

[jordanianprincess 0]

Wow Dorothy, thats a tough situation. You know if you dont want to change jobs, maybe you need to be the icebreaker. I know what they are doing is uncalled for but don't let them get to you or even give them the satisfaction of it.

[snz1802 0]

I usually don't like to complaint about things that I have not much control over but something is bugging me very much...as you all know my fiance, Jamal is here with me...I am so happy to have him here and we are having our civil ceremony on Friday and things are going well...we are in a little financial slump but that is just part of life so I accept this situation without problem but there is something that is keeping me from fully enjoying my moment of happiness and glory...

I work in a small law firm... four attorneys and 4 secretaries...so far only the secretaries knew about my process of getting Jamal here...they all think I am insane...weak woman who will get used, abused and dumped...well too bad for them and their narrowminded view of the world...by now I am used to them and their worries...they never believed that I would go thru the process and that it will have a successful outcome...but here I am with Jamal at my side...

When I knew that Jamal got approved and he was coming in a short time I needed some time off so I got the courage and told my boss the news...once again a total disbelieve and shock on his part...got my 2 days off and a lame congratulations from the guy...well I figured it is time to break the news to the rest of the attorneys...perfect opportunity arrived when one morning Jamal walked me to work and I took the moment to introduce him to all...well...more surprised reactions and some words of concern and worry...But what passes me the most that since they all know the atmosphere at the office totally changed...it feels like there is a black cloud hanging over the whole place...maybe it is me being overly sensitive but I sense the change and got to the point that I can not stand them...it makes me sick...and sad at the same time...maybe it is me who is at fault by keeping things in the darkness...not sure...these people are so judgmental and close minded and I figured I will deal with the process without any additional stress...so now I have my 2 days off and finally I will have my blessed day but it has a bitter sweet feeling to it...I hate the idea that I have to go back there on man. and listen to them...sorry for rambling but just felt like taking it off my chest...thanks guys

I know exactly how you feel, I work for a law firm as well, I am the supervising Paralegal there for the Criminal division over the legal secretaries and other Paralegals...I have gone through some of what you are talking about. Some of them are interested and some have made off color comments to me, mostly the attorneys. The attorneys think they are better than god anyway, except my main boss, he is great and understands everything. But, I know your feeling, some of them say good things to my face, and then turn around and talk about me like I am totally crazy behind my back. I just let it roll off my back and keep going, it doesn't really matter what they think, and as long as you hold your head up high and walk into that office like you know exactly what you are doing with your life and you don't need their approval, they will let it go. That is what I do, and I talk about Zaeem in front of everyone as if he is a normal part of my life, even though he is not here with me yet, and I don't care if they like it or not. Because he is a part of my life, and if they want me working there, it won't bother them how I met my future husband, or what religion my future husband is. They did not hire me for who I am going to marry, they hired me for my work abilities and education and capabilities in doing my job. So, I hope this has helped you feel a little better at least knowing you are not alone in this at all.

[Together4ever 1]

I usually don't like to complaint about things that I have not much control over but something is bugging me very much...as you all know my fiance, Jamal is here with me...I am so happy to have him here and we are having our civil ceremony on Friday and things are going well...we are in a little financial slump but that is just part of life so I accept this situation without problem but there is something that is keeping me from fully enjoying my moment of happiness and glory...

I work in a small law firm... four attorneys and 4 secretaries...so far only the secretaries knew about my process of getting Jamal here...they all think I am insane...weak woman who will get used, abused and dumped...well too bad for them and their narrowminded view of the world...by now I am used to them and their worries...they never believed that I would go thru the process and that it will have a successful outcome...but here I am with Jamal at my side...

When I knew that Jamal got approved and he was coming in a short time I needed some time off so I got the courage and told my boss the news...once again a total disbelieve and shock on his part...got my 2 days off and a lame congratulations from the guy...well I figured it is time to break the news to the rest of the attorneys...perfect opportunity arrived when one morning Jamal walked me to work and I took the moment to introduce him to all...well...more surprised reactions and some words of concern and worry...But what passes me the most that since they all know the atmosphere at the office totally changed...it feels like there is a black cloud hanging over the whole place...maybe it is me being overly sensitive but I sense the change and got to the point that I can not stand them...it makes me sick...and sad at the same time...maybe it is me who is at fault by keeping things in the darkness...not sure...these people are so judgmental and close minded and I figured I will deal with the process without any additional stress...so now I have my 2 days off and finally I will have my blessed day but it has a bitter sweet feeling to it...I hate the idea that I have to go back there on man. and listen to them...sorry for rambling but just felt like taking it off my chest...thanks guys

I was nervous to reveal Mohammed to my coworkers too. Funny what the bigotry of others can do to your own mind. Moh is much younger then I am, that adds to it. I work in construction, I work in the "south", I work with guys who bleed red white and blue.... But I will tell you what I did. I have Moh's picture on my desk. One of the guys thought he was being really funny one day while I was on hold on the phone. He pointed to the pic and said, "Is that your husband?" as if he thought that was the last thing on earth he could be. I just smiled proudly and sweetly and nodded my head yes and went back to my phone call. The look of shock on his face was almost enjoyable. (Yeah, I tend to be a bit of a rebel anyway.) I have not batted an about my relationship with Mohammed. I have not acted apologetic, worried, or defensive. I carry on as if nothing in the world exists to be defensive about. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T.

I am much like you in my feelings. I am very very very sensitive to the environment and people around me, including their attitudes. You hold your head up, you walk with grace, and you simply quietly show them their opinion doesn't mean squat to you, and you show them how wrong they are in their own bigotry by being happy and leading your life YOUR way. PFFT at their opinions.

Enjoy your big day with a big smile to heck with the people who want to squish around in stupid thinking. It's not your problem to own.

[kml_36 0]

Enjoy your big day & dont let them get to you

[MaryandMian 1]

Dorothy I know alot of us get this treatment whether it be from friends, family or co workers. Most think you have lost your mind and will say or do spiteful things. I wish you all the best and remember life is too short and you must find your own happiness. Speaking from experience here and I told the ones that are not supportive of this and they can go on their merry way. Get married enjoy your wedding and if things do not improve in time maybe a firm change would be something to check into. May you have a blessed marriage with lots of love and happiness.

Mary

[noura 0]

Dorothy, I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I think the others have given you some good advice. I have to say, I do enjoy working alone. And thankfully, if my clients are making any comments, I usually don't hear them. I was married to such a loser before (American), so they're just thrilled that I'm so happy w/ Said. Don't let them spoil your big day! Some people live for gossip and negativity. Don't give them fodder. Let them see how happy you are (you don't need their approval) and just do your work and get out. If things don't improve, check into other work options.

We all wish you the best here!

Noura

[Together4ever 1]

It seems to be quite fashionable these days to be openly bigotted towards muslims and people of ME/NA. This was an issue faced in this country generations back but is now considered "politically-incorrect", so its just another lovely double-standard. I find myself getting less and less tolerant of bigotted jokes and comments towards anyone... I am becoming a bigot bigot. But I also embrace this fully as an opportunity to educate the people of this country a wee bit and hopefully open a few eyes to the fact that my husband is a human being too, bleeds red when cut, cries when hurt, dreams, laughs, hopes just like anyone else does. Some days I just want to scream "Wake and smell the coffee people... the world just isn't quite the same as the one shown on CNN. THINK FOR YOURSELF!" Blah. Ok, enough soap-boxing!

[Jenn! 918]

I have to say that I must be very lucky in my experiences with other people's reactions to my marriage. Most people think it's very exotic, exciting, and super romantic. They tend to be curious about the process. As for my co-workers, one of them just filed a petition for his Canadian fiancee, and two others are green card holders themselves. So I thankfully have had a lot of understanding here.

The one thing I can say is that I've sort of gotten the impression from a few people that they question what I've said about EADs. They find it hard to believe that a legal immigrant would have to wait for work authorization, and I almost feel like they think maybe Wadi is just lazy or something and doesn't want to get a job!

Try to surround yourself with intelligent people as much as you can, then the ignorant ones will seem even more so, and you can just make fun of them with your friends who are in-the-know!

[LebaneseMama 1]

That's horrible to hear. Thank God my co-workers are my best friends (3) and they are coming to my wedding ! I can't imagine them passing judgements on me. I agree with everyone on here ... do NOT allow it to get to you and ruin your day. You have dreamed about this day since you were a little girl .... never in your dreams did it include judgemental co-workers right ?

Act normal and from now on don't get so close to them. Be friends, but leave them in the dark on many aspects of your life. They dont need to know if they are going to judge.

[noura 0]

Jenn, I have to agree! Most ppl who hear I am marrying a Moroccan man think it's exotic, romantic, interesting, and right up my alley! Of course, I've always been a little different than most and they think it's pretty exotic that I'm a bellydancer so it just goes right in w/ their fantasy of my life. What's best though, is that they clearly see how happy I am and many have commented how I seem so "at peace" now w/ Said. My life was in such turmoil w/ my ex-husband and it was so obvious to anyone who knew me.

I am at peace now b/c I've found my soulmate... they're just really anxious to meet him now! Soon, inch'allah, soon!

Noura

[Dixie_Peach 1]

I usually don't like to complaint about things that I have not much control over but something is bugging me very much...as you all know my fiance, Jamal is here with me...I am so happy to have him here and we are having our civil ceremony on Friday and things are going well...we are in a little financial slump but that is just part of life so I accept this situation without problem but there is something that is keeping me from fully enjoying my moment of happiness and glory...

I work in a small law firm... four attorneys and 4 secretaries...so far only the secretaries knew about my process of getting Jamal here...they all think I am insane...weak woman who will get used, abused and dumped...well too bad for them and their narrowminded view of the world...by now I am used to them and their worries...they never believed that I would go thru the process and that it will have a successful outcome...but here I am with Jamal at my side...

When I knew that Jamal got approved and he was coming in a short time I needed some time off so I got the courage and told my boss the news...once again a total disbelieve and shock on his part...got my 2 days off and a lame congratulations from the guy...well I figured it is time to break the news to the rest of the attorneys...perfect opportunity arrived when one morning Jamal walked me to work and I took the moment to introduce him to all...well...more surprised reactions and some words of concern and worry...But what passes me the most that since they all know the atmosphere at the office totally changed...it feels like there is a black cloud hanging over the whole place...maybe it is me being overly sensitive but I sense the change and got to the point that I can not stand them...it makes me sick...and sad at the same time...maybe it is me who is at fault by keeping things in the darkness...not sure...these people are so judgmental and close minded and I figured I will deal with the process without any additional stress...so now I have my 2 days off and finally I will have my blessed day but it has a bitter sweet feeling to it...I hate the idea that I have to go back there on man. and listen to them...sorry for rambling but just felt like taking it off my chest...thanks guys

I just let it roll off my back and keep going, it doesn't really matter what they think, and as long as you hold your head up high and walk into that office like you know exactly what you are doing with your life and you don't need their approval, they will let it go.

They did not hire me for who I am going to marry, they hired me for my work abilities and education and capabilities in doing my job.

I have not acted apologetic, worried, or defensive. I carry on as if nothing in the world exists to be defensive about. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T.

I am much like you in my feelings. I am very very very sensitive to the environment and people around me, including their attitudes. You hold your head up, you walk with grace, and you simply quietly show them their opinion doesn't mean squat to you, and you show them how wrong they are in their own bigotry by being happy and leading your life YOUR way. PFFT at their opinions.

Enjoy your big day with a big smile to heck with the people who want to squish around in stupid thinking. It's not your problem to own.

It seems to be quite fashionable these days to be openly bigotted towards muslims and people of ME/NA. This was an issue faced in this country generations back but is now considered "politically-incorrect", so its just another lovely double-standard. I find myself getting less and less tolerant of bigotted jokes and comments towards anyone... I am becoming a bigot bigot. But I also embrace this fully as an opportunity to educate the people of this country a wee bit and hopefully open a few eyes to the fact that my husband is a human being too, bleeds red when cut, cries when hurt, dreams, laughs, hopes just like anyone else does. Some days I just want to scream "Wake and smell the coffee people... the world just isn't quite the same as the one shown on CNN. THINK FOR YOURSELF!" Blah. Ok, enough soap-boxing!

Dorothy, I agree with these ladies. I have highlighted what I believe to be some of the most important comments above.

If these people were a true friend, they would be ECSTATIC for you... and want you to be happy...

Until the time comes that you feel you are able to find another job... a better environment, I say to act like a duck... and let the comments, sneers, jeers and attitudes roll off of your back like water rolls off of a duck's back.

Those bigoted, narrow-minded people are BLESSED to have you in their environment... please keep praying for them... that God will close their mouths to thoughtless and hurtful comments, and also that He will give them a dose of empathy, compassion and a kind and gentler spirit.

My prayer for YOU and Jamal this weekend, is that your dreams will be realized... and that God will touch you both with a loving hand...

Dorothy, YOU ARE SOMEBODY... YOU ARE SPECIAL... AND YOU ARE DESERVING of the love that God has brought to you and Jamal. Focus on your love... your life together... and keep God at the center.

I will continue praying for you.

I love ya girl!

*huge hugs*

Lynne

[honeyblonde 0]

My problem like this hasn't been co-workers or family, but rather classmates. Another guy and I were talking about the visa process in class the other night - his wife came here as a child but never naturalized so they had to go through her citizenship as a married couple - and when we discussed the kinds of questions asked in the interview, some of the young girls in class were shocked that they would ask such personal questions.

When I explained to them that some people will pay a lot of money for a green card, so immigration has to really screen us, I could see in some of the girls faces that they thought of course my husband must have married me for that. I go to class with no makeup frequently, and I need to lose a few pounds. For the girls in my class who wouldn't be caught dead with no makeup and care more about their appearances than their grades, they just can't see how I can be attractive to a man. I find that so amusing because for the past few years before meeting Abdel I was dating American guys their age who were sick of their shallowness.

Last night Abdel and I were walking on campus after class and happened to cross paths with one of those girls. It felt so good for her to see us together and see that we are really happy.

I think if I were you I would just flaunt your happiness in their face. Like Jean, keep his picture on your desk. Talk about him and the things you do together, just like everybody else talks about their lives. Once they see you are happy and not going to change your mind maybe they will come around.

If not, I agree with others here, maybe this is a sign that it is time to move on. Who knows what better job might just be waiting around the corner but you might not have ever looked for it if this hadn't happened.