real help...life altering decision

[allousa 1]

Wahrania

Alot of people here are going to give you advice based on their personal feelings about this issue. I simply cannot even imagine being in your position and the thoughts and feelings that you are dealing with right now.

At the same time I was pregnant with my son, a friend of the family's daughter was pregnant as well. I was a few weeks ahead of her. When they had the 18-20 week ultrasound, it was discovered that the baby had Potter's Syndrome. From what I understand, the baby's kidneys never developed thus making the lungs to never develop. Even though they knew there was 0% chance of survival for this baby, she went ahead with the baby and carried him to full term. When he was born, he lived for about an hour. For a long time I felt so guilty about why was my baby healthy and hers was not. I couldn't even wrap my mind around trying to make a choice like that. But I understood that that is one of those situations that you cannot judge someone for the choice they make. Until a person is in a position like that, they can't know how difficult it is. It's almost an impossible situation.

Either choice that you make will have life-long lasting consequences and that is a heavy, heavy place to be in. YOU and ONLY you can know what is deep in your heart and what you are capable of dealing with as a result of these choices. I hate that you don't have more of a support system.

I really hope for you that you will be able to make a choice that brings you peace. Know that many of us here have you in our thoughts and prayers.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I am sorry and I hope everything is fine with your baby. My wife was 37 when she got pregnant and the Dr asked if we wanted any tests to see if our baby might have anything but we said NO. It was better just to hope for a healthy baby and now we have a wonderful healthy son. There are risks with the amnio so you have to ask yourself is it worth knowing? will you worry any less if there is a problem? Is it worth it to know there is now problem but the anmio causes a problem? What is best for the baby if your plan is to have the baby no matter what?

I have a son that is 14 and was diagnosed with type I diabetes last September so we wanted to know if our bay might be at risk. We found a study that our baby met the requirements and sent blood samples for testing. Fortunately our baby has no genes or antibodies that put him at any risk. This was nice to know and no risk to our baby. If it would have shown a risk we could have done things to help prevent or postpone the disease.

The only benefit in getting the amnio would be to decide if you want to terminate or prepare emotionally. It is a decision you and your husband have to discuss what is best for you.

[belinda63 3,039]

All I can advise is what i did with my last pregnancy. I was 36 at the time and my first OB was all about tests, tests, test. A co -worker had a sister with Down's syndrome and she asked me what I would do if my child had it. Being a single mother at the time I knew I probably would not be able to care for a child with Down's or a lot of special needs but there are places that will accept these children and find them homes with good families.

I was lucky and I have a beautiful healthy, wild, sassy, intelligent daughter of 6 now.

Would I have done something different if she had been disabled? That was the question I had to ask myself and the answer was no, no matter what I would have carried her and given birth to her because that was what God wanted.

A child is a gift from God and God made it how he wanted it to be. It is not for me to interfere with his wishes and for reasons only he knows the child is exactly the way he wanted it.

If you feel an amnio would help you prepare or alleviate the stress then do it. But if like me, you decide to carry the child no matter what then I would say no because of the risks.

[sereia 0]

If you feel an amnio would help you prepare or alleviate the stress then do it. But if like me, you decide to carry the child no matter what then I would say no because of the risks.

This is what I was going to say...

[sara535 15]

Wahrania you said the blood test indicated a Down's risk but what did the ultrasound show? I had all that done last year when I was pregnant with my daughter because I am over 35, and I was told that the ultrasound measurements were a bigger indicator than the blood test....

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I went through a similar situation when I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband was in a horrible accident and hospitalized while I was pregnant. I got very sick and ended up in the hospital for a short period of time, but while I was unconscious, they conducted a serious of "tests" including xrays, not realizing that I was pregnant. When they scheduled amnio and genetic consultation the real question for me was, what will this do for me? In other words, will I abort this baby if they find a problem? Can they do something to change the fate of the baby if they find a problem? In both cases, the answer was no. So, there was no reason for me to do the amnio. No matter what, I knew I was going to keep my child and they doctor's told me that all it would do is let them know what was the more likely possiblity. But they couldn't do anything until after birth, if anything was even necessary. I prayed and handed it over to God and just tried to "enjoy" the rest of my pregnancy. To the extent you can enjoy being swollen, nauseous, and tired all the time. But you know what I mean. I hope my situation helps you sort out your feelings about your situation.

PS I wish your husband would bring his trifling behind home ASAP! Men would really benefit if they took a more active role in the process.

[Aymerlu 3]

When I worked in OB I saw many tests come back abmornal when there was nothing wrong at all. Patients would redo the test and it would be normal. Maybe have the blood test done again? Only you know what is right for you. A friend of mine has a Downs child that the doctors wanted her to terminate. This child is such a delight! My son is autistic. It he challenging at time? Heck yah, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Wishing you only the best!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania you said the blood test indicated a Down's risk but what did the ultrasound show? I had all that done last year when I was pregnant with my daughter because I am over 35, and I was told that the ultrasound measurements were a bigger indicator than the blood test....

i had the transnuchal but not a detailed older baby one...the neck was ok...the blood is bad

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

When I worked in OB I saw many tests come back abmornal when there was nothing wrong at all. Patients would redo the test and it would be normal. Maybe have the blood test done again? Only you know what is right for you. A friend of mine has a Downs child that the doctors wanted her to terminate. This child is such a delight! My son is autistic. It he challenging at time? Heck yah, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Wishing you only the best!

Yes Drs are good at scaring you, my wife had the glucose tollerence test twice and was also sent to a cardiologist. Nothing ever was wrong they just want to be extra safe. I always explained to my wife about the tests and results so she would be 100% informed of why the want to test. I explained the tests concerning birth defects and she said NO to any of them because her choice would never be to abort and really that is the only reason the Drs would test for birth defects so that you could decide to abort, they were not meant to prepare you for a disabled child.

[ya falaha! 0]

Hehehe, "triflin'" is one of my favorite words. But yeah, not to get into your husband here but I'd be way pissed if mine wanted to make a pit stop before coming home. Especially if I were in your shoes with the baby and all.

I went through a similar situation when I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband was in a horrible accident and hospitalized while I was pregnant. I got very sick and ended up in the hospital for a short period of time, but while I was unconscious, they conducted a serious of "tests" including xrays, not realizing that I was pregnant. When they scheduled amnio and genetic consultation the real question for me was, what will this do for me? In other words, will I abort this baby if they find a problem? Can they do something to change the fate of the baby if they find a problem? In both cases, the answer was no. So, there was no reason for me to do the amnio. No matter what, I knew I was going to keep my child and they doctor's told me that all it would do is let them know what was the more likely possiblity. But they couldn't do anything until after birth, if anything was even necessary. I prayed and handed it over to God and just tried to "enjoy" the rest of my pregnancy. To the extent you can enjoy being swollen, nauseous, and tired all the time. But you know what I mean. I hope my situation helps you sort out your feelings about your situation.

PS I wish your husband would bring his trifling behind home ASAP! Men would really benefit if they took a more active role in the process.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hehehe, "triflin'" is one of my favorite words. But yeah, not to get into your husband here but I'd be way pissed if mine wanted to make a pit stop before coming home. Especially if I were in your shoes with the baby and all.

I went through a similar situation when I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband was in a horrible accident and hospitalized while I was pregnant. I got very sick and ended up in the hospital for a short period of time, but while I was unconscious, they conducted a serious of "tests" including xrays, not realizing that I was pregnant. When they scheduled amnio and genetic consultation the real question for me was, what will this do for me? In other words, will I abort this baby if they find a problem? Can they do something to change the fate of the baby if they find a problem? In both cases, the answer was no. So, there was no reason for me to do the amnio. No matter what, I knew I was going to keep my child and they doctor's told me that all it would do is let them know what was the more likely possiblity. But they couldn't do anything until after birth, if anything was even necessary. I prayed and handed it over to God and just tried to "enjoy" the rest of my pregnancy. To the extent you can enjoy being swollen, nauseous, and tired all the time. But you know what I mean. I hope my situation helps you sort out your feelings about your situation.

PS I wish your husband would bring his trifling behind home ASAP! Men would really benefit if they took a more active role in the process.

i am mad but he hasnt seen his mom in 5 years........ive made it this long alone.....he needs to see her

[Leafgal 3]

I had a family member who was supposed to get the test for down as it was in our family and due to her age her doctor wanted her to have the tests. She did not choose to due to the fact that she was going to have the child and keep it so in her mind it didn't matter. Having said that I believe like everyone else says you need to do what is best for you. Good luck in your decision and with the entire situation.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear wahrania,

I cannot even imagine all the feelings and emotions and "maybes" going through you right now. I have no wise words or advice for you. Just know that whatever you do, God will be with you; and so will I.

your friend Len.

[nin 1]

First off: You get A LOT of false positives on the blood and that's why many doctors don't recomend it if a couple have stated that they will not terminate the pregnancy no matter what.

And second: Even with an amnio there's no guarantee that the child will be born healthy. You will find out if it has spina bifida, any of the trisomies and a few other genetical things, but there's a many other things that can be wrong. So from a "it will give me peace of mind" perspective I think it gives a false sense of security.

Pregnancy is worrying time, but also a time full of hopes and dreams.

Good wishes going your way.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I like a lot of the advice here. I'd have a second blood test from another doctor. Always get a second opinion. Then if that came back the same I'd do the amino. For me having the knowledge is empowering. With knowledge you can gain clarity in your feelings and perspective on things if you're having any confusion.

As for the Husband visiting his Mom I hope it's a quick trip but I really want to say "What is his number I want to chew his ear off for causing you any stress and worry and not making you happy right now."