real help...life altering decision

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had my transuchal ultrasound and my additional blood screen.The hospital called me and told me my blood came back bad and that I was at increased risk for downs...They have scheduled me for a rush amnio in 4 days and a genetic counseling session wednesday.Even if I do the amnio wed or tues it will be one week for preliminary and 2 weeks for complete which will put me at 20 weeks...finding out if the baby is downs..

Its a several percent chance my baby is downs...and the amnio is a risk too..I ask myself if I would terminate if the baby was downs ....and my heart starts screaming inside my chest..Im waiting on my husband to make up his mind about what week he wants to leave algeria(hes applying for a transit visa to visit his mom in paris on the way here...)Ill have to drive myself to the amnio and suffer through the next 2 weeks alone...

I have options

Carry whatever I have been given to term

Terminate if its a severe birth defect

Not test with the amnio and play roulette

My husband wants me to do the amnio and then keep whatever we have

Im wanting to skip the amnio altogether but then Ill worry all pregnancy

My body is really weak and im afraid the amnio would cause a miscarriage because I have no one to help me rest or take care of my small one(she jumps on my stomach and is heavy to lift

I am besides myself because all my options suck

Any advice?

[sereia 0]

nm i read it wrong.

Edited April 11, 2008 by sereia

[ayesha4akram 0]

wow. Only you can decide what's best for you. All I can do is tell you what I THINK I would do in that situation (cause nobody knows what they would do until they face it themselves).

If it were me, I think I would do the amnio and then go ahead with the pregnancy, reading up and making plans of how to make life easy and productive for this child.

You're always in my prayers and if you need to talk , I'm always here for you.

<<<Hugs>>>,

Ayesha

[ya falaha! 0]

I would go ahead with the amnio. You want to be prepared either way. I wish you the best.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Oh gosh sweetie, I don't know what to say. I had a son born with problems 8 years ago and I can sympathize with the worry and turmoil that you and your husband are going through. I am hoping this is one of those false positive things they tell you about when they do those tests. I personally opted out to not have the blood test for those but that was just a personal decision of myself and my SO. I think you have to outweigh the risks of everything involved with the exam. Is there a friend that can come over and help with your daughter if you need it? A neighbor, just anybody? I hope Wahrania that you make whatever decision is right for you and your family. I don't think anybody can do anything but give you advice and pray for you and your family. May God bless you dear.

Tasha

[Jenn! 918]

Sorry to hear this, wahrania. I'm not very good with this sort of stuff, so I'll just say that I hope you're able to make the best decision for your family.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

wow. Only you can decide what's best for you. All I can do is tell you what I THINK I would do in that situation (cause nobody knows what they would do until they face it themselves).

If it were me, I think I would do the amnio and then go ahead with the pregnancy, reading up and making plans of how to make life easy and productive for this child.

You're always in my prayers and if you need to talk , I'm always here for you.

<<<Hugs>>>,

Ayesha

I am at a toss up of saying no to the amnio and refusing to go to genetic counseling....and getting the amnio and going foward no matter what...I actually am scared of the amnio because my body is so prone to infection from all these steroids from the asthma...Im so pissed at my husband because he putting of the ticket till the end of april beginning of may and even scheduling a vacation with his mom and im just tired of being alone with all this stuff....this is the kind of situation you reallyneed familys help on and i just dont have a normal one to consult with..sorry to bring this ####### to you...im so sorry

[Nagishkaw 510]

Only you can decide. I will be praying for you to have clarity and wisdom over this situation.

[tammy2688 1]

as hard as it is, I say amino. Why? it will help the worry stop at least. God has a plan for you dear, it will never be flawed. Hold tight, take the amino and fine out. You already decided you will love and accept whatever the result is, God will not fail you. Find out for yourself. If you wish to wait and it gives you peace take your time. Remember God will give you the best thing, I believe you will get a good result.

Tammy

[Tsup2 0]

I don't see any value to having the amnio since it puts you at risk for miscarriage. The child is a blessing with or without downs.

[AlHayatZween 2]

Wahrania,

My prayers go out to you.

we are in no place to tell you what to do... The only thing that is in my head is that, at least if you get the amnio, you will know, and you will be able to better prepare for the needs of your baby, your family, and yourself, inchallah. You are strong and whatever decision you choose will be the right one. May Allah guide you.

(F)

hz

[ayesha4akram 0]

wow. Only you can decide what's best for you. All I can do is tell you what I THINK I would do in that situation (cause nobody knows what they would do until they face it themselves).

If it were me, I think I would do the amnio and then go ahead with the pregnancy, reading up and making plans of how to make life easy and productive for this child.

You're always in my prayers and if you need to talk , I'm always here for you.

<<<Hugs>>>,

Ayesha

I am at a toss up of saying no to the amnio and refusing to go to genetic counseling....and getting the amnio and going foward no matter what...I actually am scared of the amnio because my body is so prone to infection from all these steroids from the asthma...Im so pissed at my husband because he putting of the ticket till the end of april beginning of may and even scheduling a vacation with his mom and im just tired of being alone with all this stuff....this is the kind of situation you reallyneed familys help on and i just dont have a normal one to consult with..sorry to bring this ####### to you...im so sorry

Don't be sorry for saying what you feel. We're your family too. And I'm sure you are scared as anybody in this situation would be.

Listen...think about this, if you are going ahead with the pregnancy no matter what, then don't do the amnio if it's going to do you more harm than good.

Any choice you make, I'll be here for you.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Have you stressed the seriousness to him but in reality when he comes you will be the one still taking some care of him, he wont know the ways or routines of all this

[MrsAmera 41]

I had the genetic screening done for both my children and alhamdulilah they were fine. However I did struggle with the thought of what I would do. For me, I wanted to know what kind of quality of life would my child enjoy if it did have a problem. If it means they will be in pain, confined to a wheelchair, incapable of functioning, etc. to me it felt selfish to keep the pregnancy. People might disagree and I might get flamed for this but it's really how I honestly feel. A child is a blessing but if the child is not going to be able to live a decent quality of life then is it really a blessing for the child?

You have to do what is right for you, but it's almost important for your husband to realize the kinds of economic and physical strains a child with disabilities means, especially if you plan to move abroad at anytime in the child's life. I wish you strength and courage as you move forward.

[sara..... 371]

i was gonna try to say alot of upbeat stuff to try to make u feel better but i felt it was better just to tell u what i would doif it was me..........i would not have the test if it put the baby in danger........i would instead read anything i could get my hands on just to be prepared if it turns out the test was not false..........in truth i dont think u could handle the loss of the baby right now u have been thru sooooooooooooo much...........well i wouldnt be able to if i was in ur shoes........i will pray very hard for u........i hope that it gives u some comfort knowing that so many people care about u.......and never be sorry for allowing us to share what ur going thru........we are all here for u

sara