I just lost it with my husband!

[Nutty 2]

I am struggling now with my husband's income. Had to have it translated. And now I have to prorate (reduce) the beginning and end of his 2007 income because the pay period is like this:

December 22, 2006 to January 20, 2007 - $xxx.xx

December 22, 2007 to Janaury 20, 2008 - $xxx.xx

How irritating!

"pharmacological version of speedball." correction: It's Wellbutrin and Prozac.

[Rocketta 0]

Yeah, stay on the meds and talk it out........those are the best things to get through this difficult time. Unfortunately many people who don't suffer from depression have a hard time understanding how disabling it can be.

[morocco4ever 63]

i guess since its in their hands it should be considered (received) in time they owe me, but we did send the passport (and translation) his birth certificate and even a copy of the marriage lic and translation he is going type me what the letter says i will see when i get home, but apparently for state we should have held the form until we got the number......

Don't count on it be received. Sorry to add to your stress but the IRS did something similar to me. I had to get his signature on something (can't remember now what) and when they finally got it I got charged a butt load of late charges. I tried fighting it, but to no avail. Can he sign over some sort of temporary power of attorney so they will discuss it with you?

[sarahaziz 0]

Tell your spouse exactly what kind of response you need right now from him. I'm sure he'll understand and conform to your needs at the moment.

[*Maureen* 0]

I sure hope things get better for you. This is a great place to do some venting. There will always be good days and bad days during this journey. Time usually goes by so fast but when you're waiting for something, it certainly does drag!

[SaadBell 0]

I understand your feelings; the most important thing for you to do is educate yourself about depression. I think if you understand depression better it will help you feel more in control of your illness. I too have been depressed, and do take effexor. Do what the doctors tell you, and read and study information about depression, the more you know, and the easier it is to explain to your husband. Hang in there, and if you need to talk to someone, throw me a line. I have enclosed some links to some great sites that can give you some information.

Some people say that depression feels like a black curtain of despair coming down over their lives. Many people feel like they have no energy and can't concentrate. Others feel irritable all the time for no apparent reason. The symptoms vary from person to person, but if you feel "down" for more than two weeks, and these feelings are interfering with your daily life, you may be clinically depressed.

http://www.depression.com/index.html

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publication...blication.shtml

[tammy2688 1]

Nutty, I know what you mean. Yap, I know there is no way to control when you cant controllll duh. Ya we just have to freak out, let ourselves freak out, and calm down ourselves because we know we would rather have something good happen at God's chosen time than tomorrow if its meant that is will turn out badly.

I called DOS today, they said security checks werent done and said ya thats whats holding it up for now. Gee thanks.

Ya imagine how my day was. can you imagine that? ya you can. your living it every day with me. belinda too. and it aint over till its over. theres no use trying to say ya im fine. ur not fine and im not fine and no one can be FINE. whats fine anyway? being in denial or accepting bad things? for me, fine is knowing that God knows better than me. Your fine can be that you just want your husband to feel the urgency as much as you. Im sure he does nutty, he just trying to be the best he can, cause he knows if ya BOTH go on antidepressents it aint gonna be pretty.

yoy know my hushand actually told me he was HAPPY the day I was leaving, i know full well he does that when he tries to be strong, he wasnt fine, he cried later for a good 35 mins. ya. I told him to cut the #######, thats when he said, if i dont act like im fine if we both freak out then theres no one physically left to stop the madness.

Nutty your post came at a time that I was about to post a similar one, but in some odd support from my mother she actually said that I should not be hesitant to prepare, because God wants us to be ready for things and it will happen. she doesnt know much about immigration but she knows this much: that if theres so fraud, they MUST give the visa to a valid marriage because this is a marriage visa.

Nutty no matter how much any one understands now or what anyone says, this sickness will not get any better until you-know-when. So for now, as a friend, as a fellow AP person, who is still in this mess along with you, I will just tell you that ya everything seems crappy right now, but I fear that if God sees the ungratefulness there can easily be things that can go more wrong and I don't want that for us. If we fall into an accident tomorrow and lose a leg, ya he can get the visa but you can never have a walk with him. totally extreme and bad example, but you know what im trying to say. I believe this is our year, this WILL happen. Lets not stop our mental hopes and plans, when the time comes, we will be happy we kept planning.

Remember- you get no credit for suddenly thanking God after the fact. Only get credit NOW. I love you Tina and I understand this so badly. I cannot get up in the morning sometimes, sometimes I get up with tears, cause I feel empty and hollow.

But we will get through this. It will happen.

My prayers with you and all of us waiting.

Tammy

[tammy2688 1]

Oh nutty get this - my husbad got into a motorcycle accident, unable to walk for a good two weeks - AN HOUR INTO MY FLIGHT last summer. Ya. He dropped me off and was on the highway thrown off his motorcycle laying there without feeling in one leg. couldnt stand up.

for the next two weeks after i got back here he was unreachable. finally a week later (at this point im totally thinking he doesn't love me) he calls and says he "has a cold" ya....right then why are you moaning?!

He fessed up a week later, said he was in the hospital that whole week and that he didnt want to tell me cause he thought I couldnt handle it.

thankkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssssssssss. ya they want to "take care" but they are just not too great at it. i've also been told to "control" ...at a time when i most could not control.

I end my post with saying, we will get through this and it sucks right now but when that day comes we'll forget all this ####### and fight about nicer things like which vacations to go.

with love

Tammy

Edited April 10, 2008 by tammy2688

[tammy2688 1]

**I specifically mentioned belinda because of same country consulate.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Tammy,

I am beyond words to express how touched I am by your post!!!!! Believe me I am thankful to God for all my blessings and I know things could be so much worse. That is the terrible thing about depression. You feel guilty for feeling sad because you don't have any REAL TRAGEDY in life.

Your mother may be right. Maybe when we are at our lowest a ray of light will shine on us and the problem we face will resolve itself. Your time will come, of this I am sure!

I know how terrible this is for you. So let the tears flow, but wipe them away and know that you are not alone.

I am with you, sister, please don't lose your hope!!!

Tina

Nutty, I know what you mean. Yap, I know there is no way to control when you cant controllll duh. Ya we just have to freak out, let ourselves freak out, and calm down ourselves because we know we would rather have something good happen at God's chosen time than tomorrow if its meant that is will turn out badly.

I called DOS today, they said security checks werent done and said ya thats whats holding it up for now. Gee thanks.

Ya imagine how my day was. can you imagine that? ya you can. your living it every day with me. belinda too. and it aint over till its over. theres no use trying to say ya im fine. ur not fine and im not fine and no one can be FINE. whats fine anyway? being in denial or accepting bad things? for me, fine is knowing that God knows better than me. Your fine can be that you just want your husband to feel the urgency as much as you. Im sure he does nutty, he just trying to be the best he can, cause he knows if ya BOTH go on antidepressents it aint gonna be pretty.

yoy know my hushand actually told me he was HAPPY the day I was leaving, i know full well he does that when he tries to be strong, he wasnt fine, he cried later for a good 35 mins. ya. I told him to cut the #######, thats when he said, if i dont act like im fine if we both freak out then theres no one physically left to stop the madness.

Nutty your post came at a time that I was about to post a similar one, but in some odd support from my mother she actually said that I should not be hesitant to prepare, because God wants us to be ready for things and it will happen. she doesnt know much about immigration but she knows this much: that if theres so fraud, they MUST give the visa to a valid marriage because this is a marriage visa.

Nutty no matter how much any one understands now or what anyone says, this sickness will not get any better until you-know-when. So for now, as a friend, as a fellow AP person, who is still in this mess along with you, I will just tell you that ya everything seems crappy right now, but I fear that if God sees the ungratefulness there can easily be things that can go more wrong and I don't want that for us. If we fall into an accident tomorrow and lose a leg, ya he can get the visa but you can never have a walk with him. totally extreme and bad example, but you know what im trying to say. I believe this is our year, this WILL happen. Lets not stop our mental hopes and plans, when the time comes, we will be happy we kept planning.

Remember- you get no credit for suddenly thanking God after the fact. Only get credit NOW. I love you Tina and I understand this so badly. I cannot get up in the morning sometimes, sometimes I get up with tears, cause I feel empty and hollow.

But we will get through this. It will happen.

My prayers with you and all of us waiting.

Tammy

[Nutty 2]

I know. Belinda is having a hell of a time. I have emailed her to know how she is doing. But she has been very quiet.

Tina

[S and S 12]

I hope you are able to get through this hard time. We are all going through similar problems, but that doesn't make your problems feel any less. Sometimes the strength leaves us and we have a hard time finding it. I hope that you can be with your husband soon and that all these troubles pass.

As for me, so far I lost 10 pounds (which I didn't need to lose) and I gained ulcers from all the stress. Somehow, though, I keep making myself go through the motions each day until I can be with my husband again. One thing I've done is write in a journal. It helps to put my thoughts and feelings on paper. I also figure that someday after my husband is here and I am so upset with him for silly things, then I can pull out that journal and remember all I went through to be with him. I am hoping it will help me put things back in perspective.

Take care of yourself, this is the most important thing.

Edited April 11, 2008 by S and S

[belinda63 3,047]

lots of hugs nutty. Hang in there. You and tammy are my cornerpost and I can't lose you now.

[Don_Joy's Prince 0]

All I have to say is, SNAP OUT OF IT!

The answer from a man's perspective.

There now don't you feel better?

[belinda63 3,047]

i'm alive, not doing so well. Trying to stay immersed in work to avoid the whole depression thing. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

I'm about ready to cut him lose and let him go. We are both tired of waiting and it is not fair to him. I have my children and my life, he never has. I think one more meeting, maybe June or July and if he doesn't have his visa by then it will be to say goodbye.

I hope we all get to post the dancing smileys soon but enough is enough....if there was a definite time limit it would be one thing, but this June it will be two years since we filed the petition with no end in sight. To make things even more depressing for him is his younger (10 years younger) brother has found a potential wife and is working out the details with her family for a possible marriage. And in addition to his family, now his boss and co-workers are pressuring him to marry.

I can't ask him to wait forever

(BTW i was on Paxil for a while and it worked really well, I don't have health insurance now or I surely would be back on it.)

Edited April 11, 2008 by belinda63