VAWA petition and divorce case NEED IMMEDIATE HELP

[nemesis20 0]

im sorry to hear about your situation. I dont really have an advice because Im new to the country too . just wanna say that i think a lot of citizens who go to another country and meet someone and fall in love have wrong expectations of their spouses to be. They persuade that person to come and live with them here and promise a good life and when they find out once the marriage starts that they dont really know each other well or he/she is not what they expected, they think they can just deport or send someone back as if that person was something bought from a store and can be returned just because there is divorce here. They dont consider that the other person left a good career or future behind, their families and entrusted their future to this citizen .Being sent home after just a few months of marriage is so embarrassing esp if they defended the marriage to their family and friends and in their home country divorce is frowned upon.

[gal2sail 0]

Hi everyone,

I've read several threads about abused spouses, Vawa filings and responses from some of you guys. I felt so sorry for the citizens trying to get their once-loved spouses deported, which isn't different than what my husband is trying to do. Love shouldn't be this cheap. Love is kind, not hurtful. Putting someone in an illegal status or deportation process is hitting below the belt, not protecting yourself. Neither do you get any benefit from having someone deported, no matter how hurt or angry you are. Doing something just because you can is not power, it's so immature. This is not good.

I'm writing here simply because I am stuck, and I really need help and insight. Please do not respond to this message speaking poorly of illegal immigrants or why they should be sent back home before you understand my story. I don't need anybody to tell me why I should go back or stay here.

I'm from Istanbul Turkey from a well respected liberal family. I met my husband two years ago when I was a student in New Jersey. When my studies ended, I simply went back to my home country. I wouldn't have gone back if I had wanted to obtain an immigrant status no matter what, he begged me to stay and marry him but I didn't. My husband came to Turkey almost once a month after I left. We were talking on the phone at least two three hours a day. He even came to Istanbul only for 16 hours to propose to me and he took a flight back to New York. He did everything he could to bring me back to the US, except for filing for a spouse or a fiancee visa.

We got married in August, 2008 and I entered the country on a visitor's visa. I didn't know that the US would recognize a marriage abroad. We were planning on a US wedding which his family cancelled after a loss in family. The original plan was that I would help him with the US wedding preparations and go back to Turkey, file for spouse visa but after my husband lost his uncle he was devastated and he needed my support. And I stayed. And we filed for green card papers.

My I-94 was valid until November, only 3 months after I entered. Since I got approved for EAD and advanced parole, I didn't worry about the I-94 expiration at all.

My husband is from a radically fundementalist christian family. Women wear headscarves and skirts only, they only wear dark colors. I didn't know any of this until we married but he knew I was Muslim and married me anyway probably hoping he could salvage me by converting me. After we started living tohether, him and his family poured out their real intentions and expectations from me. They started the brain-washing cycle pushing me to get baptised. So, our marriage didn't work out and it fell apart only in 6 months. During this time, my husband has been very abusive, especially after I rejected baptism. He started seeing other women, calling me names, not supporting me financially, being sexually verbally mentally and emotionally abusive. He gave me bruises once. He would hide my passport or threaten to get me deported. He is a porn addict, which affects his way of viewing women tremendously, like women are always ready to be men's slave or something. He tells people that I sleep with other guys (which God knows that I didn't) and speaks of me in a very humiliating way. He left home only a few days before the first immigration interview (March 20th). He didn't show up at the hearing and wrote a letter to the imm. services and he cancelled his sponsorship. The case immediately got closed. I was out of status, meaning illegal the day I received a letter from imm. services explaning their decision (March 30th)

My husband filed for a divorce immediately. I found papers in an envelope on the doormat. I don't know if I am considered as being served. In his claims, he says I entered the marriage as fraud, not in good faith. He wants me to pay for everything from apartment rent to legal expanses. He is making $160K a year and I am unemployed.

I am now facing deportation. I can't go back to my hometown simply because it is viewed as a very embarrasing situation to have your daughter back only after a few months she gets married. I also can't go back because I fear the consequences of his divorce claims. If I go now, he may say anything and get a court order against me. I simply can't stay because I am illegal. I am totally cornered.

He broke the lease and I have to be out of the apartment in just a few weeks. I have no money, neither do I have a place to stay.

I know it shouldn't be this easy to mess with someone's life. He's the one who dragged me here. Now he changed his mind and he's doing anything he can to send me back home. I am not a disposible toy for God's sake, there has to be something I can do?!? I don't have police or doctor's reports. He threatened me that if I filed something against him, the consequences would be much worse.

I've spoken with several immigration attorneys and specialists. They all say something different. Some say I can't get a legal status. Some say that I can if I file for I-360 but I can't file for I-360 or I-485 concurrently and I'd have to wait until I-360 is approved to apply for an EAD or AOS. Others say that it's really very simple to put together an application and get approved. I just want to resolve the divorce and go back to my home country. I am utterly confused. I live in New York-New Jersey area and I would very much appreciate the contact information of a reliable and knowlegable immigration and divorce attorneys here.

Please advise. Please help. I don't know what to do.

Try to get to a womens shelter they are out there.. ask local police or google it... they will help women in crisis in usa.

Don't u worry ok?

There are safe houses all around.

You will get your life back in order soon.

Trust me

If you need help finding a place i will help you online to find a place.

Debbie

[pinki 0]

Hi Shona,

So people who file vawa , don't have to wait for priority dates? they can immeditaly file I 485 if their I 360 is approved.

Thanks

Pinki

My situation is very similar and my ex did almost everything that yours did. I filed for VAWA, finally got approved. I was also in deportation proceedings which have now been termined becasue of my approved petition. It's been a long haul and I'm still waiting for my interview. I had to file my I485 after my approval and have now been waiting 9 months for an interview. This all started in 2005 and I haven't been allowed back to England since. If you need any support please message me.

Thinking of you

Shona

[chavelle 6]

I am a bit confused. You are a Muslim woman, but you married a Christian man? I don't know how the Muslims in Turkey view this, but that is a big no no from everything I have heard. It seems that would be a bigger disgrace than going back after only a few months here. But I don't know much about the Muslims in Turkey so I could be wrong.

Also you came on a visitor visa after you got married. Did they ask you in your interview about your marital status? I thought that if you were married to a USC and you applied for a visitor visa it is an automatic denial. Not sure if that is true, but if it is I think this one might come back to haunt you.

You can be approved for a visitor visa after you have been married to a USC.However, once your petition has been filed;it becomes hard/impossible to

be approved for a visiting visa.

Chavelle.

[bhajishah 4]

How are you doing sister, back home?? I dont think divorce back home would be an issue, seeing how he is xtian and not muslim, and was abuse and non suport and thrown out etc.. Inshallah you are back with your good family. Maybe in future try to get business visa. Its v hard to make a bad man do the right thing. so let it all go.and there are many things that should be against the law and they are not. So he can pay with his own torment. Allah HAfiz

[zqt3344 21]

I find it sad what has happened to you, but you indicate your husband is from a radical Christian family, if so, just what religion or type of Christian faith is your ex from? Interesting, for I have lived in the USA all my life and have yet to see any radical Christian faith that the women wear only dark clothes let alone head scarves all the time, that is more like a muslim religion from my humble observations. I find this interesting. Good luck on your quest to find a way to stay in the USA. Too bad you did not do more research on your ex or take more time to get to know him or his family or ask him about his religion or how it would effect you and him with a marriage before getting in this situation. If you love him why not convert and give it a chance?

Hi everyone,

I've read several threads about abused spouses, Vawa filings and responses from some of you guys. I felt so sorry for the citizens trying to get their once-loved spouses deported, which isn't different than what my husband is trying to do. Love shouldn't be this cheap. Love is kind, not hurtful. Putting someone in an illegal status or deportation process is hitting below the belt, not protecting yourself. Neither do you get any benefit from having someone deported, no matter how hurt or angry you are. Doing something just because you can is not power, it's so immature. This is not good.

I'm writing here simply because I am stuck, and I really need help and insight. Please do not respond to this message speaking poorly of illegal immigrants or why they should be sent back home before you understand my story. I don't need anybody to tell me why I should go back or stay here.

I'm from Istanbul Turkey from a well respected liberal family. I met my husband two years ago when I was a student in New Jersey. When my studies ended, I simply went back to my home country. I wouldn't have gone back if I had wanted to obtain an immigrant status no matter what, he begged me to stay and marry him but I didn't. My husband came to Turkey almost once a month after I left. We were talking on the phone at least two three hours a day. He even came to Istanbul only for 16 hours to propose to me and he took a flight back to New York. He did everything he could to bring me back to the US, except for filing for a spouse or a fiancee visa.

We got married in August, 2008 and I entered the country on a visitor's visa. I didn't know that the US would recognize a marriage abroad. We were planning on a US wedding which his family cancelled after a loss in family. The original plan was that I would help him with the US wedding preparations and go back to Turkey, file for spouse visa but after my husband lost his uncle he was devastated and he needed my support. And I stayed. And we filed for green card papers.

My I-94 was valid until November, only 3 months after I entered. Since I got approved for EAD and advanced parole, I didn't worry about the I-94 expiration at all.

My husband is from a radically fundementalist christian family. Women wear headscarves and skirts only, they only wear dark colors. I didn't know any of this until we married but he knew I was Muslim and married me anyway probably hoping he could salvage me by converting me. After we started living tohether, him and his family poured out their real intentions and expectations from me. They started the brain-washing cycle pushing me to get baptised. So, our marriage didn't work out and it fell apart only in 6 months. During this time, my husband has been very abusive, especially after I rejected baptism. He started seeing other women, calling me names, not supporting me financially, being sexually verbally mentally and emotionally abusive. He gave me bruises once. He would hide my passport or threaten to get me deported. He is a porn addict, which affects his way of viewing women tremendously, like women are always ready to be men's slave or something. He tells people that I sleep with other guys (which God knows that I didn't) and speaks of me in a very humiliating way. He left home only a few days before the first immigration interview (March 20th). He didn't show up at the hearing and wrote a letter to the imm. services and he cancelled his sponsorship. The case immediately got closed. I was out of status, meaning illegal the day I received a letter from imm. services explaning their decision (March 30th)

My husband filed for a divorce immediately. I found papers in an envelope on the doormat. I don't know if I am considered as being served. In his claims, he says I entered the marriage as fraud, not in good faith. He wants me to pay for everything from apartment rent to legal expanses. He is making $160K a year and I am unemployed.

I am now facing deportation. I can't go back to my hometown simply because it is viewed as a very embarrasing situation to have your daughter back only after a few months she gets married. I also can't go back because I fear the consequences of his divorce claims. If I go now, he may say anything and get a court order against me. I simply can't stay because I am illegal. I am totally cornered.

He broke the lease and I have to be out of the apartment in just a few weeks. I have no money, neither do I have a place to stay.

I know it shouldn't be this easy to mess with someone's life. He's the one who dragged me here. Now he changed his mind and he's doing anything he can to send me back home. I am not a disposible toy for God's sake, there has to be something I can do?!? I don't have police or doctor's reports. He threatened me that if I filed something against him, the consequences would be much worse.

I've spoken with several immigration attorneys and specialists. They all say something different. Some say I can't get a legal status. Some say that I can if I file for I-360 but I can't file for I-360 or I-485 concurrently and I'd have to wait until I-360 is approved to apply for an EAD or AOS. Others say that it's really very simple to put together an application and get approved. I just want to resolve the divorce and go back to my home country. I am utterly confused. I live in New York-New Jersey area and I would very much appreciate the contact information of a reliable and knowlegable immigration and divorce attorneys here.

Please advise. Please help. I don't know what to do.

[bhajishah 4]

You havent met the real Amish then....

[Ihavequestions 419]

I am a bit confused. You are a Muslim woman, but you married a Christian man? I don't know how the Muslims in Turkey view this, but that is a big no no from everything I have heard. It seems that would be a bigger disgrace than going back after only a few months here. But I don't know much about the Muslims in Turkey so I could be wrong.

You're not wrong. Islam is Islam is Islam, all over the world. Sure, there are some divisions, but it's still the same book, the Qu'ran. Virtual Wife talked about Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men in a MENA thread and it was an interesting discussion.

OP, do you have documentation to support your allegations of abuse?

[tracymike 0]

Hi all, Yes, they're are fundamentalist Christians just as she describes that aren't Amish or Mennonite. I have known about these types of believers for a while. Sorry, I can't help, but I'm so sorry for this dilemma. I can tell you one thing though--He's not living as one of these believers--that's hypocrisy in any religion!!!! Tracy

[mmasechaba 0]

I went through the VAWA process after being married for only 8 months. My ex assaulted me and was arrested for third degree assault. This was in July 2006. I believe that you can file the I-360 and I-485 concurrently - the pending I-485 would then allow you to file for a work permit at the same time. I filed my I-360 in Sept 2006 - it was approved in Oct 2007. I am still waiting for my interview (my I-485 was pending from the time my ex had filed for me - my attorneys had sent them a letter asking them to put a hold on it while the I-360 was being filed).

The agencies that I had contacted and who helped me (they may be able to point you in the right direction to get help in your area):

Sanctuary for Families: (212) 349-6009 (Family Court)

City Bar Justice Center: (212) 383-6600 (Immigration)

South Brooklyn Legal Services: (718) 237-5500 (Housing Court and Divorce Court)

Brooklyn Women's Services: (718) 748-1234 (Therapy)

Sanctuary helped me get my initial order of protection in Family Court. South Brooklyn helped me with Housing Court when the landlord tried to evict me - NY law allowed me to have the lease changed into my name even though the only name on the lease was my ex. Sanctuary gave me a grant to pay off the back rent once I could show them that I was working and would be able to pay the future rent. My ex took the plea deal in Criminal Court to avoid jail and I got two final orders of protection from both Family and Criminal Courts. South Brooklyn also helped me with my divorce (he had tried to get an annulment).

I also applied for, and got a brand new social security number from the Social Security Administration in my maiden name (domestic violence victims are allowed to apply for a new number - it is on their website).

Now, with all that said, your first priority is SAFETY! And you should also document everything. (In my case I had an arrest report and eye witnesses and many 911 calls from neighbors (he was on top of me in the hallway of my apartment building after he had succeeded in forcing me out of the apartment)). Talk to people who know your situation and those who have witnessed it firsthand and ask them to write affidavits on your behalf. Be honest and be strong.

ALL of my attorneys for everything were free of cost. My therapy was also free.

Good luck.

[Muddy 0]

I also applied for, and got a brand new social security number from the Social Security Administration in my maiden name (domestic violence victims are allowed to apply for a new number - it is on their website).

What kind of documentation did you need to submit to get your new number?

any of the following:

copies of the police report, medical files detailing the extent of injuries as a result of the abuse, court petitions, orders of protections, statements from friends, family and co-workers.

[andrea2774 0]

Hi all, Yes, they're are fundamentalist Christians just as she describes that aren't Amish or Mennonite. I have known about these types of believers for a while. Sorry, I can't help, but I'm so sorry for this dilemma. I can tell you one thing though--He's not living as one of these believers--that's hypocrisy in any religion!!!! Tracy

It is not an issue of religion. If he is a true believer, he will not do anything wrong to you even if you weren't baptized. Not accepting one's faith is not a reason to be abusive. Actually my ex-husband used the same tactics to me...he gave me verses about wife's submission to husband, and he used that with the SEX in his mind...fortunately I am a Chirtian, I read the bible and understands it...applies it..Christians..real Christians can't be judge by the way they dress...I am sorry it happened to you...but it's not because you're a Muslim and he's a Christian, Because I am a Christian and my abuser is a "Christian" too...Pls realize that It is the person's character who abuse you...not his faith...Absolutely not because of his faith that's why he abuse you..but of course he can use it to hide his real personality from his Church. He can tell lie and he can use your religion towards it...But it is Jesus who said " Love your neighbors as yourself" and if we consider muslim and christians as enemies, " it is Jesus who said " Love your enemies" for marriage..."Wives submit to your husbands, Husbands love your wives like Christ love the church, And what kind of love was that? Jesus laid down his life for US" ...that is what a husband is supposed to do for his wife... I am telling this because It is painful to me to see this "religion" issue...We should accept it, In any place, Turkey, US, Philippines, England, any nation of any belief, you will find good and bad people...whether he is religious or not....Because we are humans... for some of us conscience doesn't matter,to some hearts doesn't matter, to some faith doesn't matter, religion doesn't matter, law doesn't matter..why???Because it is the SELF that matters...

Anyway, as for your questions...you can file a temporary protected order, stay in the women's shelter, they will help you with everything..with or without police reports...During court hearing, he may deny everything that you say..but the judge may know who is lying...Also if you can find a real Christian amongst them, and who can actually help you with the battle to testify...which I doubt it...because that person might think he is opposing the church...If you are still staying with him...the moment he do something to you...call 911...but if I were you, I'll flee from him..for the sake of your daughter and your safety...Pretend everything is fine...then flee if you have chance...You can also file 1-360, 1-485 and i-765 concurrently..that was what I've done...Be safe...God bless you...

[Krikit 1,164]

Closing old thread.