Daughter MIGHT move now ... but might not ...

[Eli the Barrowboy 16]

Hi All,

Getting ready to put the Packet 3 together for return. My daughter is keen to emigrate with me and SO so we want to write her down as coming with us. HOWEVER, she wants to have the option of changing her mind. So, if we put her down on the Ds-230-Part1 as Person Accompanying You Now and she changes her mind later - as is her want - where does this leave our application?

Does any one have any guidance? Pretty please? Can we just explain this at the interview?

R

[Neonred 3,564]

My step-daughter was the same way. We included her in the documentation and she went to the interview with her mother. She entered the US about 2 1/2 months after her mother, stayed a month and a half, and then returned to Russia to continue her university education. Was never a problem.....until we tried to get her a J-1 visa last year. Moscow is sooo terrible about visas, and denied her the J-1 on the basis her mother was here and they thought she would come and stay instead of returning as she did previously.

Edited April 9, 2008 by Neonred

[Izoom 0]

Seeing as I am much too young to have a teenage daughter just yet (24), I would make an ultimatum. While she is family, I think this matter is too serious to leave it "up to her" in essence. If she comes, then thats going to be final. If she stays, then she is knowing the risks of doing so. Maybe you can try and lay out some of the pros/cons for her about coming to the states? American guys? Jobs? Music? Just my 2 cents

[sara..... 371]

Hi All,

Getting ready to put the Packet 3 together for return. My daughter is keen to emigrate with me and SO so we want to write her down as coming with us. HOWEVER, she wants to have the option of changing her mind. So, if we put her down on the Ds-230-Part1 as Person Accompanying You Now and she changes her mind later - as is her want - where does this leave our application?

Does any one have any guidance? Pretty please? Can we just explain this at the interview?

R

I dont have anything to add other than my heart goes out to u and i hope and pray that it all goes well...........

[sara..... 371]

Hi All,

Getting ready to put the Packet 3 together for return. My daughter is keen to emigrate with me and SO so we want to write her down as coming with us. HOWEVER, she wants to have the option of changing her mind. So, if we put her down on the Ds-230-Part1 as Person Accompanying You Now and she changes her mind later - as is her want - where does this leave our application?

Does any one have any guidance? Pretty please? Can we just explain this at the interview?

R

I dont have anything to add other than my heart goes out to u and i hope and pray that it all goes well...........

im sorry i forgot to ask why is a teenager allowed to have a choice? when my mom said we are going that was the end of it we only asked how long the flight was

Edited April 9, 2008 by estadia

[Eli the Barrowboy 16]

Well she's just 15 and in an attempt to get her to act like an adult we let her make her own choices about some things. And I know this is a real biggie.

She wants to go but has been told the pros and cons. Being 15 American guys, Jobs and Music are all pros to her right now. I've told her she has to say Goodbye to her mum, her boyfriend, her school friends, her cat, etc and that put the fear of God in her.

She's also been told that while she can leave 'school' here this June and study hairdressing (her choice again, not mine) if she comes with us then she has to stay in school until she's 18. No ifs or buts.

i just don't want to put her name down and she backs out and then we turn up for interview and/or entry and there's no sign of her and it will create problems. If she decides to come a year later then she won't mess things up for herself or us. Life, eh?

[MissYoko 4]

Well she's just 15 and in an attempt to get her to act like an adult we let her make her own choices about some things. And I know this is a real biggie.

She wants to go but has been told the pros and cons. Being 15 American guys, Jobs and Music are all pros to her right now. I've told her she has to say Goodbye to her mum, her boyfriend, her school friends, her cat, etc and that put the fear of God in her.

She's also been told that while she can leave 'school' here this June and study hairdressing (her choice again, not mine) if she comes with us then she has to stay in school until she's 18. No ifs or buts.

i just don't want to put her name down and she backs out and then we turn up for interview and/or entry and there's no sign of her and it will create problems. If she decides to come a year later then she won't mess things up for herself or us. Life, eh?

Some years ago i divorced, from this union i have a daugther, she was 12. It was in Brussel. During one year she was one week wit me, one week with her father. After one year, i moved in Paris for work. Its 300 km between Paris and Brussel, 1h30 by train. I let my daughter choose. Do you want to stay with your dad, keep your friends, stay in your school? or do you want come with me, with all the changes... friends, school etc...

She decided to stay in Brussel and come 2 week-end by month in Paris to visit me.

Now, 7 years later... even if we have her and i a great communication, we talk a lot, we're really friendly, she has the feeling that i abandoned her in the past. I feel so guilty now... ands i can changed what it was done in the past...

Don't let her choose, she's too young

[Toshtishtash 1]

Well she's just 15 and in an attempt to get her to act like an adult we let her make her own choices about some things. And I know this is a real biggie.

She wants to go but has been told the pros and cons. Being 15 American guys, Jobs and Music are all pros to her right now. I've told her she has to say Goodbye to her mum, her boyfriend, her school friends, her cat, etc and that put the fear of God in her.

She's also been told that while she can leave 'school' here this June and study hairdressing (her choice again, not mine) if she comes with us then she has to stay in school until she's 18. No ifs or buts.

i just don't want to put her name down and she backs out and then we turn up for interview and/or entry and there's no sign of her and it will create problems. If she decides to come a year later then she won't mess things up for herself or us. Life, eh?

Some years ago i divorced, from this union i have a daugther, she was 12. It was in Brussel. During one year she was one week wit me, one week with her father. After one year, i moved in Paris for work. Its 300 km between Paris and Brussel, 1h30 by train. I let my daughter choose. Do you want to stay with your dad, keep your friends, stay in your school? or do you want come with me, with all the changes... friends, school etc...

She decided to stay in Brussel and come 2 week-end by month in Paris to visit me.

Now, 7 years later... even if we have her and i a great communication, we talk a lot, we're really friendly, she has the feeling that i abandoned her in the past. I feel so guilty now... ands i can changed what it was done in the past...

Don't let her choose, she's too young

Errr.. Miss Yoko, that's all well and good... But Eli, does she live with you legally? Or does she live with her Mum and comes and stays with you?

I think you're just going to have to let her choose... I can't see it causing too many problems if she does change her mind... I'm sure the embassy has seen this happen before.

Would there be any way of her coming with you initially, but maybe coming back to England to see her Mum every few months or so? Maybe you could put her mind at rest a little by saying that she will be able to see her Mum whenever she needs to etc..

Good luck!

[Eli the Barrowboy 16]

We have joint custody legally, so I have to change that to sole custody and god knows how long that takes, my solicitor is looking into it now but as her Mum is fine with that it's cool. She lives with her Mum and comes and stays with me and my SO.

I'm thinking of calling the embassy to see if there are any implications. It's a great outlay to fly to England to get a medical and visa interview etc for her not to come right now as we are really on a shoestring budget here.

She is coming with us initially - either on K1 if she is staying or on a holiday visa if she isn't. As for going home when she wants, the problem is we are going to be on the West Coast and at 15 she's too young and small to travel that distance alone.

It's a wonder i sleep at night!!!

R

Edited April 9, 2008 by Eli the Barrowboy

[pushbrk 12,898]

We have joint custody legally, so I have to change that to sole custody and god knows how long that takes, my solicitor is looking into it now but as her Mum is fine with that it's cool. She lives with her Mum and comes and stays with me and my SO.

I'm thinking of calling the embassy to see if there are any implications. It's a great outlay to fly to England to get a medical and visa interview etc for her not to come right now as we are really on a shoestring budget here.

She is coming with us initially - either on K1 if she is staying or on a holiday visa if she isn't. As for going home when she wants, the problem is we are going to be on the West Coast and at 15 she's too young and small to travel that distance alone.

It's a wonder i sleep at night!!!

R

The most flexible option I can think of is for her to get the K2 visa and come for at least long enough to get AP before doing anything else.

Even if you now tell the Consulate she's coming with you at the same time, she has multiple options that remain open all the way through a year after your visa issue, including but necessarily limited to, coming with you, getting the visa with you and coming anytime in the next six months or following to join within a year.

[BexandAlan 0]

I'm finding the prospect of letting go of my life devastating at the moment. The only thing that is keeping me going is that this is what I have to do to be with Alan and his little boy. To me thats worth giving everything else up. It hurts a lot and I don't really want to to do it but its the only way so thats why the wheels keep turning.

I couldn't imagine someone telling me I had to do this...your doing the right thing giving her the choice. In some cultures 15 year olds might still be considered children but not here in the UK. She needs to really seriously consider what shes going to have to give up and think long and hard about what she would be getting to replace it. Ultimatums are going to come back and hurt a lot more in the future thats for sure. I'm pretty certain rushing the process wont help either so might be worth thinking about taking her off the paper work now, I don't know much about it but it seems as though bringing her over at a later date won't be too difficult.

Perhaps we can do a shout out on here and see if there are any VJ'ers with teenage kids her age who could swap a few emails with her about the adjustments and how they generally felt about the whole move. There is another message board called British Expats I don't know if you use that one but there might be more people who can talk through the adjustment for teenagers.

I hope everything goes well with whatever she decides to do.

Bex xxxx

[Roselinda 5]

I think I'm in the same boat in a sense!

My SO named my daughter on our initial petition as the form stated we were to add the names of all my children under 21 years.

She is not coming with us. She's 18 now and working and has a boyfriend. (I know right?!!)

Anyway once I get the packet 3 do I just omit her from it as she is definetely (spell check) not coming.

Of course she'll come over and visit but as we are part of the VWP she won't have any issues there.

I just want to check that it won't put our case in jepardy (spell check again) geez I'm terrible. lol

Will they still expect me to bring her to the interview/medical?

[Eli the Barrowboy 16]

Thanks everyone for your input ...

Well, she's no nearer to deciding and can't make up her mind. Worse still, there's no UK equivalent of a US High School diploma (5 Grade C GCSE's is the nearest thing - but not exact) and she isn't that academic, despite our gently prodding her in that direction.

Well, we've got a few days 'til the Packet 3, she can come over now if she likes and if not as pushbrk says there's always other options.

And Roselinda, I know the feeling. Not want to include kids in case it complicates the case but not wanting to leave them behind either. At lest she's young and the door doesn't close on her for a few years yet!!!

R

PS Got my solicitor looking into custody issues - and they don't like to rush things.