So does it really suck when they get here or what?

[sarahaziz 0]

I don't know about me going thru "culture shock" there when I lived with his family and him but it was some sort of "shock". I've never spent the night at another girls house here or there I've always been a door away from my parents so living with his family 100% and my parents leaving me there to complete my "honeymoon" or whatever after 2 months I started going crazy from living with parents nonstop to living with a husband and another family not my blood. I would start arguments and go crazy on him and expect him to pay more attention to me rather than going with his friends to the cafe across the street "trying to make me miss him". But like everyone says the good times are there and they make you stay for the long run I guess! Life will never be perfect. Just switch shoes to understand him better that's all i can say.

[sarahaziz 0]

ok so things NOT to say and do:

you are in the doghouse

you are a donkey

throwing a shoe at the guy

others?

I've thrown shoes at him

[ya falaha! 0]

You already read what I wrote on the other forum so I won't repeat it here. You'll have your good days and bad days. He may go through a depression of sorts, not necessarily a crying, can't get out of bed depression, but maybe he'll be testy or moody. Maybe he won't want to talk to his family because they'll ask about work or money and he doesn't have either. He may get a little jealous that you have friends and family here and he does not. Yes, you've missed him all these months and can't wait to have him home but after staring at him sitting on the couch for a couple months, you'll want a girl's night or just a day alone. He may not like that idea. He may call you obsessively when you're out or even at work. You may have an argument that escalates into him wanting to go back to Egypt. You'll most likely have a LOT of misunderstandings which may lead to arguments. The list goes on and on. But yanno, this is basically normal married life. Stuff most ppl go through only magnified due to cultural and language differences. If you stick together as a team, you'll get through this stuff. Things do get better over time. You just have to have LOTS of patience. Be realistic. Set realistic goals. I know right now you want to be in dreamland but just make sure you have reality in the back of your mind somewhere.

[caybee 21]

There are the adjustments and struggles that any newlywed couple goes through -- in our case, the finances have been the biggie. Then there is the homesickness, which can manifest itself in different ways. It's really tough being cooped up at home without work or transportation or friends. There are so many suggestions floating around VJ on ways to alleviate some of that, but it's almost inevitable. We've had growing pains as every couple does, and we do work at the marriage. We can't just coast...don't really want to, though. My husband has been here a year this month, and truthfully, everything has been worth it. My husband says he feels at home here, and I never expected to hear that so soon after he arrived. We'll probably hit bumps in the future that we don't expect, but we would do this all again without a second thought.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Sara's advice:

Ya this is very true. I have had this problem on several instances with mixing up words, me getting pissed cause he didnt get it right away, etc. Bridget you just have to slow pace everything and when you feel yourslef getting frustrated, just know that you have the capability of making things right and repeat it better. This is very valuable lesson to learn early.

What's weird is the only communication fights we have had were either on the phone or on the webcam but never when we were together. Half the time it's because we can't hear each other. Now, when we talk, if he thinks I"m saying something that might anger him he halts the conversation by saying, "I think we should change the subject because I don't want to fight over a phrase I don't understand". Then he'll call his friend in Canada and talk it over and then get back to me the next day and say "I know what you were saying now". I am blessed that so far he has been very patient and knows enough not to jump the gun. I think a lot of it has to do with his friend and what he has told him to expect. He knows his friend has wanted to move back several times due to the economy, etc. so he is not coming into it thinking the streets are paved with gold.

I have to admit I was p!ssed off when I started this thread because ever since we've had the hope that he'll get the visa shortly I have had someone pose as my husband's fiance, someone embellish things that I said in a confidential forum and basically someone trying to rain on my parade from day 1, so when a few people started on "just wait......" I just had it BUT I think this will be a good thread to reference when the day comes that he snaps into some alter ego that i have heard so much but never seen before.

Im sorry all of that happened to you But, Im glad you have a sense of humor about it!

I think we all worry about this. I know I have and we have had talks and talks and talks about it lol.

Someone said that you know your husband, and what issues may arise. The fact that you go into eyes open, not thinking that it will be some fairy tale will be so helpful. Thats my plan anyway

Lisa

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Great advice everyone

[*Maureen* 0]

how funny bridget, last week was the guilt thread now it's the suck thread...lol

[Imua 0]

To be honest I am dreading it in a way - I wish we could just live in Nepal. I think I would have an easier time there than he will here, but jobs are so scarce there for both of us. My situation is way different from most of yours, in good and bad ways. Good - no kids, my family is on the other side of the country and I see them once a year at Xmas, and driving isn't an issue(I don't and he won't either, unless it's for work). The bad and ugly: I live on a librarian's salary in the most expensive rental market in the country, and he is only going to be able to get minimum wage work. If we want to be able to save money to go back to Nepal and send money to his family, we will have to stay in my current living situation - sharing a small 1BR apartment with a roommate(who has the lease) - fortunately he is like a brother to me and is very understanding of our situation, but still we will have to prearrange for any 'private time' and that is going to suck big time....I DREAD IT and hope it will not have an effect on our marriage... I also think the time issue will be big, being on time and not being able to just take off and go away when you feel like it - he just goes off to his home village without a moment's notice and doesn't tell anyone(including me, which is currently P!$$ING ME OFF - I have not heard from him in a week) - can't get away with that here. We are both vegetatrians and like pretty much the same food so that won;t be an issue. But yes the privacy and space issue will be big - NYC is just too expensive... we have living situations here that all of you would not believe - our upstairs neighbors(from Sri Lanka) have 3 kids in a 1BR and our downstairs neighbors(from Mexico) have 5 kids... However moving is not an option so we will just need to deal with it...what to do???

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

From my experience I have learned that everything is not black and white. My husbands English was good, but not proficient, so we have had a hard time with that. At times I feel like I am talking to a five year old hidden inside an adult body. My hubby never does anything, unless I ask. That's hard to get used to. Imagine having to ask someone to take out the trash, put away their clothes, pick up after themselves! LOL Money was another big issue. I finally got down to having the "talk" about finances with mine. He told me I spend way to much money, and there are times when we are broke, so he wanted to save the money he had for an emergency. I realized that it was very true and have rethought my spending habits. But, he is my best friend, and the good far outweighs the bad, and yes, I am serious about that statement. There are so many adjustments to make for both sides, it's not the fairytale we think it will be, but what does it matter if we still end up with our "prince"?

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

things to be added to the list of things not to say....

"oh Jesus", Is constantly falling out of my mouth, hubby doesnt like that, lol, are u surprised?

i once jokingly referred to him as "an immigrant" nope bad move....

and also, "your in the doghouse" yep i learned that one the hard way too!

[Aymerlu 3]

I guess we're not normal because we really haven't had any problems till recently, but I relate that to my whacked out hormones. Yeah, we had little disagreements, but never really arguements. I had pretty much laid things out to him before he got here. Yeah, maybe I was the biotchy woman, but I was not going through what I'd been through before. He also came from a bad marriage so he understood what I meant. He told me what he expected to and what i didn't like I told him about it. Yes, I did have to come to agreements with some things too. Everything has been good though!

[*JG* 2]

It can be bittersweet. Its great to finally have them here but it doesn't exactly play out the way you see it in the movies. Think of him like a fish out of water. He is getting adjusted to many new things all the while dealing with being homesick. He is going to ask a ton of questions and hopefully you will have the patience to deal with that.

He will want to spend alot of time on the phone talking to family and friends and if he can't find work or isn't allowed to work he is going to get all mopey. Dig deep down and find every single ounce of patience you have because you will need it. Good luck Bridget! Let me know if you need anything!

This was one of the most perfectly stated posts I have read in a long, long time. Everyone should have to read something like this when their SO's are approved, yet before arrival.

[jade2004 0]

Even though he isn't here yet....I have a few to add....

yelling and cussing from me = ''is this anyway to talk to someone you love''

"please just leave me alone" from me = I am kicking him out of the house

''i want to punch you in the face'' = ''omg, you americans are so violent''

''i tried to poison my ex'' (i really didn't) = ''omg, are you going to try to kill me when ur mad''

and the worse threat from me that i would not recommend is, "i will ship your a&& back to Jordan"

Thanks for the post guys...this was one of the most interesting topics I have read and definitely I have learned to be easy with my words...as you probably can tell...i am the hot-headed one and often say anything when i am mad....now i just go "urrrrgggghhhh'' and he usually knows that means back off....haha...

[LaL 418]

Well hopefully we won't have to wait long for the EAD. Vermont seems to have a reasonable timeline going on lately so unless that changes it should be about 45 to 60 days which is fine.

EAD processing has nothing to do with VSC timelines - they are processed through MSC. 90 days is still average (although VJ stats do state 72 at the moment).

[RAKASA 0]

I guess we're not normal because we really haven't had any problems till recently, but I relate that to my whacked out hormones. Yeah, we had little disagreements, but never really arguements. I had pretty much laid things out to him before he got here. Yeah, maybe I was the biotchy woman, but I was not going through what I'd been through before. He also came from a bad marriage so he understood what I meant. He told me what he expected to and what i didn't like I told him about it. Yes, I did have to come to agreements with some things too. Everything has been good though!

This has been more my experience as well. We've gotten along beautifully w/ very little difficulty in adjusting. AOS taking so long was a little stressful and being homesick is totally understandable. All in all, we've had a pretty easy time of it.