So does it really suck when they get here or what?

[polarbear 0]

they only offered english and spanish in my hometown too

Same in my town and my husband didn't speak a word of english when he arrived But on the bright side, he was able to take the test orally in arabic with a translator. He was driving 3 weeks after arriving. We just got one of the guys from the local mosque who has been here 10 yrs go with him and translate. You have to make an appointment and request it, they won't offer it. They also tape record it to help keep you honest

One thing to help him with the manual, just explain things to him when you are driving. If you think of a law, mention it... he will pick it up eventually

[JeanneVictoria 55]

We were very lucky...Wael had no problems with his permit and also his drivers test in english. I had asked him if he thought he needed to have a translator and he said no.

I was so afraid for him to drive here in Tucson with traffic going every direction, but he loves it and has had no problems.

On the other hand...our car insurance for both cars is just outrageous! Tucson is one of the highest cities for drivers insurance. He being a first time driver here put our rates out of sight. There are so many underinsured and uninsured here so that what makes it so high.

We pay $2100 a year...never have had a ticket nor accident....isn't that just terrible...

[Martiniolive 0]

Hey Luvsucks, thanks for the sage advice and so sorry for what you are into now. Hope it will turn around for you. Pray I think I will print out your advice and let it be my "mantra" thru all my future adjustments with my hubby now and after he is here.

[palilover 1]

Well, I haven't read all 26 pages of this and I don't plan on it. I do hope that I'm not one of the ones who scared you. My husband and I have had problems and are separated now, probably will get divorced too but (and I hate admitting this) it really wasn't all his fault.

my thoughts to you would be, when he gets here just show him you love him as often as you can and reassure him that you're there for him. This will be a difficult adjustment for him most likely. Remember that he left his family, friends and everything he knows behind him just to be with you here.

Be patient..... that's probably the most important one right there.

Also, try to remember that he's a man you've married and not a child you've adopted. I have seen some (s)mothering types on here and I am one of them. MENA men especially don't care for that from my experience. Also, if you've had bad experiences with men in the past, try not to punish him for it.

Try to keep in mind that he can't help the position that he's in once he's here and waiting for his GC (or looking for a job after he gets it). Just try to support his decisions even if they seem a little whacky to you.

Don't talk a lot when you're angry.... you will most likely regret anything you say out of anger... I do.

I could go on and on giving you advice while looking back on my own mistakes but, again, the most important thing is just to be patient.

I need to heed this advice too. Good advice though. I, too, tend to be a mothering type when it is not wanted and I don't know what I'm doing til he gets offended:( But then when I think he can handle something, it turns out he does not understand (mostly due to langauge barrir over the phone). I think IRL hopefully it'll be easier when he's here.

I don't know your situation but I would not give up on it yet. It's not over til it's over and who knows....things may change if both of you are willing to work on it. I wish you the best.

[palilover 1]

ironic that this thread surfaces today of all days. I read some of it as I don't remember much of it. Some of it made me laugh which was a good thing considering I'm under work related stress and naturally visa issues don't help:) Some of it made me sad though because I remember my times with my husband too and I can relate to some of the things. And part of me, in fact a lot of me, is relieved to know that we have touched already on many of the culture issues.....He has been to teh US before to visit but even that was not enough to prepare him to being married to an American though. But luckily we've been able to work through some very difficult times ironically with a distance seperating us. it was not easy, but I've found and appreciate that when we are on the same page and work together on things, we can accomplish anything and everything is smooth. If we can do that with the big ocean between us, what kinds of things can we accomplish when we are together? I love the person he has grown to be and how he is now. Well, I loved him before too:) But there is a difference in hearing him say "habibi every arab gets rich here and I want to be rich too" and hearing him say "habibi when we have kids we will do this and this" and as far as money goes, both of us have witnessed how money tears couples apart in th psst year. Now he has changed his mind about money. Now he just wants a house and kids and we don't have to be rich but just have a nice life;) He's changed A LOT since we got married last year and for the better.

No way will anything suck when he's here. Yeah I have to join the camp that the title has struck a bad note with:) On an ordinary day, I would not think like that nad it would just go. But today is a very bad day. Luckily we are in such a routine that these things don't happen very often. He knows what times I call him and if I'm running late like tied up at work and cannot take my break, I call him to give him the heads up and tell him to sleep with his phone as I have to call him late. But no....yesterday I called him at 2:30PM and everything was fine. We talked for a while before work and then I said I will call you when I take my break at about 5:30-ish. But I could not reach him. No answer. He knows what time I call but he does not pick up the phone. And even now, still no answer. He knows to sleep with his phone because he knows I'm going to try to get a hold of someone to try to see when his interview wimeans he's not at home.

No, he's not bar hopping or getting another woman. He's in Palestine, no time or means to do that. I hope nothing has happened to him and everytime this happens (not very often anymore now), I get worried because I worry each day that something might happen. I cannot wait to have him here so I dont have to worry about him. I know he will be at home waiting for me, knocking on my window when he sees me walking down the street like he used to do. Or who knows, he may come and pick me up from work just to spend extra time with me the way we used to do too:)

Right now all I'm thinking is I left him with a crappy I love you in arabic:( This afternoon when we were saying good bye and he said I love you. And since there was people I did not know (n my building at work) around me, I said it in arabic habak ana...but I of course said it with my stupid accent. ll be. And at our time slots, he will literally wait by the phone and he'll notice if I'm late:) He'll be like "habibi I have been waiting for your call. you are late tonight." But yesterday and still now a half hour ago nothing. That tells me the chances are high that he is not with his phone which more or less

[palilover 1]

GGRR My husband is learning how to transform a tear filled worrying wife into a raging mad wife:) He accidentally fell asleep with the tv turned full blast (why is it that arabs do that, turn the tv full blast...I notice that in every arab houeshold I've been to, sorry to generalize please dont flame me, it's only been a personal observation....and I get at my husband all the time for it:) So he di not har me call 2 million times since 5:30PM yesterday. Ok so if anything sucks, it's not knowing if he's ok or not. But once I'm done yelling at im for making me worry, it's all good:)

Now that my mind is clearer: Language may be an issue no matter how well they speak it simply because the situations are different here. So I guess applying langauge to an actual working situation is tough because everything is new to them. My husband speaks decent english now. When we were first married I hardly understood him but now he is good but I have to watch speaking too fasat and sometimes he does not understand if I talk about complex things. (haha like immigration, lol no surprise there:) The best example someone used here which I'll try to remember when he comes is the one mena girl who mentoned her husband was looking for numbers on his health insurance card but was confused because the numbers started with 3 letters. I'll remember that one as our health insurance does that too!!

Regarding job interviews, did you guys attend the first few interviews with your husband? Well, I'm not so worried about the job interview part but I'm worried about all the paperwork he'll have to fill out such as tax forms and the like. Were your husband's employers good enough to explain to your husbands how to fill them out?

My husband has driven in the US before and he's a good driver. He has an international drivers license last time he was here. But OMG you've got to explain excise tax to them. I got a very surprising bill from Massachusetts last January regarding my husband. He was being billed for excuse tax. I was like "My husband is not even allowed back to the country yet and they are already making him pay taxes?!" Since I do not drive, I am rather ignorant regarding the laws and had no idea what an excuse tax was. I think when I called the place up to inquire about it, I accidentally referred to it as an "incest tax" LOL So yes, I must explain to him that when he gets here too, lol

I cant thnk of anything else off hand. Oh yeah, that Hayati guy was one of the ones that made me laugh on this thread. This one's for you. you say you were from Jordan and grew up around "arabic gangsters" in refugee camps. Are you talking about any Palistinian refugee camps in Jordan by chance? If so, if you really are who you say you are, you give Palestinians a bad name then. Palestinians grow up in some harsh conditions, ones that no person should have to go through. But even though there are some melonheads amongst them, not all are bad and especially not all are claiming to be or around "arabic gangsters". Many Palestinians rise above their environment and still maintain their dignity and pride which is something I'm sorry you never learned to do.

[Nasturtium 500]

I cant thnk of anything else off hand. Oh yeah, that Hayati guy was one of the ones that made me laugh on this thread. This one's for you. you say you were from Jordan and grew up around "arabic gangsters" in refugee camps. Are you talking about any Palistinian refugee camps in Jordan by chance? If so, if you really are who you say you are, you give Palestinians a bad name then. Palestinians grow up in some harsh conditions, ones that no person should have to go through. But even though there are some melonheads amongst them, not all are bad and especially not all are claiming to be or around "arabic gangsters". Many Palestinians rise above their environment and still maintain their dignity and pride which is something I'm sorry you never learned to do.

I remember back when HL was going on and on in this thread. I asked my Dh what he was talking about when he said "ask any Jordanian about blah blah" and at first he was kind of puzzled. Then he asked if he could read the post himself. He still has no idea ####### the guy was talking about, but said "Oh, he's Palestinean. They do that kind of thing." So yes, HL was just reinforcing the stereotype with one Jordanian right there. Sad. HL's personality is probably one reason why there is the social/cultural divide there in some cases. For every 100 great Palestineans, it only takes one not-so-great one who ruins all the other 100 worked their lives for-- same as with any other group of people in the world.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

GGRR My husband is learning how to transform a tear filled worrying wife into a raging mad wife:) He accidentally fell asleep with the tv turned full blast (why is it that arabs do that, turn the tv full blast...I notice that in every arab houeshold I've been to, sorry to generalize please dont flame me, it's only been a personal observation....and I get at my husband all the time for it:) So he di not har me call 2 million times since 5:30PM yesterday. Ok so if anything sucks, it's not knowing if he's ok or not. But once I'm done yelling at im for making me worry, it's all good:)

Now that my mind is clearer: Language may be an issue no matter how well they speak it simply because the situations are different here. So I guess applying langauge to an actual working situation is tough because everything is new to them. My husband speaks decent english now. When we were first married I hardly understood him but now he is good but I have to watch speaking too fasat and sometimes he does not understand if I talk about complex things. (haha like immigration, lol no surprise there:) The best example someone used here which I'll try to remember when he comes is the one mena girl who mentoned her husband was looking for numbers on his health insurance card but was confused because the numbers started with 3 letters. I'll remember that one as our health insurance does that too!!

Regarding job interviews, did you guys attend the first few interviews with your husband? Well, I'm not so worried about the job interview part but I'm worried about all the paperwork he'll have to fill out such as tax forms and the like. Were your husband's employers good enough to explain to your husbands how to fill them out?

My husband has driven in the US before and he's a good driver. He has an international drivers license last time he was here. But OMG you've got to explain excise tax to them. I got a very surprising bill from Massachusetts last January regarding my husband. He was being billed for excuse tax. I was like "My husband is not even allowed back to the country yet and they are already making him pay taxes?!" Since I do not drive, I am rather ignorant regarding the laws and had no idea what an excuse tax was. I think when I called the place up to inquire about it, I accidentally referred to it as an "incest tax" LOL So yes, I must explain to him that when he gets here too, lol

I cant thnk of anything else off hand. Oh yeah, that Hayati guy was one of the ones that made me laugh on this thread. This one's for you. you say you were from Jordan and grew up around "arabic gangsters" in refugee camps. Are you talking about any Palistinian refugee camps in Jordan by chance? If so, if you really are who you say you are, you give Palestinians a bad name then. Palestinians grow up in some harsh conditions, ones that no person should have to go through. But even though there are some melonheads amongst them, not all are bad and especially not all are claiming to be or around "arabic gangsters". Many Palestinians rise above their environment and still maintain their dignity and pride which is something I'm sorry you never learned to do.

I totally agree with this. I judged all based on my ex who was pali. He never managed to rise above a harsh childhood and as an adult became a batterer, an abuser, a drug addict and basically a nightmare to be around. I think he grew up in extremely harsh conditions as well with everyone doing criminal stuff all over the place.

My present husband is Algerian and he grew up with no running water in his house, no working toilet and sleeping on the rooftops to stay cool. He had little to eat sometimes. But he never battered women, never has abused drugs and was wonderful to his family. I cant say that growing up somewhere crappy gives you the license to act like an ### . Sorry

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

ironic that this thread surfaces today of all days. I read some of it as I don't remember much of it. Some of it made me laugh which was a good thing considering I'm under work related stress and naturally visa issues don't help:) Some of it made me sad though because I remember my times with my husband too and I can relate to some of the things. And part of me, in fact a lot of me, is relieved to know that we have touched already on many of the culture issues.....He has been to teh US before to visit but even that was not enough to prepare him to being married to an American though. But luckily we've been able to work through some very difficult times ironically with a distance seperating us. it was not easy, but I've found and appreciate that when we are on the same page and work together on things, we can accomplish anything and everything is smooth. If we can do that with the big ocean between us, what kinds of things can we accomplish when we are together? I love the person he has grown to be and how he is now. Well, I loved him before too:) But there is a difference in hearing him say "habibi every arab gets rich here and I want to be rich too" and hearing him say "habibi when we have kids we will do this and this" and as far as money goes, both of us have witnessed how money tears couples apart in th psst year. Now he has changed his mind about money. Now he just wants a house and kids and we don't have to be rich but just have a nice life;) He's changed A LOT since we got married last year and for the better.

No way will anything suck when he's here. Yeah I have to join the camp that the title has struck a bad note with:) On an ordinary day, I would not think like that nad it would just go. But today is a very bad day. Luckily we are in such a routine that these things don't happen very often. He knows what times I call him and if I'm running late like tied up at work and cannot take my break, I call him to give him the heads up and tell him to sleep with his phone as I have to call him late. But no....yesterday I called him at 2:30PM and everything was fine. We talked for a while before work and then I said I will call you when I take my break at about 5:30-ish. But I could not reach him. No answer. He knows what time I call but he does not pick up the phone. And even now, still no answer. He knows to sleep with his phone because he knows I'm going to try to get a hold of someone to try to see when his interview wimeans he's not at home.

No, he's not bar hopping or getting another woman. He's in Palestine, no time or means to do that. I hope nothing has happened to him and everytime this happens (not very often anymore now), I get worried because I worry each day that something might happen. I cannot wait to have him here so I dont have to worry about him. I know he will be at home waiting for me, knocking on my window when he sees me walking down the street like he used to do. Or who knows, he may come and pick me up from work just to spend extra time with me the way we used to do too:)

Right now all I'm thinking is I left him with a crappy I love you in arabic:( This afternoon when we were saying good bye and he said I love you. And since there was people I did not know (n my building at work) around me, I said it in arabic habak ana...but I of course said it with my stupid accent. ll be. And at our time slots, he will literally wait by the phone and he'll notice if I'm late:) He'll be like "habibi I have been waiting for your call. you are late tonight." But yesterday and still now a half hour ago nothing. That tells me the chances are high that he is not with his phone which more or less

He may be out with friends having fun. Try not to worry too much or be too jealous. He is leaving everything he knows and you dont have that much time left. Mine was completely unreachable the last month he was there.. I just calmed down, stopped worrying and realised he was coming soon. Dont even bother being jealous or stressed. Its so not worth it. Just concentrate on YOU right now and chill and dont worry too much

[Aymsgirl 0]

My husband has been here about 6 weeks now. I remember reading posts about repeating yourself and getting aggravated and found myself in that position. I did take him to be evaluated by the local literacy council and he placed very well in the advanced level of English for reading, writing and speaking. He speaks fine to me but has such a strong accent. He is attending a ESL class on Thursday nights and we may increase that the next time the class starts again.

I do remember when he first came it was like he possibly kind of thought that money grew on trees? Not too sure though but I had to explain to him about bills and how much everything costed and he settled way down.

I think after jet lag wore off he started missing his family. I would often encourage him to contact them and I found after a week of being here he would talk online to his cousins all day. So I knew he was homesick.

We had food issues too. He loves all of his food to be fresh and we live in an area where you just can't go every day and get the freshest foods. He has since adjusted and needless to say that he has gained 12 pounds at his doctors visit.

Also, my husband had a hard time dealing with sleeping in my nice comfortable bed. He was used to those hard beds they have in Egypt. He would wake up and his back and neck would hurt.

I think that he believed that he would come, get a job and a drivers license all very quickly. That is not the store, none of the above so far. He was offered an under the table job and I wouldn't allow it. The drivers license will have to wait until he gets new papers from his AOS because they expired too soon. I have let him drive on a back country road and we review the laws like polarbear said to. The temp test can be tricky the way they word everything. He often reads the book and looks at me with a blank stare so confused.

Still every little thing we have dealt with and I am sure he would agree being together is so worth it. We have not had any arguments worth mentioning as of now. But you must be patient because so much is new to them and always remember they gave up their world for their love for you!

Also to add, my husband had to adjust to being a father to a newborn baby. He had never changed a diaper, made a bottle or fed a baby. He had never cooked either. His mother totally took care of him. He really had adjustments but he's the best dad ever to our son and can change diapers really well now

[Nutty 2]

Yeah...gotta look good for your man!!!

[palilover 1]

ironic that this thread surfaces today of all days. I read some of it as I don't remember much of it. Some of it made me laugh which was a good thing considering I'm under work related stress and naturally visa issues don't help:) Some of it made me sad though because I remember my times with my husband too and I can relate to some of the things. And part of me, in fact a lot of me, is relieved to know that we have touched already on many of the culture issues.....He has been to teh US before to visit but even that was not enough to prepare him to being married to an American though. But luckily we've been able to work through some very difficult times ironically with a distance seperating us. it was not easy, but I've found and appreciate that when we are on the same page and work together on things, we can accomplish anything and everything is smooth. If we can do that with the big ocean between us, what kinds of things can we accomplish when we are together? I love the person he has grown to be and how he is now. Well, I loved him before too:) But there is a difference in hearing him say "habibi every arab gets rich here and I want to be rich too" and hearing him say "habibi when we have kids we will do this and this" and as far as money goes, both of us have witnessed how money tears couples apart in th psst year. Now he has changed his mind about money. Now he just wants a house and kids and we don't have to be rich but just have a nice life;) He's changed A LOT since we got married last year and for the better.

No way will anything suck when he's here. Yeah I have to join the camp that the title has struck a bad note with:) On an ordinary day, I would not think like that nad it would just go. But today is a very bad day. Luckily we are in such a routine that these things don't happen very often. He knows what times I call him and if I'm running late like tied up at work and cannot take my break, I call him to give him the heads up and tell him to sleep with his phone as I have to call him late. But no....yesterday I called him at 2:30PM and everything was fine. We talked for a while before work and then I said I will call you when I take my break at about 5:30-ish. But I could not reach him. No answer. He knows what time I call but he does not pick up the phone. And even now, still no answer. He knows to sleep with his phone because he knows I'm going to try to get a hold of someone to try to see when his interview wimeans he's not at home.

No, he's not bar hopping or getting another woman. He's in Palestine, no time or means to do that. I hope nothing has happened to him and everytime this happens (not very often anymore now), I get worried because I worry each day that something might happen. I cannot wait to have him here so I dont have to worry about him. I know he will be at home waiting for me, knocking on my window when he sees me walking down the street like he used to do. Or who knows, he may come and pick me up from work just to spend extra time with me the way we used to do too:)

Right now all I'm thinking is I left him with a crappy I love you in arabic:( This afternoon when we were saying good bye and he said I love you. And since there was people I did not know (n my building at work) around me, I said it in arabic habak ana...but I of course said it with my stupid accent. ll be. And at our time slots, he will literally wait by the phone and he'll notice if I'm late:) He'll be like "habibi I have been waiting for your call. you are late tonight." But yesterday and still now a half hour ago nothing. That tells me the chances are high that he is not with his phone which more or less

He may be out with friends having fun. Try not to worry too much or be too jealous. He is leaving everything he knows and you dont have that much time left. Mine was completely unreachable the last month he was there.. I just calmed down, stopped worrying and realised he was coming soon. Dont even bother being jealous or stressed. Its so not worth it. Just concentrate on YOU right now and chill and dont worry too much

Nope, I married a Palistinian. I'm going to worry til he comes home:)

But seriously, he said the sweetest thing last night and I thought of your post. I called him and it was 3;30AM my time/10:30AM his time. He hurried up and started driving back and kept saying how noisy it was there and I kept hearing beep beep beegp....impatient palistinian drivers:) Finally he gets back home and says he was having coffee with friends. Knowing he does not get out much there, I told him "You did not have to leave your friends for me. I could have called you when I woke back up later." He said "No habibi. I can leave anyone for you. You are all I need"

awwww

[palilover 1]

We had food issues too. He loves all of his food to be fresh and we live in an area where you just can't go every day and get the freshest foods. He has since adjusted and needless to say that he has gained 12 pounds at his doctors visit.

Also to add, my husband had to adjust to being a father to a newborn baby. He had never changed a diaper, made a bottle or fed a baby. He had never cooked either. His mother totally took care of him. He really had adjustments but he's the best dad ever to our son and can change diapers really well now

My husband loves fresh food too unless he gets pizza or something from a restaurant. Fresh food is more expensive though too than canned or frozen food. Anyone else have issues getting their husband's to eat leftovers? I looked forward to having a husband who would help me eat the food so it would not sit in my fridge for a week. I get sick of leftovers. But last time he was here, he would not touch them. He'll eat it fresh, but not anything leftover. (well he did eat leftover pizza though......silly guy why is he like that?

My men friends (who are female) tell me great how I've trained my mena man to be so open minded on various things. But YOU......training him to change diapers? WOW that's awesome! Wait til I tell my mena gf's that, lol Well, if anyone can train a mena man, it'd be an American woman:) lol

[palilover 1]

And one other question. How many of your husbands attended school when they got here? Did they get eligible for any kind of financial aid? how did they deal with the English there?

My husband seemed to be open minded to school today, but we'll see. I'm a bit worried about him because of the crappy economy so I want him to be able to have an opportunity to learn something new to broaden his skill level. And of course he's going to need to get out of the hosue too, esp when I start going back to school. I don't want him to feel left out and alone. He will get sad because he is alone and his wife is not there so i have to do everything to keep him busy. He sparked some interest in wanting to see if there was courses in auto mechanics or something so I said I will look around. Did anyone have luck with getting financial aid though for their husband's to take classes or did you have to pay out of pocket?

[Nasturtium 500]

My husband doesn't want to eat leftovers, ever, but also will not waste food. So he will eat them if he feels he has to eat them.

I believe on teh afadavit of support I864 it states the immigrant is inelligable for student loans that are federal. Scholarships, etc are totally up to those who give them out. So he would be elligable if he meets those requirements.