So does it really suck when they get here or what?

[Ban Hammer 13,133]

Well, I haven't read all 26 pages of this and I don't plan on it. I do hope that I'm not one of the ones who scared you. My husband and I have had problems and are separated now, probably will get divorced too but (and I hate admitting this) it really wasn't all his fault.

my thoughts to you would be, when he gets here just show him you love him as often as you can and reassure him that you're there for him. This will be a difficult adjustment for him most likely. Remember that he left his family, friends and everything he knows behind him just to be with you here.

Be patient..... that's probably the most important one right there.

Also, try to remember that he's a man you've married and not a child you've adopted. I have seen some (s)mothering types on here and I am one of them. MENA men especially don't care for that from my experience. Also, if you've had bad experiences with men in the past, try not to punish him for it.

Try to keep in mind that he can't help the position that he's in once he's here and waiting for his GC (or looking for a job after he gets it). Just try to support his decisions even if they seem a little whacky to you.

Don't talk a lot when you're angry.... you will most likely regret anything you say out of anger... I do.

I could go on and on giving you advice while looking back on my own mistakes but, again, the most important thing is just to be patient.

very wise words there "Don't talk a lot when you're angry.... you will most likely regret anything you say out of anger... I do." and i'm sorry to hear the bad news.

[*JG* 2]

I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.

Bad people rarely get what they deserve.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here.

OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.

Well sometimes it's easy to forget that we go through a transition as well. It seems all the focus is on how hard it is for them.

Don't get me wrong, the language is hard even though they might be pretty fluent. For example, when he got his Blue Cross card I asked him to call and tell them who he wanted for a primary care physician. Well he called me back saying "they want my number".....so I said yes that is the number on the card, etc. When I got home I looked at it and the reason he was confused is that it starts out with three letters, not numbers.

Simple stuff like that can be confusing but for us, the transition is that now you have someone here sharing your house, sharing the responsiblities and the delicate task of showing them how things work here without coming off as being bossy or condescending.

It's a shame he wont do counseling or talk to an imam.

I can completely relate to all of this. My husband has been here a week and we applied for his social security card and they told us it can take 6 weeks .He cannot get a state ID without the number, a job without the number etc and I can see now that its going to be a long haul. I did manage to enroll him in a twice a week English class and he went today.

I have a little bit of an odd situation because I am pregnant, sick with a difficult pregnancy and I am trying to get my older son out of his 7th grade year, cater to my pre schooler and then make sure my husband is ok with not being too bored. I know he is very homesick already and not being able to work yet is causing boredom to set in. I have to go to my office ( I am in sales) to at least show my face and show I am not on permanent holiday with my husband.

So I feel like I am getting my husband off to summer camp as well as my teen and somehow I need to generate business and get customers, somehow keep everyone entertained.. I dont know how I am going to pull all of this off.

I do definitely think the transitional period is critical. I am trying to enroll him in as many English classes as possible. Right now we are at 2 days a week. He was hesitant to go today but once he got there he liked it.

I feel like I have an exchange student. I am NOT mothering. I am too tired to mother. I feel like I live in a zoo anyway though

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.

Bad people rarely get what they deserve.

But I can always hope can't I?

[doodlebugg 10]

Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.

[*JG* 2]

I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here.

OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.

Well sometimes it's easy to forget that we go through a transition as well. It seems all the focus is on how hard it is for them.

Don't get me wrong, the language is hard even though they might be pretty fluent. For example, when he got his Blue Cross card I asked him to call and tell them who he wanted for a primary care physician. Well he called me back saying "they want my number".....so I said yes that is the number on the card, etc. When I got home I looked at it and the reason he was confused is that it starts out with three letters, not numbers.

Simple stuff like that can be confusing but for us, the transition is that now you have someone here sharing your house, sharing the responsiblities and the delicate task of showing them how things work here without coming off as being bossy or condescending.

It's a shame he wont do counseling or talk to an imam.

I can completely relate to all of this. My husband has been here a week and we applied for his social security card and they told us it can take 6 weeks .He cannot get a state ID without the number, a job without the number etc and I can see now that its going to be a long haul. I did manage to enroll him in a twice a week English class and he went today.

I have a little bit of an odd situation because I am pregnant, sick with a difficult pregnancy and I am trying to get my older son out of his 7th grade year, cater to my pre schooler and then make sure my husband is ok with not being too bored. I know he is very homesick already and not being able to work yet is causing boredom to set in. I have to go to my office ( I am in sales) to at least show my face and show I am not on permanent holiday with my husband.

So I feel like I am getting my husband off to summer camp as well as my teen and somehow I need to generate business and get customers, somehow keep everyone entertained.. I dont know how I am going to pull all of this off.

I do definitely think the transitional period is critical. I am trying to enroll him in as many English classes as possible. Right now we are at 2 days a week. He was hesitant to go today but once he got there he liked it.

I feel like I have an exchange student. I am NOT mothering. I am too tired to mother. I feel like I live in a zoo anyway though

First year can be very difficult. Hang in there. It does get better.

I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.

Bad people rarely get what they deserve.

But I can always hope can't I?

Hee hee........of course.

Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.

Same thing for us. I got him route maps, showed him where to get on and off at and sent him on his way. It made a big difference to be able to explore all on this own. Plus, it took some pressures off me.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.

I am waiting for my son to be out of school tomorrow so that they can go together to the movies and to stuff like that. Its summer and its hot and its miserable. Our public transportation isnt the greatest and it leaves something to be desired but I will try to ride the bus with him to the central terminal and figure out how to take it myself. Its just so damn hot outside right now as well. Its MISERABLE. I just need to stay focused on working and making money and this pregnancy and things will evolve I am sure

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

[Jenn! 918]

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

Why doesn't he take it in Arabic?

[doodlebugg 10]

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

Why doesn't he take it in Arabic?

But maybe her state is like ours where they offer the actual test in arabic but the manual that is needed to study for the test is only offered in English. That still makes my brain hurt but then this is massachusetts and nothing makes sense.

Wahrania you don't have to take the bus with him probably. Here's a trip planner for the Orlando area: http://trip1.golynx.com/ and here's some schedule and map info: http://www.golynx.com/?fuse=cstm&app=route

I just got that by googling so I can't vouch for the system itself but that's all I did with my husband, handed him a map with a schedule and let him go free. My work offers monthly passes at a ridiculously low amount so that was no biggie too.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

Why doesn't he take it in Arabic?

But maybe her state is like ours where they offer the actual test in arabic but the manual that is needed to study for the test is only offered in English. That still makes my brain hurt but then this is massachusetts and nothing makes sense.

I remember asking the lady at the DMV if they had the manual translated into Italian. She said no, but that we could just get the manual from Italy. Um...DUH!

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't know about the public transportation in his country, but ours here certainly beats his in Morocco. On the other hand, the first bus route from our house is about a 20 or 30 minute walk. The snow and cold in the winter and the heat in the summer can be quite the deterent for that much walking. I guess they think no one in our area needs the bus system.

The problems with the language barrier can be difficult. My hubby is so nervous about the driving test that he just puts it off and off. When I try to help him I can see why. The questions are quite often tricky, and all answers could possibly be correct, and if your native tongue isn't english it can be a bit intimidating. I thought if I signed him up to a driving class that they would help him prepare. Stupid me didn't do her homework. They require he gets his learners first, hence he must take the test. I can freaking teach him to drive, I wanted help with the test!

Any ideas on that one?

Why doesn't he take it in Arabic?

They only offer English and Spanish here.

[amal 4]

they only offered english and spanish in my hometown too

[Nutty 2]

I know...and he's not even here yet...

If you have lived alone for a long time and get used to doing things a certain way, then it's hard to adjust to someone else's habits. Also, being able to just be an out and out slob at home after a long day at work no longer works since they are there. I am going to miss my junky sweats and t shirt.

[tammy2688 1]

I know...and he's not even here yet...

If you have lived alone for a long time and get used to doing things a certain way, then it's hard to adjust to someone else's habits. Also, being able to just be an out and out slob at home after a long day at work no longer works since they are there. I am going to miss my junky sweats and t shirt.

Hm I'm already missing them, pre-visa. lol....ya can't look like a bum anymore