So does it really suck when they get here or what?

[Nagishkaw 510]

Personally, the title does not offend nor bother me. It is a fact. Why substitue it with nicer, more prettier

wording ? It is what it is. There is more filth and dirt in some of these titles on VJ than this. Do those get changed??? Not.

[Imua 0]

Im not going to complain about anything. I waited too darn long, we are too darn sick and life is too darn short. Im going to enjoy every second we have together. And if something he does or says gets up under my nerves, I will remind myself of the hell and high water it took to get him here, count my blessings and get over it.

Same here and I know our living situation is going to be very rough and crowded at first for us, possibly for a while - I will just remind myself of how much we have been through, how long we waited... I will just be happy when we are both under the same roof, even if it isn't really ours.

[doodlebugg 10]

Ok I pm'd the mods to ask that they change the title to this thread. Sorry all, if I recall correctly when I made this thread there were a LOT of people going through divorce shortly after their husbands came here and a LOT of bad adjustment stories were going around so I was getting fed up because there were no positive stories. HOpefully the title will be changed but again, no one can predict what will happen when your particular SO gets here. It's all in how they handle coping with certain changes I think. Who knows.

[honeybeary1999 0]

Don't start a sentence, (during an argument): If you were man enough....

that would probably work with any nationality.

OMG Charles...you crack me up...every time...every post...THANKS!

[honeybeary1999 0]

Gary,

Hate for an ex is love that has disappointed you. You need some counseling. I don't hate my ex, I don't love him, I have no feelings because I don't care any more. I have moved on to greener pastures.

If my husband spent this much time dwelling on his ex I would get so freaking sick of it that it would eventually lead to problems. Can't you move on????

I have moved on and I never talk about her, I only brought her up because I am curious why the difference in women from other cultures.

First let me clue you into something. Many women from other cultures do dastardly things to American Men. Take a hop skip and a stroll over to some of the other threads and you will see South American , Russian, Chinese you name it taking American men for greencard rides up and down the street. I personally have watched several south American women in the area that I live in in Florida make a laughing stock of their American husbands. Its not about culture. Its about UPBRINGING and to catagorize all American women as bad because you got taken for a ride is horrible. You are painting all women from MEXICO as saintlike and great moms and that just is not the case. You could have just as easily ended up with a former prostitute who stole all your money and waited out her AOS period and latered you.

I watch these threads started by these men that somehow think all RUSSIANS are saints. I got to the point that I just pointed out that most of the prostitutes working in UAE . Abu Dhabi and Dubai are from the FSU. The problem with prostitution of the FSU countries has become so severe that you really do not know WHAT or WHO you are marrying when you marry a woman from a foreign country. At least with an American you can run a background check. Can you do that with a foreign wife? Do you really know where she has been all the years before you knew her...The same thing stands with South America and Mexico. Do you really know the woman you marry as well as you could know an American? Just wondering.

The arrogance of some of the American men marrying foreign women astounds me. You do not have to BASH american women to point out the positives in your wife. American women also have to put up with being expected to work full time and raise kids and do everything else while alot of American men would put us out to work like farm hands and abuse the ####### out of us and then when you finally get your wife toy from overseas, you baby them. If I could sit on my ### and raise kids and not pull in a paycheck, I would be miss perfect too. The biggest problem with american women is our MEN. They want everything, give very little back, offer no romance or love story and then whine that we don't do what foreign women do. We don't get the chance to. We have to build your life on our backs,break our lives in half, raise your children for you to turn around and say we are not feminine or submissive enough. Who the hell is paying the bills while we are submissive. Not a damn person.... I do not blame you for looking overseas but most women do not start out their relationships bitter. We start out with dreams and needs.... and unlike most of my friends who just put up with the beer bellies and no personality red neck antics, we went else where too. Just like you

Sorry mena girls if my post offends anyone...

See now, you pissed of Wahrania, and she is raging preggy hormonal.

Wahrania, it is true about the Russian prostitutes in Dubai. MY SIL lived there and said they are everywhere. Imagine one of them hooking up with an American for a visa. Then we would see some hate all Russian women.

The thing I find interesting is that after looking through quite a few of the forums, I have seen many many many negative comments about American women, but this was the first one I have seen about American men. (DON'T PISS OFF THE PREGNANT WOMAN!) In all seriousness, it is tiresome to read about how 'we' are all money-grubbing gold diggers or evil or selfish, etc. I just don't know what American women they are talking about or have been associating with - no one in my family or friendship circle could remotely be characterized that way!

Thats cause most American women have the sense in their head not to make threads talking about how much American men suck. Yes , they do not ALL SUCK. But like alot of the men putting their foreign wives up on pedestals and then trashing American women, I kinda wanna stick up for American women because their posts are annoying. I was reading through some russian threads and I just didnt even bother posting anything because it served no purpose. Why bash all American men? I have ice cream flavors that I like but that doesnt mean I dont like any other flavors, I just go out of my way to grab the rocky road.

And if you really think about it , all these IMBRA waivers werent exactly invented to protect foreign men from American women. They were invented for the most part to protect women from coming over here and getting killed or beaten by men with criminal records or men who petitioned and petitioned and petitioned and sent the girls back and used the INS like a mail order bride service.

I personally like American men. If I could have found one that clicked with me and made my heart dance it would have made my life alot easier than falling in love with someone far away. I think women in general want to have the best things in life. Some of us just found it faster than others. Some of us got screwed over and then are looking for the pony under a pile of ####. Some of us just give up and eat ice cream. Some of us buy 29 cats. But for Talbert, if you think ALL AMERICAN women have had a gravy train being married to American men, you are SADLY mistaken. Being an American woman is hard as hell because along with the freedom comes a boat load of responsibility and society's attitudes with puts even more pressure on us. We have to listen to AMERICAN MEN say we are not submissive enough yet we have to work like hell in this society to put food on the table, get paid less than men,many American women have to not only juggle our lives but we have to care for elderly parents and family in a society that does not value older people. We consistantly earn less over our lifetimes then men because we are usually the primary care givers. Then I read threads from men raised by American men bashing us all over the place. The reality is that we dont get the breaks that alot of these foreign wives . We got alot of the American men when they got out of the school or army or whatever and hadnt established themselves enough to wonder if we submitted or not. We were too busy struggling along side the men, trying to build a life. Its the trophy wife syndrome. The american women are the workhorses and when hubby decides hes made it, he s all of the sudden looking at her body , who shes become and he did nothing to shelter her from aging and stress and then all of the sudden pronounces her bitter. Well if you are some woman who shouldered all the bills and were never treated well and built some guys life up and his career and stepped all over your dreams for him to get his and all of the sudden you are being compared to some girl in a 3rd world country who has very little to do other than do her hair and sit at home and doesnt live in the western dog eat dog world, it does become enraging. I understand why American women get a case of the ### with american men. If we dont work hard, we are lazy. If we work too hard we are bitchy and dont care about our men. It sure is hell sometimes to be an American woman. And I will be damned if some man who was suckled at the breast of a hard working american woman is going to bash the women that built this country that he is bringing his new wife too... I have too much respect for other women, American and other wise to allow that.

Just my two cents

Sorry I am hormonal/// if I offend anyone

Well Said...Im not hormonal and i agree!

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Well, I haven't read all 26 pages of this and I don't plan on it. I do hope that I'm not one of the ones who scared you. My husband and I have had problems and are separated now, probably will get divorced too but (and I hate admitting this) it really wasn't all his fault.

my thoughts to you would be, when he gets here just show him you love him as often as you can and reassure him that you're there for him. This will be a difficult adjustment for him most likely. Remember that he left his family, friends and everything he knows behind him just to be with you here.

Be patient..... that's probably the most important one right there.

Also, try to remember that he's a man you've married and not a child you've adopted. I have seen some (s)mothering types on here and I am one of them. MENA men especially don't care for that from my experience. Also, if you've had bad experiences with men in the past, try not to punish him for it.

Try to keep in mind that he can't help the position that he's in once he's here and waiting for his GC (or looking for a job after he gets it). Just try to support his decisions even if they seem a little whacky to you.

Don't talk a lot when you're angry.... you will most likely regret anything you say out of anger... I do.

I could go on and on giving you advice while looking back on my own mistakes but, again, the most important thing is just to be patient.

[Jenn! 918]

I'm really sorry to hear that.

I hope everyone will listen hard to your advice.

[Nagishkaw 510]

That's a very good post, LS!

[*JG* 2]

So sorry.

[doodlebugg 10]

I've requested twice now to have the title of this thread changed. (to all those that it offends).

My husband is already here and alhumdulilah it's pretty much been a walk in the park. I'm truly blessed that things are going so well. I can't even think of one fight, though maybe some of my friends can. LOL. Probably something when I was hormonal or whatever but thank God he's a very patient man.

LS - I"m truly sorry for your situation and no you were not one that scared me. At the time of this post there were MANY people who's husbands came here before mine and who were already either separated or divorced. (they had filed the same time I had filed too). There was a lot of negativity rolling around as well. That doesn't seem the case here any longer, though I'm sorry for your situation.

Have you sought counseling at all?

[Jenn! 918]

At the time of this post there were MANY people who's husbands came here before mine and who were already either separated or divorced. (they had filed the same time I had filed too). There was a lot of negativity rolling around as well.

Not to mention all of the domestic violence some months back.

[doodlebugg 10]

At the time of this post there were MANY people who's husbands came here before mine and who were already either separated or divorced. (they had filed the same time I had filed too). There was a lot of negativity rolling around as well.

Not to mention all of the domestic violence some months back.

no kidding. I have to wonder if people (different ones) are going through it and just not bringing it up. It was like a group of people and then *poof* now nothing.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here.

OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.

[doodlebugg 10]

I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here.

OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.

Well sometimes it's easy to forget that we go through a transition as well. It seems all the focus is on how hard it is for them.

Don't get me wrong, the language is hard even though they might be pretty fluent. For example, when he got his Blue Cross card I asked him to call and tell them who he wanted for a primary care physician. Well he called me back saying "they want my number".....so I said yes that is the number on the card, etc. When I got home I looked at it and the reason he was confused is that it starts out with three letters, not numbers.

Simple stuff like that can be confusing but for us, the transition is that now you have someone here sharing your house, sharing the responsiblities and the delicate task of showing them how things work here without coming off as being bossy or condescending.

It's a shame he wont do counseling or talk to an imam.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.