The Guilt

[tammy2688 1]

Don't feel bad Brideget, you are giving him much support and understanding. And he can travel back in a few years to visit. He know what is most important that is his wife and this new life, he will love in no time and forget it all the moment he sees you at the airport. Ya he'll miss home but hes not a baby, a grown man, he should worry more about supporting you and he will.

Insha-Allah everything will be fine. After 8 months Bridget, you only should be happy. Don't get any other feelings into it, I know how u are ur like me, worry about everyone's feelings but ur own. He will be fine and thrilled to be with you.

With love

Tammy

[sarahaziz 0]

My Mother in law always tells me take this monkey with you to america soon hahah He's always making her crazy and playfully ruining her work and cooking.

She said to us she'll be sad at first and cry but shes so happy because we are each others first love (bfgf)and we will stay together forever (gave us a blessing) . He always told her not to force him to get married that he didn't want to so when we started flirting,dating, and got married she didn't care about where he was as long as he got married and she didn't have to worry about him.

You know today I'm so thankful to God because my husband always catered to my needs and wants before anybody there. I actually feel bad because he brought me expensive stuff there and got his sisters some cheap brands. Anybody tried to show me washing clothes by hand or dishes by hand he'd tell them stop and to leave me alone and we speak arabic so they hear EVERYTHING he was like its ok babe continue what you're doing. I really feel bad about those things but I never asked him to be like that or do that! I do agree with alot of women on this board Wife is before anybody in your life (after Almighty God of course).

I hope nobody gets money hungry now that we're married b/c that's going to start alot of drama. Couple of my uncles have moved to france and married in france so they told me in privacy that they are demanded to send money back home all the time & they don't tell their wives. Hopefully nobody will DEMAND that from my husband as it won't work that way. But I know I have to be open to accept if they needed money bc I don't want him doing that behind my back!

For Melinda and Mohammad - Your wife's heart will be the first to run to you if anything happened to you. If youre sick she's going to baby the heck out of you more than your mom or sisters can think to do. It's a different love from mother to son wife to husband sister to brother. You wife holds motherly and a lover's personality. Everything you said about a husband caring to his family before a wife and a wife shouldnt get jealous then do you also follow that with your wife? Her parents have favor in her eyes more than you have with her. If her parents need something and you also she will think to them first as you would for your parents. Can you accept that? I think like my spouse you will get jealous if she cared to her parents before you bec she is your wife. She can give you everything and more if you asked. It's not to say who is more important never like that just that when you think to marry a woman and American woman at that you have to respect her 100%. No offense to you brother. I'm sure your wife struggled alot and sacrificed alot more than you think she did to bring you to USA.

[HLM 1]

im so sorry bridget for how u feel!! but anything is painful at first then insha Allah they ll get used to it... seeing them every once in awhile and calling them as much as he can. Same to u sora insha Allah evrything will be ok by time i dont doubt that at all plus they will start feeling better when they see them happy and doing well there

i think so much about that too.... since im the one whos leaving my family friends and everything i ever knew behind!! My husband doesnt feel guilty at all lol my dad works in saudi all my life i saw him once a year for only a month and a half so im so used to being away from him ... since i got married my mom joined him and my sister too lives there with her husband... its only me n my brother here.... so the family is already so split up yet emotionally very close. Since i will only visit once a year in the same month my dad does i think its going to feel the same and no change at all....even though becoz of this separation from my father since i was a kid i always promised myself when i get married i wd stay here in Egypt so when my dad gets retired we wd all live together again and never have to leave eachothers side!! but i fell in love with my husband and he is the best man ever; im so lucky to have him; he is soooo worth the sacrifice and even my dad is so happy for us and sees that my future shud be with him insha Allah.

I know there will be mad sobbing at the airport but just thinking im going to finally reunited with husband it will take all the saddness away.... ill be in contact with my family on daily basis ... insha Allah no change will be felt...

[*Maureen* 0]

Hmmm. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't live with him for 2 years and they had him his whole life We're moving back so they can all have him back then! I guess I'm just forward-looking. His family didn't feel guilty about me not seeing him So anyway, I guess try to look at it as levels of importance. In Islam a man is supposed to have first responsibility to his wife and children, and second to his family. They are not supposed to hinder your relationship. he is only a flight or a phone call away from them. I guess if you felt really guilty you could look at moving back over there with him? Or would things be complicated because of your children? I hope you feel better soon. Just wait-- they'll cry on all the phone calls too But that's just sort of something either they will have to get used to, or you will have to get over. the difficulty, IMO, is him and how he deals with it and how you deal with him dealing with it You should probably try to be as supportive as possible and encourage him... and just be there for him when he is feeling blue!

Julianna, did i read that correctly, you guys are moving back to Jordan?

Bridget, it will be ok, you are his wife and that is who he needs to be with. I certainly dont think that you want to be apart any longer from your husband.

[mohamed N melinda 0]

My Mother in law always tells me take this monkey with you to america soon hahah He's always making her crazy and playfully ruining her work and cooking.

She said to us she'll be sad at first and cry but shes so happy because we are each others first love (bfgf)and we will stay together forever (gave us a blessing) . He always told her not to force him to get married that he didn't want to so when we started flirting,dating, and got married she didn't care about where he was as long as he got married and she didn't have to worry about him.

You know today I'm so thankful to God because my husband always catered to my needs and wants before anybody there. I actually feel bad because he brought me expensive stuff there and got his sisters some cheap brands. Anybody tried to show me washing clothes by hand or dishes by hand he'd tell them stop and to leave me alone and we speak arabic so they hear EVERYTHING he was like its ok babe continue what you're doing. I really feel bad about those things but I never asked him to be like that or do that! I do agree with alot of women on this board Wife is before anybody in your life (after Almighty God of course).

I hope nobody gets money hungry now that we're married b/c that's going to start alot of drama. Couple of my uncles have moved to france and married in france so they told me in privacy that they are demanded to send money back home all the time & they don't tell their wives. Hopefully nobody will DEMAND that from my husband as it won't work that way. But I know I have to be open to accept if they needed money bc I don't want him doing that behind my back!

For Melinda and Mohammad - Your wife's heart will be the first to run to you if anything happened to you. If youre sick she's going to baby the heck out of you more than your mom or sisters can think to do. It's a different love from mother to son wife to husband sister to brother. You wife holds motherly and a lover's personality. Everything you said about a husband caring to his family before a wife and a wife shouldnt get jealous then do you also follow that with your wife? Her parents have favor in her eyes more than you have with her. If her parents need something and you also she will think to them first as you would for your parents. Can you accept that? I think like my spouse you will get jealous if she cared to her parents before you bec she is your wife. She can give you everything and more if you asked. It's not to say who is more important never like that just that when you think to marry a woman and American woman at that you have to respect her 100%. No offense to you brother. I'm sure your wife struggled alot and sacrificed alot more than you think she did to bring you to USA.

sarahaziz yes i follow same way with my wife i would be so happy when she care about her familly cause that show how great and pure she is . that will never bother me or make me upset cause as u said it is different love son to mother and husband to wife. and any wife will be in comptetation with the parent she should know she will be losser cause it is differnt kind of love and caring.

and we are here in arab muslim contries have special very strong bond with our familly we raised on this way of tradition and there is no conflict with ake care of ur wife and ur parent and familly needs at all.

i cant deny that my wife struggled to be with me and how was so patient and how stress was on her to be with me . i totaly RESPECT my wife 100000% and she know that and she accept all what i am saying about my familly cause simply they care about her so so much and treat with her as thier own daughter and my mom and sisiter never let her do anything while she was in Egypt and spoil her too

she always say she is close to them more than her real parents. here in arab muslim contries we have warm familly feeling and strong bond with each other . some not found in usa famillies

and wise smart man who make his wife feel so good and also his parents

[sarahaziz 0]

My father took me and my spouse aside after the marriage and he said to us After marriage you care and love each other first before you think to us (our families) He said you have to be each others support. What I or any other family member think its right maybe it's not right for you both bc we are not in that marriage with you. I love my dad so much i always kept his respect and it's hard sometimes to put my father # 2 next to my husband. I think after marriage a man must make his own house meaning he must start to prioritize his wife over his sisters needs because his sisters will marry and they will forget their brother next to their husband in the future. It's human nature and after when everyones married the closeness to family starts to fade and you see only your spouse knows you more than anybody. That's what I think I don't know if anyone agrees.

[mohamed N melinda 0]

to love tour husband or wife that not mean to not love your familly there is no conflict between two of them.

but what i am talking about is arab tradition and also islamic sure wife is very imortant in man life to support and be beside him and for the man to be pretect and take good care of his wife and kids and also his parent who made him and spent money to educate him and make real good man . thats thier right on him to take care of when thy are older and need him..

i think it might be different from man to other and familly to othe familly and from conutry to anothe contry

to take care of ur familly that not mean u dont for ur wife . thats the husband duty to take care of wife needs and wants .and to love your parent and care about them wont effect your love to your wife any . Alhamodlillah she understabd that very well and accept it completly

[m&n 0]

Who has the responsibility of caring for whom......

This question was brought up once in an Islamic conference I attended ........obviously there has to be mutual love, care, and respect between a husband & wife, however, I remember that it was explained that God has ordered men to take care of the needs of his parents and family and women to be particularly caring to her husband. A woman asked why is a man specifically reminded to care for his parents & family before the wife and why is a woman reminded to care for her husband before the mentioning of her parents and family. The answer was interesting.........the speaker said that when a man loves his wife, it is in his nature to want to care for her and he won't need reminding of this and so he is reminded to not forget his parents......likewise, it is in a woman's nature to want to be close to her relatives and so she is reminded not to neglect caring for her husband...........I liked that.

About the guilt........the way I looked at it was this...........I don't remember anyone there shedding a tear thinking about the suffering that I had to go through for 2 years of visa hell........

They'll get over it.

[♥Sora_9_Dam3a♥ 0]

I felt bad because I knew how close my husband is to his mom (only son, youngest child, small family) but hey! Time heals wounds... try not to stress over it and enjoy the fact that he's coming!! better get cleaning and planning fun things to do, girlie!

sereia, we strangely have soooooo much in common!! lol!! my husband is also the youngest and only son!!!!! hahaha...

Then she hugged and kissed our son and started wailing! When she got to my husband, she actually fell to the floor.

omg that would have broken me into little bits.

I think this is why he's not going to have them come to the airport with him.

I probably would have made the decision right then and there that i was not going back to america...hahaha...i'm so weak! lol..

Just got finished chatting with Akram, and asked him about his mother. He said "She's fine alhamdulillah and no comment". That meant , don't ask how she feels, so I didn't go there. I told her, I hope she still loves me, and he said, she does, but I'm her favorite now! (that was referring to a comment a year ago when he said, it seems like she favors you more than me!).

He told me this was life, and that everyone will get used to the idea of him not being there insha Allah. And that the communication (through internet, calling cards, etc) would still be there, "so please Ayesha don't worry, everything will be fine insha Allah".

I'll let you guys know about the ticket when he books it insha Allah he'll book it this Sunday. (don't want to say the date yet, in case of that evil eye! )

Hugs,

Ayesha

your husband sounds like my husband, lol...he always says "this is life, if i wasn't going to travel to america with you, i was going to travel to another country for work...my mother knows that well and although she's going to be upset, it has nothing to do with you" ...his mother says that also, she knew it was going to happen either way...

when i say i feel guilty...it's not that i feel like we're doing something wrong...it's just that i can't stand to see anyone cry...it really kills me...and i know that insha allah, once he's here, everything will be fine and they'll get used to it...it's just difficult at the moment...

HisLittleMasriyah--insha Allah all will go well and it will be an easy adjustment for you, babe!

i pray that everything goes well for everyone, insha Allah..

[Hanna&Mohamed 0]

Yes I understand completely how you feel I worry about Mohammeds family especially his mother when he leaves She cries for awhile when I leave.Then when Amir and I went there that was the hardest I ever dealt with its hard enough leaving my husband but then to see his mother crying so much. She told Mohammed you need to be there with your wife and son.I love his family so much they are wonderful to me.Yes ,I do accept his family comes first!I know mohammed loves his family and loves his son and me so much.He will always take care of his family and us always. I would never be jealous at all. I also worry about his sister he goes with her to the doctor and if she needs to go places hes always there for his family and also hes the oldest son! I know his brother will help!

If I could I would live in Egypt so fast.I have to wait for my children to get older then we will go back. I cant wait!InshaAllah! I wish everyone the most happiness in there life and marraiges! WE are praying everyone here has there visa fast !

[doodlebugg 10]

Yes I understand completely how you feel I worry about Mohammeds family especially his mother when he leaves She cries for awhile when I leave.Then when Amir and I went there that was the hardest I ever dealt with its hard enough leaving my husband but then to see his mother crying so much. She told Mohammed you need to be there with your wife and son.I love his family so much they are wonderful to me.Yes ,I do accept his family comes first!I know mohammed loves his family and loves his son and me so much.He will always take care of his family and us always. I would never be jealous at all. I also worry about his sister he goes with her to the doctor and if she needs to go places hes always there for his family and also hes the oldest son! I know his brother will help!

If I could I would live in Egypt so fast.I have to wait for my children to get older then we will go back. I cant wait!InshaAllah! I wish everyone the most happiness in there life and marraiges! WE are praying everyone here has there visa fast !

awww I love that pic in your siggy!

[Nagishkaw 510]

Me too!

[mohamed N melinda 0]

me too this pic was on my home roof

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

I will share my experience with that. I thought of the long, sleepless, tear filled nights of my own waiting for the visa to arrive. They will survive.

Jackie

I feel the same as Jackie. I have been waiting for this a loooooooong time. And spent toooooo many nights alone and crying. His mom is crying day and night. I just told him that it is ok. And to tell mom that she knows me and knows that I will take good care of her son.

[Hanna&Mohamed 0]

Thank u! Its so hard to believe Amir will be 1 on May 2nd! Im so happy Mohammed will be here to celebrate his birthday!!!