Friends of our MENA SOs

[ya falaha! 0]

For those of you who have SOs here....are they making friends easily? What types of friends are they gravitating towards....American or other MENA folks? Do they have old friends from home that they've reconnected with here? Do you like their friends? Let's share our experiences.

For those of you awaiting your SOs...what are your concerns about them making friends? Do they have friends from home already here? Are you or they worried about making new friends?

I'll start...

When my husband first got here he didn't know anyone in MI but me. He has a neighborhood friend in NY (here on a DV) who he would speak to on the phone occasionally (that has dropped off considerably after the first couple months). A couple months after his arrival we met a couple (Syrian) at the local grocery store who told us about a mosque nearby. The husband took my husband there a few times to network and make new friends. He met a few guys and would keep contact by phone. He managed to find a job through one of them. After he started working the contact with most of these acquaintances dropped off. He still keeps contact with the Syrian man from the grocery. Through work he met a really nice American guy who he is good friends with now. I would say this is his closest friend. It's a bonus that D's wife is really cool and we have a lot in common. My husband likes it that we can all sit together and talk rather than me being odd man out as far as language is concerned. I gotta admit, I like it as well.

[S and S 12]

I worry about that as well for when my husband gets here, but I do have a couple of middle eastern women friends here though that isn't who I really want him hanging out with, lol (most of them are married to American husbands). I am hoping that maybe the mosque will help some inshallah.

[Nasturtium 500]

My husband knew several people in the US when he moved here, and knew one person who lived one town below us. So mostly he's hung out with this man. he's made work friends but so far the only people we've had over are my friends. I know he's a really social person, but for whatever reason I cannot get him to look to making regular friends like he did at home.. he was in the arab soccer team for a while until he got very injured, but he complained they were all too young. So now he just calls his friends in the US and canada, and hangs out with his friend Ali about once a month.

[Donna A 4]

his first friend was american/syrian but he moved to florida but now all of them are arabs.

[sarahaziz 0]

My spouse isnt open minded about meeting americans that's gonna be an issue. It's cuz of a bad experience. He has one friend who had the DV lottery also in NY.

[sereia 0]

my husband met a guy in his ESL class from brazil he seemed to like...but they never hung out outside of class.

then my husband met a few american guys who live in a house a few doors down who live there bachelor style. video games, plasma tv, aquarium, pool table, poker table, darts, the whole nine! only god knows what the heck they really do over there. they seemed to get along very well and he enjoys their company.

my husband refused to make an effort to arabs for some reason. *shrug* i do think it would help though!

Edited April 3, 2008 by sereia

[tammy2688 1]

seems all the DVs end up in NY lol my husband got a friend there too

Ya mine wants to stray away from people of our culture cause they're so uptight and think they're the sh-- when they come here and been here for a while and always wanna be better than the recent arriver...hes more into making american friends, you know, at least have a civil life

although literally when people are married, they got a wife who is their good friend and get busy in work, who the heck has time for a lot of friends anyway...i dont even have more than 3/4 friends i can call freinds! and i went to school here all my life...

so i guess its about just like how social they are, and some people just click

though my husband is hesitant about americans too...its normal

i just wish they will find some happiness here or we will have to face some bad nights lol

May God help them cause we sure can't

much love to all of you

Tammy

[ayesha4akram 0]

Before I went to Egypt, my sheikh here in PR is egyptian , so on his next trip to Egypt, Akram called him and they hooked up to talk, get to know each other, and talk about things relating to our relationship, etc. After that, everytime he went to Egypt, they would meet up for lunch and talk.

The sheikh was so happy to know that Akram is finally coming, and his wife told me to take him to my Saturday (Islamic & Arabic studies). After she said that, she thought outloud, oh nooooo as soon as they see each other, they'll start talking arabic to each other and we'll lose them . But everyone from my class are looking forward to meeting this person I've waited years for.

I guess we'll take things one day at a time. I'm sure he'll make more friends as time goes by insha Allah.

What worries me is the spanish language, so I'll do with him what I did with my kids. With my kids, I always spoke to them in English, because the main language is spanish here, so they get that in school. That helped them learn both languages fluently alhamdulillah. With Akram, I'm going to speak spanish (I already started) and he sounds soooooo funny but sexy too . (funny how he mentions the same thing about my arabic ). We figure once he learns enough spanish, he'll talk to me in spanish and i'll talk to him in arabic, and we can correct each other.

Well we'll see how everything works out insha Allah soon enough.

Hugs,

Ayesha

[doodlebugg 10]

Before I went to Egypt, my sheikh here in PR is egyptian , so on his next trip to Egypt, Akram called him and they hooked up to talk, get to know each other, and talk about things relating to our relationship, etc. After that, everytime he went to Egypt, they would meet up for lunch and talk.

The sheikh was so happy to know that Akram is finally coming, and his wife told me to take him to my Saturday (Islamic & Arabic studies). After she said that, she thought outloud, oh nooooo as soon as they see each other, they'll start talking arabic to each other and we'll lose them . But everyone from my class are looking forward to meeting this person I've waited years for.

That is really cool!!!!

My husband's bff lives in Toronto but other than that he knows no one here aside from my family that he's spoken with via the web. My biggest worry is that I'll come home to a house full of men to cook for. I'm gonna nip that one in the bud before he makes any friends. lol.I'm not too worried, he's a likeable guy and very easy to talk to.

[SaadBell 0]

You are going to speak only Spanish, I applaud you my sister. I think that is a brilliant idea, only wish I spoke better. My mother speaks fluently, as with my grandparents, I never learned so well, I took Spanish in high school, and came home with a C-; I thought my grandfather would have a heart attack when he saw I was barely passing Spanish. I also took Spanish in college, but I always speak English to everybody. When my grandmother was still alive, she would make me speak Spanish. She would say something to me in Spanish and make me tell her what she just said. I just wish I spoke better, when I lived in Germany I spoke pretty good German, now I barely remember a couple of words. Husband always tells me we will talk only Arabic when we are at home that way you know the language. I know this plan won’t work, I suck at learning language, and as I get older, it has become harder. As far as my husband friends, he has lived in New York City so he has friends, but he is a work alcoholic and I see him working 24/7 when he comes back. He loves to work, ALL THE TIME, I love him dearly but he truly is a man who loves to work. He does love the Irish pubs, because of the music, you gotta be careful in NY, cause if you don’t drink they can get a little nasty, usually he drinks tea.

[Jenn! 918]

My biggest worry is that I'll come home to a house full of men to cook for. I'm gonna nip that one in the bud before he makes any friends. lol.I'm not too worried, he's a likeable guy and very easy to talk to.

LOL, good luck with that! That has died down a bit in our house, but the first Ramadan Wadi was here, for example, I was quite often cooking for 6+ hungry guys. Don't get me wrong - it was fun and all - but I'm glad that usually happens only during Ramadan, and less frequently as well as the years have gone by.

Wadi is a very sociable guy and has a lot of friends. Only a few really good friends though. I think the network here in Boston is quite strong - all of the Moroccans, for example, seem to be acquainted - for better or worse.

[ya falaha! 0]

Honestly, besides the job thing, my husband has had bad luck with Arabs here. He's so much more relaxed with American friends like he doesn't have to put up a front like he does with Arabs. Like I said in my previous post, he does keep some contact with a couple Arab guys basically to have someone speak Arabic with. I'd like to say the American friends are teaching him things but it's the other way around, lol. He's been teaching them Arabic slang and expressions.

Bridget, if your husband is anything like mine you won't have to worry about a house full of guys to cook for. Moh's is very conscious about not springing dinner guests and such on me. My ex used to invite guys over last minute and I'd be stuck in the kitchen to eat dinner alone. Moh's really good about not putting me in uncomfortable situations like being stuck in the middle of a room of Arabic speakers where I'd just be sitting alone with nothing to contribute. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

Edited April 3, 2008 by moody

[Jenn! 918]

My ex used to invite guys over last minute and I'd be stuck in the kitchen to eat dinner alone.

I don't understand - did you have to eat in the kitchen alone or did you do that by choice because everyone was speaking arabic?

[doodlebugg 10]

Honestly, besides the job thing, my husband has had bad luck with Arabs here. He's so much more relaxed with American friends like he doesn't have to put up a front like he does with Arabs. Like I said in my previous post, he does keep some contact with a couple Arab guys basically to have someone speak Arabic with. I'd like to say the American friends are teaching him things but it's the other way around, lol. He's been teaching them Arabic slang and expressions.

Bridget, if your husband is anything like mine you won't have to worry about a house full of guys to cook for. Moh's is very conscious about not springing dinner guests and such on me. My ex used to invite guys over last minute and I'd be stuck in the kitchen to eat dinner alone. Moh's really good about not putting me in uncomfortable situations like being stuck in the middle of a room of Arabic speakers where I'd just be sitting alone with nothing to contribute. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

Yeah and I'm hoping he definitely would never think of doing it when the girls are with us out of protective feelings for them. That is something I will put my foot down on, though I'm not sure it will be a problem. I don't want them feeling shy in their own home.

[simple_male 1]

My biggest worry is that I'll come home to a house full of men to cook for. I'm gonna nip that one in the bud before he makes any friends. lol.I'm not too worried, he's a likeable guy and very easy to talk to.

LOL, good luck with that! That has died down a bit in our house, but the first Ramadan Wadi was here, for example, I was quite often cooking for 6+ hungry guys. Don't get me wrong - it was fun and all - but I'm glad that usually happens only during Ramadan, and less frequently as well as the years have gone by.

Wadi is a very sociable guy and has a lot of friends. Only a few really good friends though. I think the network here in Boston is quite strong - all of the Moroccans, for example, seem to be acquainted - for better or worse.

Sounds like you are a great cook, Jenn. We have friends and relatives all over USA. So my wife is fine here.