Getting Depressed

[Robyn-n-Kris 72]

Congratz on the baby and I pray your time comes soon. Since we are on a poem kick:

I promise with my heart

All the love I can give

I promise with my soul

All that I am is yours.

You are my life

The one I have prayed for

You are everything to me

Nothing more could I have asked for

Dreams held in the past

Of love one hopes to have

Fades in comparison

To the soft touch of your hands

Never in my life, had something meant so much

As the sound of your laughter and the need of your touch

Forever will I be, awed by our bond

The perfect match for me is my best friend and lover.

[K1inCincy 0]

wow i like that one.. u wrote it?

Hey you all are pretty awesome in here. Yes I wrote it. I write a lot...and since all this has been going on I've been writing more. I just like to vent sometimes. I pray now every night not just for my situation, but for everyone on here going through the same thing. Also real quick....if any of you have any original writing to share please post. I think it would be helpful for all of us to share and read each others thoughts. I have some more that I'll post rigt now....

(WROTE THIS ONE BEFORE MIYAH'S BIRTH)

Immigrant Song

This 1970 Led Zeppelin song really hits home with me. Even though it was about Leif Ericson, a Viking, Robert Plant’s wraithlike cries exemplify the pain and suffering that I experience with immigration. I am a 26-year-old U.S. citizen who is currently residing in Calgary on visit. My fiancée Portia is a foreign worker here from the Philippines. We met a little over a year ago, and fell in love at first sight. The best way to describe it is when you are putting a 1000 piece puzzle together, and you are working on the sky section. You sit there and stare at two hundred pieces that are all the same shade of blue. Finally you find a piece that fits with the piece in your hand. It’s a great feeling, almost magical. That’s what happened to our souls. At the time I was living in Ohio and Portia was here in Calgary. We knew that we had to see each other on a regular basis, but an airline ticket from Ohio to Calgary roundtrip is a small fortune. That’s when I had a stroke of genius. Knowing that airline employees get free flights I left my job at the time and started working for Northwest airlines. Now that move had considerable pros and cons. The pros being that I could fly to Calgary, or anywhere for that matter and pay nothing for my flights. On the other hand the cons consisted of a considerable drop in income, going from a white collar profession to a blue collar, getting my shifts covered to even go to Calgary, flying standby, so when flights are full or oversold (which they usually are) then I don’t go or was left stranded in the airport. Still the job gave me the ability for Portia and I to see each other each month. In about May of last year we decided that Portia would come and stay with me for three weeks. During the three weeks we would drive down to South Carolina to visit her aunt and celebrate her grandparents anniversary. So Portia found a service here in Calgary that would help her file for her tourist visa. She paid three hundred eighty dollars for them to file her application and another hundred dollars for her appointment with the U.S. embassy. During the weeks before her appointment our excitement grew. I couldn’t wait for her to meet my mom and Portia couldn’t wait to introduce me to her family. On the day of her appointment I waited anxiously for her to call and tell me the good news. But the call wouldn’t be good news. The U.S. embassy denied her for a travel visa. They did not feel that her grandparents’ anniversary was that important of an event to grant her access to the U.S., nor did they think that she would return to Canada. So she was considered “high risk” due to her age, single status, and her ties here in Calgary. The news hit me like a sack of bricks dropped from a ten-story building. That was our first taste of how the border between the U.S. and Canada would affect our love. With the denial of her travel visa I decided to go to Calgary instead. That trip to Calgary last May change both of our lives. The next month Portia felt different so when I came up to visit we went to the doctor. On June 18th we found out that Portia was pregnant. At first it scared both of us. Were we ready? Did we make a mistake? What’s next? We knew that we loved each other. We knew that we wanted to be together. We decided that we would make this work. Our plan was bringing Portia back to the U.S. and we would start our family together in Ohio. Even though we thought that this was a good plan the U.S. government felt different. There is this long drawn out process that has fees attached to every form you have to fill out called U.S. Immigration. I started calling every immigration lawyer I could find. One would say two years, the other would say nine months, and another would say twelve months. On top of all the confusion about processing times the lawyer fees were in the four-digit bracket. It was then apparent to Portia and I that we were going to be in for the struggle of our lives trying to make this work. Don’t get me wrong; there was no problem with our love for each other, just the borders that separated it. It started to feel like a modern day Romeo and Juliet story. I could not accept the fact that it would take a year to bring my new family back to Ohio, and I would not accept it. I continued searching every day for hours on end trying to find a loophole in the system. There had to be a way to get around a year of waiting. But after a while the match of hope and optimism started to flicker and then eventually went out only leaving a faint trail of smoke behind. For once in my life I felt defeated. There was no way around the process, the wait, and the fees. I continued to visit Calgary each month, and in September of 2007 I started coming twice a month. The constant traveling made a huge impact on my bank account, and I wasn’t getting enough hours at work to make ends meet. That is the time when money problems would enter the equation and has been a constant factor to this day. We found out that the best way to get Portia to the U.S. would be through a K-1 visa, or the fiancée visa. It has the shortest processing time of nine to twelve months. The other option was a spousal visa, but that would take two years at least. I found a lawyer that would process and file our K-1 visa for sixteen hundred dollars. That was the best price I could find, and that particular law firm specializes in K-1 visas with a money back guarantee. Portia was nearing her sixth month of pregnancy and was having problems taking the bus and train back and forth. Only hearing about the development and growth of my daughter, and not actually being there to experience the pregnancy with Portia and my daughter was depressing me more and more. I knew I had to be there with my family. I had no work or no means of money, but I had to be there. In November of 2007 I drained my bank account. I paid the sixteen hundred dollars to the lawyer, fourteen hundred for a small bachelor suite in southeast Calgary, and had eight hundred dollars for the drive to Calgary. I left Ohio on November 10th and made it to Calgary on the 12th. I have been here with Portia and Miyah (my unborn daughter) since then. Things have been tough. With so many jobs in Calgary, I can’t work any of them. And it has been an impossible task for me to find an employer who will go through the process of getting me a work permit. I could marry Portia, but that would mean that all the money I paid the K-1 lawyer would be for nothing, and it would take the two years to process the spousal visa. Portia cannot collect any form of unemployment of maternity leave either. I started putting a home theater together at the beginning of 2006, but now I’m having my friend back in Ohio sell it piece by piece so that Portia and I have money to live on. Lately however, money has been running short, and times are getting tough. It’s pretty sad when you can’t afford a gallon of milk for your pregnant fiancée. If it weren’t for Portia’s support I’d have already been on the strongest anti-depressant on the market. People tell us all the time that this is the happiest time of our lives, but it truly doesn’t feel that way. We worry for Miyah, for her well-being. We worry about having enough gas to drive to the hospital when Portia goes into labor. People say things aren’t that bad, that we should be happy that we have each other and a baby on the way. It’s been hard to make people understand our pain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of both Portia and I. We’ve made it so far, but there is still a rough hard road ahead, and both of our feet are sore. We pray for strength, and we hope for miracles. We live day to day, and give thanks every night for making it through each day. That is our immigrant song.

[Robyn-n-Kris 72]

Very nice.. i write.. alot.. mostly novels (5 so far another half done) but other things when I am just meandering about heheh.

[sunnybear 0]

DAY TURNS TO NIGHT, NIGHT TURNS TO DAY

YOU SIT AND WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE FAR AWAY

DAYS TURN TO WEEKS AS THE CALENDAR PAGES TURN

YET YOU STILL WAIT FOR THE LOVE THAT YOU YEARN

YOU SEE PEOPLE HOLD HANDS AND IN PAINS YOUR HEART

IF YOU COULD ONLY HOLD YOUR LOVERS HAND, BUT YOUR OCEANS APART

DREAMS OF THE DAY WHEN YOUR LOVE IS THERE WITH YOU

BUT YOU AWAKE ALONE TO ANOTHER DAY TO GO THROUGH

Awwww I love this! CONGRATS on the baby as well!!! It will happen soon for us all! Not soon enough but soon!

[K1inCincy 0]

Thanks all! Your all awesome!

[stevi1123 0]

Thanks all! Your all awesome!

What a beautiful story. What a beautiful family too. My best wishes to you all during your visa journey, and it's nice to see a fellow Cincinnatian too. Go Reds, Go Bengals, etc....

[natasha peter 0]

Congratz on the baby and I pray your time comes soon. Since we are on a poem kick:

I promise with my heart

All the love I can give

I promise with my soul

All that I am is yours.

You are my life

The one I have prayed for

You are everything to me

Nothing more could I have asked for

Dreams held in the past

Of love one hopes to have

Fades in comparison

To the soft touch of your hands

Never in my life, had something meant so much

As the sound of your laughter and the need of your touch

Forever will I be, awed by our bond

The perfect match for me is my best friend and lover.

A beautiful poem

[Robyn-n-Kris 72]

Congratz on the baby and I pray your time comes soon. Since we are on a poem kick:

I promise with my heart

All the love I can give

I promise with my soul

All that I am is yours.

You are my life

The one I have prayed for

You are everything to me

Nothing more could I have asked for

Dreams held in the past

Of love one hopes to have

Fades in comparison

To the soft touch of your hands

Never in my life, had something meant so much

As the sound of your laughter and the need of your touch

Forever will I be, awed by our bond

The perfect match for me is my best friend and lover.

A beautiful poem

awww <blush> thankee... this next one i wrote thinking of Kris while i was finishing up a small novella for my pub called Destiny's Light.

Love’s Light:

Love’s light, so strong and true;

The world of chaos surrounded the two;

Paths that crossed after searching lifetime’s unseen;

Two hearts interwoven as fate has deemed;

Obstacles tossed to deter their progression;

Broken souls drawn together in an endless obsession;

Purity of their feelings they long to be together;

True love is their gift to be shared as one forever.

[BigCityDave 0]

I feel this song kind of applies to us all.

Song for VJers

[BigCityDave 0]

Sorry this is a better version.

[K1inCincy 0]

Thanks all! Your all awesome!

What a beautiful story. What a beautiful family too. My best wishes to you all during your visa journey, and it's nice to see a fellow Cincinnatian too. Go Reds, Go Bengals, etc....

All right Who Dey!!! Thanks and God Bless. I just pray that we all get what we are looking for soon.

[K1inCincy 0]

Sorry this is a better version.

Wow Dave...thats so true. I won't lie the tears start rolling down when I listen to it. Its kind of heartbreaking. Thanks bro for the awesome video.

[K1inCincy 0]

another day of waking up and staring at the empty spot on the bed.

there still the impression on the pillow from where it last felt your head.

breakfast isn't the same when the tables set for one

and going to the movies alone is no longer fun

staring at your picture only brings more pain

wondering how long it will be till were together again

check my email praying for the sign

that will bring your body closer to mine

but everytime theres nothing new

still counting the days to be together again with you

i find it sad that we share one heart

but yet these borders is what keeps us apart

i log off my computer with a feeling of sorrow

close my eyes and think maybe tomorrow

[Robyn-n-Kris 72]

another day of waking up and staring at the empty spot on the bed.

there still the impression on the pillow from where it last felt your head.

breakfast isn't the same when the tables set for one

and going to the movies alone is no longer fun

staring at your picture only brings more pain

wondering how long it will be till were together again

check my email praying for the sign

that will bring your body closer to mine

but everytime theres nothing new

still counting the days to be together again with you

i find it sad that we share one heart

but yet these borders is what keeps us apart

i log off my computer with a feeling of sorrow

close my eyes and think maybe tomorrow

Very nice and very true.

What would you do if you had to make a choice that determined the course of your life? Could it be a simple question or one that defines all things? Mistified by so many outcomes many avoid the choices and paths that are unknown to them. Things in life are not always easy and the answer can sometimes be harder to swollow than giving in and avoiding change. Life is full of ups and downs, constants and variances. Would you stay in the path of an oncoming car if you could move? Would you allow pain to continue if you had the means to stop it? We travel through this life with the ability to make choices that affect both our lives and those around us. It is our choice, our task to make our world the best we can. Not only for ourselves but everyone. Too often we lose sight of the reality of our existence and focus only on our own self preservation. But to live we must accept that our actions affect others. That we must do all we can to live our lives and make our world the best it can be for this generation and all those to follow. There is no right or wrong, only purity in our heart and soul.

We are here, if only for a short while. The legacy we leave behind will be written in the tasks we undertake and the paths we travel. Dare to dream, dare to venture down the road less traveled. Our lives, our story, all that is who we are will be remembered by the choices we make and the dreams we live. Be who you are, be more than you think you can be. Choose to break the bonds that hold us all to the mundane path of average life and instead burst past those barriers and into the future with the burning fire of hope and love in your heart.

You are who you are. Hold nothing back and become what you can be. If you chose to be.

hehe reflective mood tonight..

[Robyn-n-Kris 72]

Ok..listening to theme from Last of the Mohicans drinking a wine cooler and well this came about.. i'll have to re-read it tomorrow becaus it's bedtime for me LOL

In the end I'm who I'm meant to be

In the end I've given all I can be

The strength of knowledge flows freely through my veins

The stark reality of the world falling down like pouring rain

I've called out into the darkness, tears falling down my cheek

I've listened for your voice to set my soul free

Praying into the darkness for your arms to pull me into their embrace

I long to see the loving smile on your face

Our world, our path and all we long to see

Pales in comparision to a world without you near me

For now your presence is there only as a dream

You are my love, my life, my everything.