scared but hoping

[SaadBell 0]

My husband is also Egyptian, lives in Kuwait now, but I have heard him say things about how people don’t treat Egyptians the same as other Arabs. That is sad, is it like the Latino’s we also do those, mostly the older generations, I think it is getting better, but it still exists. Anyone got information why it is the Egyptians get this bad rap. I am confused, but don’t know much about this kind of culture.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

He's experiencing separation anxiety from his home country which he has lived in nearly his whole life. He's just expressing and venting that and needs a sympathetic ear that's all. This is completely normal. It's a whole new life! A new start! A way to wipe the slate clean and start fresh! It's the chance to make all your dreams together to come true! Try to help him focus on the positive so in return it will help you both.

Love you!

Olivia

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

I hate bugs period, but mostly the ones that are ugly. How evil am I? Spiders, cockroaches, just wrong. I too am scared, I will run, can't even think of trying to kill filth like that. I can't step on them, and too scared to spray poison on them because they will run and just the sight of that will make me ill. Oh the hell of this world.

get a cat, they love bugs

[amal 4]

You and your family are in my prayers girl(F)

[sarahaziz 0]

He can't have everything his way though Wahrania. He had to at least know 1% of what he was getting into when he married you. Marriage is 50.50 not only what the man wants to do. Wife will abide by his authority but he has to think for his wifes sake also. If you explain to him your medical problems and the baby etc. maybe it will change something? My spouse is the same way but i explained everything before marriage how I want life to be and he accepted. Your husband has family and everything there but you are his wife now. He must stay with you where you are and you also. Marriage only consists of MAN and WIFE not other family members. I think you understand what view I'm speaking from because you won't have a happy time with his family around all the time. Hopefully you can shed some light to his eyes that his wife is in a critical situation.

[sarahaziz 0]

My husband is also Egyptian, lives in Kuwait now, but I have heard him say things about how people don’t treat Egyptians the same as other Arabs. That is sad, is it like the Latino’s we also do those, mostly the older generations, I think it is getting better, but it still exists. Anyone got information why it is the Egyptians get this bad rap. I am confused, but don’t know much about this kind of culture.

Theyre kind of stingy with money. I worked in an Egyptians Law office and he tryed to bargain the wage with me. They love bargaining lol I don't have a problem with them tho. My other friends said they just have a bad reputation of being greedy but that in every culture !

[sarahaziz 0]

What about having alot of family gatherings with your family and your husband. Maybe putting him in a family oriented environment will make him feel better? I don't know if that'd work with everyone that's where I'd resort to

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

There has been a lot of extremely good advice here and what I see as being the best is HEALTHY communication with your spouse. The second most important thing is for each to support and encourage each other. It take two to make a marriage successful but it can fail by the fault of only one.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

I hope all works out and my thoughts and prayers are with you...

Edited April 2, 2008 by MelindaandTarek

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Today my husband apologised to me TODAAAAAAY but last night I was in tears all the night.He expressed alot of fear of leaving Algeria.He told me if he doesnt like it here he will go back home.I am having the OPPOSITE of used me for a greencard.I have a husband who ADORES his city,his friends...he has heard nothing but horror stories from other Algerians about 15 hour days in pizza parlors,crime,New York City and how we have no health insurance.He is perfectly fine with me moving to Algeria and us living there. I cannot stand it there after Decembers visit and the grinding poverty and social problems plus I have almost died here from asthma and we have top medical care and I had ICU drs working on me January 15th for 9 hours and they could nt get my lungs working.It would be a death sentence....I cried in my bed ,just tears came out like water...to the point I almost called him to tell him to wait until the baby was born to come because I am afraid he will hate it here and leave me pregnant...Today he said he was sorry but I really know the greencard is not compelling for him...He loves his hometown so much...I cant even desribe the level...Im just having a lot of problems with asthma today and I am pretty distraught.. He seemed today to have calmed down..He also reassured me that he loves me he s just scared...scared of leaving everyone ...he s not been out of his hometown in 9 years except with me to go to tunis and then to go to the embassy...

Im just so beside myself

These fears are TOTALLY normal -- I would worry a lot more if he DIDN'T have them. He's leaving everything familiar -- his family, his friends, his "comfort zone," everything he ever knew -- to go to a very different place and culture with a lot of unknowns. That's scary for anyone, including people from other "Western" countries (even though some don't admit to being scared.)

Wahrania -- I'm not trying to add to your load of worries, but adjustment to a new country is often so very difficult and stressful for the new immigrant. You think this separation was the hard part ? HA !!!! The hardest times are yet to come -- after he's been here a couple of months and the newness has worn off, and frustrations of dealing with a totally new environment set in, and he starts to realize that he's totally removed from his familiar support system. The homesickness is probably going to hit him very hard during this time.

So.............. you are going to have to deal with a whole lot MORE of this type of thing after he gets here. You're going to need all the patience and strength you can muster. PLUS you are going to be dealing with a new baby at the same time. This is an extremely heavy and stressful burden. Luckily, you are a woman so you have an amazing strength inside you to get you through all of this -- you may not realize it yet, but you do. Take a deep breath -- this is actually the calm before the storm.

-MK

Yeah I can see it now... the toddler screaming in the morning I want DORA...me rolling out of bed, doing my very best to make arabic coffee,struggling to get the little girl dressed, driving my husband to interviews, my job,Drs appointments...Hell if I was coming and knew all the ####### that was going to go down ( toddler, pregnant teary eyed wife) and my life in Algeria consisted of coffee stops, soccer games, dominos and hanging out with all my friends till 2 am on the corner, I dont think I would wanna move here either....Well At least he is telling me now instead of having an inflated view of this place as Disney Land. Disney World is 20 minutes away from my house but its 62 dollars admission and parking is 10.. LOL

[Donna A 4]

Im sorry that ur feeling so upset........i kind of know what ur going thru well im not expecting of course but perviz sometimes goes thru that period of not wanting to come to the USA because he has a good job in india......and he is afraid he will not be able to work as a Dr. here in the usa and if he can how well will he get paid..........alot of what ur guy is going thru is because of fear of the unknown........it will pass i think after he is here.........sure they miss their family and friends and it takes time to adjust but he has u here.........it will all work out i think.........and i know that asthma is a very difficult thing and when ur with child it can and does make more frequent problems for the person that suffers from it........raging hormones and all that..........i hope u feel better and at least u know ur guy does not want just a green card from u i have seen a lot of people worried about that on the boards lately...........

come on now u have a lot to be thankful for.....a great guy .......... a child on the way......... u have a great future ahead of u........ur in my prayers

sara

if my husband can work as a doctor here then so can urs. just make sure he studies for his board exams and the higher u score the better chance of getting hired easily. my husband took his years ago and just passed and he had big problmes in finding a job let alone getting an interview but with lots of begging he finally got in at a local hospital. he will work hard for little pay but im sure probably more then he is making in his own country but the hard work will pay off later.

[Gooden 0]

I'm on the same page as the others here. My husband had the same fears before coming here. The farthest he had been away from his family and home was to Tangier (10 hrs) and that was with me and only for a week. He didn't realize how long it was going to be until he could see his family, he didn't realize a lot of things. When he came, we bought a round trip ticket. The ticket returned 3 months after he arrived. When the day before the ticket came, I brought it to him (mind u he was full of depression by this point) and said, your ticket is for tomorrow, do you want to go home? He tore it up. There was a lot of depression and struggles for the first 8 months or so. And even now there are days when he really just misses Morocco, even makes comments that feel hurtful to me. But in the end I know he would never leave me. If he were to decide he didn't like it here, we would all go to Morocco as a family. But we want to be able to have a nice life there too. Not everyone works 12-15 hrs in a pizza shop, my husband never has worked that long (except for a few overtime situations). He doesn't have the greatest job but he makes well over min. wage, good benefits and is moving up and has been in his job about 5 months. He's planning to go back to school too.

my thoughts to you is allow him to have the fear. Let him know it might not be what he imagines. But I promise you he will see the opportunities here as far greater than he could dream in Algeria. Don't get upset with him and really as awful as it sounds don't expect too much from him for awhile. I never made it a big deal when he couldn't work and I still don't make it a big deal that I make considerably more than he does. Let's face it, we (citizens) have a huge leg up on those who come as immigrants. The cultural norms of husbands as breadwinners etc. won't be true for a long time. The sooner that that is accepted the easier the transition is (I believe).

Try not to stress yourself out too much. Everything will work how Allah intends and there is nothing we can do to change his plans. Take care of that little peanut and stay as calm as you can .

you are a very smart woman with good advice and good insite, thanks

Try not to stress. It seems like he loves you enough to even consider coming here. Things will be probally be different once he arrives and experiences being here and the baby. Best wishes.

[ya falaha! 0]

I have to disagree about the stingy with money. I don't know about all Egyptians but I do know that my husband is def not stingy. He's quite the opposite. He's probably the most generous man I've ever been involved with. Sure they love to bargain but don't most Arabs? That doesn't mean they're stingy though. They like a good bargain. Hey doesn't everyone like a good bargain?

My husband is also Egyptian, lives in Kuwait now, but I have heard him say things about how people don’t treat Egyptians the same as other Arabs. That is sad, is it like the Latino’s we also do those, mostly the older generations, I think it is getting better, but it still exists. Anyone got information why it is the Egyptians get this bad rap. I am confused, but don’t know much about this kind of culture.

Theyre kind of stingy with money. I worked in an Egyptians Law office and he tryed to bargain the wage with me. They love bargaining lol I don't have a problem with them tho. My other friends said they just have a bad reputation of being greedy but that in every culture !

[S and S 12]

Im sorry that ur feeling so upset........i kind of know what ur going thru well im not expecting of course but perviz sometimes goes thru that period of not wanting to come to the USA because he has a good job in india......and he is afraid he will not be able to work as a Dr. here in the usa and if he can how well will he get paid..........alot of what ur guy is going thru is because of fear of the unknown........it will pass i think after he is here.........sure they miss their family and friends and it takes time to adjust but he has u here.........it will all work out i think.........and i know that asthma is a very difficult thing and when ur with child it can and does make more frequent problems for the person that suffers from it........raging hormones and all that..........i hope u feel better and at least u know ur guy does not want just a green card from u i have seen a lot of people worried about that on the boards lately...........

come on now u have a lot to be thankful for.....a great guy .......... a child on the way......... u have a great future ahead of u........ur in my prayers

sara

if my husband can work as a doctor here then so can urs. just make sure he studies for his board exams and the higher u score the better chance of getting hired easily. my husband took his years ago and just passed and he had big problmes in finding a job let alone getting an interview but with lots of begging he finally got in at a local hospital. he will work hard for little pay but im sure probably more then he is making in his own country but the hard work will pay off later.

Donna A, my husband has finished medical school and is planning on taking the board exams when he gets here (after a little more studying of course). Do you have any advice that may help him? It would greatly be appreciated.

[tammy2688 1]

Hello Wahrania, I understand his pain, but I understand your's better. It is hard enough having to be a mother of a little miracle and to be the mother of the other big one who is scared to leavehis country. Where you are the one who needs the most support right now, you are having to give it. I dunno if its being a woman or what but we always end up having to help others when we have a thousand problems of our own and I mainly mean the concern and care it takes to be calm and ready for a baby.

Thats the thing too- if he didn't get his visa in like 6-8 months and was stuck in AP, he would have time to be all scared and neverous SEVERAL times, but because he wouldn't have the assurance of a visa, he would always affirm his most important desire is to go to be with you. Thats what AP does, it gets that out of the system and by the time the visa is issued, they have already been tired of missing their country and now desperate just to go be with you. Now hes got the visa, he can have time to miss his country, its all about the situation. You know and I know that if he was denied visa, he would be crying ALL DAY for YOU and to come to US and that this is is main dream and he cant live without you, etc. Now that hes in the middle with both choices, he is just psychologically flushing him out.

Not to worry at all, this is veyr common. It is like people hold their pain for many years until when the problem is finally solved THEN they cry. why? becuase at that point they have the solution and now they can reflect, they actually have the ABILITY to reflect after being stuck as a dear infront of headlights. Its like that. He is just reflecting. He will be more than thrilled to be here, and one look at you and baby will be enough to erase everything.

Sure he will always love his country and miss it too...but he knows who his real family is, you and his baby.

Give him time to just let it alllll out, he can delay his flight a week or two, see how jumpy and impatient he gets to see you then! Ya he'll be flying in like a man running towars his life because he knows he loves you way too much to miss a place. What is a place, after all, if you don't have the love of your life and you little baby!

He will be fine. You take care of yourself and be happy. Baby knows when mommy is sad, before they see their mommy.

Prayers to you and much love.

Tammy